by Odette Stone
“Emily,” Julie squealed, as she rushed up to me. She was wearing a beautiful slinky red dress that showed off her body to perfection.
I was enveloped in a scented hug, before she turned her attention on Jackson. She clung to his arm.
“Everyone, this is Emily and this is Jackson.”
Beth walked over and lightly touched my arm.
“Happy Birthday,” she pulled me into a warm hug.
“I'm so glad you are here,” I said into her ear.
“I don’t know anyone here, do you?”
I gave her a tight smile. “Not really.”
She rolled her eyes. “Where is Matt?”
I shook my head. “No idea.”
Julie was dragging Jackson around the table, making introductions.
“Come on, I'm sitting over here,” Beth said walking me to one end of the table. There were two empty seats next to her. One for me, one for Matt. Julie pulled Jackson to sit with her on the other end of the table. Beth and I chatted together while waiters circled the table, taking everyone’s food order. It seemed like the entire room knew each other.
“I kind of feel like I crashed someone else’s birthday party,” I said under my breath.
Beth giggled. “Seriously.”
The meal seemed to last forever. The food was good but the service took forever. At least everyone seemed to be having a good time. I looked up and watched as Julie threw back her head with laughter and hung onto one of Jackson’s arms. He seemed to be holding his own.
“Someone has had enough to drink,” Beth said, as Julie batted her eyes lashes at Jackson.
I discretely checked my phone. Despite the fact that we had all but finished eating, there was no texts from Matt. He had yet to even acknowledge that it was my birthday.
When the plates were cleared, a huge cake with candles was brought out and everyone sang happy birthday to me. Super awkward since I was celebrating my day with a table full of strangers.
“Now it is time for champagne,” Julie announced. We all waited while waiters dutifully passed out glasses of champagne to everyone.
Julie stood up. “I would like to make a toast, to my dearest friend, Emily,” she said with a smile. I gave a smile back hoping that no one could tell that I was wishing for this party to come to an end. I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed.
“Oh boy,” Beth said through her smile.
“Emily, do you remember your 19th birthday?”
Oh no. Please no.
“Let’s leave that one in the past,” Beth said, just a bit tersely.
Julie tossed her hair and looked around the table. “But it is such a fun little tale.”
I licked my lips. She really wasn’t going to go there. Was she?
Julie touched her neck. “I guess most of you didn’t know Emily when she was younger. She was such a shy timid little thing. Never had a boyfriend. And she had the most monstrous crush on this guy. Was he a football player?”
I swallowed. “Hockey player.”
She laughed. “That’s right. He was the star hockey player. Basically royalty. You knew his class schedule by heart, didn’t you?”
Jackson was watching me with a hard to read expression.
I was so nervous, my hand was shaking. “It was just a little crush.”
“Little crush? You don’t do little crushes. You obsessed over him for months.” She looked around the table. “For example, she knew that at 11 AM, on Tuesdays, he would be coming out of one class, so she always stationed herself at a table in the cafeteria right where he departed. And when he walked out, she would literally stick her nose in her books and not look up. It was adorable.”
“I'm pretty sure no one cares about that,” I said in a small voice. Except the entire room was listening with their full attention.
“One day, and I have no idea how she managed to work up the nerve, when he was walking by, she found the balls to talk to him. And she invited him out on a date.” Julie put her hand on her heart. “I was so proud of my little Emily. What she didn’t tell him was that she invited him out on a date on her 19th birthday.”
I rubbed my forehead, avoiding Jackson’s eyes. “It was a long time ago.”
“She must have tried on at least 20 different outfits. I had never seen her that excited before in my life.” She gave the table a sympathetic look. “He stood her up.”
I watched her like I would watch a venomous snake. This was the mean Julie that I tended to avoid at all costs. For some reason I knew the worst was yet to come.
“Julie,” Beth warned.
“How long did you sit in that restaurant, waiting for him to show up?”
I gave a false little laugh. “Not too long.”
“Our little Emily has always done that. She falls for a guy from afar and once she has a crush on someone, it is game over for her. She falls hook, line and sinker. It’s the most adorable thing you could ever see.”
“So here is to Emily. The one who loves silently from afar. Cheers everyone. May this next crush of yours never find out.”
I worked my throat to swallow. All eyes turned to me. My lips parted in an attempt to smile, but I felt like a hyena baring my teeth in fear.
“You can’t leave us with a cliff hanger like that,” someone said, from down the table.
Julie’s eyes glowed while she toyed with her necklace. “I always thought that if only I had intervened on your behalf with your hockey player, you might have had better luck.”
I shook my head slowly. “Julie. No.”
My heart was beating in my throat. I knew what was coming but I had no idea how to stop it.
She turned and placed one hand on Jackson’s shoulder. “So, I feel like it is my duty as Emily’s friend to let you know that she has the most adorable crush on you.”
“Holy fuck,” Beth breathed beside me.
