Love and Other Mistakes

by Jessica Kate

  “Best idea we’ve had yet.” John pulled out his keys. “Mike, get your backside in here.”

  Jem snagged Nick’s elbow. “If you have to leave, that’s fine, but I’d like to have you with me if you’re willing.”

  Nick pocketed his keys and nodded.

  Jem approached Natalie. “I’ll text you to find out his sugars.” Jem inclined his head toward where Olly dozed in the back seat.

  She looked down. She’d deserved that. “Okay.”

  Jem didn’t move.

  She scrounged the courage to lift her face again. “We will find her, you know. She’ll be okay.”

  “Physically, maybe. But we can’t fix her broken heart.” He shook his head. “I’ll let you know when we’re on our way back. If you don’t want to be here, then . . . See if your mom can babysit Olly instead.”

  Her eyes filled. Why did he give up on their relationship so easily?

  Then again, if he didn’t support her dream of working at Wildfire, did she want that relationship?

  He walked away and slid into the passenger seat of Steph’s car. The vehicles pulled away. Natalie stayed, propped up by the car, until they disappeared into the dark night.

  She hit her speed dial. “Mom? I need you to come over.”

  39

  The bus arrived at Raleigh right on time.

  Lili shifted her head from the window as they rolled into the North Carolina capital, ran her fingers over the curtain imprint on her cheek. Her nap for the past hour had been bliss—except for the BO wafting from two shaggy-haired guys sitting in front of her—but now reality crashed back in.

  Miss Kent was pregnant.

  She’d run away.

  Grace had no idea she was coming.

  She powered on her phone. Its battery low, she’d switched it off hours ago. Hopefully she’d have enough juice left to call a taxi.

  She screwed up her eyes against the screen’s glare as forty-three missed calls flashed up. She swiped past all of them, found a cab company’s number, and punched it in.

  By the time the bus pulled into the station, her cab waited by the curb.

  She shot from the bus to the taxi, frigid night air raising goose bumps on her arms.

  “Where to?” The cab driver’s frizzy black hair and red goatee reminded her of an artist’s impression of Lucifer. Lili pressed back into her seat and gave Grace’s address.

  As the cab pulled away, her phone vibrated in her hand. The screen went black. Battery dead.

  Lili hugged her backpack as they zoomed down the road. Her heart rate accelerated. She should have warned Grace she was coming. Then, at least, if this guy turned out to be a serial killer, someone would notice her absence. What had she been thinking? She was sixteen, alone in a strange city at night. According to the Law & Order reruns she’d seen, that basically guaranteed her kidnapping.

  She watched for street signs and landmarks, searching her memory of Google Maps to try and gauge if they were going the right way. The cab made an unexpected turn left, and her hand shot to the door handle. Was this guy driving her to some abandoned cabin in the woods?

  They turned again, right this time, and passed a sign to Grace’s cul-de-sac. She released her breath and eased her hand from the door handle.

  The lights in Grace’s house were out as Lili exited the vehicle and paid the cabbie with her last twenty-dollar bill—save for a glow in the kitchen window. The taxi pulled away, and she stood in the driveway for a moment, gathering her courage.

  She should have warned Grace, had almost done it six times during her first few hours on the bus.

  But while Grace’s mom was generally a chilled-out person, she couldn’t run the risk that she’d meet her at the bus station and buy her a ticket home.

  If she just arrived on their doorstep, they couldn’t turn her away.

  Something brushed her leg. Lili leapt across the drive, slapped a hand over her mouth to contain her squeal.

  A cat meowed, then sauntered off, its black body barely visible.

  The shot of adrenaline energized her. She strode up the driveway, toward the front door. Muffled voices floated from the kitchen window.

  Unfamiliar voices.

  “. . . supposed to pay for a boat when . . . Sarah’s tuition?” a woman’s voice rasped, with the trademark throatiness of a chain smoker.

  Lili backed a step away from the house. Who was Sarah?

  A man’s voice responded, “. . . extra shifts, and Ray told me—”

  “Ray?” The woman barked a laugh. “Max, you’d believe anything that man says.”

  Lili bolted away from the door, down the drive to the mailbox. She must have the wrong number. Her stomach clenched as she read the address, then turned to view the house again.

  It was the address Grace had given her months ago.

  But it seemed it wasn’t Grace’s house anymore.

  “Who’s there?” The front door of the house cracked open, and yellow light spilled onto the porch.

  Lili sprinted down the cul-de-sac as fast as her legs could take her.

  40

  Natalie hit the DVD pause button at her mother’s distinctive knock-knock, knock-knock-knock on Jem’s apartment door.

  Shane West and Mandy Moore’s faces froze on the TV screen. She sniffed and shifted a heavy blanket and A Walk to Remember DVD case off her lap so she could get up.

  She’d known moving her DVD collection to Jem’s house was a good idea—she just hadn’t expected to use her I-need-to-cry playlist so soon.

  Knock-knock, knock-knock-knock.

  “I’m coming.” Natalie kept her voice hushed. Oliver slept feet away in his crib in Jem’s room.

