In the Midst of It All

by Tiffany L. Warren

  “I heard about Kyle. That’s messed up.”

  “Yeah.”

  “So do you want to come over?”

  Zenovia nearly dropped the phone. “Um… I don’t think that’s a good idea, Emil.”

  “You scared?”

  Zenovia chuckled. She was scared, but she was glad that Emil had taken her mind away from Kyle.

  “I’m not scared, but I’m a little emotional right now.”

  “Well, let’s go to the skating rink then.”

  “This early in the day? Won’t they ask why we aren’t at school?”

  “Nah. They’re cool at Roller Palace. Don’t worry about it.”

  Zenovia said, “Okay. Do you want to meet at the rink?”

  “I’ll catch the bus down by you. Meet me at Lee and Mayfield at about noon. We’ll get something to eat and then ride on out to the rink.”

  Zenovia hung up the phone and smiled. She looked forward to spending the entire day with Emil. She showered, and then picked out a sweater and jeans.

  “Zenovia!” Phillip called from the living room. “Tristan, Alyssa, and Mia are here.”

  So they decided to stay out of school after all. Zenovia walked into the living room with her arms folded. She was still disgusted with Tristan and his “no reason for sorrow” speech.

  Audrey was seated at the kitchen table. There was flour everywhere, including in her hair and on her face. Neither she nor Phillip had attempted to clean up the pieces of chicken that were on the floor or the pots and pans that were tossed onto the floor. Zenovia wondered why Phillip had let them in when Audrey was in mid-episode.

  “Hey, y’all,” Zenovia said.

  Alyssa and Mia did not try to hide their shock at Audrey’s state. Tristan, though, averted his eyes and looked directly at Zenovia.

  He said, “We decided you were right, Zee. We’re staying out of school today to remember Kyle. Do you want to hang at our house?”

  Zenovia exhaled slowly. “I’m going to hang with Emil, at the rink.”

  “Wow! Tristan, I thought you said she was sad!” Mia exclaimed.

  Tristan asked, “Zenovia, what’s up?”

  Audrey laughed. No, it was more like a cackle. She cackled. Then she said, “She ain’t trying to hang with y’all. She going to be with her boo! You messed up, Tristan.”

  “How did he mess up?” Mia asked.

  “He had his chance, but now Zee ain’t even thinking about him. It’s all about that Emil. You see she’s wearing his necklace.”

  Mia laughed. “Well, Tristan was never interested in Zenovia that way, so it’s cool.”

  Zenovia, Alyssa, and Tristan all gave Mia please-shut-up stares. Zenovia didn’t want to talk about whatever chances Tristan might have had and she was sure he didn’t want to either.

  “Why don’t you guys go to the rink with us?” Zenovia asked. “We can all hang out together and remember Kyle.”

  Alyssa replied, “That sounds really cool. Let’s go.”

  They all piled into Tristan’s car. Mia was in the front seat with Tristan, leaving Alyssa and Zenovia to sit in the back. Zenovia was cool with the seating arrangement because she didn’t want to make eye contact with Tristan after Audrey’s uncomfortable revelation.

  “Were you meeting Emil at the rink?” Tristan asked.

  “No. We planned to meet at Lee and Mayfield at noon. He usually catches the bus down here.”

  Alyssa said, “Well, it’s almost noon, so we can just go that way.”

  Tristan pulled away from the house slowly. There had been a light snow the night before, so the ground was somewhat slippery.

  “So what’s up with your mom?” Mia asked.

  “Just be quiet, Mia,” Tristan fussed.

  “No, it’s cool. I’m not ashamed of my mother. She’s sick.”

  “Sick how?” Alyssa asked.

  “She’s schizophrenic,” Zenovia explained. “Before she married Phillip she took medication, but now she doesn’t.”

  Zenovia’s no-holds-barred explanation seemed to satisfy Mia’s curiosity. She tossed her hair and smiled in Tristan’s direction. “Are you doing okay, Tristan? You can cry if you want. I’m here… we’re here for you.”

  Alyssa and Zenovia shared one glance that transferred more than a thousand words. They both went through contortions to hold in their laughter. Mia was so transparent, but Tristan either didn’t notice Mia’s overtures or he didn’t care.

  They reached the bus stop at Mayfield and Lee just as Emil’s bus was pulling up. Zenovia jumped out of the car. She wanted to talk to him and explain before he saw Tristan and immediately got angry.

  “Hi, Emil!” Zenovia wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek.

  Emil saw Tristan’s car and frowned. “Why is he here?”

  Zenovia explained how they’d come to her house and how she’d ended up inviting them to the rink. He did not look happy.

  “Be cool for me. Okay?” Zenovia asked.

  “All right, but Tristan better not say nothing reckless.”

  “He won’t. Come on.”

  Emil got into the backseat with Zenovia and Alyssa. He grunted hellos to everyone in the car and then put his arm around Zenovia. She watched Tristan glance at them through the rearview mirror. He wore a straight face, neither angry nor sad.

  Zenovia gave him a little smile and he looked away. She snuggled in close to Emil and inhaled his masculine scent. She almost wished she’d accepted his invitation and come to his house for some alone time.

  But when she felt the hot stream of breath into her ear and the tingles it sent through her body, she was convinced, more than ever, that being with Emil was dangerous.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Zenovia spread her college brochures out on the table. It was January of her senior year, and she had already completed her admissions packages and scholarships. She was mostly waiting on responses. Audrey walked up to the table holding a sandwich and a glass of Kool-Aid.

  “Are you hungry?”

  “Not really, but thanks, Mom.”

  “You’ve been sitting at this table all morning. When do you plan on taking a break?”

  Zenovia took the plate from Audrey’s hand which smelled strongly of bleach. Audrey had been up since before sunrise, giving the house a good bleaching. This time she smelled animal feces. She’d accused Phillip of letting a raccoon in the house during the night, and she even thought that the animal had given birth in her kitchen.

  Then, a few hours later she was making ham sandwiches like everything was everything.

  Zenovia had already chosen her school. She was going to Howard University without a doubt. Her guidance counselor told her that it was almost certain that she’d get a full ride, with her academic achievements and her extracurricular activities, but she was leaving nothing to chance.

  A lack of funds was not going to trap her in hell with Audrey and Phillip.

  Audrey handed Zenovia a piece of mail. “I forgot to give you this. It looks like a letter from Justin.”

  Zenovia took the letter gingerly. He’d only been gone a month, and she didn’t miss him. Not seeing him had cured her of her incurable crush, but the letter took her mind back to his stolen kiss.

  She tore the envelope open slowly and read the words written in cursive in green ink.

  Hey Zee,

  How are you? Do you miss me yet? Go ahead and smile. You know you want to. It is beyond cold here in Boston. I never thought I’d be wishing for Cleveland weather, but this is a different brand of chill-you-to-your-bones cold. Hope you’re studying hard! I expect to hear about you leaving for college soon.

  I hear you and Emil are still going strong. I thought that was a temporary, puppy love kind of thing. I should’ve paid closer attention and threw more salt in his game.

  Make sure you watch over Tristan for me. He’s still really broken up about Kyle, even if he doesn’t let on. Hope you’re not too sad. Maybe see Kyle one day again. I’m praying
for all of y’all.

  But it’s almost time for group Bible study. Here at headquarters we all study together. It’s kind of nice, having all these volunteers here with our minds on serving the organization. It’s a beautiful thing.

  Well, even if you don’t miss me, I miss you!

  Live free… give free,

  Justin

  Zenovia folded the letter and placed it back in its envelope. What a character Justin was. But he was right, she and Emil had grown even closer. Zenovia could see herself with him for the rest of her life, and he’d completely obliterated any feelings that she’d had for Tristan.

  It was like the closer they got to graduation, the more she put the thought of him away. They were still friends, of course, but Emil’s charming way of claiming her before the world caused Zenovia to be completely enamored with him.

  They were still on winter break, but it had been an uneventful vacation. The Brethren’s Christmas celebration consisted of a worship service where they thanked God for sending Jesus to earth. No parties, no decorations, no tree. It hadn’t really bothered Zenovia to have these things missing, though. It wasn’t like she and Audrey had merry holidays before the Brethren.