I could feel myself break into a sweat. My mouth was like sandpaper. I was so mortified, I couldn’t even handle it. This was my worst nightmare. I had never wanted Jackson to know how I felt. I never wanted him to see how stupid and giddy and ridiculous I was for him. I was completely frozen in my spot. It is one of those fight or flight moments, and I wanted to flee, but my body felt like it was encased in cement. I was unable to move. So I just sat there.
Beth stood up beside me. And looked around. “Well that was just a mean bullshit story.”
“It’s the truth,” protested Julie.
“Truth or not, it doesn’t excuse you from humiliating Emily like that.”
“The truth needs to be out there,” Julie argued. “Considering she’s engaged to his friend.”
Gasps sounded around the table. I could not seem to bring myself to look at Jackson. I doubted I would ever be able to look at him again.
I stood up, feeling drunk even though I had only had half a glass of wine. I wavered on my heels. I needed to walk out of here but I couldn’t seem to move. It felt like Julie had taken a knife and split me from belly button to chin. I had been completely gutted and everything private inside of me had been pulled out for the world to see. I couldn’t bear to look up.
“If you would excuse me,” I said politely, before leaning down to pick up my purse. I was so dizzy, I almost did a face plant as I tried to pick it up. Only my grip on the table prevented me from completely dying of embarrassment. I managed to somehow stay on my feet, despite my wobbles and then I began the long lonely walk across the room.
Chapter 31
Beth caught up to me just as I stepped outside. “Emily. Wait. I'll drive you home.”
I nodded in misery.
“I can’t believe what a bitch she is,” Beth was seething as we walked to her car.
I couldn’t even speak. How could Julie do that to me? That was my biggest darkest secret. How could she humiliate me like that? How would I ever look Jackson in the eye again? Maybe I could move into a hotel until the wedding? Or I could tell him that she was mistaken and that I had a secret crush on so
meone else but it wasn’t him? Or maybe I could just get in my car with Chloe and drive, making sure to never see Jackson again. Each idea was worse than the one before.
We got into the car, and Beth looked at me, with the most sympathetic look. “Hey, are you okay?”
I started to cry and shook my head. “Why would she do that? Why would she tell him that?”
Beth rubbed my shoulder. “She was just trying to get a rise out of you. It’s not like it is the truth or anything.”
I raised my tear stained face. “It’s true.”
Beth sat there with a stunned look on her face which just made my cry harder. “Matt and I are going through something. He is never home. We never talk. And he says he’s going to be around and he never is.”
“Oh sweetie,” Beth rubbed my shoulder.
“I didn’t mean to feel things for Jackson, but he’s so nice to me. And he’s always encouraging me.” I snorted wetly. “He makes me feel good about myself.”
Beth sighed. “Jackson would be lucky to get someone like you.”
More tears squeezed out of my eyes. “You have to say that. You are my friend.”
Beth sighed. “If it makes you feel better, that guy is so sexy, I get insanely nervous when he looks at me. He just exudes all these pheromones. No one could resist him. I imagine it would be much like having Kurt Browning as your roommate.”
We looked at each other and then we were both laughing.
I started to cry again. “Everything has gone to shit. I don’t know what to do about Matt and I have just been burying my head in the sand hoping it would all go away.”
“Where does Jackson fit into all of this?”
“I have these really guilty thoughts about him but I didn’t know that anyone else knew. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of hiding it.”
“And now Julie the fuck face broadcast it all over the world.”
I wiped my eyes. “That was humiliating.”
She started laughing. “It could have been worse.”
“How?”
“Well, when you reached down for your purse…”
“My almost face plant! I know. My legs were shaking so hard.”
“Not falling is a victory.”
“I don’t feel victorious.”
She took a deep breath. “For what it’s worth, Jackson had this look on his face.”
“His pity for the poor stupid idiot face?”
Her eyes were big, “No, I can’t really describe it. He looked stunned.”
I looked out the window. “He was my friend. He was so nice to me. And now Julie ruined even that for me. I'll never be able to look him in the eyes again.”
Beth started the car. “If it makes you feel better, he probably is used to it. Everyone probably falls for him.”
I shook my head. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”
We started to laugh again.
“What are you going to do about Matt?”
I shook my head. “I have no idea.”
“Do you want to go get absolutely shit faced?”
“Yes,” I said. “But bad idea. I would probably end up trying to climb into Jackson’s bed and completely humiliate myself. Plus I have to deal with Matt.”
She drove me home and pulled in behind Matt’s car. Jackson’s truck wasn’t there.
“Don’t let fucking Julie call you tomorrow and apologize and act like nothing is wrong. This time put her on the hook for her behaviour. That was unacceptable.”
“Jackson said that he doesn’t think she’s a good friend.”
Beth’s eyes widened. “Finally, the voice of reason. She isn’t a good friend. She’s fun but she is a mean girl.”
We hugged. “Thanks Beth.”
“Sweetie, it is going to get better. Just talk to Matt, okay?”
I nodded.
***
I walked upstairs with a heavy heart. Chloe greeted me at the door with a wagging bum and a cold nose. I bent down and wrapped my arms around her soft neck. “You are such a good dog. I love you so much.”
