31 Days of Winter

by C. J. Fallowfield

  Don’t even think about it, Ellie, I thought. You’re upset and emotional and he found you at a vulnerable time. You let it go further now and you’ll be crying even harder in the morning. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and started thinking about Zac and his treatment of me, anything to make me feel something other than the unbearable longing I had for the man holding me so tightly now. Anything to make me ignore the throbbing between my legs, the ache from the swell in my breasts and the constriction of my bra on my stiffened nipples. Think about Zac the arsehole, Zac, Zac, Zac, Zac, Zac, I chanted in my head as I practiced slow breathing and some meditation.

  Dan

  I lay with her in my arms, pressed firmly against my body and tried not to think about all the blood rushing to my cock. She needed me, not in a sexual way, just some comfort. I could kill her arsehole of an ex, what the fuck was wrong with him? Any guy would be lucky to have a woman like her. She was stunning, intelligent, witty, feisty, sexy, big hearted and caring. Everything a guy would look for in a woman, everything I’d look for. I could feel her heart beating as fast as mine, it was bad enough being near her normally, but to be touching, to feel how much I affected her physically and not to act on it was fucking torture. You can do this, I told myself. I needed to be strong, I’d not had sex in three years, three damn years. If I was strong enough to go that long, surely I could last another two and a bit weeks until she left. I shook my head, the last three years combined had been easier than the last eleven days resisting this … tempting creature snuggled against my chest. She’d finally fallen asleep, I sighed and placed a gentle kiss on her soft blonde hair and took a deep breath, breathing the scent of her in and closed my eyes and tried to focus on anything but my cock flexing in my jeans against her hip. My growing feelings for her were killing me. I looked forward to seeing her each day, just seeing her smiling face, listening to her talk, let alone the thrill my body got from its reaction to hers. I smiled sadly as she let out a soft moan and snuggled closer to me, her lips moving across my throat making me shudder. I’d love nothing more than to go to sleep like this with her every night, well unless you counted the frantic sheet clawing sex we’d have first, but she brought out a strong desire in me to protect her, even though I knew if I let her get close to me I’d ultimately hurt her.

  Day Sixteen

  Ellie

  I woke up with the headache from hell, went to stretch and wondered why I couldn’t move and took a shocked breath to realise that Dan was wrapped around me, like a vine. We were both still fully dressed and didn’t seem to have moved positions since I remembered trying to focus on anything but his hard body pressed against mine, and that manly scent invading my nostrils. After a really good night’s sleep I was propelled right back into the zone of needing to focus on something else other than him. I wriggled slightly to try and get out of his hold and heard him groan and if anything his grip tightened on me. I tilted my head back to look at his face on the pillow right in front of me.

  He’d shaved before he’d come over last night, but his square chin was already speckled with regrowth. He was simply gorgeous, his stunning green eyes were closed, but his long dark lashes splayed across his cheeks. I wanted to reach up a finger to trace over his eyebrow, down his cheekbone to the edge of his full lips and run all the way around them then weave my fingers through his short hair as my lips meet his. Damn it, my chest was heaving already and I was already wet at the thought of just kissing him, let alone what he might do with that sensational hard package between his legs. I gasped as he opened his eyes and looked right into mine and I knew he saw me gulp.

  ‘Morning, Miss Baxter,’ he said with a wide smile.

  ‘I think this puts us back in Ellie territory,’ I smiled back, hoping my lack of tooth brushing last night and this morning wasn’t too off putting.

  ‘O I think I’m definitely in Ellie territory,’ he replied with a cheeky wink as he pushed his hips and erection into my stomach.

  ‘Mr. Dan. Definitely not professional,’ I giggled to cover my desperation for him as I writhed a little in his arms. ‘I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have put you in this position.’

  ‘I think you’ve already felt that I’m more than happy in this position.’ His smile crinkled his eyes again.

  ‘That’s not what I meant and you know it,’ I laughed and batted his chest.

  ‘I would say I’m teasing, but you know I’m not.’

  ‘I know you’re not,’ I replied breathlessly. ‘But you told me to stop you if you crossed a line.’

