by Alexia Purdy
“She didn’t like me one bit, did she?”
I shook my head. “No. Especially not after—” I snapped my mouth shut, squeezing my lips together. Dammit.
“What? Especially not after what?” he asked.
I pulled out of his arms as pumping techno beat echoed from the reception hall, crushing the mood.
“Sorry. It’s late. I should get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow maybe, okay?”
He stood there like I’d just told him I was taking his puppy to the vet to be put down. My heart ached to be closer to him, whining every step I took away from him. It strained from the distance and begged for me to turn back to run into his arms, squeeze him tightly and never let him go ever again. We needed each other, but why did it have to be so hard?
Just tell him, I told myself. Tell him everything.
But what if he didn’t understand? What if he realized he’d wasted all those years pining after a girl who didn’t deserve one bit of his affections? No. I wouldn’t be able to take it. I’d get a job, work in town quietly and keep my head down. Lucas was a dream, a fantasy that could never be fulfilled or replaced in my life. True, there was no one like him, and the myriad of fond memories I had of him would always be just that. Memories. But here, this time and place, there could be no us. Not anymore.
Fate was cruel. My mother had been so too.
“Wait, Jenni, don’t go,” he pleaded, following me, but I held up a hand, and he paused in his steps, his face falling. How to break a heart in two seconds flat? Yep, I was the expert. He was the player, but I was the breaker.
“Sorry. I can’t do this. Not right now. Goodnight, Lucas.”
I turned and hopped up the steps, leaving my glass of iced tea behind. Shutting the door behind me, I turned the lock and leaned against it, afraid he’d come knocking. A part of me wanted him to pound the door down and tell me he loved me. Another part of me wanted to run away, stuff all my things into boxes again, pack them up in a truck and hightail it out of there. How would I avoid him while living and working there? Lucas Lawler would be everywhere, no doubt.
I sighed and walked into my bedroom, not hearing him moving around outside. Disappointed but relieved, I shook off my clothes then slid into a camisole and shorts and hopped into bed. I wanted to forget that night because it reminded me of those sensual nights so many years before that would never let me go. I wanted to live in the sway of those hours, living to just be with Lucas. He had been my destiny back then and obviously still was. Why was fate so sadistic? It had dangled the man in front of me, the one I just couldn’t have.
He was the last person I’d expected to run into when I moved back to Endings, but he was the first person I’d pick to ever see again. Now fear permeated the air around me, and I kicked off the sheets, for the air was stifling and my thoughts occupied my mind to the point of suffocation.
“Ugh!” I tossed the pillow next to me across the room. Everything about Lucas made my world turn upside down. Little did he know that I just needed some space. I hoped he would understand. Maybe one day I could tell him the real reason why things were not working, why things were such a mess. I owed him that, didn’t I? At the very least, I owed him an explanation for my odd behavior. Maybe that girl Faith deserved him more than I did.
I shuddered at the thought of some other girl comforting him. Maybe he’d made his way to her. I wished it was me he was pulling close into his chest at night. I closed my eyes, feeling the tears blossoming as I shoved my face into the mattress.
Things were far from how they should be. Tomorrow was another day, and I was going to fix things if it was the last thing I did. But how to fix this thing with Lucas? I could gnash over it in the morning. For the moment, I had no energy left to mull over such complications. Tomorrow, I’ll think on it, I thought. Tomorrow, it’ll be all right.
Chapter Eight
Lucas
Watching her walk away splintered my heart almost as much as the day I watched her family’s car drive away when we were younger. I was instantly transported to that moment again as she hurried up the stairs without turning back. Just like that, she was gone again, and my heart lay trampled on the floor.
I knew she didn’t mean it, but heck, it stabbed my insides like a pitchfork. What had I done wrong? What was that all about? If there was a good reason, it was lost on me.
My stupid, foolish, and hopeful heart. I thought it couldn’t hurt as much as it did now, ripping, tearing, skipping beats as I clenched my hands tightly, still smelling her flowery sweet scent in the air and embedded on my shirt and skin. I wanted to hop up those stairs and tap on her door, beg her to return to my arms. Nothing would make the moment better except her. I wanted to ask her what was wrong and what had I said to make her run away from me. She’d run so far away, not calling me back, not wanting any contact. She never did say why, and those things were dark secrets she swallowed back for no good reason. If only she’d open up to me, I wouldn’t be left there in the dark, feeling like someone had just kicked my heart into the cool lake water.
Exhaling, I closed my eyes and rubbed my face as I contemplated knocking on her door. What good would it do? I shook my head and groaned. Heading away from her cabin toward my own trailer not too far down the way, I felt my heart in my throat. A sickly nausea with an ache I never thought I could feel radiated through my bones. Maybe I was getting sick, though I doubted it. There was a reason she was back in Endings, and I knew we had to finish what we’d started so many years ago, no matter how hard it would be for either of us.
The past was a thorn embedded in our skin that we needed to yank out and toss away. I swore if we could find our way back this far, we could make it all the way back. Given time, I was determined to get to that point. I would get there, if it was the last thing I did.
Slipping into my camper, I undid the buttons of my white dress shirt and tossed it onto the chair along with the loose tie I’d been wearing. I kicked off my loafers then changed into a pair of worn but comfortable jeans. I grabbed a beer and boosted my feet up onto the coffee table, feeling the lump still sitting stuck in my throat. I’d try to drink it down and drown my sorrows. I had to or I’d suffocate.
Down went the beer, its raunchy flavor dissolving away after a few swallows. I barely noticed as I downed two more while I watched familiar sitcom reruns. They blurred into one another as the hours passed. Maybe I could drink myself into a stupor; it’d be a relief from this heartache.
A knock on my door jolted me out of my musings. Grumbling, I felt the fatigue flow through me, helped along by the bit of alcohol running through my veins.
“Somebody better be dying,” I muttered.
“Lucas! Help!”
Jenni’s voice sobered me up faster than a banana bag in the ER, and I scrambled to unlock the door, throwing it open to find her frantic, her hair wild, and a bright orange light illuminating the night sky behind her.
“The reception hall… it’s on fire! I saw the glow reflecting on the lake through my bedroom window, and what I saw when I looked out…. Oh, god, it’s on fire! The wedding guests! I already called the fire department, and they’re on their way, but there are people still inside.”
I pulled on a pair of sneakers and threw on my white undershirt. I was glad I had changed into jeans when I got home.
“Oh, man.” My eyes widened as I took in the flames engulfing the building. “Come on, gonna grab my hose. Let’s go.” I threw my long rubber hose over my shoulder as Jenni waited. We began an uncomfortable sprint over to the reception hall, which was just around the curve of the lake.
When we reached the site, we saw that half the campground was already working on hooking up hoses, filling up buckets, and spraying the fire. Most of the party inside had evacuated, and fire extinguishers were littering the ground, used up and empty.
“Where’s Faith? Have you seen Faith?” I screamed, but no one I asked could say if they’d seen her. I’d told the waiter to call her a cab, but I couldn
’t be certain he’d actually accomplished that. Faith had a way of talking her way out of things she didn’t want to do, and when I’d left, she definitely didn’t look like she’d been ready to abandon the party.
Jenni was attending to some of those with smoke inhalation injuries, helping the medics now arriving hook them up to oxygen. “It’s okay, go find her. I’ll help the medics.” She motioned for me to go find Faith, throwing me a reassuring look. I nodded, hoping she’d be okay. Jenni waved me on and continued to help a small girl put on a mask and got oxygen going. She held out a wet washcloth to the girl so she could wipe her face and hands caked with dark, black soot. Reluctantly, I walked away, scanning the area for Faith’s blonde hair and bright blue dress.
“Faith!” I called out, searching the soot-covered faces as I raced toward the center of the crowd. The firefighters were still dragging people out of the building as the flames grew taller. The heat from the building intensified as the fire crackled and roared, consuming the walls and roof of the hall. It would be a total loss, but I worried about how fast it must have spread. What if Faith and her friend hadn’t escaped? What if they’d been trapped or unconscious when it happened? Had anyone noticed them?