  Zenovia’s pager buzzed on her hip. It read 149—Emil’s code. It was the street he lived on. She picked up the phone and dialed his number, smiling even before she heard his voice.

  “Hey, baby girl,” said Emil. “You ready for your driving lesson?”

  “Ha! No, I’m not ready at all. I don’t want to get my license.”

  “It’s easy! My dad is letting me borrow his car, and there is no snow on the ground. This is the perfect chance.”

  Zenovia laughed. “The perfect chance for us to wind up wrapped around a tree.”

  “Baby, I will not let that happen. I promise. I’m on my way to pick you up. Be ready in fifteen minutes.”

  “Okay, okay. I’ll be ready.”

  Emil actually pulled up in about twelve minutes, but Zenovia didn’t care. She would’ve been happy if he’d just beamed over, as long as he showed up. She could hear him on the front porch, and knew he was about to ring the doorbell. Emil never just honked his horn. He came into the house and said hello to Audrey, no matter what state she was in. He acted as if Audrey’s affliction was just a part of her personality and Zenovia loved him for that.

  Audrey opened the door as Zenovia pulled on her coat and boots. “Hey, Emil. What ya know good?”

  Emil hugged Audrey and kissed her cheek. “Ain’t nothing going on, Sister Audrey. How you feeling?”

  “I’m good, baby!”

  Audrey turned up the volume on the television. She was watching her favorite thing—videos on BET.

  “Look at his fine chocolate self!” she said to the screen.

  “Ooh, Sister Audrey! Brother Phillip is gonna get you,” teased Emil.

  “What he don’t know won’t hurt him!” Audrey replied as she did a modified version of the Monorail line dance.

  Zenovia laughed and pulled Emil outside. Zenovia put her hand over her mouth when she saw Emil’s father’s car. It was a nineteen-eighty-something Thunderbird with more rust on it than paint.

  “This is your father’s car?”

  Emil laughed. “This is his old car. He drives a van.”

  “It is old… very old,” Zenovia remarked.

  Perhaps sensing Zenovia’s tentativeness he said, “It drives and it has heat. Come on.”

  Emil drove to a park near his house and stopped in the parking lot. He turned to Zenovia and said, “Are you ready?”

  Zenovia wasn’t afraid to drive, but the fact that she’d never done it before left her feeling a bit nervous. And if she was going to get her lessons in that raggedy automobile, she’d just as soon pass.

  “I’m not ready, Emil. It’s quiet here. Why don’t we just sit and talk.”

  Emil’s eyes lit up. “In the backseat?”

  “Sure, but we’re not going to do anything freaky, so don’t get any ideas.”

  Zenovia didn’t sound serious at all, especially since she and Emil had had this conversation several times before. She’d swear that they weren’t going to do anything at all, but once in close proximity of one another they’d start kissing and petting, each time going a bit further.

  Once they had settled into the spacious backseat, Zenovia asked, “Emil, have you thought about what you’re gonna do after high school?”

  “No! That’s a long way off.”

  “Six months is not a long way off.”

  Emil got a thoughtful-looking expression on his face. “Well, I’m just going to get a job. Nothing special. How much planning do I need?”

  “You’re not going to college?” Zenovia asked.

  “Brethren don’t go to college.”

  “When did you become a Brethren drone?”

  “Well, I…”

  Emil started his reply, but was cut off by a loud knock on the car window. He wiped away the fog and standing outside with a menacing expression on her face was Sienna—the girl from the skating rink.

  “Aw, man,” Emil said.

  “Aw, man, what?” Zenovia asked.

  Sienna frowned and knocked on the window again, her thick honey blond braids flapping around her head like tentacles. “Get out of the car, Emil! I’ve been following you all day.”

  Zenovia waited for an explanation from Emil, but he was silent. The only thing he did was give Zenovia an apologetic look.

  Sienna would not be ignored. “Emil, you better get out of that car before I tell your girlfriend our little secret.”

  “What secret, Emil?” Zenovia asked finally finding words.

  Emil sighed. “She might be pregnant.”

  “With your baby?”