  ‘Have I crossed a line yet?’

  ‘You’re very close.’

  ‘Hmmm, I am, aren’t I,’ he nodded with another thrust of his hips.

  ‘Thank you for last night, it meant a lot.’

  ‘You took advantage of me while I was sleeping?’ He looked at me wide eyed in mock horror.

  ‘You’re very happy this morning,’ I laughed.

  ‘Why wouldn’t I be? I’ve thought about waking up with you ever since I first saw you.’

  ‘You have?’

  ‘You haven’t?’

  ‘Thought about waking up with myself? No, can’t say I have,’ I replied with a straight face and shake of the head. He laughed and quickly rolled, pinning my hands up above my head as he hovered over my chest on his forearms, but put the full weight of his pelvis on mine and I took a deep breath in.

  ‘Do I have to make you admit it?’

  ‘No, you know I’m teasing, which you’d better be as well.’

  ‘Meaning?’

  ‘We’re not a couple Dan, we’re friends, well sometimes we’re friends. Friends shouldn’t be in the same bed tempting each other,’ I said as firmly as I could, while my entire body trembled below him, begging me to shut my mouth and just go with what I thought was about to happen between us.’

  ‘You want me Ellie, you know that this is more than friendship.’

  ‘Of course I want you Dan, look at you.’

  ‘Then say yes to me.’

  ‘No. We agreed.’ Did those words really just come out of my mouth? I was turning down sex with a man I desperately desired?

  ‘There has to be a way we can agree to not agree to that,’ he replied quickly his eyes flashing with hunger, his tongue flicking out over his lower lip before he took it between his teeth and I groaned and felt him swell against the material of my jeans at the apex of my thighs.

  ‘There is,’ I sighed.

  ‘Tell me,’ he demanded with a low growl as he ground himself into me again.

  ‘No, you have to tell me. Tell me your secret and then we can have sex.’

  ‘Ellie,’ he groaned and closed his eyes. ‘Damn it.’ He let go of my hands and rolled onto his back and pinched the top of his nose and took a few long slow breaths. I rolled onto my side and picked up his bandaged hand and kissed each fingertip and he let out a gentle moan of pleasure.

  ‘You’ll tell me when you’re ready, Dan. Just don’t wait forever, because I can’t. I’m going to make us some breakfast. And thank you for taking care of me last night, I really needed it.’ I put his hand down and leaned in, kissing the corner of his mouth and felt him shiver. ‘I’ll see you down stairs, feel free to take a shower.’ I sat up and pulled the duvet back.

  ‘You’re saying I need a shower?’ he frowned.

  ‘No, I love your smell,’ I smiled and his shoulders rose in a silent laugh. I left quickly before I had the chance to change my mind and strip for him. I went and brushed my teeth and pulled my hair back and went downstairs, after a quick glance to see he was still in bed, arms behind his head as he lay half propped up looking out at the view. I felt like calling make yourself at home, but didn’t.

  So much for cooking a nice boeuf bourguignon, I put the slow cooker inner dish in the fridge, at least dinner for tonight was cooked, but I was starving given I’d skipped it last night and I bet he was too. I made us both a black coffee, took his up to him and put it on the bedside table. As I went to go he grabbe
d my wrist and pulled me down onto the bed with a squeal so I was draped over his thighs.

  ‘Dan.’

  ‘You haven’t talked to me.’

  ‘We had quite the discussion this morning.’

  ‘Not about that. What arsehole did to upset you so much. Do I need to have him taken out?’ he asked with a half-smile.

  ‘No,’ I laughed. ‘I rang him to tell him it was over and that I wouldn’t be coming back, and he started crying and telling me he wanted to make it work and he was sorry.’

  ‘Tell me you didn’t fall for it?’

  ‘Sort of. He sounded so upset. I wasn’t thinking about going back to him, but I offered to go to rehab with him, to help him get clean and was starting to trust he was really making an effort, when I heard a women call for him to come back to bed and I lost it.’

  ‘You lost it?’ he laughed.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And what exactly is your idea of losing it?’ he asked, looking amused.

