by Alexia Purdy
The only thing flying through my head was that I wished Lucas was there with me. I wanted to hold him tightly and breath in his familiar scent. I’d give anything for him to be close to me.
“Check heartbeat… no activity! Defibrillate her. Charging. Clear!” I heard the machines zapping the old lady, and I covered my ears, afraid to listen to any more of what was going on. Amid the chaos, I sent a small prayer to anyone who would hear it. Please, don’t let her be in any pain. Make it fast. Make it fast….
***
“Jenni!”
I looked up from my spot on a hard plastic shell chair, shivering from the cold waiting room air. There were so many people there all either sleeping, wailing, or pacing while waiting to hear from loved ones.
“Lucas.” I reached out to him as he knelt in front of me and pulled me into a hug. He, along with everyone else in the room, was covered in soot and smelled like a barbeque. “Thank goodness you’re okay. Did they put out the fire?”
He shook his head. “It’s controlled for the most part. Just some stubborn embers and some nearby trees which caught flame too, still burning away. It’s a massive mess and will take forever to clean up.”
“Any more injured or… or….”
He frowned, answering my question without words. “Yeah, a few.”
“Ms. Ansley… she… she’s gone.”
“What? No….”
“She got caught in the fire, and she got hurt really bad. I watched them try to revive her. The smoke inhalation got to her. They said she had a weakened heart already from a previous attack, and that got her before the burns did. That didn’t help at all.”
“Oh, man.” He ran his hand through his gritty hair, looking grey from ash under the lights of the waiting room.
“Are you okay? Smoke inhalation is very dangerous. Some of the people who helped came in and had to get treated too. They were getting sicker without oxygen.”
“I’m okay. Trust me. We got some masks from the firefighters. It was a madhouse, but someone got them to all of us pretty fast.”
“Oh, good.” I hugged my chest, feeling the chill of the waiting room again.
“When did they say she passed?”
“About an hour ago.”
He peered around the room, his eyes sad and tired. “Let’s get out of here. You need to warm up, and this air conditioning is going to make you sick.”
“Okay,” I took his hand as he helped me up. We made our way past the maze of people, some looking up, hopeful that we might be doctors or nurses presenting to announce something, but looking away once they realized we were nothing of the sort. The despair flowing about the room stuck to me like tar, and I couldn’t shake it off until we exited the automatic sliding doors and emerged into the crisp night air.
“She was my tenant, you know,” I finally managed to whisper to Lucas, my voice shaky and uncertain as we made our way through the parking lot. I shivered even though the late summer night was still warm and tepid. It made me rub my arms furiously as I felt warm tears blossom in my eyes. I wanted to run and hide, like that time by the lake so long ago when my insecurities had gotten the best of me and I’d fled into the forest only to get lost in its deep, dark embrace. This was worse than that.
“She was?” Lucas turned toward me, confused. “I didn’t know you owned her cabin too.”
“I got both cabins in my parent’s will. I was going to try and sell it, but that was going to be tricky since she was still living there. I was going to tell her personally that I was going to have to put her in danger of being put out if the new owner didn’t want a permanent tenant. But then I met her, and I couldn’t do it. She had no family, no relatives, nothing. That resort and her friends there were her whole world. How could I do that to her?”
He reached over and rubbed my shoulders, giving them a squeeze. The warmth radiating off his arm eased the cold, and I found myself snuggling in for more.
“You would’ve decided what was best. I’m sure Ms. Ansley would’ve understood. Trust me. She may not have family, but the friends and acquaintances she had at the resort were her family. She was happy, and plus, she had so many friends, she might’ve just moved in with one of them. Like one of her gentlemen friends.”
I felt the rock in my chest lighten as he said this. Blinking past the tears, I wiped them off with the back of my hand and turned toward him, smiling. “Thank you for that. You always know what to say to make things right, Lucas. How do you do that?”