  Mom had been dealing with Dad’s pain meds again when Natalie called, and then it’d taken quite a few phone calls to find someone to come and stay with Dad.

  Natalie did a quick calculation of the time since the others had left for Raleigh. They should have arrived by now. Jem still hadn’t messaged.

  She pulled the door open.

  Mom stood on the other side, holding up a jumbo packet of plain M&M’s. “It sounded serious.”

  Tears bubbled. She wilted into Mom’s arms, inhaling the scent of her vanilla body wash between sobs.

  Mom nudged her inside and pushed the door shut with her foot. “Tell me what happened.”

  Natalie perched on a stool by the counter and spilled the story. Thirteen crumpled tissues sat by the M&M’s bowl by the time she finished.

  Mom listened without interrupting, just stroked the back of Natalie’s hand. When the words stopped, she chewed an M&M and let Natalie sop the moisture from her face.

  “So . . . that escalated quickly,” Mom said in a dry tone.

  Despite her tears, a chuckle escaped Natalie. “I guess.”

  “Do you really think Jem doesn’t support you? I mean, was there anything before today?”

  “He asked me once if I really did enjoy the job. He didn’t think I would, in the long run.”

  “And do you?”

  Natalie opened her mouth for an enthusiastic yes. But something gave her pause.

  Her panic about the presentation.

  The stress of that elementary school skit.

  Sam’s announcement that the permanent job would involve even more travel and public speaking.

  “I don’t adore every single part of it,” she conceded. “But that’s life. No job is perfect. I love the organization side of it: preparing for that festival, promoting the ministry, doing all the back-office jobs.”

  “And you have a gift for that.” Mom nodded and spoke around the handful of M&M’s she’d just popped in her mouth. “But you can use that gift in areas other than Wildfire. There’s a new wedding-planning business in town. You’d be great at that.”

  “No!” The word popped out with more force than she’d intended.

  Mom blinked. “That hit a nerve.” She pushed the M&M’s bowl aside. “Is it possible—and I’m not saying that you did,
I’m genuinely asking—that you overreacted to Jem’s request because you can’t bear to think about anything jeopardizing Wildfire?”

  “Maybe a slim possibility.” Natalie hiccupped.

  “And why is that?”

  “I always planned to take over Dad’s ministry, and then that wasn’t possible anymore. Wildfire is my second chance. I’d make Dad proud, Steph proud. And I’d be making a difference in the world. It’s what I always expected of myself.”

  “Ah.” Mom appeared to ponder Natalie’s words for a moment as she slowly chewed, lips stained from choosing all the blue M&M’s. “And what if Kimberly beats you to that job? Who are you then?”

  Natalie shook her head. “I can’t even think about that.”

  “And do you think that’s a warning sign?”

  “Huh?”

  “Jem has no desire to break up with you, Natalie. He’s just trying to do what’s best for his son. You escalated that fight. You overreacted at the first sign of a threat to your job because you see it as a part of your identity.”

  Natalie squirmed, searching her brain for a way to refute what Mom said.

  “The truth is you are far more than a job, a ministry, or even a calling. You are a person created and saved by God, no matter what your job is or what you do in life.”

  “But if I—”

  “Hear me out.” Mom paused her with an upraised hand. “If God has told you to work at Wildfire, then let nothing stop you from doing that. Quit working for Jem and trust God to find you what you need. But if you’re working for Wildfire because you feel like you’re letting yourself and everyone else down if you don’t . . . maybe you should have a look at what you’re allowing to shape your identity.”

  “But Dad—”

  “Your Dad knew you had already made something of yourself. Before Wildfire. You know what makes God happy? A life that seeks after Him, that loves Him.

  “You sacrificed your own plans for us, and that kind of sacrificial love doesn’t go unnoticed.” Mom tightened her grip on Natalie’s hand. “God wants obedience. And He has called some people to ministry, but He’s also called others to work in business or raise kids or do a hundred other things. It’s not the job that matters, it’s the obedience.

  “I don’t think He’ll be disappointed, whichever path you choose. But don’t choose an option you don’t really want just because you think there’s an expectation you should.”

  Natalie shook her head. “Dad always thought—”

  “You want to know what Dad thinks? I found this the other day.” Mom dropped Natalie’s hand and rummaged through her handbag. She pulled out a creased piece of notepad paper covered in Dad’s distinctive scrawl.

  “He wrote this two years ago, when we almost lost him. But then he pulled through, so he put it away until the right time. I forgot until I was poking through some papers yesterday.”

  Natalie unfolded the sheet, fingers shaky.

  G’day baby,

  Tears blotched the page at the first words. Dad’s gravelly voice filled her brain as she read. She shifted the page so her tears wouldn’t stain it.

  I am so proud of who you are.

  When you were born I was overwhelmed with the fact that I was responsible for raising this little baby into a godly and wonderful woman. I wrote these verses down that day:

  “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38–39

  God has been very faithful and has guided us both along the way.

  I’m so proud to be your dad, and to see you grow into the capable, compassionate, loving, wise, beautiful, and passionate woman that you are has been my greatest joy in life. I know sometimes you feel restless, but you’ve already made me so proud. I know you’ve made the Lord proud too.

