31 Days of Winter

by C. J. Fallowfield

‘Sorry Miss Baxter, the flight to London’s full. You still have your reservation for tomorrow,’ the ticket desk assistant told me.

  ‘I really need to try and get home earlier, do you have flights anywhere else? Anywhere I could try and get a connecting flight back?’

  ‘We only have two other flights going out tonight, one seat on each. Either to Glasgow or Edinburgh, both are major airports, you may have luck that way.’

  ‘Which is the earlier flight?’

  ‘Edinburgh. It leaves in an hour.’

  ‘Can I buy a ticket then, please?’

  ‘Of course, but your one to London isn’t transferable again.’

  ‘That doesn’t matter,’ I smiled. I paid up and headed outside to find Pete sitting in his car.

  ‘Going back to the island, then?’

  ‘No,’ I replied with a shake of my head. ‘I managed to get a flight that’s leaving shortly. How much do I owe you for all your trouble?’

  ‘Nothing, I owe Dan a few favours and I promised to look after you for him.’

  ‘That’s so kind of you,’ I sighed. ‘Thank you so much, and I really enjoyed your Hogmanay, I’ll never forget it.’

  ‘Miss Ellie, forgive me if I’m speaking out of turn, but you seem rather sad.’

  ‘I’ll be fine.’

  ‘Dan’s going to be upset he missed you.’

  ‘He wasn’t going to see me before I left on Monday anyway, and I’m sure he has his hands full with too many other … things, to even think about me.’

  ‘I doubt that, he was very fond of you.’

  ‘Sure,’ I sighed. It seemed he had everyone fooled, not just me. ‘I’d better go. Thanks again Pete, Happy New Year.’

  ‘Happy New Year, lass.’

  I waved him off and headed to the single departure gate, showed my ticket and made my way into the small departure lounge. There was only a little coffee shop with a gift section and a large open plan lounge with the one gate out onto the tarmac where people were already climbing the steps to a tiny plane. It seemed everyone for any flight queued in here. I went and got myself a coffee and a tin of shortbread for Brooke and found myself a quiet corner away from everyone else with a view of the plane preparing to depart. I sipped my coffee slowly, it was vile, but I needed something to keep me awake, something to focus on other than how ripped apart I was feeling inside and read a book on my phone. It wasn’t long before I saw a small plane touchdown and people started disembarking. I checked my watch and figured it must be my flight. A voice came over the tannoy system.

  ‘Paging Miss Ellie Baxter, Miss Ellie Baxter, please go to the white courtesy phone by the coffee shop and dial one.’

  I looked around startled and prayed they hadn’t screwed up and were calling to tell me that there wasn’t actually a seat on the flight for me. I wheeled my case over and picked up the phone.

  ‘Hello, this is Ellie Baxter.’

  ‘Ellie.’ I froze as I heard his voice. ‘Ellie, are you still there? I need to talk to you. Please come out.’

  ‘Go to hell, Dan,’ I hissed and slammed the phone down with shaking hands. How the hell had he found me here? Pete! He must have rung him to tell him. What did he want? To try and apologise and make himself feel better? Why couldn’t men who fucked up just admit it and move on? Why should the women they chose to hurt be expected to forgive them? If we were that important to them in the first place, they shouldn’t have screwed it up. I stormed back to my seat in the corner, we were due to take off in ten minutes, hopefully we’d be boarding soon. Just as I thought it, the tannoy system came on again.

  ‘All passengers for Edinburgh, boarding is about to commence.’

  ‘Thank God,’ I sighed. I got up and pulled my ticket and passport out of my bag and swore as I heard my name being yelled. I scanned the lounge and saw Dan standing with his hands on his hips looking for me. He wasn’t hard to spot, given he was a good four inches taller than everyone else. My stomach turned, I wasn’t sure if it was that delicious flutter I’d always got when I looked at him, or if it was roiling in preparation for me being sick. Our eyes met and it was like a punch in my stomach. I willed my feet to move, to help me run from him as he strode over with a look of determination on his stubbled face, but they weren’t listening.

  ‘How did you get back here?’ I demanded.

  ‘I purchased the last remaining ticket to bloody Glasgow. You’d better be on the same flight. We need time to talk.’