“It’s my superpower.” He widened his smile, flashing a rack of white teeth reflecting light from the parking lot flood lamps.
“Well, you’re my hero.”
“I’ll be your hero anytime. You know that, right?”
I nodded, turning away as we headed toward his truck. I had no ride home, and hopping into the truck with him was a relief. It’d been such a long night, and we both reeked of smoke and ash. I was ready to wash the last of the night’s horror off my skin. I’d never forget the terrors I’d seen, and the smell of burnt bodies would forever linger in my mind like a raging nightmare. There were things one could never forget, no matter how hard one tried.
Arriving back at the resort, a moment of panic filled me. “Her house is next to mine.” I swallowed, closing my eyes. “I don’t want to be there alone tonight.”
He nodded and glanced my way. “I can stay over, on the couch of course, if that’s okay?”
I exhaled. “Yes, that’s fine. Great, actually. But I don’t have any extra clothes you can wear.”
“Do you have extra towels?”
I turned toward him, throwing him a funny look. “Uh… yes, I have extra towels.”
“Good. Just let me grab some of my clothes and stuff from my place, and then we can head toward your house.”
Relieved, I let my shoulders drop as I watched the cabins, trailers, and camp sites flash by as we traveled down the road. The place was eerily quiet after the chaos of the evening. The air still smelled of smoke, and I was sure everyone was far too much in shock to commiserate. I didn’t blame them.
As I waited in Lucas’s truck for him to get what he needed at his trailer, I hoped this wasn’t the end of something at the resort. In fact, I hoped we were all phoenixes about to rise from the ashes and flames, more alive than ever before. This fire would not define this place. In fact, if it was anything like when I was a kid, this place would join together and get the hall back up in no time, with a festive party to celebrate its reopening.
In the meantime, the funerals and sadness would linger, but we’d never allow it to define us. People from Endings weren’t like that. We were made of tougher stuff, and as I watched Lucas hop down the steps off his trailer and make his way back to the truck, I swore I’d make this place proud. I would be brave. My mistakes would not define me; only what I did now would shape me. The past was in the past.
Chapter Ten
Lucas
Jenni was breathtaking as she emerged from the shower. Her long blonde hair snaked about her shoulders as I made myself a makeshift bed on the couch. She was wearing a camisole and a pair of matching shorts. Running her brush through her locks, she smiled, her face scrubbed clean and looking radiant. And the way the house smelled from her soap and lotion made me want to melt right there in front of her, it was that divine.
“Hey, the bathroom’s all yours.” She winked, looking a lot happier than she’d been all evening. Watching the terror of the night rip through her had caused me more heartache than I could’ve imagined. I’d wondered if she still wanted to talk to me after having to search for Faith. She had to know I wasn’t in love with Faith. Yes, the girl meant something to me, but she’d never mean what Jenni meant to me.
“Thanks. I’ll be right out in a jiffy.” I winked back and grabbed my pile of stuff before heading to the bathroom. Inside, after I’d closed the door behind me, I peered around the quaint but familiar bathroom. The other door looking in on the main bedroom was open slightly. When her p
arents had lived there for the summers, Jenni had used the smaller room I’d entered through, and her parents had been in that room. There was only bathroom, connected to both rooms. Standing there brought so many memories, my chest tightened. I’d used these facilities many times. There’d been many dinners, gatherings, and parties there and now, years later, I was back, like time had not passed at all, and our hearts remained whole and unbroken.
Our hearts were like stars, waiting to be counted and charted while burning bright. I prayed nothing else would douse our lights again.
I sighed and closed the second door, sealing myself in with my memories. I dropped my stuff on the counter and turned on the water. It was steamy hot from Jenni’s use of it, and I grinned. She had always loved hot showers. I remembered rinsing off from a day at the lake after she’d showered, back when we were younger, and the bathroom would have a steam cloud hanging in it. Now the same humidity clung to the air, bringing the rush of more memories with it. Some things never changed.
We had changed so little, but there was a chasm between us we couldn’t seem to cross. Where were those two sixteen-year-old kids, so apt at finding stolen moments to kiss and make love? Could they still reside just beneath the skin? I was betting they did. Somehow, I knew Jenni still felt the same for me. One way or another, I was going to prove it to her and bring it out so that she would know that my heart still belonged to her, even after all these years.
Emerging from my scrub down, I donned a white tank and a pair of loose gym shorts. Rubbing the towel through my hair as I walked back into the front of the cabin, I watched as Jenni sat at the kitchen table, chewing on some strawberries.
“I got hungry. Want some?” she asked.
I pulled a chair out and plopped down, nodding as I reached out and plucked one from the freshly rinsed pile. She shoved forward a plate full of sugar to dip it into. “I’m a sugar addict. It makes it taste so much sweeter. Hits the spot.”
“It makes everything tastier for sure.” I dipped my strawberry in the sugary granules and popped it into my mouth, watching her. The tension in her features was apparent, and I wondered what she was thinking about.
“You all right? Been a tough night. It’s going to be a mess to clean up for sure. I think I’ll volunteer to help rebuild. What do you think?”
“That’s mighty valiant of you. I’ll help too. I just need to see when I’ll be working once I get a job.”
“And Ms. Ansley’s cabin? What will you do with it?”
She stopped chewing as she paled. “I guess I have to see if anyone is handling her estate for her things. Then… I think I will sell it. I could use the money, and honestly, I don’t need a second cabin. The income from the rent was nice though.”
“Well, you can think about it. Maybe you can rent it out again for a tiny bit more. Cabins are in high demand here, and I know some people who would jump at the chance of getting out of a trailer and into one.”
“You think so?”
I nodded, hopping to my feet to grab a glass of water. I downed it with two swallows before refilling it right away. Firefighting was thirsty work.
“Yeah, I totally think you can raise the price too. Ms. Ansley’s rent was probably pennies since she’s been there since we were kids. Raise the rent and put it on the market for another tenant. You probably can live off the rent from it.”
She mulled over it for a moment and then nodded. “Yeah. That’s a great idea. But it’ll take a bit while I check out where I can find her next of kin. Thank you, Lucas. You’ve helped me more than you know.”
She looked up at me, her eyes shining like stars beneath the fluorescent kitchen light. “You haven’t changed much, you know,” she said. “You still have the biggest heart. You always think of others before your own needs, you know that? It was something I always loved about you, even though my mother would say you were nothing but trouble.”
“Hey, I was the good kind of trouble.” I smiled innocently, showing a mouthful of teeth.
She laughed. “Yeah, you definitely kept life interesting.”
“And you kept my life perfect.”
I held my breath, watching her as I dipped another strawberry into the sugar. Time had frozen with my last sentence, and I could tell she wanted to tell me something but had choked it down.
I wanted her to tell me everything. Everything she’d wanted to say since she’d come back.
“It’s okay, Jenni. Tell me. I can take it.”
Chapter Eleven
Jenni
We stared at each other for several moments, the air heated as I felt my heart flutter. He came over to stand close by before kneeling in front of me.
“Okay, I’ll go first,” he said. “Jenni, I never told you back then all the things I wanted to. Now, with all this craziness around us, I need to tell you everything before time runs out on us again. Please just hear me out.” He reached out and took my hands into his, lacing his fingers through them. “I love you, and I never stopped loving you. I searched for you too, but somehow, I was always a step behind. When your mother said you weren’t interested in talking to me anymore, I didn’t want to bother you, but it broke my heart.”
I swallowed, feeling my breath hitch and the room spin.
“Lucas… I’m sorry about my mother. She really did have good intentions, but you know how they say it paves the road to hell, right?”
He nodded. “I know. I just want you to know that no matter how many days passed, I never stopped thinking about you. When I saw you were back, you have no idea how happy it made me.”
“I was surprised to see you, but I was happy too. Is that weird?”
“No. That’s awesome.”
“Lucas, I have something to tell you.”
He squeezed my hands, peering up into my eyes. I almost lost my nerve, but I knew it was now or never. If I didn’t continue, I’d never be able to tell him anything.
“What is it?”
“When we moved away, back when we were sixteen, I found out I was pregnant.”
He wrinkled his brow, confused. “What?”
“In California, I found out I was pregnant. You were the father, of course. I’d never been with anyone else at that point. I desperately wanted to tell you, and my mother kept pushing an abortion on me, but I didn’t want to do it. I tried to call you, but my mother would always catch me trying. She swore she’d tell you herself and have a chat with you and to let her do it, so I backed off and let her. I didn’t want to make her more upset than she already was.”
“What happened?”
“Well, weeks passed, and I asked her again if she’d had the chat with you, but she frowned and shook her head. She said that after she broke the news, you told her you didn’t want to talk to me again and that your family was moving. She didn’t know how to tell me about your rejection. I was devastated.”
“That’s a lie.” Lucas jumped to his feet. “I’d never tell her that. Never.”
“I know that now. In fact, I don’t think I ever fully believed it. But by the time I thought it through, it was too late. You’d already moved away from here, or so I thought. I was destroyed, emotional. I sulked in my room for days, and then the cramping started. I didn’t even have a chance to try and tell you the truth because by then, I was losing the baby. I couldn’t talk to you after that, even if I’d thought I could reach you. And my mom kept reinforcing that idea. I got so ill from losing so much blood, and she thought it wouldn’t be good for my mental health. I kind of agreed and let it go. After that, I thought it’d be best to just move on.”
“Without making sure I knew about you losing the baby?”
“I should’ve told you about everything. I should’ve never believed her, I know. I’m so sorry.”
Lucas stood and paced in the kitchen as he let my words sink in. Suddenly, he stopped at the counter and leaned against it on his hands. He closed his eyes, and I could see the veins popping on the side of his head. I was afraid to interrupt his tho
ughts, my own running crazy in my head. My stomach was a twisted knot, and I wished I hadn’t eaten those strawberries. Both of us were exhausted and worn out. What had made me think this would be the best time to spill my guts? I wished I’d kept my mouth shut.
I reached for the hoodie hanging on the chair I was sitting in and slipped it on, feeling the air grow cold as I wondered what he’d say. I wanted to cry and run to my room and lock him out of my life again. What had I expected? For him to run to me and embrace me in his arms and hold on tightly never to let go again? Why would I think such foolish notions? Who would forgive someone for such lies?
Losing him again was proving far too much to bear.
Chapter Twelve
Lucas
Her words stung, yet they soothed me at the same time. I wasn’t surprised. No, that wasn’t the right word I was looking for to describe the way I was feeling. After all this time, she’d never confirmed if I’d known about her pregnancy, its demise, or anything. From the look in her eyes and the tears glistening on her cheeks, she regretted every step she’d taken years before. That young, foolish girl beneath the hardened exterior had betrayed all her thoughts.
“I’m so sorry, Lucas. Can you ever forgive me?” She pulled her hoodie around herself, and I glanced at it briefly. A flash of memory flowed over me, but I shook it off.
I mulled it over, but in the end, nothing was truly her fault. She’d trusted the one person who should have had her back but didn’t, and then she’d lost the baby anyway. I hadn’t been there for any of it, and that alone made me feel horrible. I should have tried harder to find her too. I should’ve been there no matter what, and at eighteen, when I’d had the chance, I should have gone to find her.
I bent back down and scooped her hands up into mine, pulling her closer. “Jennifer, there’s nothing to forgive. Things could’ve been worse, they could’ve been better, but all that matters is that you and I are here now. That’s the most important thing. I love you. I always have and always will. We were given another chance to make this right, and I hope you want to try this new path with me. It’s fate to meet here again, after all that’s happened. What do you say?”
