‘You most definitely will,’ I nodded, unsure anyone would live up to my high expectations, he’d just ruined it for all other men on the face of the planet. ‘I’m tired of talking about me, please tell me where you’re at. How was your ménage?’
‘Eh?’
‘Your ménage, how did it go?’
‘What’s horse riding got to do with it? You know I’m no good with animals.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘What are you talking about? I’ve not been near any menage or seriously scary horses.’
‘Brooke,’ I laughed. ‘Not a horse training menage area, a ménage à trois, a threesome.’
‘O, look at you all fancy editor with your big vocabulary. There was a horse of sorts, Steve’s reasonably hung,’ she giggled, then she sighed and looked at me all seriously. ‘O my God Ellie, it was so freakin’ hot,’ she groaned. ‘He’s filling me while I have my face buried in Molly, then she moves to start licking me while he’s pounding me from behind. I’m amazed the neighbours didn’t call the police I was screaming so loud.’
‘So what now?’ I asked with a slight shudder as the thought of it brought back memories of me walking in on Zac and his two hookers.
‘Both of them gave me until Steve’s next planned visit to decide who I want to be with.’
‘And?’
‘God, it’s so hard,’ she groaned. ‘I mean Steve’s got a decent sized cock and knows how to fuck, but I only get to see him every other weekend. Molly can get me off quicker than anyone, I get to spend time with her whenever we want but I lose all the perks of being with a guy that can afford to treat me really well.’
‘Brooke, it’s not about the money and where someone takes you. If you want a relationship instead of regular sex on a plate, you need to think about who makes you happy without all that stuff. Set the money and sex aside, who do you light up around? Who makes you feel like you’re the most special girl ever because of simple words and gestures? If neither of them do then they’re not your happy ever after, they’re just pit stops along the way. Trust me, I know this now and Zac was a pit stop.’
‘Pit stops,’ she repeated and bit her lip.
‘Ok, we’re going to play a game. I’m going to ask you some questions and you answer immediately, no thinking.’
‘I like games,’ she replied perking up again and I laughed. I ran through a list of her favourite and least favourite things in my head and took a swig of my wine.
‘Cookie Dough or Phish Food?’
‘Cookie Dough. I mean, come on, how long have you known me?’ she replied immediately with a roll of her eyes.
‘No back chat Hanson. Single word answers please.’
‘Ooooo strict Ellie, teachers come out to play. That’s one hot fantasy.’
‘Brooke, focus. Green or yellow?’
‘Green.’
‘Pool or Beach.’
‘Pool.’
‘Cat or Dog.’
‘Cat.’
‘Books or films.’
‘Films,’ she fired back as we started to snap along.
‘Beer or wine.’
‘Wine.’
‘Red or white?’
‘White.’
‘Stairs or lift?’
‘Lift.’
‘Bus or tube?’
‘Tube.’
‘Men or women?’
‘Women,’ she answered without hesitation and then gasped as I smiled.
‘I think my work here is done,’ I announced proudly. ‘You’re preference is for women Brooke, you may have had more cock, but I think you do it because you subconsciously think it’s more socially acceptable, but you always really light up when you’re seeing a woman.’
‘But I love cock too,’ she sighed. ‘Sometimes I just need to be filled and pounded really hard, you know?’
‘Yeah,’ I sighed. God, it had been so long I reckoned I’d healed over, been re-virginised. ‘Can’t a girlfriend use a dildo or a strap on for when you need that? I’m sure with practice that could feel just like the real thing.’
‘I guess,’ she nodded. ‘I’m just going to miss that feeling of hotness inside me when they’re bare and they come,’ she moaned. I couldn’t even remember what that felt like anymore.
‘If you really like Molly you need to give it a shot, just the two of you. If Steve wants a proper steady relationship you need to cut him loose, you’re not in that place with him and it seems like you’ll always be drawn back to women.’
‘Please can we change the subject, I’m all hot and bothered and wet with all the sex talk. When are you moving into your new place?’
‘Well I haven’t confirmed a start date with John, but I may as well throw myself right back in from the Monday, so I’d need to move in on the Sunday. It’s not like I’ve got loads of stuff to move.’
‘Why don’t I hire a van for the weekend? If you can get the letting agents to agree to give me the keys, I can move all your cases over there on the Saturday and unpack for you, then when you get back Saturday night we can go straight there and celebrate your fresh start.’
‘Sounds perfect, Brooke,’ I smiled. She was right, a fresh start would make everything feel better, I hoped.
‘Listen babe, I’d better go. Steve’s still here downstairs, I need to go and end it. Keep your chin up, it’s two weeks and then you can put all this behind you.’
‘I know,’ I nodded. ‘Thanks Brooke, love you.’
‘You too, babe. Speak Christmas Day?’
‘Count on it,’ I nodded and kissed the screen and she did the same and hung up. I lay down on the sofa and pulled a blanket over myself. Food had no appeal to me at the moment and even the thought of masturbating to the thought of Dan didn’t interest me. I’d already experienced his touch and it had been electric, and now I felt like this about him, I wasn’t sure my fingers were ever going to compare. Damn him, he’d ruined my sex life and appetite without even knowing it.
Day Eighteen
Ellie
I groaned as I woke with a crick in my neck and looked around disorientated. I’d fallen asleep on the sofa last night. There were some faint red embers in the fireplace and all the Christmas lights were still on, as well as the table lamp. I checked my watch, it was ten-thirty, I’d slept like a log, even if it was uncomfortably. I sat up and flexed and rubbed my neck, made myself a coffee and took it upstairs and had a shower and washed my hair. I brushed my teeth vigorously after so long without doing them. After pulling on my jeans and a tunic jumper, I loaded up the washing machine and headed to the fridge and freezer to inspect the remaining contents. I had the frozen turkey and vegetables for Christmas day, but I needed more mince and chicken and it would be nice to have some steaks, as well as fresh veg and more bread, eggs and cheese. I made a list and put off the phone call I needed to make to Dan by making myself a bacon and egg sandwich before heading up to the desk and checking my emails.
John had replied thanking me for my thorough notes. It was nice to know from resumes we were on the same page as to who the most suitable candidate was, a guy named Tom. He was twenty-five, had a background in journalism, but had recently moved over to editing in a rival firm and was looking for advancement. It would all depend on how the interviews went though, paper trail records could be fabricated or over played, gut instinct seemed to work best for John, he’d picked a good team. I noticed that Zac hadn’t emailed me yesterday or today and hoped he was doing ok. I picked up the phone, I needed to speak to Dan before the snow plough got here and he made it out.
‘Hi,’ I said quietly.
‘Hi,’ he replied, seriously. We both remained silent as I listened to him breathing.
‘Someone needs to say something.’
‘You rang me. Are you out of logs?’
‘No, I’m good, thank you.’
‘What can I do for you then?’ Great he was playing all cold with me again, there again could I blame him? It was supposed to be what I wante
d him to be like, to help me start to hate him so I could get over him, but it just hurt even more. I didn’t want him to be like that, I think it hurt him more to be like that and I was to blame for ruining his happy buzz.
‘I’m sorry I’ve been holed away, I just had a lot to get done.’
‘I’m just the help. No skin off my nose what you get up to. Was that all you rang for?’
‘No …’ I hesitated, now it was going to look like he was just the help with me ringing with my shopping list demands so I changed tack. ‘I wondered if I could come with you when you go out today?’
‘No,’ he bit quickly. Like he was chastising a young child. ‘I’m sorry,’ he relented. ‘I don’t want to risk you walking across the ice, it can be dangerous.’
‘Then should you risk going?’ Sure he could hear the genuine concern in my voice.
‘I’ll be fine. Do you need some things?’
‘Yes, I made a list for us.’
‘Us?’ he sounded surprised.
‘Well, I assumed that you wouldn’t want to be alone Christmas Day, unless you have other plans …’ God, all of a sudden I wanted him to confirm he’d spend it with me. I know I’d booked this trip intending to be alone, but that was before I developed feelings for him and Christmas was all about being with those you loved, and as I couldn’t have Brooke with me, I really wanted to spend it with him. ‘I mean I know you have your thing you do if you can get out, unless you don’t have to on Christmas, or maybe you have other plans? Other people to be with, I mean I’d understand, it’s not like…’
‘Are you nervous?’ he interrupted, sounding surprised.
‘No, why would you say that?’
‘You’re rambling. Would you like me to spend the day with you?’
‘Well only if you’d like to, I know that you probably have other offers.’
‘No, no other offers.’
‘So?’
‘So what?’ I could hear the amusement in his voice.
‘You want me to say it don’t you?’
‘Well, you’re so changeable I’m not sure what you’re trying to say.’
‘I’m so changeable?’ I gasped and heard him chuckle. ‘Dan, please will you come and spend Christmas Day with me and…’
‘Yes,’ he replied without hesitation. ‘I’d love to.’
‘I hadn’t finished,’ I objected, I was going to suggest he come over Christmas Eve and stay in the guest room.
‘No need. Tell me when you want me. I’m there.’ This time I knew he’d said that with a twinkle in his eye and stifled a groan at the thought of ordering sex with him on a plate.
‘Shall we just go over the list for now?’ I asked to change the subject.
‘Please, give me your demands,’ he asked in a sexy tone.
‘O God, please stop,’ I groaned. ‘You know what that voice and those suggestive comments do to me. Right, grab a pen and paper.’ I detailed what I’d like to have and offered to give him the cash, but he refused saying he’d be able to get some from the village. We were interrupted by the roar of the powerful engine of the snow plough as it appeared over the brow of the lane on the shoreline.
‘I have to go. I’ll see you later with what I managed to get.’
‘Dan.’
‘Yes?’
‘Please be careful on the ice,’ I whispered.
‘I will Ellie, thank you.’ He put the phone down and I sighed and sat watching his door until he appeared in his boots, jeans, ski jacket and wool hat and waved when he looked up at me sitting there watching him. He grabbed a stick that was leaning up on his terrace banister and made his way to the shoreline and started to venture out.
I watched with my thumb nail in my mouth, joining my heart, as he edged his way slowly along. I felt like I was going to throw up when he got halfway and when he finally made it to the other side I took some large gasps of air, not realising I’d been holding my breath for the last minute of his journey. I waved even though he was too far away for me to see if he responded, but I sat watching as the snow plough made it to the shoreline and cleared a path for the Land Rover. Two people jumped out and helped Dan shovel the remaining snow from around it, before they turned the plough around and led the way for him.
I quickly got up and started to tidy and clean up and went to the bathroom to check my appearance in the mirror. It was ridiculous, I felt like I was getting ready for a date, I felt that nervous about seeing him. I fluffed up my hair and put some Vaseline on my lips and decided not to put any makeup on, I didn’t want it to look obvious that I was making an effort. I went to sit in the cinema room to read, I couldn’t face watching him crossing the ice again when he returned, it was too traumatic. I kept checking my watch and rapping my nails on the hard book cover as I waited impatiently. Panic set in when I saw it was already four p.m. It would be dark out by now, what was he thinking waiting to come back in the dark? What if he’d fallen through the ice? I leapt up, slammed the lights on, ran upstairs and grabbed my iPhone, and with shaking hands tried to ring his mobile number, but there was no signal. Then I noticed a light was on in the boathouse. I quickly picked up the mainline and rang his number. It felt like forever until he finally answered.
‘Hi,’
‘O, God,’ I sighed with relief to hear his voice.
‘What’s wrong? You sound upset.’
‘You haven’t come up. I thought that maybe you’d fallen through the ice in the dark.’
‘You were worried?’ he sounded surprised.
‘Yes, of course I was, those chicken breasts I asked for are crucial to my dinner plans,’ I teased and he laughed.
‘How soon do you need these crucial items?’
‘Sooner than later.’
‘Then let me hop in the shower and clean up, then I’ll bring them to you. I can’t wait to see what you do with your breasts.’
‘Dan,’ I laughed, while putting a hand to my chest at the thought of him showering and running soaped hands over his firm body.
‘So only you can tease?’
‘Will you please hurry up? I need that meat … I mean that chicken, not … I’m going. See you later.’ I quickly put the phone down as I heard him chuckling again.
I put on all the Christmas lights, then some music, lit the lounge fire and opened a bottle of red wine as it was his favourite, then put the outside light on for him and paced back and forth as I waited. What the hell was I doing? I was setting up some romantic seduction, a seduction he’d made clear wasn’t going to happen, yet I was putting myself out there again? I went to step to turn off the cosy lighting and put the large spotlights on but was too late, I heard crunching and looked up. He was at the door with two carrier bags in his hands and what looked like a mini briefcase. He politely knocked and waited for me to walk over and open the door.
‘Hi,’ I smiled, sure I was blushing.
‘Hi,’ he smiled back. ‘Can I come in? I have what you needed.’
I nodded, biting my lip as I thought how he was exactly what I needed. I was like a cat on heat, everything about him was turning me on. The smell of his spice aftershave and laundry powder, the grey flecks that showed when he ran his hand through his dark hair, the flash of longing in his eyes, the swell of his lips, the way his broad chest rose and fell. As he unzipped his coat my eyes were drawn downwards with his hand to the swelling in his jeans. My nipples and clit responded immediately and I quickly turned away and walked to the kitchen to regain my composure.
‘Wine,’ I asked on a breathy whisper.
‘Sorry, what was that?’ he asked as I heard him kicking off his boots.
‘Wine,’ I repeated a bit louder as I looked back at him over my shoulder. ‘Red?’
‘Thanks.’
‘Where do you want these?’ he asked as he lifted the carrier bags in his one hand.
‘Over here would be great, thank you.’ I patted the worktop next to me, next to the fridge and he joined me and placed them where I’d asked, then l
eaned over and put his hand in the small of my back and kissed my temple and I quickly moved away again to pour him a glass of wine.
‘You’ve been on edge for days, Ellie. You can talk to me.’
‘It’s all just hitting me that’s all.’
‘What?’ he asked. I turned to find him leaning against the worktop, one ankle over the other and his arms folded across his chest. He was wearing his dark navy jeans and a blue checked lumbar jack shirt, the top few buttons of which were undone. I held his wine out and nearly dropped the glass as he reached for it and his fingers brushed mine. I quickly moved around to the other side of the island and sat where he usually did, facing him. I needed this slab of granite between us, my fingers were itching to undo the rest of those buttons and run over his body.
‘I’ve just made some pretty big life changes. I’ve walked out on my fiancé, my house, my job. I’m now starting a new job with more responsibility, renting a house on my own and I’ve never lived on my own, when my parents died Brooke moved in with me. I can’t remember the last time I was single,’ I shrugged as I drained half my glass. I noticed him frowning as he watched.
‘All those changes have you moving forward and will make your life better. Where’s the problem?’
‘I know they’re for the better, it’s just a lot of change in a very short time.’
‘You don’t handle change well.’
‘You picked up on that, huh?’ I drank the rest of my wine.
‘I did. You’re drinking very fast.’
‘Hmmm,’ I nodded still trying to avoid his eyes. He straightened up and started walking around the island, so I got up and headed in the opposite direction so we changed places. I heard him make a surprised grunt, before sitting down in the vacated stool. I poured myself another glass and started unpacking the shopping. He’d done well, everything on my list, plus some fresh cheeses, more cheesecake and some crackers. ‘Thanks for getting all of this,’ I said as I loaded up the fridge and freezer.
‘You’re welcome. They should have the road to town open tomorrow if you need anything from there.’
31 Days of Winter Page 28
