In the Midst of It All

by Tiffany L. Warren

  Nothing was ever over with Audrey. There was something about her schizophrenia that made her memory sharper than the average person. She could repeat conversations word for word that she’d had years before. It was like she played them over and over in her head, each time reliving the hurtful words that had been said. This uncanny ability made it easy for Audrey to hold grudges.

  “Audrey is carrying around about eighteen million three hundred thousand grudges, give or take a few hundred thousand,” Zenovia shared.

  “Sounds painful.”

  “You don’t know the half.”

  Zenovia had insisted on separate hotel rooms, even though Justin had assured her that it was perfectly safe for them to slumber in the same room. Virgin or not, Zenovia wasn’t buying it. The closest Justin was getting to her sleeping body was that locked metal door that joined their rooms.

  In spite of all the day’s events, she’d slept soundly and felt a sense of peace as the daylight caused her to open her eyes. The feeling of discomfort came when she thought of Audrey and her medication-free antics.

  She already knew the state laws on forcing medication on the mentally ill. It all came down to them doing harm to someone else or to themselves. Zenovia had argued the case that Audrey was destroying her mind by refusing her medication, but that was not the state’s definition of harm. They needed some tangible, quantifiable measure of harm that Audrey had not yet accomplished.

  Maybe she should have egged her on in a fight with Charlotte. That would’ve been amusing to watch and maybe a reason to have some antipsychotic medication forced on Audrey.

  The phone in her room rang. “Hello?” she asked.

  “Hey, sleepyhead,” Justin said. “Are you dressed? We’ve got company.”

  “I just woke up. Who is it?”

  “Tristan.”

  Zenovia banged her head lightly on the headboard. “Why is he here? Shouldn’t he be on his honeymoon? What does he want?”

  “He just wants to see us, I think. He hasn’t said much of anything yet. But he said he wants to talk to both of us, together.”

  “All right. Give me a couple minutes. Can you order some coffee or something?”

  “Already done.”

  Zenovia smiled at his thoughtfulness. “Okay. I’ll be over in a second.”

  Quickly, she brushed her teeth, washed her face, fluffed her afro, and put on the gym suit she’d traveled in. The thought crossed her mind to put on lip gloss, but she erased it immediately. It was only Tristan, and he was married. No need to get pretty for him.

  When she was ready she knocked on the door dividing their rooms. Justin opened it and stood aside for her to walk through. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, then took a seat on the edge of his bed.

  She locked eyes with Tristan who was sitting at the room’s tiny desk. “Hi, Tristan. Congratulations on your wedding. My invitation must’ve gotten lost in the mail, but luckily Justin had his, so I was able to see you exchange vows with Mia, of all people.”

  “I would’ve invited you, Zee, if I’d known where to find you,” Tristan explained.

  Zenovia chuckled. “My mother always had my address, Tristan. You didn’t try too hard.”

  “Would you have come if it weren’t for Justin?” Tristan asked.

  “Hmmm… probably not.”

  “I thought you wanted to talk to both of us? It sounds like you only want to talk to Zee,” Justin said with a twinge of sadness in his voice.

  “Justin, I don’t even know where to begin with you. You left headquarters! I got interrogated because of your doubts. I thought they were going to send me away.”

  “I didn’t leave because of my doubts. I left with facts, Tristan. It’s wrong the way the High Council decides what the rank-and-file Brethren believe!”

  Tristan roared, “You have no right to question the High Council! They are ordained by God and anointed by His Spirit!”

  “They vote on the doctrine, Tristan, did you know that? I walked in on one of their meetings. Brother Jennings needed his medication and I had to bring it to him.”

  “I’m not listening to this,” Tristan objected.

  “You need to hear it, Tristan!” Justin exclaimed. “If you’re going to continue as one of the Brethren, at least make it an informed decision.”

  “What you have is created by the apostasy in your heart,” Tristan declared.

  Justin continued in spite of Tristan’s protests. “The vote was on the issue of alcohol abuse. It was on whether someone should be cast out for being an alcoholic.”

  Tristan was now interested. “And what was the outcome?”

  “The vote was seven to five in favor of not casting out a Brethren member who is an alcoholic.”

  Tristan looked confused. “There must be an explanation.”

  “If each of these men is ordained by God and anointed by His Spirit, how then is there a difference of opinion?”

  Tristan objected, “Paul and Barnabas had a difference of opinion!”