  ‘No we don’t. I said all I had to say to your answer machine.’

  ‘You don’t understand, Ellie,’ he groaned with frustration as he rubbed his face. ‘It’s not what it seems, give me a chance to explain.’

  ‘So you’re going to tell me that you’re not married?’

  ‘No, I am married,’ he responded with a heavy sigh. ‘We haven’t been physical in over three years, I never lied to you about that and I never said I was single.’

  ‘O thanks, thanks for not lying, but choosing to deliberately conceal a pretty important bloody fact. You know that your boss had a file made on me, nearly every single detail of my bloody life? There was even a report on my … on my parents that I hadn’t even seen. You saw it all before you even met me, didn’t you?’

  ‘Yes,’ he sighed. I swayed on my feet to have my suspicions proved right.

  ‘Just go away, Dan. I thought Zac had treated me badly, but you have no idea how much more this hurts. I told you I never wanted to see you or speak to you again and I meant it. You said you couldn’t be with me and I should have listened. I have a flight to catch.’

  ‘Stay one more night Ellie, I’ll explain everything,’ he nodded as he reached out and grabbed my hand. I snatched it back from him, hit with both the feeling of unmistakably sexual chemistry whenever we touched, and the bile rising in my throat.

  ‘I want to get as far away from you as humanly possible. Somewhere that you can’t hurt me anymore with all your lies, deceit and bullshit. You know I really fell for you? Stupid Ellie, falls for a married guy, yet again. I bet you found it really funny that I had no idea. Is that what made me a challenge for you? Was it all just a game?’

  ‘I didn’t find it funny, and why do you think I left the other morning? I panicked when I woke up and saw you asleep in my arms looking so happy. I had no idea how I was going to tell you the truth without hurting you, so I thought it would be easier if I just left. I was never playing games with you Ellie, and I’m sorry.’

  ‘Well you have hurt me, Dan. You, Matt and Zac. I don’t know how I’m ever going to trust another guy again.’ I reached up to wipe a tear away from my eye and heard him wince and saw his hand move closer to my face. I jumped back and looked around as I heard my name being called. It looked like the rest of my flight had already gone through.

  ‘Shit, you are on a different flight. Ellie, please.’ I didn’t look around at him, just grabbed my case and started walking quickly away. ‘Ask me question, ask me lots of questions, any questions and I’ll answer them,’ he called. I bit my lip and kept my focus on the desk by the exit door and flashed my ticket and passport. As I stepped out I couldn’t prevent myself from taking a final look back at him. He was slumped in one of the chairs holding his forehead as he watched me leave. I felt tears starting to pour down my face. I was more confused than ever. Why had he come to try and stop me? What could he possibly explain that would make everything better and take away how badly he’d wounded me? I crossed the tarmac, stopped at the bottom of the steps to the plane and quickly wiped my face and tried to pull myself together before climbing up them and leaving Dan behind me forever.

  Dan

  I watched her walk away from me and sank into a chair. Stop her leaving, tell her the truth you idiot, my inner voice screamed. I wasn’t sure that even the truth would convince her that I never meant to hurt her, that I really did care for her, more than I’d ever cared for anyone, other than my parents. Ellie Baxter really had gotten to me. From the moment I saw the photo on that repo
rt, I’d known I was in trouble. Hearing her voice amplified the attraction, but nothing compared with seeing her that first day, in this very airport, her bright green eyes enhanced by the green, almost see through, top that showed off her perfect breasts and stiff nipples. I may have been with hundreds of women, been attracted to hundreds of women, but all of them paled into insignificance to how I felt when I shook hands with Ellie. I felt an inexplicable pull to her, emotionally and sexually. She’d suffered such loss with the death of her parents, yet she showed such compassion looking after the child of the lorry driver who killed them. I still felt badly that I’d had to play dumb and ask questions that I already knew the answers to, but even before I got to know her better, that file told me that she had a big heart and capacity, no, a willingness, for love unlike any I’d ever known. Then she’d gone and gotten herself into relationships with two guys who didn’t deserve her. They were beneath her, they lied and cheated. I gave myself a wry smile. I guess I was no better than they were. My heart constricted as I watched her wipe away her tears and climb the steps to the plane. Leave her alone, walk away, she deserves better than you, I told myself.

