Fighting Dirty

by Sidney Halston

  She felt him behind her. “You’re wrong about one very important thing,” he said. “You fit in. Fuck my family. Fuck what anyone else may think. I don’t care because in my heart, you fit. The only one with the hang-up about money and status is you.” He moved closer but didn’t say anything more, and she felt his warmth as tears streamed down her cheeks. She heard him inhale. “From day one, even before we went on our first date, you have been the one stuck on the money thing. I’ve never made you feel any less. I’ve never said anything negative about your tattoos. I like them on you—they make you who you are, and I love who you are.” Her eyes widened, but he continued. “You’re the one with the hang-ups, not me.” He brushed his thumb along the back of her neck by her hairline. “I cannot tell you enough how sorry I am about everything. I’m going to leave and fix things. But this isn’t over, and not just because you may be carrying my baby. I’m not letting you go, Jamie Lynn. Not now. Not ever. I’ve been in a relationship before and I know when it’s wrong, and this, what we have, is right. I have absolutely no doubt. So be mad. Be pissed off. But you’re going to have to get over it at some point, because for an entire year I wanted you. Every single snarky, quirky, sexy part of you. Every. Single. Day. For one year I thought about you. And now that I’ve had you, you’re out of your mind if you think I’m letting you go. Not after I’ve gotten to taste every single inch of that snarky, quirky, sexy body of yours. You have to know you deserve to let someone love you, Jamie Lynn, and that someone’s going to be me. Because you are worth it. You are worth everything to me. So you want truth? That’s me laying it all out for you. I’m coming back for all of you. Every inch.” She felt the tiny hairs behind her neck, where he’d just touched her, prickle, and then a sense of loss when he walked out of her apartment and possibly out of her life.

  —

  JL had been through worse. Much worse. She would survive, as she always did. But that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. He’d laid it all out, and then he’d left. Afterward she broke down, sobbing on her couch until she had to go to work. Because even though it felt like her life was falling apart around her, she still had to go through the motions. Ignoring the pain she felt in her chest, she went to work as planned. The only consolation was that he’d promised to fix things, and that before he left he’d made sure she knew she was loved by him. Something she’d never had before.

  “You okay?” Penny asked as they were doing the end-of-the-night routine before closing.

  “Yeah. Rough night last night, and this morning wasn’t any better,” she said to Penny.

  She looked up and realized that Penny looked even worse than she felt. She’d been unusually quiet lately, and her perfect white skin seemed pasty, with deep-set lines under her eyes that JL hadn’t ever noticed. “Hey, are you okay?”

  Penny looked at the counter as she continued to wipe it down. “Fine.”

  “You sure? You look tired, Penny.”

  “Yeah, I am tired. But, I’m okay,” she replied in a tone that JL hadn’t heard before from the pretty young woman.

  “I’ve had a shitty day, Penny. Sit down, please.” Penny hesitated before sitting across from JL. The bar was empty and it was just the two of them. “Tequila?”

  Penny hesitated for a moment before nodding. JL poured a shot and slid it to Penny. “You too,” Penny said.

  JL exhaled loudly. “Okay, so I’m going to tell you a secret. No one knows, but I’m going to tell you. Then, you’re going to trust me and tell me what’s going on with you.” There wasn’t much room to argue.

  “I…uh…,” Penny began.

  “No, we’re doing this. I need to get this out, and you need to get your shit out too. It’s eating you up. I can tell. I feel the same way.” Penny was about to say something, but JL cut her off. “I might be pregnant, I’m scared shitless, and the father left town.” It came out in one jumbled run-on sentence.

  “Holy shit!” Penny said. “Enzo?”

  JL nodded. “Please don’t tell anyone, okay? I want to know for sure whether I’m pregnant before I say anything. But, yeah, I’m a mess.”

  “You always seem so together. You come in and practically run the bar. You give everyone advice like you know some big life secret no one else knows. Everyone loves you. I’m kind of shocked.”

  “What? That I’m an idiot who forgot to be careful?”

  “No, that you’re scared shitless,” Penny admitted.

  JL slumped down. “Yeah. I’m scared and I don’t know what’s going to happen with Enzo and I’m pretty much just being a big fat baby.”

  “Did it feel better to tell me?”

  JL chewed on her lip for a moment. “Yeah, actually it did.”

  “Okay, here I go.” Penny downed the shot of tequila. “I have no one I can count on in this town, and…” Penny looked like she was about to break out in sobs. “I need a favor, but I can’t…”

  “You can’t what?”

  Penny looked around as if she was making sure it was safe. “I can’t lose my job at EE’s and I have to work tomorrow morning and I need some help.”

  “Help? What kind of help?” Penny was the worst waitress in the history of waitresses, but she normally had a sunny disposition and was drop-dead gorgeous. What kind of help could she need other than Waitressing 101?

  “Can I trust you to please keep it a secret?”

  JL was beginning to get worried. “Yeah, I guess.” When she saw Penny’s panicked look, she amended, “Yes, I can absolutely keep it a secret. What do you need?”

  “I need a babysitter.”

  JL dropped the glass she’d been holding. “Oh, shit. Sorry.”

  Penny’s cheeks reddened and her eyes watered further.

  “I’m sorry. You shocked me, is all. You have a kid, Penny? How did I not know this? How old is it?”

  “She’s not an it,” Penny corrected her as she picked up the broken pieces. “Sarabelle. Her name’s Sarabelle. She’s eleven months.”

  “Penny! Oh my God. How is it possible you’ve been here a year—”

  “Ten months. I’ve been here since she was about a month old. And no one knows. No one can know. Please, you promised to keep it to yourself. You can’t tell a soul, not even your brother.”

  “I already promised. Don’t worry. It’s fine.” She reached out and hugged Penny. It all made sense now. Penny was a struggling single mother of an infant. Holy crap! This was JL’s future if, in fact, she was pregnant. Putting that thought aside, she looked at Penny. “What time do you need me tomorrow?”

  “Nine in the morning.”

  “I’ll be there. Will you tell me why all the secrecy?”

  “Another time, okay? It’s a long story.”

  “Yeah, fine. Okay. Another time.”

  —

  “Thank you so much for your help. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you,” Penny said after a long morning.

  Sarabelle was exhausting. The golden-haired little cherub was a handful. She’d managed to break the screen of JL’s phone, press a button on the television that did something to it JL couldn’t fix, and when she wasn’t crying, she was pooping or eating. By the time Penny returned at three in the afternoon, JL was too tired to ask any of the million questions she wanted to ask Penny.

  Penny had a small one-bedroom apartment in a run-down part of town. An obviously used crib sat in the corner of Penny’s bedroom, and there were toys everywhere. The unusual thing was that Sarabelle’s clothes were all designer labels, her spoons were silver—real honest-to-goodness silver spoons—and some of the knickknacks around the baby’s crib were from Tiffany’s. Something was off. Someone who was working two waitressing jobs couldn’t afford silver spoons and Tiffany knickknacks.

  “Anytime, Penny. Really, anytime.” She almost wanted to scream: Solidarity, sister. I’ll be right here on this boat soon enough—maybe. “Who normally watches her?”

  “The neighbor, Ms. Hannigan.”

  “Raquel Hannigan?
She’s like a hundred and twenty-three years old, Penny.”

  Penny deflated. “Yeah, I know. But she’s next door, available, and cheap.”

  “Well, please consider me cheap and available, ’kay?”

  Penny’s eyes brimmed, and she pulled JL into a tight hug. “Thank you so much, Jamie Lynn. Seriously, thank you! How are you feeling? Is there anything I can do to help you?”

  “Nah, I’m fine. Tired, but that’s just because I haven’t been sleeping well. I’ll see you at work tomorrow night—call me if you need me before then.”

  “Thank you,” Penny said again before JL left.

  Chapter 17

  Two weeks had gone by since the wonderfully irresponsible condomless sexcapade. Two weeks of missing the hell out of Enzo. Two weeks of Enzo’s daily calls and texts, all of which she’d left unanswered. Every morning he’d text her to say, Good morning. Around the middle of the day he’d tell her he missed her, and every evening he’d text her, Sleep well, love. That damn word, love, felt like a ticking bomb. It made her giddy and nervous all at the same time. The man couldn’t have made his feelings more clear. She was still mad at him but not mad enough that she didn’t miss him like crazy. And between work, painting at the Walls—something she’d done twice since Enzo had left—and helping Penny with Sarabelle, she was so exhausted that she hadn’t had a chance to dwell on anything.

  She’d had lunch with her mother seven times in the last two weeks, and today Rita was coming by with a casserole. So many changes were happening all at once, and she was having a hard time processing all the emotions, especially since for so many years she’d had one basic drive: survival.

  “Be good, Bird,” JL said to the parrot as she went to answer the door. Rita stood in the hallway with a tray in her hand and bags in the other.

  “I have drinks, Mama,” JL said, helping her mother with the groceries.

  “I wasn’t sure,” Rita answered as she walked to the kitchen to put down everything. “This is so nice, honey,” she said, looking around the modest apartment.

  “Thanks. It’s kind of lonely without Violet, but I like it, and I have Bird to keep me company.”

  “Woof woof woof.”

  Rita looked around, startled, causing JL to laugh. “It’s Violet’s parrot. I’m bird-sitting and I’ve taught it all sorts of weird things. Drives Violet nuts.”

  Rita reached out to pet it, but JL swatted her hand away. “No! It bites.”

  “Oh,” Rita said with a loud belly laugh. “It’s so big and loud.”

  “Come, Mama. I’m starved.” JL ushered her mother to the small table and portioned out the food. “Is this EE’s taco casserole?”

  “Yep. Esther said it was your favorite.”

  “It’s not. I love it, but not as much as Travis does. It’s his favorite.”

  “Do you think that maybe Travis—”

  “Give him time. You’ve had a great few weeks. I’ll talk to him soon. I promise.” It was true. She was planning on talking to him, but not yet. She needed to make sure this new Rita was a permanent fixture, not a fleeting glimpse of hope, as had always been the case before.

