“To get you off my ass I’ll le you know I have no intentions of starting a relationship with Will, other than one of friendship, and Will is also aware of this. If White has a problem with me becoming friends with his little brother then I’d say he’s the only one with problems. That means you’re speaking with the wrong person. And, for your information, White hasn’t come to see me since I’ve been back. Hell, he hasn’t even called me.”
I stood and moved to the other side of the bar and repacked his food into his bag. He didn’t take the hint and went back to eating so I dropped my uneaten food into the trash with emphasis. Some of the rice flew back up and landed on my shirt. I wiped it away.
Figures. I’m trying to make a point and I just made a fool of myself.
“The job you have doesn’t lend itself well to a long term relationship. You know that, right? All that time away and not being able to talk about what you really do with anyone. It’s not good for your mental state. I’m surprised you’ve lasted this long.”
“I have plenty of people to talk to. You just aren’t one of them and that really bothers you, doesn’t it?” Red wore an amused expression so I turned away from him, grabbed my keys and told him to clean up and lock up when he was finished.
I took the stairs to the roof where I spent an hour watching the traffic below.
The door to the roof groaned open. “Red. Leave me the hell alone,” I said without turning around.
“It’s not Red.”
“White.” I turned sharply.
“Red told me he pissed you off again because he’d asked about your relationship with Will.” He’d walked over to me and stood looking out at the traffic.
“What else did he tell you?” I asked.
“Not much. Did you tell him about us?” He gave me a level look.
“No. You don’t have to worry about me telling anyone about that.” Tears welled up and I bit my lip to stop them.
“You told Will something.” I felt his eyes boring into me.
I’d hoped Will would have kept my confession of love a secret, but they were brothers. What did I expect?
“I said that because Will practically asked me to marry him and I panicked.” A single tear escaped and I moved as fast as I could to wipe it away. “He said he wouldn’t say anything.”
“He asked you to marry him?” White stopped abruptly.
“He didn’t get down on one knee or anything. He just said that he had a life plan mapped out and I could fit into that plan. Then he started talking about getting married and having kids. I just blurted it out.”
“He didn’t tell me exactly what you said. He just said you had plenty to say.”
“Oh. I didn’t tell him we’d actually—you know.”
“What did you say?”
The Chinese food Red had tricked me into eating threatened to reappear. “Nothing really.”
He reached over and took my hands in his and turned me toward him. “If you can tell Will, why can’t you tell me?”
I fidgeted. There was a piece of rice still on my shoe. My hands were cold and I felt White’s warmth on them.
“Why should I tell you?” I pulled my hands away. “You couldn’t even call me after I got back.”
“Will went up to see you as soon as he was done in my office and then I saw the two of you leave together. How was I supposed to call you?”
“You knew I’d left with Will?”
“Of course I did.” He reached up and picked a piece of rice from my hair. “And I knew Will’s intentions.”
“Why didn’t you call me when I was in training?” My voice wavered.
“I did. Brown said you didn’t need any more distractions because you were struggling with EOD.”
“You called?”
“Yes.” Again, he reached for my hands.
My arms were heavy but I lifted my hands to meet White’s. As soon as I was in his grip I held on tight. “I missed you.” I looked into his eyes.
He pulled me in for a long, deep kiss and then held me close. “I missed you, too.”
We stood in each other’s arms for a long time before we parted.
“Red knows.” White said.
“Did he tell you he knows?”
“No. But, he’s been distant and quite pleased with himself since I shipped you off for EOD. He knows something and from the questions he’s been asking, it has to be about us.”
“Maybe we should just tell the guys.”
In some ways I was more than ready to try this in public. It would be a relief and I knew it would boost my confidence in White’s feelings and future intentions. Yet, I didn’t know if I was ready to answer any questions or deal with the possible consequences.
“Maybe. Red’s actually called a meeting in—” he glanced at his watch, “ten minutes. I need you there. I think he’s going to tell everyone that you and I are a couple.”
“Part of me wants to tell, but the other part worries.” I admitted to him.
“I want nothing more than to tell every single man on this planet that you belong to me. But, I don’t want to have to defend our relationship.”
We stood silent for a few minutes more before White said, “Red wants me to send you off for isolation training next.”
I stepped back from the embrace. “How long will that take?”
“Probably at least a month.”
“What do you think?” I clenched my fists. I’d wait to hear White’s opinion before I told him mine. But, if he agreed with Red one more time I’d end this right now. White might find himself trying to learn to fly as he fell from the roof.
“I think you’ve been gone too much lately. But, if you want to do this, I’ll understand.”
I let out a shaky breath. “I’d like to hang out here for a while.”
“Good. I think Red’s just trying to keep us apart. You will have to do the training at some point, though.”
“That’s fine. I just don’t want to take off tomorrow or any time this week.” I took a breath. “What’re we going to tell the guys if Red brings up our relationship?”