“Faith!” I kept calling. Finally, I got to the more severely hurt patients, who were laid out in rows with oxygen on their faces, their clothes smoking. One girl with blond hair and a deep blue dress signifying she was part of the bride’s party lay with her face caked with soot. She was unconscious, barely breathing. They had on her on a gurney, readying to take her to the hospital, but there were only so many ambulances, so those who were more severely burned got the first rides. I bent down and moved her singed hair to the side. “Faith? Is that you?”
The girl moaned and opened her eyes. A familiar blue eye stared up at me before she began a coughing fit.
“Lucas?” Her voice was hoarse, and her skirt and hair had slight burns to them, but otherwise she appeared okay. Hopefully the smoke had not hurt her lungs and throat that much.
“Yeah, it’s me. You all right?”
“Where’d you go?” Her slurred words told me she was still pretty wasted. I peered down at the girl who’d been my partner for the last couple years, wasting time with me because I was the one guy her dad wouldn’t approve of. I smiled and stroked her hair.
“I’m sorry. I was tired. I shouldn’t have left you. I’m so, so sorry.”
“The fire… Elizabeth tripped and knocked the candelabras into the curtains. The whole place went up so fast. Is Elizabeth okay?”
I peered around and found her friend nearby, asleep with her date at her side and a mask on her face. Her arms were wrapped from burns. I swallowed hard, wondering if they were worse than they appeared.
“She’s over there by Rick. She looks okay; maybe slightly burned.”
“Oh, god, she’s going to kill me! I told her I’d watch out for her. Summer left not long after you did, she had to puke and then her date took her home. I was falling asleep on one of the tables, I think… not sure where I was….”
“Hey, it’s okay. She’s been taken care of, and you’re a bit dirty but you look okay.”
“No, I promised her I’d be there for her. She’s going to be a mother, you know.”
I nodded and tried not to cringe at the crunch of her burnt hair as she shifted position. “Don’t worry, she’s okay. Are you all right?”
“Yeah, just tired and—” She began a coughing fit, and I placed her oxygen mask back on her. “Stupid cough!”
I looked up at the fire and saw it growing taller. I squeezed Faith’s hand as I peered around for Jenni, hoping she was staying safe as more firefighters arrived. I’d handed my hose off to volunteers, and as I pressed Faith’s hand and told her I’d come back, she dozed off. I went toward the hoses and grabbed one that was just being added to one of the faucets that were scattered around the reception hall for the use of the grounds crews.
“Here, let me help!” I hollered as they turned on the water and aimed it toward the fire. The guy nodded and handed me the hose then began working on another coil as I tugged at the hose to get closer to the flames. The fire burned bright and true. I hoped the reception hall owner had insurance so they could rebuild with better fireproofing. I also hoped no one was trapped in there; the place had gone up so fast.
The multitude of hoses had almost no effect, and the fire would burn until the building was ash, but it was a valiant effort by all, and it didn’t look like the fire would spread. With the situation now under control, the professional firefighters were beginning to move the volunteers away. A layer of soot was sticking to my skin and clothes. The air was full of acrid smoke, making me sneeze and cough.
“Lucas!” I turned as I continued to aim the hose at the base of the building until the firefighters came to relieve me.
“Jenni! Over here!” I motioned to a girl calling my name, assuming it was her. She was looking just as filthy as I was, but as I watched her walk over it appeared she was no worse for wear, which relieved the tension building in my chest. Jenni was okay. So was Faith. Maybe things would be all right.
“Lucas, it’s Ms. Ansley. She’s badly burned. I found her walking out of the side of the building. She’s hurt badly, and I could barely help her walk over to an ambulance before she collapsed. I’m going to ride in the ambulance with her, okay?”
I nodded and felt her arms wrap around me, squeezing tightly as she landed a tiny kiss on my cheek. “Stay safe, okay Lucas? Promise me. Meet me at the hospital when you finish. I’ll wait for you.”
I nodded and watched as she turned and ran back toward an ambulance that was loading someone, probably Ms. Ansley. Jenni had always had a big heart, and my own went with her as I watched the vehicle’s doors close behind her and the lights began to flash. With a wail to counter the roar of flames, the ambulance sped away, slowly at first to avoid the many pedestrians around, then faster as it reached the road. Off it went, faster and faster until it disappeared into the distance.
And with it went my heart and soul.
Chapter Nine
Jennifer
The ride to the hospital was full of frightening thoughts. Lucas’s bravery out there, never turning away from a challenge, was inspiring and sexy hot as hell. Finding the fire raging, I had almost frozen still but had sprung into action the moment I thought of Lucas. He wouldn’t sit still, he’d help. I could help too.
I’d managed to snap out of my horror long enough to get the dispatcher on the phone to get the firefighters there, throw on some clothes, and run toward Lucas’s trailer. He was the first person I’d thought of to help me, and he had. Never hesitating, never afraid. I loved that about him. It was these things that made him special and had attracted me to him in the first place.
And what about his feelings for Faith? He’d run out there calling her name, frantic. Did he feel bad for leaving her drunk and helpless? I guess I couldn’t blame him; I’d feel bad too. The poor girl could’ve died, but he’d found her, and though she appeared a bit singed from the fire, she looked okay. I had to admit the pangs of jealously had sprung up inside me like a sleeping giant roused from its slumber. I’d never thought I’d feel such things for Lucas, but there it was, blossoming in my chest and demanding action to claim what was mine.
But Lucas wasn’t mine. He was far from being mine. If only things had turned out differently.
“Blood pressure is one hundred over fifty, dropping slightly.” The medic next to me pulled off the blood pressure cuff before placing IV supplies on Ms. Ansley’s abdomen. Thankfully, the older woman had fallen unconscious, or she’d have been in a lot of pain. The burns ran down her left side, charring her arm, leg, and most of her back. Her curly blonde hair was singed to her scalp, past her ear, and her face was covered in soot. I couldn’t tell if she was burned there or not. The medic started an IV as soon as the other tossed him a ready-made IV bag and line. I reached out to hold Ms. Ansley’s good hand where the medic had just taped
the IV to upper arm. I squeezed it and leaned forward, hoping she could hear me.
“It’s okay, Ms. Ansley. You’ll be okay. They’re going to fix you up. Just hold on.” Holding her tightly, I felt warm tears flow down my cheeks as my vision blurred. I blinked them away as I watched the medics work. Ms. Ansley’s back had gotten the worst of it, but they wouldn’t assess it until they got to the trauma center in the ER. I was afraid to even ask about her prognosis. It didn’t look good, even to a layperson. I could tell she was in for the fight of her life.
A blare of alarms went off, and I jumped in my seat as the medics began yelling.
“Her vitals are destabilizing! Push the fluids in, now, now, now! I need a second line for blood. Get another bag ready.” The alarms changed, the noise getting even louder. “Get me some Epi!” The main paramedic barked commands and asked me politely to move toward the front of the vehicle to another chair. I did as I was told and watched them work on Ms. Ansley, the monitors beeping and the whole ambulance shaking as we took turn after turn out of the resort and toward the hospital.
“Epi’s in, prepare another dose. I’m calling this in to the unit so they can activate the trauma team. Plus we need help unloading her; third degree burns to most of her back. We need O-negative blood units ready and blood warmers. She’s losing too much fluid and heat.”
“Shoot! She’s in V-fib!”
“Start CPR! I need that second dose of Epi now.”
They were grabbing equipment, plastering pads onto her where her skin wasn’t burnt, and ripping open other packets and meds. I stared in horror, feeling my blood drain from my head. Feeling faint, I looked away, focusing at the wall, white and clean. Sterile. Closing my eyes, I knew I was doing all I could do for Ms. Ansley by staying out of the way. I pressed my eyelids tighter as I heard the monitor blaring and the medics pumping on her chest to try and restart her heart.