  ‘I yelled “fuck you arsehole” down the phone and cut him off.’

  ‘That’s you losing it?’ he laughed, his shoulders shaking.

  ‘I don’t usually yell or swear,’ I protested as I smacked his concrete bicep.

  ‘I’m sorry, it’s just “fuck you arsehole” is letting him off too lightly.’

  ‘I even offered to sell my engagement ring and give him the money,’ I sighed as I covered my eyes wondering when I became such a sap.

  ‘You didn’t,’ he sighed.

  ‘I did.’

  ‘I thought he stole your savings.’

  ‘Yes,’ I nodded as I looked back at him.

  ‘Ellie Baxter, I thought you were tough, but it seems we need to toughen you up some more. I’ll look into a contact for a decent jeweller in London who won’t rip you off.’

  ‘Assuming it’s even a real ring. I mean, he probably got me a silver and cubic zirconia one and pretended it was platinum and diamond.’

  ‘You’re not to go and help him. He needs to stand on his own two feet and take responsibility for what he did to you,’ Dan said firmly.

  ‘But he’s sinking.’

  ‘He made his own bed, Ellie. You need to start valuing your own worth and realise you deserve to be treated so much better, to be loved so much better.’

  ‘Point out the man who’s up for that job and I’m all for that action,’ I shrugged with a half-smile of my own.

  ‘I wish it could be me,’ he sighed and ran his thumb over my bottom lip and tugged it as our green eyes merged. I felt myself melt, I wished it could be him too. I couldn’t recall ever having feelings like this for someone so quickly and I was still relatively clueless about him. I realised the pad of his thumb was still running back and forth over my lip, but it may as well have been my clit for the sensations flowing down there. I had to get some space from him and quickly.

  ‘Yeah, but how often do wishes simply come true, Dan? You have to make them happen.’ I jumped up and headed for the stairs and heard him sigh behind me. I made a start on a full English breakfast for us both and heard him head into the bathroom and the shower turn on. I groaned, as if it weren’t bad enough to know he was in the house and had been fully clothed in bed with me all night, now he was naked in my shower? I deserved an OBE for self-restraint. I did him fried bread as well as toast and managed to find a dinner platter for him, which was way bigger than the dinner plates I’d been using. ‘Breakfast’s ready,’ I yelled. ‘And please come down in some clothes, not that little towel.’

  ‘How about a medium towel,’ he called down. I looked up and quickly looked away when I saw he was actually in one while he towel dried his hair. I took a few calming breaths, I’d never seen such a perfectly chiselled and proportioned body, and I was sure I saw a glimpse of his tackle under the towel from this vantage point. I tried to look up again, discreetly so he wouldn’t notice, but he was still leaning over the glass balustrade with a knowing smile on his face. ‘Nice view?’

  ‘Hmmm, but if all I was after was sausage I have some much hotter ones down here,’ I winked as I picked one up off my plate and bit the end off.

  ‘God damn it,’ he groaned and disappeared. I chuckled and laid out the island with placemats and cutlery, putting his plate on the other side to mine. I quickly made two more hot coffees and sat down to start my breakfast and looked up to see him whizz down the pole before sauntering over. ‘Smells good, I’m starving.’

  ‘Well, you never had dinner last night.’

  ‘No I didn’t.’

  ‘Is that why you turned up last night?’ I asked as we both started tucking in.

  ‘Not the only reason, no.’

  ‘Then why?’

  ‘I missed your company and I came to apologise. Again,’ he muttered with a shake of his head.

  ‘I don’t want you to keep apologising. I want you to stick to our agreement, I was ready to pack up and leave.’

  ‘It’s not easy, Ellie. The minute I’m myself with you and we’re getting on great, I find it really hard to remember why I can’t be with you like that. Staying away and being distant is the only way I can handle it.’

  ‘Well we’re at an impasse then, aren’t we? I can’t cope with you being all cold with me and you can’t cope with us getting on.’

  ‘I just need to exercise more self-control then as I don’t want to hurt you. You’ve been through enough.’