  They spent the rest of the evening enjoying dinner and laughing at local town gossip that Esther had told Rita at work. She was so glad to have her mother back, and for the first time in a long time she didn’t dread being home.

  “Tired?” Rita said, looking at JL’s deep yawn and red-rimmed eyes.

  “Yeah. So tired. Lately all I want to do is sleep.”

  “You’re working too hard, and those late shifts have your schedule out of whack,” her mother said. JL didn’t think it was her late nights or busy schedule, however. JL had always been able to eat whatever she wanted and not gain a pound, but that morning her jeans had constricted her ability to breathe so much so that she’d worn yoga pants to run her errands. She wasn’t sure what would happen with Enzo, although she was certain he would never abandon his baby. The truth was that as the days passed, her anger had subsided somewhat, and things that had seemed so important just a few weeks ago seemed just petty now. He shouldn’t have omitted the truth about the Walls, but all in all, he’d been right. She had been the one who’d never committed fully to the relationship. She had been the one with the hang-ups about their differences, not him. She had covered her tattoos; he had never asked her to do that. Yes, he had lied, but she had no doubt that he was out of town fixing it. She knew him well enough already to know that the man wasn’t going to disappoint her and he’d come back with the issues over the Walls resolved. That fact alone made her not so terrified about the possibility of being pregnant. He was a responsible, loyal man who would do right by her and their baby.

  —

  Two and a half weeks in Brazil, and all Enzo had to show for it was a sprained ankle, a black eye, and a split lip. He’d gone home to convince his ex-father-in-law and his father that the mall was a bad idea. He’d brought reports, made presentations, and had meetings with the investors again, yet he was no closer to a resolution than when he’d arrived. The only thing that had happened was that his attitude toward things had changed. He was not his father’s lackey. He was a grown man and he wasn’t going to do only what was expected of him. Every afternoon for three hours he went to a local MMA training studio owned by a friend of Cain and Iggy’s and trained. He was going to do exactly what Jamie Lynn had suggested. He was going to be the best damn amateur fighter he could be. Maybe professional MMA was not in the cards for him, but it didn’t mean he had to give it up. He’d let his pride get in the way when Slade and Tony hadn’t allowed him to fight professionally. He’d let work become an excuse to not train. Well, all that was over. If there was one thing he’d learned during the short time he’d been with Jamie Lynn, it was that life was meant to be lived doing the things he loved. Money didn’t mean anything if he was miserable, and he was done being miserable. He was going to do what he loved, even if it was only part-time.

  “You’re doing much better, but you have to work on keeping your guard,” Hugo, the trainer he was working with, said to Enzo in Portuguese. Then Hugo led him to the speed bag after a grueling three-hour workout and sparring session. The old man’s idea of cooling down was hitting the speed bags, followed by a few relaxing sets of burpees, squats, and jumping rope.

  Enzo’s arms were on fire by the time it was time to head back to the hotel he’d been staying at since his arrival. His mother was pissy about his refusal to stay at their house, but he didn’t care because he needed them to understand how serious he was about what he wanted in Tarpon Springs and what he wanted in his life.

  Of course Marianna had told them all about Jamie Lynn, and they were beyond furious. But he hadn’t given them an opportunity to discuss it, because he didn’t want to hear their pompous opinions. Every morning he woke up thinking about Jamie Lynn, and every night he went to sleep with her on his mind. He needed to fix things, and he wasn’t leaving Brazil until he saved her Walls; he knew the Walls gave her peace, and he couldn’t live with himself knowing he’d been the one to take it away from her. Especially when she was his peace. He’d made all sorts of bold proclamations to her before he’d left, but truth be told, he was scared shitless. If he didn’t fix the Walls situation, would she want him back? Even if he did fix it, would she ever forgive him for her and her friend’s arrests? And if she was in fact pregnant, he didn’t want another man raising his child. Not getting her back just wasn’t an option. Suddenly it hit him: I left a place I wanted to be and a woman I wanted to be with, to go to a place I didn’t want to go to and speak with my father, who didn’t want to speak to me.

  With that realization, he knew he needed to wrap things up and get back to his girl.

  —

  JL paced around her apartment with a bag of Fritos. She was three days late. She hadn’t had the nerve to take a pregnancy test, but she didn’t need one. She was pregnant, Enzo wasn’t back, and she was terrified and anxious and ready to eat her weight in potato chips.
For the first two weeks she’d had hope he was away fixing the mess he’d made, but now, another two weeks later, she wasn’t so sure the man was coming back. And even if he did come back, would he move to Tarpon Springs? Florida had been supposed to be temporary, but things had changed, right? He still texted and called daily, even though she hadn’t responded once. But now…now she needed him. Today after work she would call him.

  The only salvation amid all her self-doubts and worry was that she had so many supportive friends to count on. Even her brother would help, although she’d never met someone who disliked children as much as Travis did. Still, it would be his niece or nephew; he’d change his mind soon enough. And, thank God, her mother was still sober and doing better than ever. They’d been talking every day and ate a meal together at least a few times a week. It was the way she’d always hoped it would be with her mother, and she was dreaming about her baby growing up with a grandmother.