  “But Paul and Barnabas were not deliberating on doctrine that could destroy families and lives.”

  “Someone being an alcoholic… that’s an addiction,” Tristan explained. “I can see how that was a tough decision to make.”

  “But they can cast someone out for fornication?” Zenovia asked in a quiet voice.

  “Well, of course! The Bible is clear on that,” Tristan said dismissively.

  Justin cleared his throat. “First Corinthians Six Verses Nine and Ten. It says ‘Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the Kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind…’”

  “ ‘Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God,’ ” Tristan finished the passage.

  “So… tell me, Tristan… is there any distinction here between a drunk and a fornicator?”

  Tristan shook his head, but he didn’t open his mouth.

  Justin continued, “So if the Bible doesn’t make a distinction, why should there even be the need for a vote?”

  “I don’t know,” Tristan replied.

  “I’ll tell you why. Because half of the Brethren Elders would be cast out for being drunks! The High Council is obsessed with sexual sins to the point where nothing else matters to them. I cannot and will not be a part of that!”

  Zenovia listened intently to the reason for Justin’s flight from the Brethren. She walked over to him as he shook with anger, and stroked his back, trying to calm him down.

  “So that’s it?” Tristan asked. “That one little thing is going to pull you away from the religion we’ve practiced our whole lives? From our family? You were supposed to be my best man!”

  “I didn’t choose to separate myself from the family. You all made that choice.”

  Zenovia said, “Tristan, we understand and respect your reasons for being one of the Brethren. Do you think maybe you can respect your brother’s reasons for choosing not to be one?”

  “I can’t respect them, because I want my brother to be saved. He will not have salvation outside of the Brethren. Neither will you.”

  Zenovia was surprised that the words had no effect on her. There was a time when they would’ve caused her months of sleepless nights, because she’d believed what he said to be true. But she no longer believed that the Brethren had the true revelation of God’s will.

  His words were only words.

  “I’m so happy that God is more merciful than the Brethren,” Zenovia said with a slight smile.

  Tristan replied, “We’ll see on Judgment Day. All of you churchgoers will be just like those people in Sodom and Gomorrah.”

  Zenovia refused to engage Tristan further, so he stood to his feet and walked to the door.

  “Is this how you’re going to leave, Tristan? Aren’t you going to say goodbye to your brother?” Zenovia asked.

  Without turning to l
ook back, Tristan replied, “I don’t have a brother.”

  Tristan walked out of the hotel room and let the door close behind him. Justin’s shoulders slumped sadly as the tears started to pour down his cheeks. Zenovia did her best to encircle him in her arms as he wept.

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  Is this a date?” Justin asked.

  Zenovia and Justin strolled hand in hand through the courtyard of her apartment complex. He had picked her up from her ministers-in-training class at Reaching the Masses and had taken her for Chinese food afterward.

  “I don’t think it’s a date, Justin. You just gave me a ride home,” Zenovia replied.

  “And I gave you a free dinner. Anytime a guy picks you up, springs for dinner, and then takes you on an evening stroll, it’s a date.”

  Zenovia grinned. “Well, you didn’t ask me out on a date. You asked if I needed a ride home from my minister class.”

  “How is your class going? You don’t talk much about it.”

  “It’s going…”

  Justin was right, Zenovia didn’t talk much about the class. She wasn’t sure how she could share all of her excitement about ministry without revealing her secret. She and Justin had grown closer in the two months they’d spent together after Tristan’s wedding, but she still hadn’t shared anything about her visions.

  “If you don’t want to tell me about it, that’s fine,” Justin replied.

  “It’s not that I don’t want you to know about the class. It’s really good. There are just some things about me that I’m not ready to share yet.”

  Justin asked, “Does it have anything to do with what you’ve been doing in church every Sunday? People are calling you a prophetess?”

  “Yes. It does have something to do with that.”

  “Are you going to elaborate?”

  “No.”

  Justin sighed and dropped Zenovia’s hand. “Every time I think we’re getting close to having a relationship, you pull back.”

  “I don’t want to pull back, Justin. I want to tell you everything. And I’m doing good. I’ve told you all about Audrey.”

  Justin inhaled deeply and raised his eyes to the clear night sky. “Yes, you’ve told me more than I’ve ever wanted to know about Audrey’s mental illness. But I’m not falling in love with Audrey….”