  Day Thirty

  Ellie

  I woke up in my hotel bedroom in London. I’d caught a flight from Edinburgh and made it back at two in the morning, so had checked into an airport hotel and had paid extra to have the room until three o’clock. I needed time to sleep, to try and make myself look better, as well as feel better, before Brooke pummelled me for information. If she saw me looking like I did when I got into bed last night, she’d know something had gone wrong instantly. We usually shared everything, but I couldn’t bear to go through it all with her quite yet, I needed a few more hours to try and process it myself before I told her I was back and gave her the truth. It was only nine a.m. so I rang room service and ordered some French toast, orange juice and a large pot of coffee and pulled the duvet over my head again and found myself playing with my “Ellie” bracelet he’d given me and started crying again.

  After eating and spending the morning feeling sorry for myself, I showered and made an effort with my appearance. Dan was not going to strip me of my last shred of self-confidence. So I’d fallen for a married guy again, but that wasn’t my fault, he’d not been honest with me. I’d followed my heart and that was something Mum and Dad had always instilled in me. “No matter if it leads you down the wrong path, mistakes are what make you stronger, Ellie,” my dad would tell me. He was right, you grew from them, learned by them, became more resilient to future catastrophes. Keep telling yourself that, Ellie, I silently told my reflection in the mirror. He may have duped me, but I knew deep down that I’d gotten to him, he really had cared about me, under different circumstances we could have been perfect together. Too bad he was already taken and had turned out to be another lying, cheating arsehole. I must have a sign tattooed on my forehead, Arseholes Welcome Here, that was invisible to all but them. I took a deep breath and rang Brooke.

  ‘Ellie? Is everything ok? You’re still coming back, right? I can’t wait to see you tonight.’

  ‘O Brooke, it’s so good to hear your voice,’ I sighed with a big smile plastered all over my face.

  ‘Are you at the airport already? I didn’t think your flight left until seven-thirty.’

  ‘Don’t get mad, I got back late last night and checked into a hotel, I needed a bit of time on my own.’

  ‘You’re back?’ she gasped and I winced as I heard the hurt in her voice.

  ‘Yes, I’m so sorry. Things all went tits up and I fled in tears. I wanted to cry it out before I saw you.’

  ‘O, babe. Tell me I can come and get you now?’

  ‘I’d love that, I’ve really missed you.’

  ‘Well of course you have, Brooke’s the best friend any girl could have. I’m at your new house, I’ve unpacked all your cases and parcels. You have a welcome basket and a note on the dining table, I assume from the owner, the place is spotless and I washed and tumble dried your new bed linen and towels and made the bed for you. I’ve been shopping for some flowers to pretty it up as well. I got some extra bits and pieces in, on top of what was in your gift basket, just to tide us over until you can go shopping tomorrow.’

  ‘Brooke, you’re amazing.’

  ‘Damn right I am. What hotel are you in. I’ll come in the van now.’

  ‘Where’s Maisie?’ I asked, dreading the answer.

  ‘In your new garage with her dust cover on. Molly drove the van for me this morning and I brought your car.’

  ‘Molly’s with you?’ I pulled a face, I thought she was supposed to be working. Much as I wanted to meet Brooke’s new girlfriend, I was really hoping it would just be the two of us tonight and tomorrow.

  ‘Not now, she’s working, she just helped out this morning. I love her and all, but I want time with my best friend on my own.’ I smiled, happy to know we were still on the same wavelength.

  ‘You don’t need to come and get me, I can get the tube to Kensington and walk over.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous, it will be going dark by the time you get here. I’ll come and get you.’

  ‘Ok, bring Maisie though, I’ve missed driving her. I only have my one case which will fit in her boot. I’m in the Hampton by Hilton. I need to vacate the room, so I’ll go and wait in the bar and have a coffee or something.’

  ‘Ok, I’ll leave now. Champagne’s already chilling, I downloaded your local take out menus so we can ring up for dinner to be delivered and there’s ice cream and chocolate on standby too.’

  ‘Tissues?’ I enquired with a sigh.

  ‘Please. This isn’t my first “girlfriend in crisis intervention,” you know. Love you babe, hang up so I can come and get you and give you a big hug.’

  ‘Looking forward to it like you wouldn’t believe. See you in a while.’

  I rapped my phone on my knee as I waited in a comfy armchair in the bar for her. I’d politely turned away two guys who’d already offered to buy me drinks and keep me company. I giggled as I heard the hoot of a horn in the same pattern I did when I was trying to attract Brooke’s attention when I picked her up. I grabbed my case and virtually ran to the main entrance and spotted her getting out of Maisie in the car park. She screamed when she saw me and we met somewhere in the middle in a collision of hugs, kisses and hair in each other’s mouths.

  ‘God, has it really only been four weeks? It feels like four months,’ she sighed as we rocked each other.

  ‘Tell me about it,’ I nodded. ‘Shit, do you have those tissues, I’ve already started.’

  ‘When will you admit you’re in love with the Brooke?’

  ‘Around the time you stop referring to yourself like that, which is never,’ I laughed with a sniff.

  ‘Come on. Hold your news if you can because you’re not driving, missy. You look exhausted and about to bawl your eyes out and I can’t comfort you if you’re crying while I’m driving. I’ll fill you in on Molly and Dad’s hilarious computer crisis number two. We’ll give you a tour of your new home, order our delivery and sit down with Champagne and food and you can fill me in on every detail.’

  ‘What?’ I exclaimed as Brooke pressed a button and the garage door automatically lifted.

  ‘Your landlord is loaded with a capital L, babe. Welcome to your new swank pad.’

  ‘I can’t believe I’m living here, in this street in Kensington, Brooke!’

  ‘Me neither. You so hit the jackpot with this pad. I don’t even have to tell the garage door to shut, it knows when the car’s in or out and the lights come on automatically.’

  I looked around at the clean bright white room. This wasn’t your typical British garage that was used for anything but cars. There were no storage boxes filled with memorabilia, photos albums and old junk people didn’t have the heart to throw away, and you could eat your dinner off the polished concrete floor. Brooke led me through the limestone tiled utility room, which housed the boiler and a massive washing machine and
tumble dryer and small sink and a handy under stairs cupboard full of cleaning supplies. She opened a door and indicated for me to go through and I walked into my new large open plan kitchen diner and gasped and covered my mouth with my hands. It was even better than I remembered from the agents particulars. Especially as Brooke had put out my new kitchen gadgets and dotted free standing bouquets of flowers around.

  ‘Brooke, it’s amazing.’

  ‘You’re going to love cooking and entertaining in here.’

  ‘I am. Starting with waffles, bacon and maple syrup for breakfast once I’ve been shopping, then I’ll do a Sunday roast and make a casserole with the leftovers.’

  ‘Come on, stop drooling over stainless steel worktops and come and see the rest.’ She dragged me upstairs to the first floor, where I saw the spare double guest room, bathroom with shower and we went up a few more steps to the huge lounge with the French doors which opened onto the Juliet balconies. I tested out the conker brown broken-in leather corner sofa and marvelled at the flat screen Smart TV on the wall. I’d never seen one so large, it looked bigger than the one I’d seen on the details, maybe that had stopped working and Mr. Davenport had replaced it. ‘Bedroom, you’re going to drool again,’ Brooke giggled as she dragged me upstairs.

  The workspace on the right of the stairs looked perfect for me to sit and write at, but the bedroom … the bedroom was to die for. It was nearly as large as the lounge downstairs, the missing section was a walk in wardrobe with loads of room for my handbags and shoes, all of which Brooke had already stowed. The large super king conker brown leather sleigh bed and dark oriental bedside tables against the chocolate brown suede wall looked really masculine, but the cream carpet softened it, as did my cream and gold bed linen and the extra flowers Brooke had placed on one of the bedside tables. I laughed as I saw a picture of her framed on my favourite side of the bed. She giggled and directed me into my new en-suite. It was the same size as the guest room right below it. There were twin sinks, a large walk in shower, claw foot traditional bath, as well as a toilet and bidet. It was all done in tones of black slate, cream, and silver. I pulled off my jumper, the underfloor heating in here was set too high for me, or maybe it was the excitement.