“You’re leaving?” I didn’t try to hide my disappointment.
“It’s a six month tour. But, I’ll be back before you know it.”
At some point in the day we’d scooted very close together on the bench and I was keenly aware of that fact now as Will leaned toward me. He put a hand on my knee and one on my waist. My breath caught in my throat and before I knew what was happening, his lips were made their way toward mine. I wanted to melt into the kiss. I wanted to be held and loved so why wouldn’t my internal voice shut up?
I told myself that this could never work. I followed that up with, just shut up and enjoy it. Next came thoughts of where this could actually lead. An internal movie of Will and me involved in some very private actions flitted across my closed eyes followed by White’s disapproving look when he found out what we’d been doing.
So what. I should be able to have a relationship with whomever I want to. Obviously, White didn’t want me. Then the thought of Penumbra came crashing in and I pulled away before the kiss began.
“What’s wrong?” Will asked.
“I’m sorry.” I took a deep breath to help stabilize my excess energy. “I can’t.”
“It’s Rick, isn’t it.” Will sighed.
“Actually, no. Not really. I just— There are things— I know this wouldn’t work out in the long run.”
I knew I could never tell Will about Penumbra. I wanted to be able to tell him about being Penumbra but it was something I had never even considered doing. Never having considered bringing Will into my inner most secrets was very significant.
“Who cares about the long run? It certainly works for the moment.” He tried to pull me in for another kiss but that last statement killed it. The magic was no longer strong enough.
“I’ve been living in the moment all day and I can’t do it. I have to think about the future.” I scooted away from him.
Gabriella had told me to feed my libido many times before, but this was too risky. I didn’t think White would ever forgive me if I took things too far with his little brother.
He closed the distance I’d put between us. “Why? Why can’t we just have a little fun before I ship out?” He reached up and brushed my hair behind my ear.
If there had been any lingering effects of Will’s charm it had no chance of ever resurfacing. I should have been seething with rage, but instead, I laughed.
“What?” He looked around as if he’d find the joke somewhere in the fading light.
“Obviously I think you’re attractive and boy, do you have the charm, but I can’t see this going past friendship. I better get home.” I stood from the bench and Will did the same.
“What about the tour?”
“You still want to give me a tour?” I was surprised.
“Sure. Just because you won’t sleep with me doesn’t mean I don’t still like you. I might just like you even more.” When I had no immediate response he walked up and put his arm across my shoulders and gave a friendly squeeze. “Come on. You can’t blame a guy for trying.”
“Yes, I can. But, I won’t.” I sighed. “I guess I’ll take that tour.”
“Great. Let’s get going, then.”
His switch from romance to friendship was immediate and a bit jarring. Will did all the talking back to the car. By the time I buckled in I’d switched gears as well. Strangely enough, our moment might have strengthened our friendship. Now we knew there was nothing more written in the stars for us. I could still think he was as cute as they came but I wouldn’t have to wonder what if.
Will talked a lot of facts and figures about carriers as we drove. The big numbers all became comprehensible as we pulled into the parking lot across the street. The immensity of the ship was almost overwhelming. The thing was huge.
“No wonder they call them floating cities,” I marveled as we walked toward the monstrosity.
We were allowed to board without much ado. Will showed me his berthing in the officer’s quarters and introduced me to a few of his friends. I heard them whispering after we left but couldn’t pick out what they were saying.
“You’ll be the talk of the tour,” he admitted.
He led me to the hanger bay and I was surprised not to see any jets. When I asked him about it he said his squadron would fly them onto the ship after deployment. He explained the rush of landing and taking off from a carrier and the description gave me chills.
We eventually found ourselves on the flight deck and he explained in further detail about landing planes on the ship. I was finding everything riveting and was truly lamenting my current occupation.
“Are you hungry?” He asked after checking his watch.
“Actually I’m not.” I held my stomach. It had been through a lot today. “But if you are we could still go somewhere,” I added.
“It’s almost eight thirty. I’ll just stop and get some fast food.”
Even after all the excitement I’d already had I was disappointed the outing was coming to a close.
He led me off of the carrier and back toward the vehicle.
“I’m not ready to call it a night. Are you?” He asked as the engine roared to life.
“What are you up for?”
“I thought we might go clubbing.”
“I’d love to, but—” I struggled to come up with an excuse.
“Don’t say no,” he pleaded. “If it’s because you don’t want to piss Rick off. It’ll be good for him and I’m sure Brown would be game to chaperone us—”
“White has no bearing on my social life,” I said more strongly than I intended. Apparently, the substitution of White for Rick wasn’t lost on him because he raised his eyebrows and grinned.
“Then please, don’t say no.” He narrowed his eyes and his grin became even more wicked. “I was sure your reason for turning me down was Rick, but now I’m really interested.”
I struggled with myself for a moment but finally decided to just come out and say it. “I don’t take sex lightly.”
“You’re a strong woman. I find it hard to believe you’d repress that part of yourself.”
“It’s not repression, it’s—discretion.”