  Zenovia swallowed hard. Justin kept hinting at the fact that he was falling for her, but the word “love” was never mentioned. The last time a man professed his love for her it was Emil, and she’d believed him with every shred of her being.

  And that had gone absolutely nowhere.

  “You’re not falling in love with me, Justin. You’re only saying that because we’ve got the Brethren in common.”

  “No, that is not the reason. I want to be with you because you are smart, hilarious, sweet, and original, not to mention beautiful. I’ve never known anyone like you, Zee.”

  “That’s just your hormones talking,” Zenovia replied dismissively.

  “Why are you trying to talk me out of feeling this way? Don’t you think you deserve to be loved?”

  Zenovia hugged herself and bit her bottom lip. “Okay, Justin. I’m going to tell you and watch you run for the hills.”

  “I won’t go anywhere.”

  “I see things, Justin. They’re visions really. Future and past events. I see them whenever God feels like showing them to me.”

  Justin’s jaw dropped. “Have you had any visions about me?”

  “No, I haven’t. God is surprisingly quiet about you.”

  When Zenovia started the minister’s class, Bishop Wilcox told her to pray to God about revealing the fullness of her gift. He told her to seek direction in her prayers and to ask God to show her visions that would reveal her destiny.

  Since she’d started praying, Zenovia received visions every Sunday at church, and Bishop Wilcox would allow her to share with the individual she’d seen. Most often, the conversation was followed by the altar workers praying with that person. Sometimes she saw sin that a person was engaged in, but most of the time it was a vision of what God had planned for that person’s future.

  Zenovia prayed fervently about her own future. She had to know for sure if Justin was a part of her destiny. He seemed to be everything that she needed. He understood her past with the Brethren, and he didn’t pressure her for sex.

  Justin said, “Maybe God wants you to have faith for some things.”

  Zenovia nodded. “I think that you’re right about that.”

  “So do it. Have faith about us. Marry me and get it over with.”

  Zenovia choked on the breath of air she’d been inhaling. “Are you crazy? I can’t marry you. We haven’t even been on a date.”

  “According to your definition, that is true. But I’ve been going on dates with you since we met up at Reaching the Masses.”

  Zenovia could tell by the look of sincerity on Justin’s face that he was serious about his request. She could, without question, spend the rest of her life with him, especially after his reaction to her secret. He had not cringed or run away from her. He was still standing there, professing his love.

  “Okay, Justin. I will consider marrying you, but you have to court me properly. These sneak dates are really not doing it for me.”

  Justin laughed loudly. “Of course I’ll court you properly. Now that I have your permission. Do you know how happy Corrine is going to be?”

  Zenovia rolled her eyes. “I forgot about her. Do we have to tell Corrine?”

  “You can tell her after I buy your ring.”

  Again, Justin caught Zenovia off guard and wrapped her in an intimate embrace. He’d never been as forward, but since his feelings were out in the open, there was really no reason for restraint.

  When their lips met, Zenovia was taken back in time to their first kiss. The one he’d stolen on the day he was leaving for the Brethren headquarters. Their second kiss was full of passion that was missing from the first time.

  “I can’t wait to make you my wife,” Justin said when the kiss was through.

  It was rare for Zenovia to be rendered speechless, but Justin had done just that.

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  Zenovia sat across the table from Corrine at their weekly brunch date. They did it every Saturday morning at a little soul food spot that made ox tails and rice that tasted like Audrey’s. Zenovia loved the place because it always reminded her of her mother.

  Zenovia held her hands under the table and fiddled with the ring she was wearing on her finger. Justin had made good on his “proper courtship,” and she had finally said yes to his proposal. The small, inexpensive ring on her finger made it all real.

  Telling Corrine would make it surreal.

  But Zenovia was finally ready to share her news. She just wished she was sharing it with Audrey.

  She’d called her mother several times, but Phillip was the only one who ever answered the phone. As soon as he heard Zenovia’s voice he would hang up the phone.

  It worried Zenovia that she hadn’t heard her mother’s voice since Tristan’s wedding four months before. To make it worse, Alyssa had passed on news to Justin that Audrey had been absent from services at the Devotion Center. Zenovia suspected that her mother’s mental state was beyond what even her medication was able to repair.

  “I’m going to Cleveland to see my mother,” Zenovia said to Corrine as she sipped her sweet tea.

  “You should. I don’t trust that Phillip.”

  Zenovia shook her head. “Me, either. He’s unstable himself, I believe.”

  “What is that on your finger?” