Rodeo Ashes

by Vannatter, Shannon Taylor;

  He skated her over to the rail where her parents stood.

  She felt like a mannequin, stiff and afraid to even try to move her feet.

  “Why don’t y’all join us?” Quinn asked.

  “I would if it wasn’t for my bad knee.” Daddy scooped up their pile of shopping bags. “Old football injury.”

  “We’re calling it a day.” Mama shot Lacie a knowing smile. “You kids stay and have fun. I’m sure Quinn and Wyatt can get y’all home.”

  “Safe and sound.” Quinn let go of one of her hands to shake Daddy’s. “Thanks for including me today. I really enjoyed it.”

  Daddy clapped him on the back. Like he used to Mel. As if Quinn were part of their family.

  Replacing Mel.

  Lacie pulled loose from Quinn, clamped both hands on the railing, and then pulled herself along it to the exit. “I’m ready to go now, anyway. Wyatt can bring Star home, but I’ll ride with Mama and Daddy.”

  He caught up with her and whispered, “I thought we were having fun.”

  “We were. But I need to get home and pick up Max. He’ll be up from his nap by now, and I don’t want to take advantage of Clay’s mom since she won’t let me pay her.”

  “Are we still on Friday night?”

  She should cancel. Though everything inside her said flee, she longed to be with him. “Sure.”

  His features relaxed.

  The tidal wave building inside her didn’t.

  ❧

  Quinn squeezed Lacie’s hand as they left Cattlemen’s Steak-house. She’d been quiet during dinner.

  He huddled her in the crook of his arm, waiting for the light to change. Hand in hand, they crossed the brick-lined street and walked toward the Coliseum.

  “I’ve always wanted to try the maze. It’s a warm day. Want to give it a whirl?” he asked.

  Her face froze.

  Was she claustrophobic or something?

  “It’s not a big deal.” He checked his watch. “We’ve got some time before the rodeo, and I’ve heard a lot about it, but it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

  “No, it’s always fun. Let’s go.” But tension careened off her in waves.

  Quinn’s eyes squeezed shut. “You did the maze with Mel, didn’t you?”

  “Lots of times.” She smiled, lost in a memory. “We nearly got thrown out once ’cause Mel kissed me. A worker saw us from the observation tower. We told him we were married, and he let us off with the promise of no more PDAs.”

  Pink crept up her neck. “Sorry. I don’t know why I told you that.”

  “Because, it was a good memory. I don’t mind if you talk about Mel. He was part of your life long before I was.”

  She relaxed. Her hand squeezed his. “Maybe we could make some new memories.”

  “But”—he wagged a finger at her—“no PDAs.”

  Lacie giggled and pulled him toward the maze.

  The maze worker stamped the time on two cards imprinted with the word Maze.

  “There’s four punch machines, one with each letter in the maze,” Lacie explained. “You have to find each one and then find the exit.”

  Holding hands, they entered the human-size maze, based on the old Stockyards cattle pens.

  Quinn grinned. Rubber rats were nailed to the overhead rafters. After a few turns, he felt like a big rat.

  Are You Lost?—asked a big yellow sign.

  He was definitely lost. In more ways than one. Having Lacie so close did a number on his heart. Think about something else, other than how good her hand feels. Something else besides how much he wanted to steal a kiss from her.

  “Have you ever brought Max here?”

  She laughed. “Are you kidding? Little booger would shimmy right under and get away.”

  Probably eighteen inches clearance at the bottom of the maze. “You wouldn’t have any trouble going after him. Besides, I’d hang onto him. Let’s bring him sometime.”

  She stiffened. Her grip on his hand went cold. “No.”

  “Did I say something wrong?”

  eleven

  “I don’t want Max getting attached to you in case—” Lacie’s voice came out too tight.

  Quinn’s smile died. “In case things don’t work out between us?”

  “Yes.” She couldn’t let Max get hurt. No matter how she felt about Quinn.

  He stopped and settled his hands on her shoulders. “I’m not going anywhere. Are you?”

  “You just never know about relationships.” Her gaze flitted away from his. “I don’t want Max getting too used to having you around.”

  “I see him at church. We take him to lunch afterward.” Quinn held both palms upward. “Why would taking him to the maze be any different?”

  “Because it would just be us. On a date.”

  “It’ll be hard.” He grinned. “But I can assure you I won’t try to steal a kiss with your boy around.”

  “That’s not it.” She charged around a corner.

  But Quinn was faster.

  A few turns later, he caught up with her. “Please, Lacie, stop.”

  She did, but her gaze went up to the observation booth, where the maze worker frowned down at them.

  “Do you need help, ma’am?”

  “No.” Lacie forced a smile.

  “We’re fine.” Quinn waved to the man and lowered his voice for her ears only. “Let’s work together and get out of this thing. Then we’ll talk.”

  She gave him a stiff nod. At least he didn’t try to hold her hand. The urge to flee boiled inside her, but she stayed with him, and they made their way through the maze.

  Punch cards, now an unwanted distraction, she found the entry and vaulted toward it.

  “You sure you’re okay, ma’am?” The maze worker met them. “Do you feel light-headed or short of breath?”

  “Just feeling a little claustrophobic, but nothing to worry about.” It wasn’t the maze that made her feel closed-in. It was Quinn.

  “I’ll see to her.” Quinn pressed a hand to the small of her back. “Maybe something to drink would help.”

  Lacie stalked away from him. “I don’t want anything to drink. I’m fine.”

  “Then tell me what’s wrong.” He gestured to a wooden bench under a gnarled, twisted live oak tree. “Let’s sit here.”

  She plopped on the bench. “I won’t be one of those moms with a different boyfriend constantly parading through Max’s life.”

  Quinn’s eyes rounded in mock surprise. “You have a boyfriend?”

  Tears stung.

  “Hey, I’m teasing you.” He took her hand in his. “Trying to get a smile out of you.”

  “My son isn’t a teasing matter.” She jerked her hand away. “I taught a kid’s Sunday school class in our old church. There was this little seven-year-old boy whose mom never came to church. She always had a new boyfriend, who stayed just long enough for the little guy to get attached.”

  “You could never be one of those moms. If for some reason beyond my control, this doesn’t work out between us, and”—he cleared his throat as if the words were hard to say—“and you date someone else, you’ll shield Max. Just like you’re doing now.”

  “But I don’t want Max to go through that—not even once.” Her voice came out a whisper. “I think I made a mistake. Maybe I’m not ready.”

  “We’re not a mistake. I said I’d never push you. And I meant it. I’m sorry. I’ll back off Max until you’re more secure in our relationship.”

  She shook her head and stood. “I’m sorry. But I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

  Her feet didn’t want to go. The urge to hurl herself into his arms almost overwhelmed her. But she had to keep Max’s well-being first. Not the erratic beat of her heart or the Cowtown Coliseum–sized lump in her throat.

  No turning back. Walking away from Quinn was one of the hardest things she’d ever do. But she had to.

  ❧

  Quinn wanted to fall on his knees and beg her to
stay in his life. But if he pushed her, she’d only run farther away. She was scared. And he’d pressured her. The thing he’d promised never to do. He hadn’t meant to, but he had.

  “Can I at least give you a ride home after the rodeo? No strings.”

  “I’ll catch a ride with Kendra.” She hurried toward Cow-town Coliseum.

  His heart sank as she walked out of his life for good. “Are you still gonna give lessons for me?”

  Her footsteps stalled. “Yes, but I’d appreciate it if you made yourself scarce when I’m there.”

  “Will do.” He saluted her back and watched until she disappeared through the doors of the Coliseum. What do I do now, Lord?

  A rodeo to announce in an hour. Pull it together, pick up his heart from the Trail of Fame where she’d left it.

  He stared at the star-shaped, embossed bronze plaque. Annie Oakley. Sharpshooting star of Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show in the late 1800s. A looker, happily married, but probably broke a few hearts in her teen years—fitting for Lacie to shatter his here.

  “Quinn.” Stetson clapped him on the back. “You going in?”

  “Just preparing myself mentally.” Forget Lacie.

  For now.

  Maybe if he kept his distance, she’d miss him. Nice thought. But not much to hang his hat full of hopes on.

  ❧

  What had she been thinking? Obviously, not about Max.

  Lacie breathed in the familiar manure of Cowtown Coliseum. She used to feel closer to Mel here. Now Quinn wormed his way into her thoughts.

  A rip in the middle of her heart burned in her chest.

  Selfish. She’d jumped in with both feet because she was lonely. So what? Her grandmother had been widowed young and left with six kids. She’d kept her farm and raised her family without a man. After her children grew up, she’d met and married Grandpa.

  Max had to come first.

  Her fingers traced the empty place where her wedding rings should be. Should’ve never taken them off. Once this endless night ended, they’d go right back on.

  “What’s wrong?” Kendra settled in the chair beside her. “You’re all tense.”

  Lacie shook her head.

  “You and Quinn have a fight?”

  “Sort of. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m not ready.” And neither is Max.

  “I’d hoped it’d work out between y’all. Maybe Rayna and I pushed you too much. We want you to be happy.”

  “I know. And you didn’t push me. I’m a big girl.” With big-girl feelings for Quinn. But she had to forget him. Concentrate on raising Max. “I don’t know. Maybe I should’ve moved to San Antonio. But now, Mama and Daddy have found a house in Denton.”

  “Everybody needs family.” Kendra patted her knee. “Give yourself time. You barrel racing tonight?”

  Quinn had brought Copper to the Coliseum, but she just wasn’t up for it now. If she rode, would Quinn cheer her on from the announcer’s booth? Or ignore her ride?

  “No.” She couldn’t face it, either way.

  ❧

  The final week of October painted the landscape surrounding Clay’s arena in reds and golds. Lacie and Copper charged around the final barrel and back to the gate. Why was she practicing her horse if she wasn’t going to barrel race?

  Quinn had kept his word and made himself scarce during her lessons all week, just as she’d asked him to. But she missed him.

  “Y’all look great,” Clay shouted. “But why aren’t you over at Quinn’s arena?”

  She closed her eyes for a moment then dismounted.

  “Trouble in paradise?” A frown pinched Clay’s eyebrows.

  “He wanted to spend time with Max.”

  “Horrors.” He clamped a hand over his mouth in mock shock. “I had no idea you were dealing with such a monster.”

  She stomped her boot. “I’m serious.”

  “Sorry.” Clay climbed the fence and hooked his arms over the top rail. “Max is part of your package. Most men just want the woman and ignore their kids. Shouldn’t you be glad Quinn cares?”

  “I have to protect Max.”

  “From Quinn.”

  “From getting too attached.”

  “So you wanna keep Max away from him until the wedding? Don’t you think they need to do some bonding first?”

  “There’s not going to be any wedding.” She socked him in his good shoulder and led Copper to the gate.

  Clay opened the gate and fell in stride with her on the way back to the barn. “Listen, I know you miss Mel. And you probably feel like you’re betraying him.”

  Her steps stalled. “He was part of me”—her voice quivered—“for a long time.”

  “I know. Me, too.” He hugged her. “You have to know he’d want you to be happy, to move on.”

  That’s it! She socked him in the shoulder again.

  “Hey. What’d I do?”

  If anyone could convince her to move on, it was Clay. But she couldn’t risk Max getting hurt. He’d already lost so much, before he’d ever been born.

  “I told Quinn we can’t see each other again.” She shook her head. “I’m not ready.”

  “You ought to know better than anybody.”

  “You’re not going to try to talk me into dating him.”

  “You’re an adult, old enough to make your own call.” He gently chucked her chin. “Even if you are a squirt. And besides, my shoulder’s getting sore.”

  She wanted to smile, but she didn’t have any left. “Is it okay if I board Copper here again?”

  “Only if you promise to still train her for barrels.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Oh, if you insist. I always feel like I’m tying up your arena.”

  “You’re not.” He adjusted his hat. “You still giving lessons over at Quinn’s?”

  “I can’t let my students down. And he promised to stay out of my way.” And he had today. She hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him. Not that it made her any happier.

  “Look, Lace, I want you to be happy.” He grabbed her hand, studied her wedding rings on her finger. “And if you’re happy being alone, that’s fine and dandy with me.”

  Except—she wasn’t happy.

  ❧

  Quinn knocked on the familiar farmhouse door, his feet crunching the dead November leaves that had blown up on the porch. He’d wanted to come home for a while, and the trip got him out of Lacie’s way for another week.

  He saw movement through the filmy curtains, and the door swung open. Face-to-face with his dad. Gray sprinkled Dad’s beard.

  How long had it been? Almost three years.

  “Son?”

  “Hey, Dad.”

  “Why didn’t you tell us you were coming?” Dad pulled him inside and shut the door. He hugged Quinn and roughly clapped him on the back.

  Why had he waited so long? The two places he should’ve turned with his failure—God and his parents. Yet he’d shunned both.

  “Quinn.” His mother’s squeal echoed through the adjoining kitchen. She dashed through the living room and flew into his arms.

  Unconditional love surged through her warm embrace. Her Avon Odyssey perfume smelled of flowers and soft musk.

  “I can’t believe you’re here.”

  “The Maxwells are moving to Denton. I told them I’d planned a trip home anyway, and I offered to help. Came a few days early to visit. Should’ve called, I guess.”

  “You’re welcome anytime, son. You know that. But if we’d known, your mama could’ve made a fuss.”

  Quinn grinned. “Maybe that’s why I didn’t tell you.”

  “You shush.” Mama pulled away. Her hair was still warm brown. She had the same solid shape, though a bit thicker through the middle, and a few more wrinkles in her face. Her eyes shone too brightly, memorizing his face, as if she thought she wouldn’t see him again for a long time.

  Yes, he’d definitely stayed away too long.

  “A woman’s got a right to make a fuss when her only child
comes home for a visit. Oh, I don’t have a thing to cook.” She smacked his shoulder. “If I’d have known you were coming, I’d be prepared. You just got here, and I’ll have to go off to the store.”

  “You’ve got a freezer full of food, Donna.”

  “But not Quinn’s favorites.”

  “You don’t have to go to any trouble, Mama.”

  “Nonsense.” She patted his cheek. “I’ll make a quick run. How long you staying?”

  “Through Friday. I’ll help get the Maxwells loaded Saturday morning and head out that afternoon.”

  “Four glorious days with my two favorite guys in the whole world.” Mama kissed his cheek. “Don’t you go anywhere. I’ll be back in two shakes of a rattler’s tale.”

  She grabbed her purse and closed the door behind her.

  Daddy sank into his recliner and clicked off the TV. “How far is Aubrey from Denton?”

  “ ’Bout fifteen minutes.”

  “The Maxwells were always good folk. Wonder why they’re moving? How’d you get hooked up with them again?”

  “Star’s in Denton, and Lacie lives in Aubrey. We’re sort of neighbors, and were sort of seeing each other for a while.”

  “You always had a thing for that girl.”

  Guilty. The last three weeks of making himself scarce during her lessons and sitting on the far end of their friends’ pew had almost killed him.

  “But didn’t she get married?”

  Quinn cleared his throat. “He died.” Guilty again.

  “Why aren’t you ‘sort of’ seeing her anymore?”

  “She’s still half in love with her husband, and she’s got a little boy she feels like she has to protect.”

  “Understandable. Why’s it been so long since you came home? Sorry for all the questions, but you know your mama will ask when she gets back from the store.”

  “I messed up, Dad. Big time.” Quinn sank onto the couch. “And I didn’t talk to anyone about it. Not God. Not y’all. I felt unworthy to be His son or yours. And it’s all twisted up with Lacie.”

  “Lacie? You didn’t mess around and get her pregnant, did you, son?”

  “I haven’t even kissed her, Dad. And she’s not like that.” But he’d like to marry her, love her fully, raise Max as his own, and maybe have more kids together. But not with this insurmountable secret standing between them.