“Well, Miss Prude, we could still go get Brown to protect your reputation, but then again, who’d talk about us if we did?” His expression and body language screamed White but he had a healthy dose of Brown’s influence coursing through his veins.
“Let ‘em talk,” I said.
“I knew I liked you.”
“Let’s do it.” I put on my own evil grin.
We drove in silence for a few blocks before Will spoke.
“Alex.” His brow furrowed. “I don’t know what your life plans are but I do know what mine are. Even though I led you to believe I live only in the moment. I plan to get a little further in my career and then settle down. I want to get married and have some kids. I may or may not stay in the Navy.” He paused and took his gaze away from the road for a moment.
I was too afraid of what was coming next to breathe.
“Anyway.” He returned his attention back to his driving. “You could fit into that scenario very easily. But, I know how Rick feels about you. We have a long-standing competition when it comes to women and I didn’t realize how serious he was until today. I could never do anything to hurt my brother. We’ve talked about you and I’ve promised to lay off until you make up your mind about him. I’m kind of breaking the rules right now though.” He laughed uncomfortably. My jaw worked, trying to make words, but speaking requires air and I still had none.
He added quickly. “I’m not asking you any questions right now, so don’t think you have to give any answers. Besides, I’m out to sea for six months this time around and a lot can happen in six months. Maybe—”
My mind raced and I blurted out, “I haven’t told Rick that I love him.” I was horrified at myself, but the damage was already done. “I don’t see anything coming of it, but…”
“I was afraid of that. Even if you didn’t
love him, it’d be a struggle for us because of his feelings for you.”
I took a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Will. If I had met you first—”
“No need to be sorry. Though you and I are compatible I do think you and Rick are more compatible.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure. He shipped me off for EOD for four months and still hasn’t contacted me. That doesn’t sound like he has much in the way of feelings for me, but I’m okay with it.” The lump in my throat grew.
I didn’t dare let my hopes climb from Will’s admission of White’s feelings. Yet, Will should know his brother’s mind, right? Especially since they’d recently talked about me. Then again, even if White did love me, and the moments I’d given him hadn’t been just a fling, he had a bad way of showing it.
“Just don’t tell him what I told you.” I pushed the lump down. I would not allow White to get the best of me if he’d just used me.
“I wondered how sincere he was. At least, I did until I spent a day with you. There is no way he’s not completely committed.”
“Will. He’s the boss of the company. If he’d wanted to contact me, he would have. Hell, he could have flown out to see me. But, he didn’t.” I tried to force the sorrow to change to anger. “I pictured myself growing old with Rick, but my current life choice doesn’t allow for growing old or any of the regular stuff that goes with that.”
Conversation ceased while Will ordered a burger and fries at the nearest drive up window. I allowed him to eat in silence while I contemplated White’s inattention once again.
To begin the night inside my comfort zone we went to the Skylight first. I’d done my fair share of partying in the past but I’d only been to a few select bars. Anthony, my one and only ex-boyfriend, was bartending and Will made sure to point him out to me.
“How did you know about Anthony?”
“Rick told me.” He shrugged.
“You two make a habit of talking about my past?”
It was a bit flattering that the two men I found the most attractive and appealing would be discussing my love life. However, since my escapades consisted of just Anthony it was more embarrassing than flattering.
“No. There’s not much history to talk about. I think we covered it all in one or two conversations.” He winked.
I was startled and embarrassed so I just shook my head in disapproval.
“Let’s go say hi to Anthony. Rick also told me a few things about Anthony that I bet you don’t even know.” Will raised his brow in a challenge that I left unanswered. I was too engrossed in my thoughts anyway.
We made our way to the bar, Will hanging back a little. True to form, Anthony came right to me.
“Wow. I thought you’d moved. I haven’t seen you forever. How long has it been? A year?”
He did his best to show off his severely lacking biceps by imitating The Thinker. Actually, they didn’t look half bad but I knew he didn’t know how to use them, so they didn’t count.
“Nope. Didn’t move. Can you get me a coke and—” I turned to get Will’s order but Anthony cut in, true to form and oblivious.
“I’m glad you came to see me. I’m currently between girlfriends.” He waggled his eyebrows at me.
“I’m currently taken.”
What happened next I didn’t expect. Will stepped out from behind me and Anthony visibly paled.
“Ssss—sorry,” he stuttered. “I didn’t mean anything by it. Please tell Malone not to— not to—”
“Don’t worry, Anthony. She’s on my arm tonight, not my brother’s. Can you please get the lady her coke and add a beer and two shots of whiskey.”
“On the house.” Anthony quickly filled our order and busied himself with another customer.
“What was that all about? Black didn’t even intimidate him that much.”
“Rick told me about a visit he paid to Anthony a while ago. Good to know he hasn’t forgotten.”
“When did— What did he do?” Will ignored me and led me away from the bar to a table near the dance floor.
