31 Days of Winter

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘Shit, sorry babe, I didn’t think. So, how you doing? You can be honest with Brooke.’ I rolled my eyes at her instance of speaking about herself like that.

  ‘Ok, I guess,’ I shrugged.

  ‘That’s a no. Talk to me. Have you fucked and it’s all gone to shit?’

  ‘No,’ I laughed. ‘No fucking, though we did fall asleep together last night and we’re spending today together too, with the exception of his daily missing hours.’

  ‘Seriously? He’s doing that today?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I sighed.

  ‘What the hell does he go and do?’

  ‘I’ve no idea.’

  ‘Ask him,’ she suggested and I laughed again.

  ‘If only it were that easy, Brooke. You have no idea how complex this guy is. He usually volunteers nothing personal unless pressed, and refuses to answer any question that he considers too personal. I got him to tell me about his parents earlier and it was the most I’ve heard him speak, let alone disclose.’

  ‘He must have another job.’

  ‘No, ruled that one out. He’d have to be paid a ridiculous amount to make it worth him doing a two hour journey each day for a two hour job.’

  ‘His parents are in an old people’s home and he goes to visit them?’

  ‘No, they live in London. Besides, why wouldn’t he want to tell me about that?’

  ‘He works for MI5 and has to attend daily meetings at their secret headquarters!’ She winked making me laugh again.

  ‘Actually not that implausible Brooke, where better to have top secret headquarters than a small town in the middle of nowhere? No one would suspect.’

  ‘He’d look good in a Bond tuxedo,’ she nodded.

  ‘He would,’ I sighed as the image of it played through my head. I looked at her puzzled as she frowned. ‘What? What have you thought of?’

  ‘Maybe he has cancer or something and has to go to the hospital for regular daily treatment.’

  ‘I don’t see it, he’s amazingly healthy and strong and still has a full head of hair. Besides, I’m sure no one would want an hour’s drive after a load of radiation or chemo.’

  ‘That rules out dialysis as well then. Has he got kids? Maybe he only gets to see them for a couple of hours each afternoon.’

  ‘You know I don’t think I’ve asked. I asked if he wanted a family and he said no, but I didn’t ask if he already had one.’

  ‘Shit. He doesn’t want kids?’

  ‘No, why?’

  ‘Ermmm, hello! The man you’re in love with doesn’t want kids and you want them desperately, that’s not a good sign.’

  ‘Trust me, there are plenty of other “not good” signs Brooke, without adding kids to the mix. Why can’t I switch off how I feel? He can be such an arse sometimes, but other times I just fall for him so hard,’ I groaned as I covered my eyes.

  ‘O, I wish you were here so I could cuddle you and we could get pissed.’

  ‘Me too,’ I nodded. ‘Shit, he’s coming back so please be on your best behaviour.’

  ‘I’m insulted at the insinuation that I’m anything less than well behaved and discreet,’ she gasped. I rolled my eyes again and looked up as Dan walked through the door with a small wrapped gift in his hand.

  ‘Sorry, am I interrupting?’ he frowned.

  ‘It’s just my best friend Brooke,’ I smiled.

  ‘Oi!’ she yelled. ‘What do you mean “just” my best friend?’

  ‘Sorry, Brooke. Dan, it’s my amazing best friend Brooke. Would you like to say hello?’

  ‘Hello, Brooke,’ he called as he strode over and lowered his large frame down onto the sofa next to me.

  ‘Hello mysterious, Dan. Am I allowed to see you? After all, I’ve heard so much about you.’

  ‘Really?’ he smirked at the same time as I snapped ‘Brooke!’ in protest.

  ‘Well, I have!’ she objected pulling her tongue out at me. ‘Do you work for MI5?’

  ‘No,’ he laughed. ‘Why would you have thought that?’

  ‘You’re so mysterious, we’ve been running through lists of where you go every day.’

  ‘Brooke,’ I sighed, putting a hand over my embarrassed face. I heard a noise and looked up to see Dan disappearing into the cloakroom. ‘Great, now you’ve made him retreat by pushing.’

  ‘I wasn’t pushing!’ she pouted.

  ‘For you maybe not, for him you’re pushy. You push it, just like Salt-n-Pepa. Ah push it, P.Push it real good,’ I sang with the dance moves making her laugh.

  ‘Where’s he retreated?’ she asked, and I giggled as I saw her craning her neck as if it would give her a better view.

  ‘The utility room. I told you he doesn’t like personal questions, let alone from someone whose face he hasn’t even seen.’

  ‘You sure pick them, Ellie.’’

  ‘I sure do. I’d better go, I have a turkey to baste and a complex Dan to chill out again. Can’t wait to see you, and did I tell you that I’ve asked the agents if you can have the key on the Saturday morning? Anyway, I’m still waiting for them to come back to me.’

  ‘Well I’ve pencilled the weekend out, I can’t wait to see you either.’

  ‘You never said how it went with the whole Steve and Molly situation.’

  ‘Shit,’ she exclaimed as she looked behind her. ‘Mum’s calling me, it’s stuffing time.’

  ‘What?’ I laughed.

  ‘She needs to put a beaten egg in the stuffing and with her phobia of cardboard egg boxes she can’t get one out, Brooke to the rescue.’

  ‘You really should be given a cape for such heavy responsibility,’ I teased.

  ‘Shit, she’s yelling again. Got to go, babe. I’ll send you an email to sort a catch up tomorrow or the day after ok? Just go and fuck him already, you look stressed.’

  ‘Bye, Brooke,’ I laughed. ‘Love you.’

  ‘You too, babe.’ She blew me a kiss and signed off, leaving me feeling even more homesick. I went to check the turkey, given the amount Dan ate, I’d purchased a huge one which needed plenty of time on low.

  ‘Fuck.’

  ‘What’s wrong?’ I exclaimed as I shut the oven door, straightened up and looked around at him.

  ‘Don’t bend over like that in front of me in a tiny dress. You look seriously hot.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I blushed. ‘You ok? Sorry about Brooke, she doesn’t apply filters when she talks.’

  ‘I’m a private person Ellie, I don’t want every Tom, Dick, and Harry knowing my business.’

  ‘She’s my best friend, and it’s not like I could tell her your “business” as I don’t exactly know a lot about you, do I?’ I poured myself another glass of Champagne.

  ‘Can I have some too?’

  ‘Sorry, I thought with you driving in a while you wouldn’t want any more, you’re quite controlled with your drinking.’

  ‘I won’t be going out, it’s starting to thaw and I don’t want to risk walking across the ice.’

  ‘I’m sorry you’re going to miss your … thing, but I won’t complain that I get to have some company for the rest of the afternoon.’ I poured him a glass and pushed it across the island. Why wouldn’t he just tell me what it was he was missing? He looked really troubled about it.

  ‘Thanks.’ He shot me a quick smile and headed back to the lounge.

  ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ I asked hesitantly as I headed over.

  ‘About what?’

  ‘Why you look so down.’

  ‘Not really. Sorry, I don’t want to ruin your day.’

  ‘You’d only ruin my day if you left me alone for all of it,’ I instinctively reached down and ran my hand through his hair, just like I used to with Zac when he was feeling low. Dan tensed up immediately and I snatched my hand back. ‘Would you like your present?’

  ‘I have a present? When have you had time to do any shopping?’

  ‘The day you took me into the town for my tests. They’re only stupid things as you’re
not exactly forthcoming about what you do or what you like, and I only just met you.’ This time he looked up and smiled. I headed to the tree and pulled his small packages out and sat next to him and passed them over.

  ‘I can’t believe you got me something. I mean … I’m just the help and you’re cooking for me, being nice to me when sometimes I’m an arsehole like your ex and …’ he broke off and looked at me with a pained expression.

  ‘You’re not just the help, you’re my friend. A pain in the arse? Well yes, you are one a considerable amount of the time, but sometimes you can be so sweet.’ I patted his knee and he grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I felt my entire body tremble, my physical reaction to him was unprecedented.

  ‘Are you cold? You’re shaking.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ I smiled and pulled my hand back. ‘So, are you going to open it or not?’

  ‘Ladies first.’ He passed me the gift that looked like it had been professionally wrapped and I mentally kicked myself for being happy that he’d written the tag “Ellie, Happy Christmas, Love Dan x”. How sad was I, being happy over the word “love” and a kiss on a tag? Like a damn teenager with a crush. I looked at him surprised to see a Pandora box and carefully opened it, to find a silver essence bangle, complete with charms spelling out my name, and a bear? ‘Dan, I don’t know what to say. This is …’

  ‘You don’t like it. I’m a bit out of touch with buying gifts.’

  ‘No, I love it,’ I nodded. ‘Why the polar bear though?’

  ‘I couldn’t find a grizzly bear which I thought would remind you of your stay here, and I figured I can be like a bear with a sore head,’ he shrugged. I laughed and slipped it over my hand. I loved it, but it wasn’t like I’d ever forget my time up here with my mercurial, half Brazilian, incredible sexy super model.

  ‘It’s really beautiful and thoughtful, Dan. This must have cost you a lot of money, you didn’t need to go to all this trouble.’

  ‘It’s the least I can do after you’ve cooked for me, played nurse and put up with me. Especially with me not being open with you, and it’s not like I’m a big spender living out here, is it?’

  ‘I guess not, but I really appreciate the gesture,’ I smiled. I leaned in and kissed his cheek again and heard him take a deep calming breath. ‘I feel kind of cheap now with your gifts. I didn’t really know anything about you when I got them, actually I still don’t know that much about you.’

  ‘You know me better than most people do, Ellie Baxter,’ he advised as he opened his parcel. He laughed as he found the Werther’s Originals boiled sweets. ‘See, I can count the number of people who know my favourite sweet on one hand.’

  ‘Well if you’re so happy with those, I’ll take the rest of the presents back,’ I teased.

  ‘No,’ he laughed as he unwrapped his hat, scarf and gloves. ‘These are really nice, thank you.’

  ‘You hate them.’

  ‘No, they’re great. You may not have noticed but it can get kind of cold up here in winter. I’m really touched, they’re really thoughtful too. Thank you.’ He reached up and held my cheek as his thumb swept over my lower lip and my breathing hitched. His pupils had dilated and his breathing was faster. He was going to kiss me, I could sense it, I wanted it so badly … but I couldn’t let him cross the line again, we’d both end up feeling worse after. I stood up quickly and strode over to the kitchen, marvelling at my self-control given all I wanted to do was throw myself at him and force him to fuck me. ‘Can I do anything to help?’ he called.

  ‘No you’re fine, I’ll just put the vegetables in to roast. Why don’t you set up that Backgammon set again. I promised to whoop your arse.’

  We played again for a few hours, me sulking that he was beating me overall. I was just removing the turkey and getting ready to carve when I jumped, startled at an almighty racket above me, then a crashing noise as piles of snow cascaded off the roof in an avalanche and all the lights went out.

  ‘Shit,’ exclaimed Dan. ‘I hope it’s just a tripped fuse or that snow has just taken out the electricity cable.’

  ‘No, seriously?’

  ‘Stay there, I’ll check the fuse box.’

  ‘With what? Do you have any candles?’ I asked, it was already turning dark.

  ‘I have a small torch on my key ring,’ he advised as he turned it on and disappeared into the utility room. I heard him swear before he reappeared. ‘Sorry, either our cable is down or it’s one on the shore. I doubt anyone will come out on Christmas Day to fix it.’

  ‘That’s ok, thank God dinner was already cooked. If you have some candles we can eat now anyway.’

  ‘No candles, sorry.’

  ‘Actually, we do have some. I got some Yankee Candle ones that I forgot about from the Christmas shop. They’re on the mantelpiece. If you can light them and bring them here I can serve up.’ Great, this was all I needed. Now we were going to have a romantic cosy candlelit Christmas dinner? I took over the carving, as he was making a complete mess of it, which made me laugh and him sulk. I tried to focus on my food, but all I wanted to taste was Dan. This was getting unbearable. I wondered about faking a migraine to get out of spending the rest of the evening with him, but that would be unfair on him. I really believed it was doing him good to have company. I wondered how often he had friends over, if he even had any other than the owner.

  ‘That was amazing Ellie, you’re such a talented cook.’

  ‘Well, anything would be better than you eating Pot Noodle or a sandwich for Christmas.’

  ‘I’d have splashed out and microwaved a couple of ready meals. Seriously, I don’t think even my mum cooks that well.’