  Sienna answered from outside. “Yes, with his baby! I’m five months pregnant with his baby!”

  Zenovia did the math, adding and subtracting months in her mind. She’d definitely gotten pregnant before she and Emil had started dating. But was he still messing with her?

  “Emil—” Zenovia started.

  “Not since we’ve been together, Zee. I swear.”

  “But when I asked you if you’d slept with her you said no.”

  “I lied.”

  “But why? Why would you lie about that?”

  “Would you have talked to me if you’d known? Would your Brethren friends have approved?”

  Emil’s big brown eyes pleaded for the truth, but Zenovia had to look away. The Brethren would not have approved of him, and she probably wouldn’t have either. But now that her heart belonged to Emil, his transgressions didn’t seem like a deal breaker. They simply seemed like transgressions.

  “Why don’t you get out of the car and see what she wants,” Zenovia said.

  Sienna laughed. “Yeah, Emil, quit trying to lie to your bald-headed girlfriend and come see about your son!”

  Self-consciously, Zenovia’s hand went to her hair which was styled in a layered, curly cut and tapered at the neckline. Sienna’s long braids were real, even though they looked like the synthetic hair that came in packages at the beauty supply store.

  Emil ignored Sienna’s rant and wiped a tear from Zenovia’s face. “I love your hair, Zee. I love you, too. No matter what happens, I want you to know that.”

  He kissed both her cheeks and her mouth before he stepped out of the car. He slammed the door angrily, and walked up on Sienna swiftly and threateningly.

  “What? What do you want?” he asked.

  Sienna’s wicked smile melted and she burst into tears. “I want you to stop playing, Emil! I’m having your baby and you act like you don’t care anything about me.”

  “When we get a paternity test, then we’ll figure it out. But until then, stop calling me and following me. I’m not your boyfriend.”

  Sienna’s friend who had stayed in the car jumped out and said, “Come on, girl. This dog ain’t worth it.”

  The girl led the sobbing Sienna back to their car. Emil got into the
front seat of his father’s car and left Zenovia sitting in the backseat.

  “You cool?” he asked.

  Zenovia didn’t reply. She couldn’t. Emil had said that he loved her, but he had a baby on the way, with Sienna. It was unreal, and Zenovia couldn’t form words that would describe her feelings.

  Zenovia could hear Emil’s mother, Gladys’s, voice in her head. He’s got hoe blood.

  She should’ve listened to Gladys. Then she wouldn’t be sitting in the backseat of a rusty Thunderbird with a broken heart. All because Emil was a fornicator.

  Emil started driving, but Zenovia didn’t ask where he was taking her. He said, “This doesn’t change anything with us, Zee.”

  “How can you say that, Emil? It changes everything.”

  He slammed on the breaks, placed the car in park, and turned all the way around in his seat. “It doesn’t change that I love you. Sienna is just a hood rat having a baby. That’s all.”

  Zenovia looked into Emil’s eyes which were glazed over with tears. She wanted so badly to believe him. But how could she?

  Emil wasn’t like Tristan. He wasn’t pure and chaste. How could she stay in a relationship with him? One day soon, he’d ask her to do what Sienna had done, and if she refused he’d get it elsewhere. He’d do it no matter how much he loved her.

  Because he’s got hoe blood.

  Emil started driving again. They were going toward his house, but Zenovia didn’t object. She was still reflecting on his words.

  He’d said that he loved her. It was the first time she’d ever heard that from a man. Well, Emil wasn’t quite a man, but he wasn’t a boy, either. He was about to be a father.

  Emil stopped the car in the driveway of his house. “Are you going to come in?” he asked.

  “I don’t think your mother would approve.”

  Emil paused before replying. “You’re right. Let’s go to my dad’s house.”

  “Your dad? Does he live nearby?”

  “Yep. Around the corner. He’s cool, and I have my own room over there.”

  “Okay.”

  Emil guided Zenovia to the side door of his father’s house. “Be quiet, because my grandmother lives downstairs and I don’t want to have to talk to her.”

  Zenovia nodded and followed Emil up the two flights of stairs. Downstairs a creaky door opened.