“We’re going to admit it and start going out on dates. I wanted to be more confident in this before we told our partners, but it seems like we’ll get no privacy now.” He gently touched my face. “It’ll make our time apart easier if—” he smiled his wicked smile, “if I can actually mark my territory.”
I laughed. “We need to invest in a Sharpie marker. I can write my name on the bottom of your foot and you can write yours on mine.”
“The thing is, you’ll never be mine. I could never hope to contain you. You are so much more than meets the eye and could never be domesticated. All I can hope for is to be by your side when you decide what you’re going to do next.”
Again, I laughed. “I’ve been yours since I was twelve.”
“Twelve?” His brow furrowed and he cocked his head to the side.
“The first time I ever saw you.” I looked at the ground in embarrassment.
“When you were twelve?”
“Yes. You came to my house to talk with my dad, remember?”
“I remember that. That’s how old you were? Man, I feel old.”
We stood in silence for less than a minute before he checked his watch again. “It’s almost show time. You ready?”
“I guess. The clandestine meetings were fun while they lasted, at least.”
“No. They weren’t.”
“What?” My stomach hit the floor. Had I really been that bad?
“I can’t stand the way other men look at you. Like— like you’re available and they might have a chance. I really need to get it out there. Watching you leave with Will yesterday just about killed me. I hadn’t even gotten the chance to talk to you were gone again. This will be better. I won’t have to make excuses anymore. I can just do what I want to.”
“What if Red’s meeting is about something else?” I still held out hope we could do this on our terms instead of Red’s.<
br />
“Are you serious about us?” His voice held a slight quiver.
“Yes. You?” As soon as I asked I was terrified of the answer.
“Serious and ready. Lets go get this over with. We can deal with the fallout together.”
Chapter Sixteen
All of our partners were already in White’s office when we arrived. Their quiet conversation stopped as we stepped into the office and all eyes fell on me.
So, this is the way it was going to be. They weren’t going to adjust and accept things, there would be blame. And, I was the one to blame.
Red had set up the office as if it were some kind of interrogation. White and I sat in the only two available chairs that faced the half circle of men.
“Thanks for coming, everyone. As I said, I have information about Ms. Grey that I think you all should know.”
What? Information about me, not White and Grey? What the hell was he up to? I looked at White and his expression was of complete confusion.
White said, “What are you talking about? You didn’t tell me anything of the sort.”
“Hold on, White. I’m sure you’ll be interested in this information. I didn’t tell you any more about this meeting than I did because I didn’t want you to hide her away.” Red narrowed his eyes at me.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“We all know you and Grey have a thing going on. It’s obvious and it’s okay. Just let me show you what you should know.” He walked to Green and took a manila envelope from him and passed it off to Black. Black looked quizzically at me before he opened the envelope and pulled out photographs.
White reached over and took my hand in his and leaned into me. “Penumbra,” he whispered in my ear. I breathed hard and nodded. I hoped we were wrong.
He stood from the chair and ripped the photos away from Black and flipped through them.
“Red.” He shook his head ominously. “You shouldn’t have done this.”
“I wondered if you knew. I’m disappointed in you, White. How could you keep this from us?” Red waved his hands around.
Black stood. “What’s this about? All I saw were some surveillance pictures of Grey. Who did you have following her?”
“I did it.” Green stood. “I watched her do it.” He wore a broad grin. “I don’t feel the same way as Red. This isn’t a bad thing. I think we can use this is an advantage.” He gave me an encouraging nod.
I lifted my chin. I had at least two of my partners in my corner.
“I’m confused,” Brown said.
“Let them look at the pictures, White.” Red reached for them.
“No.” White handed me the pictures and I glanced through them. There were pictures of me sitting on the bench in Brazil as well as pictures of my fight with Flores.”
I stood and tossed the pictures to the floor. They spread out for everyone to see. “Some good action shots, Green. Thanks.” I gave him a nod back and not one of encouragement.
“Seems like Red’s going to beat around the bush so—”
“No.” White turned to me.
“It’s okay. Red will tell them. Look at him. He’s rabid with his secret. He can’t keep it.”
“Grey?” Blue’s voice had taken on a sickly air. “What did you do?”
“I took on an additional job title,” I said. “It’s my legacy. It’s what I’ve been trained for since birth. It’s what my parents gave me. My mother, in particular.”
“Your mother?” Black asked.
I nodded.
Red smirked. “Come on, Grey. Get to it already. I’ve been waiting for you to admit something, anything, since you came to us.”
Blue had picked up the pictures and finished flipping through them before he handed them to Black.
“For real?” He asked. “Are you really?”
Since Red took terrible offense to my extra title I assumed all of the men would be just as upset. Green’s instant acceptance had given me hope and so did Blue’s enthusiasm.
“They kept this from all of us. How can you be happy about this?” Red raised his voice.
“I agree with Green. This is a definite advantage for us.”
Black tossed the pictures back to the floor. “Penumbra?”
“What?” Brown blurted, grabbing for the photos.
Black shook his head in disgust. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He’d made his way across the room. I instinctively cringed but didn’t resist when he grabbed my arms in an almost crushing grip. He lifted me from the ground making me make eye contact. Being held up by my arms hurt, but I felt like I deserved it. I had let him down and I understood the pain I saw in his eyes. I would never complain about the bruises I was sure to have.
“Black.” I was still breathing heavily. “I couldn’t.”
“Let her go, Black.” White had assumed a fighting position.
Black glanced at White and laughed. “You’d never win, White.” But he set me down anyway.
“I suppose you couldn’t. I’m sorry I didn’t have any idea.” Black’s expression had faded from one of anger to one of acceptance. Yet, his face didn’t show any of the enthusiasm that Blue’s had.
“Penumbra?” Brown was still flipping through the pictures. “This was your mugging and your extra long stay in a tanning bed?”
I nodded.
“When’s your next job?” Blue asked.
“There will be no more,” I answered him. I felt a huge loss. “Thank you for relieving me of this burden, Red.” I turned to leave.
“Alex, wait.” White grabbed my arm. “What are you doing?”
I winced from the pain. “I can’t do this anymore. I didn’t like hiding, but it was better than the alternative.” All of my energy gone, I barely got the words out.
This was the worst thing that could have happened. I knew I’d been groomed to be Penumbra, but what I didn’t realize, until it was time to give her up, was that I was Penumbra.
“You can’t leave.” Black said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“I have to.”
“We’re big boys,” Brown added. “We’ll keep our mouths shut.”
“Not all of you, obviously.” I gave Red and Green a look and the rest of my partners followed my gaze. “Look at it this way. If Red and Green can figure this out, so can anyone else. That puts everyone I know in danger. I’m done.”
“Not necessarily,” White said. “This could be better. Now you have more than just me and Colin to watch your back.” His look pleaded with me.
I was tired. “No.” I walked out of the office with them all talking to me at once.
Chapter Seventeen
I packed a bag as quickly as I could and got right back onto the elevator, bound for the lobby. I hoped my partners would take a long time in White’s office discussing this news. It was probably the juiciest dirt they’d ever had on anyone.
My luck held and I made it to my car without seeing anyone but the lobby guard.
I drove around for an hour before I pulled into a city park for a break. My mind hadn’t settled. I couldn’t think straight. How was I going to tell my parents and Colin? I’d screwed up. I’d not been careful enough. All their hard work and preparation was for nothing. I’d wasted their time. I put my head in my hands and leaned against the steering wheel.
I remained in that position until my cell phone rang. I dug it out of my back pocket. It was White.
“Red left. Why don’t you come down and talk with the rest of us about this.”
“No. You can answer all their questions. I’ll call you later.” I hung up before he could protest.
I sat in the park until long after the sun rose. The call from White had helped clear my head a little. I’d calmed down enough to go back over the plans I’d made if this ever happened.
Since I’d taken on the title I had spent many hours planning what I would and should do if my partners found out who I really was. Now it was time to refine my plan, according to the specifics of the sce
nario, and carry it out.
I turned the engine over and drove directly to my bank. I took out enough cash to get me through a year, if need be. I still didn’t know exactly which plan I’d follow, but having large amounts of cash on me was the first step in every instance.
I drove away from the city for the rest of the day. After the sun started to set I found a small town and rented a room in a tiny motel.
My phone rang every hour or so. Shortly after five o’clock it rang every half an hour. It was time to call White back. I decided I’d get comfortable in my room, get something to eat and then give him a call. The drive away from White and Associates had done a lot to calm my nerves. I’d been able to think through what had really happened back there.
Most of my partners would support me through this, but I needed all of them. Red was my enemy now and enemies of Penumbra turned up dead. It would be okay if they turned up dead at the hands of Penumbra. I could control that. But, they didn’t, not always. Other factions made that decision, my father to be specific. I hoped White had been smart enough not to call the Admiral and give him the story yet.
I took out my cell phone and called Colin.
“Colin?”
“Alex? What’s wrong?”
“I didn’t know if I’d catch you at home. I’m glad I did,” I said.
“What’s wrong?” He must have been able to hear my deep sorrow.
“I had a falling out with Red and I left the city. I just wanted to let you know that I won’t be around for a while. And ask some favors.”
“What the hell happened?” His tone had me picturing him red faced and clenching his fists.
“It doesn’t matter. Not a big deal, really. I’ve just had enough of him.”
“Where are you? I’ll come and get you.”
“No. Thanks. I left the city and I’m going to be gone for a while. I’m going off the grid, but I’ll be in touch. I promise. I’m going to need you to set up jobs for me at some point, if you would.”
Traces of Grey: Book Four of The Alexis Stanton Chronicles Page 19