She licked my ear. So I kissed her face.
“How was your party?” Matt’s voice sounded from across the room. I looked up. He was standing in the kitchen. I stood up and walked towards him. He was wearing his suit, drinking a glass of wine.
“What happened?” I asked, my voice low.
He shrugged and took a haul off his wine. “Got busy, babe.”
I stood there for a long moment. He still hadn’t acknowledged that it was my birthday. I had no idea how to start this conversation. He just stared at his wine.
“Matt what’s going on?”
He looked up at me, his eyes angry. “What’s going on is that you are never here for me.”
My mouth opened in shock. “That isn’t true. I'm always here.”
He gave a harsh laugh. “You keep telling yourself that.”
“Is this about Chloe?”
He gave a loud laugh. “Julie told me all about your crush on Jackson.”
I stood there completely still. “Excuse me?”
“Oh yeah, she let me in on your big secret.”
I worked to swallow. “I think she’s exaggerating.”
He snorted. “You actually think you have a chance with a guy like that?”
I shook my head. “You are totally out of line here, Matt. Jackson is your brother.”
“Exactly. Did you just hear yourself? Jackson is my fucking brother.”
My heart was pounding. “Nothing has happened.”
“Yes but the difference is you have wanted something to happen, didn’t you?”
I stood there, breathing hard. “When were you talking to Julie?”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“There is no subject to change.”
“Don’t lie to me, Emily. You have the hots for Jackson. Admit it.”
I stood there in dismay. “This has been blown out of proportion.”
“Admit it,” he snarled.
“I'm not the one who left the party and fooled around with some stranger.”
He looked at the ceiling. “How did I know that you would never be able to let that go.”
My lips parted. “It’s the truth. And I don’t think you should get mad about something so stupid when you did worse.”
He gave me a sick smile. “It wasn’t a stranger.”
I shook my head. I absolutely didn’t want to hear what he had to say. “Matt.”
“It was Julie and it wasn’t just once either. This has been going on for awhile.”
I gasped.
“Oh don’t give me that look. Is there any difference between you harbouring all these secret lustful feelings for my brother and me actually doing something with your best friend?”
The worst part was he had a point. I tried to think my way through this situation. “I didn’t act on my feelings. That’s the difference.”
He laughed. “I don’t have feelings for Julie. She was just some warm body that meant absolutely nothing to me. But you have feelings for Jackson. In my books that’s way worse.”
I crossed my arms over my stomach. “It’s not like Jackson has feelings back. We haven’t crossed any lines.”
Except he kissed me. Twice. And almost kissed me a third time.
“You haven’t crossed any lines,” he laughed. “That’s rich. Like someone like Jackson would ever want to come within a hundred feet of your line.”
I knew he was right. On all accounts. He was being fucking mean about it, but it was the truth. My crush, my stupid feelings, it was a worse betrayal than anything else. “I'm sorry.”
“Too fucking late,” he picked up his keys.
“Where are you going?” I started to feel panicked. “Please Matt, don’t leave.”
“Don’t fucking touch me,” he said, holding his hands up.
“Don’t do this,” I begged.
He turned around and paused for a fraction of a second and then he starte
d laughing. “Oh this is fucking rich.”
I turned around. Jackson was standing in the doorway, holding my left over birthday cake. I wanted to burying my face in my hands. Matt walked out and as he passed Jackson, he said, “I don’t fucking want her. Even all her money doesn’t make this worth it.”
Jackson stood staring at Matt.
Matt tossed his keys up in the air. “She’s all yours. Not that you fucking want her.”
My shame was complete.
Chapter 32
The sound of Matt’s car started and then we were left alone. Jackson stood looking at me. I cleared my throat, trying to assess just how awkward this was going to be.
“How much of that fight did you hear?” I asked, my voice sounded tiny.
“Enough,” he said. I watched as he walked towards me and then set the cake onto the counter. Mortified doesn’t even begin to cover how I was feeling at that moment. I felt so fucking stupid and low, I could barely breathe. This was my 19th birthday party all over again, but only about a thousand times worse. My face, neck and ears felt impossibly red.
I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him.
“Well than,” I said staring at my feet, “I think I'm going to go to bed. Thanks for coming tonight and I apologize for how awkward this must have been for you.”
To get to the stairs I had to walk past him. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to stop in front of him. I couldn’t look at his face so I just stared straight ahead at his huge chest.
He reached down and very gently lifted my chin so that I was looking up at his face. I couldn’t even begin to decipher the expression on his face but if I were to haphazard a guess, I would say he was concerned. “What’s going on with you and Matt?”
The greatest irony in this entire night, was that I was more embarrassed and concerned about Jackson finding out about my feelings than I was about the fact that my fiancé admitted to cheating on me with my bitch friend before walking out on me.
“Nothing good,” I said truthfully, my eyes dropping back down to his chest. I couldn’t bear to see the pity in his eyes.
“Is it over between you two?”
“I think so.”
“Are you okay?”