  ‘Then let’s give it another try. During the week it’s evening meals together only. I get to do my writing during the day and you get to do whatever it is that you do holed up in that boathouse all day.’ I was fishing for information and hoped he’d take the bait.

  ‘What about weekends?’ he asked as he put his knife and fork down on his empty plate and sat back in the bar stool and folded his arms across his chest.

  ‘Maybe we could spend the mornings together too, go walking again. Without the semi-naked photo shoot.’

  ‘I liked the semi-naked photo shoot,’ he grinned. ‘Which I haven’t seen yet and I believe I was allowed to pick some pictures to keep.’

  ‘A picture,’ I reminded him as I finished my breakfast. How the hell had he finished before me with so much more?

  ‘Let me look and choose now, then.’

  ‘iPad’s over on the coffee table, help yourself.’ I started cleaning up and heard a chuckle from the sofa. ‘I didn’t think they were that funny.’

  ‘No, definitely not funny. Just liking your choice of wallpaper.’ The mug in my hand slipped and clattered loudly on the granite worktop. Noooo! I’d totally forgotten I’d set him up as my wallpaper. ‘No need to be embarrassed that you like my body, Ellie. I put a lot of effort into it.’

  ‘Yep, I noticed,’ I squeaked as I loaded the dishwasher.

  ‘Hmmm, I want all of yours.’

  ‘My body?’ I gasped. God what was he trying to do to me?

  ‘Well that would be fantastic, but I was actually talking about the photos.’

  ‘No, we agreed one.’

  ‘Ok, if I only get one, you only get one. Choose.’

  ‘That’s not fair, it’s my iPad, my pictures.’

  ‘My face, my body. I told you I don’t like my picture being taken. You’re lucky I let you take any.’

  ‘Fine, have them all. You can email them to yourself.’

  ‘No need, already done.’

  ‘Dan … God, I wish I knew your last name so I could chastise you for being so out of order.’

  ‘You have emails in your inbox.’

  ‘Invasion of personal privacy,’ I scolded with a scowl as I marched over and snatched my iPad from him.

  ‘You let me have it. You really should put a passcode in to lock it.’

  ‘O believe me, I’ll be doing one any minute.’

  ‘You have no logs,’ he observed with a flick of his head to the side of the fire.

  ‘No.’

  ‘When did you run out?’

  ‘About three days ago.’

&n
bsp; ‘Why didn’t you call me for more?’

  ‘Because I didn’t want to talk to you, you were being a jerk.’

  ‘Not an arsehole?’ he asked as he raised an eyebrow in amusement at me.

  ‘No, but it’s a short journey from jerk to arsehole, you’d do well to remember that.’

  ‘I’ll go and get some for you,’ he volunteered as he rose effortlessly from the sofa. ‘Is there anything else you need?’

  ‘Yes, a Christmas tree please if you can dig one up from on the island. I’d like to spend the day decorating the house and your place.’

  ‘Do you have to?’ he asked with a roll of his eyes.

  ‘Yes, it’s only four days away and it’s my favourite time of year. It reminds me of family.’

  ‘How many trees?’ he sighed.

  ‘Just one for in here, over in this corner,’ I replied as I skipped over to where the lounge wall met the glass window.

  ‘How big?’

  ‘As big as you can handle.’

  ‘I’m used to handling big, Ellie. Are you sure you can handle it?’

  ‘You’d be amazed at what I’m prepared to try,’ I smiled.

  ‘I need to leave. Now,’ he groaned. ‘Plus I need to put some boxers on.’

  ‘O God, you’re commando under those jeans?’ I gasped as my eyes were drawn to his crotch.

  ‘Well, I wasn’t putting dirty boxers on after a nice shower.’

  ‘Please tell me you haven’t left them for me to clean? There are limits.’

  ‘No, they’re in my back pocket. Eyes, Ellie,’ he laughed and I blushed as I realised I was still looking between his legs.

  ‘Sorry,’ I laughed. ‘You’re just like a Christmas present, I know something good’s in there but I haven’t seen it yet.’