We each had a couple of drinks and danced to a few songs before we decided it was time to move onto the next bar. By the time we were leaving the third bar on the list I was ready to call it a night. Will, on the other hand, was just getting started. I told him I had to slow down on the drinking and he complied by ordering me a coke at bar number four. I was thankful because I was surprised I could even remember I’d already had five shots. It had been months since I’d had any alcohol and I’d never been able to handle it well anyway.
Bar number five could have been The Rave as far as I was concerned. The deep tones radiating through my body sent me to places I hadn’t been for a long time. Penumbra had finally gone to sleep, taking with her Ms. Grey leaving just Alex to enjoy the climate.
The dance floor looked like a very shallow swimming pool, surrounded by railings. Will and I found an opening near the railing after I declined his offer to dance. Instead, I held on to the railing, closed my eyes, let go of all thought, and swayed with the reverberations. The feel of the close bodies, the sounds that evolved into vibrations shaking me to the core, the scents of too much or too little perfume around me. About half and hour later a very distinctive aroma snuck in on my consciousness and brought me back to reality.
Will stood to my left wearing a smile but seemingly much more aware than I had been. I looked around for the source of the smell and was rewarded with White right behind me wearing his indecipherable look.
“What are you doing here?” Having to yell didn’t help mask the slur in my voice.
White was the last person I wanted to see right now. The urge to say something fueled by my drunken state was very strong. I had to resist. Only a moment ago nothing but the vibrations from the music existed for me and now I was confronted with my biggest problem. It could go either way if I decided to interact with White right now. I had no idea if I’d punch him dead in the face or reach up and kiss him.
White hiked his head toward Will.
“I’m out of money and I know better than to drive at this point.” Will swayed as if to emphasize the fact that he shouldn’t be driving.
“I would have paid for a cab.” I yelled.
“I’m not asking a girl to pay on a date.” The shock on his face emphasized the concept was obviously unthinkable.
White mirrored Will’s shrug, giving me déjà vu. I looked back to Will and he grinned and winked at me. They were going to give me whiplash.
I leaned in to talk in Will’s ear. “I thought you wanted to give the guys something to talk about.”
I’d been looking forward to making White wonder if Will and I got along extra well and now I didn’t know how to go about it without actually doing something drastic.
“Oh, they’ve already started,” he returned into my ear.
His voice in my ear gave me chills and made me giggle like a girl. I’m sure the alcohol helped. It didn’t take me long to get lost in the music again. Strangely enough it was even easier to lose myself with White directly behind me. I knew I’d be safe with these two men near and I was able to relax.
The strength of the music finally released its hold long enough for me to realize I’d backed up enough to just feel White’s heat against my back. I don’t know how long I’d been that close to him but I knew it was time to go home or my uninhibited state would get the better of me. I turned my head just enough to get a glimpse of White’s face. He was scanned the crowd and, like at The Rave, there was a small bubble around us as he held Will and I under his protection. White must have felt my eyes on him because he looked down at me. I mouthed the words, “Are you ready to go?” and he answered with a nod of his head.
I got Will’s attention and asked him the same thing in a shout. He also nodded his agreement.
I chose to sit in the back of White’s black Mustang, though the backseat was extremely uncomfortable. But I figured I’d be left out of the conversation on the way home if I did and they didn’t
let me down. I’d definitely had too much to drink and didn’t need to emphasize that fact with my slurred speech.
Will generously helped me navigate my way out of the vehicle once we’d parked in the garage of White and Associates. I held my own quite well after I got to my feet and Will and White let me lead the way into the lobby where I was greeted by all of my partners. Green and Black sported disapproving looks but Red, Blue and especially Brown all wore broad smiles.
“Pay up.” Will stumbled up to Brown with his hand out.
“I want proof first. So, Ms. Grey. Did you have a good time tonight?”
I guardedly nodded my answer. He took a swing at me and I had him on the floor instantly but I didn’t brace myself and the momentum pulled me down on top of him. We were face to face on the ground, staring eye to eye. I was well aware of how this looked so I scrambled to get up. Brown let out a laugh and stood, lifting me easily as he rose. He made sure I was steady on my feet before he let go of my waist.
“Okay. Here you go.” He pulled out a wad of cash. Money passed between everyone and I had no idea what was going on.
White was the only one not handing out or receiving cash. I gave him a questioning look then slurred, “What’s going on?”
“Will bet the guys he could take you out and get you drunk.”
“What!”
White gave me his evil grin, the one that tied me in knots. I stammered, “I didn’t mean to get drunk.” I redirected my fury at Will.
“What the hell?” The slur was almost gone.
“I was going to win one way or another, tonight.” He shrugged.
Again, I should have been livid but one look at White and his smug look of satisfaction doused the flames. Will just admitted in front of my partners that I wouldn’t allow him into my bed. Then another thought overtook everything else. I swiveled and poked White hard in the chest. “Did the two of you plan this?” I was mortified that this might be a test. If Will would have been able to get me into bed, then I wasn’t really the girl for his brother.
Traces of Grey: Book Four of The Alexis Stanton Chronicles Page 17