  I know you wish we could remain together, but I know for sure God has a purpose and plan in all things.

  I look forward to seeing everything God has in store for you, whether in this world or the next.

  I love you more than you’ll ever know,

  Dad

  She dropped the page and bawled. Her throat ached and her diaphragm hiccupped with the force of her sobs.

  He was proud of her. As she was. No work required. And so was God.

  Soft arms slipped around her shoulders. Mom’s forehead pressed against her ear. Moisture dripped onto her neck.

  They stayed like that a long time, until Natalie’s phone beeped in her pocket. She tugged it out. A message from Jem flashed onto the screen. “Oh no.”

  “What?” Mom peered at the phone.

  “Lili wasn’t at the bus station or Grace’s old address.” She reread the message as she spoke, hot and cold waves running through her body. “She’s missing.”

  41

  God hated her.

  It was the only explanation that made sense.

  Lili folded her arms against her chest as tight as she could, her tunic and jeggings no match for this weather. She kept her steps fast but light so her Docs didn’t make too much noise. It had to be coming up on midnight, and the only people out were ones she didn’t want to meet.

  Yellow light spilled from behind. A car turned onto the street. Lili dove behind a large bush in the yard of a two-story home. If someone saw her, they might wonder at a young girl alone at night and stop. If they did, she would run.

  But she didn’t have the energy to run anymore.

  She curled into a ball, a blade of grass tickling her nostril. Silent tears watered the sweet-scented bush as she waited for the car to pass.

  What did I do to make You so mad at me, God?

  So maybe she shouldn’t have run away. That didn’t explain why her parents stopped caring, why Miss Kent got pregnant. What had she done to start this whole chain of events?

  The car whooshed past, and she pushed herself into a sitting position. Cold from the ground seeped into her bones. Like the despair in her soul.

  She was lost. No one to come find her. And disoriented in the middle of suburbia, she had no way to call for help.

  Would she be left out in the cold forever?

  “God, if You care, please let Jem show up right now.” She squeezed her eyes tight and clasped her hands in a way she hadn’t prayed since she begged for a Rapunzel Barbie. She peeked one eye open. Nothing.

  Something brushed her back.

  Lili shot to her feet. As she twisted to race back out to the street, a glimpse of dark fur trotted past.

  She paused. Was that . . . the same cat?

  When the cat headed down the street, she shrugged and followed it. No better plans had presented themselves.

  The cat traveled on silent paws, hooked a left, and kept going another two blocks. Lili power-walked to keep up with it, a layer of sweat breaking over her goose-bumped skin.

  Three blocks past I-can’t-believe-I-can-barely-keep-up-with-a-cat, the animal padded into the front yard of a large brick structure. A wooden sign stood out front. Lili peered at it. A church.

  The main sanctuary stood before her, majestic even in the dark. A low wrought-iron fence ran around the church.

  She eyed the building. She’d have to break in. But it looked safer than a bush. And an old church could mean old locks.

  She scanned the street for onlookers. Nothing but the streetlights standing guard. She crept closer, clambered over the fence, and raced to the back of the building.

  A board creaked under her foot as she mounted the bowed back porch. A window stood at waist height. She cupped her hands against the ice-cold glass and peered in. An office, strewn with papers, and a pile of books stacked on the desk like a Jenga tower. The next window revealed a room with four filing cabinets and boxes of devotionals.

  Lili checked every window on ground level, then returned to the back entrance. A wooden door sto
od in front of her, its frame warped. Her tentative fingers reached for the handle, turned it. Locked. She pulled her student ID from her backpack. She’d overheard Uncle Jem mention his breaking-and-entering skills to Natalie once.

  She slid the card between the door and the jamb, but nothing gave. Wriggling it higher up, she tried again. No luck.

  At least no one seemed to have seen or heard her. Courage building, she rattled the door. It shifted in its misshapen frame. Up. The trick was to move it up.

  Setting her shoulder against the rough wood, she yanked the door up by its handle and threw her weight against it.

  It popped open and banged against the internal wall. Momentum threw her inside. Off balance, she dropped to her knees. Held her breath. Listened.

  All clear.

  Movements slow, she rose and reached for the door. The cat ducked inside before she closed it.

  Not brave enough to turn on any lights, Lili pulled her shoes off and slipped through the building on silent feet, guided only by the streetlight glow. The corridor on her right led to the filing-cabinet room.

  She’d wake early tomorrow, but just in case, this looked like the most boring room in the place. No one was likely to come here in a hurry. And it was close to the back door for a fast escape.

  The box of devotional books sat inside the room, beneath a built-in desk jutting from the wall. She crawled under it, between the heavy book box and the wall, and lay on her side with her face to the door. The cat slid in beside her, curling up against her chest.

  Burying her fingers in its fur, Lili closed her eyes and prayed for morning.

  42

  God, we need a miracle here.

  Jem scrubbed a hand across his face and slapped his cheeks. Now was not the best time to fall asleep, as he rolled along Raleigh’s Capital Boulevard past Home Depot. A streak of light blue ran along the horizon, stars dimming in the east. The night surrendered to morning.