  ‘Well, unbelievably with your appetite, there’s still leftovers that I can plate up for you for tomorrow. We have nibbles for later if you’re hungry.’

  ‘We need to think about moving.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You can’t stay here, with the electricity out there’s no central heating and the house is too big to keep warm from the two fires. I left the boathouse wood burner going, so it will be warm down there. Pack up what you think we need food wise and an overnight kit and I’ll take them down in a few trips.’

  ‘You expect me to stay there overnight?’ I gasped, looking at his dimly lit face with horror.

  ‘What’s the problem?’

  ‘You only have one bed.’

  ‘And? We shared a bed last night,’ he reminded me.

  ‘I know, but …’ I gulped. Could this day get any more difficult? I always felt emotional and vulnerable at Christmas without my parents, I was missing Brooke and I was seriously horny after my period, without the temptation of now sharing a small confined space and a bed with Hercules.

  ‘No arguing. You’ll freeze up here,’ he stated in a firm tone.

  ‘All part of the service?’

  ‘It certainly is. If it makes you feel better I’ll take the sofa.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous, you’re … seven foot something and the sofa’s about three foot.’

  ‘Six foot five,’ he chuckled.

  ‘Still more than half the length of the sofa. I’ll take it.’

  ‘You’re nearly six foot yourself.’

  ‘Five eleven, like your mum,’ I reminded him.

  ‘Close enough. Why don’t we argue about it later? Start packing up,’ he ordered.

  After about four trips with food and a bag of my overnight kit, he piggy backed me down to the boathouse. I breathed him in as I clung to him, he smelled deliciously masculine. I was so tempted to kiss his neck.

  ‘Are you sniffing me, Miss Baxter?’

  ‘No,’ I mumbled, enjoying the feel of his firm chest under my arms, my legs wrapped around his slim waist. I was having visuals of facing him like this as he thrust into me against the tiled shower wall, and let out a happy sigh as I closed my eyes and rested my cheek on his shoulder. How had he gotten to me so badly? Three weeks ago I didn’t even know he existed, yet now he was all that I could think abo
ut. I heard him chuckle again at my pitiful attempt to make out that I wasn’t affected by him, as I listened to the crunching sound of the frosty snow under his feet. I smiled as I heard my new bracelet jangling, I loved it and it would be nice to have a concrete reminder of my time here with him.

  ‘I’m going to do my best to be a gentleman, Ellie,’ he advised as he approached the boathouse.

  ‘Ok,’ I managed to reply as I clung to him. How the hell were we meant to restrain ourselves in such close quarters? This was going to be hell. He crouched down so I could slither off his back and I took a deep breath as he opened his door and indicated for me to go inside. I tried not to look at his face. Maybe if I avoided eye contact, or any form of touching I could do this. He closed the door and I skipped away from him as I felt him reach to take my coat off for me. ‘Can I borrow your torch to look for the candles?’ I asked as I shrugged it off and handed it back to him.

  ‘Sure.’ He passed it over and I shivered as our fingers brushed on the exchange, then again as he passed me his torch. I unpacked the bags he’d carried and moved around the small space setting them up, keeping the distance between us. ‘Are you ok? You seem tense,’ he observed.

  ‘I’m fine. I just … I’m worried about our sleeping arrangements. Do you have any matches, please?’

  ‘I’ll get them for you. Would you prefer I go and sleep in the main house to give you some space?’

  ‘If it was going to be too cold for me, I can’t let you do that. You’ll freeze with no heating,’ I reminded him as I watched his silhouette in the kitchen, the log burner and his mini torch giving out the only light.

  ‘I can double up with the duvets from your bed and the guest room one.’

  ‘I’m not kicking you out of your own house,’ I sighed. ‘Just promise not to make any inappropriate moves because … because I …’ Since I knew how I felt about him, I found it hard to vocalise how badly he affected me.

  ‘You want me,’ he stated confidently, taking away my option to keep my feelings under wrap.

  ‘Whatever,’ I sighed and turned my back to him as I stood by the fire.

  ‘There’s no need to be embarrassed about admitting it, Ellie. I’ve already made it clear how much I want you, there’s nothing wrong with two people having such intense chemistry and desiring each other.’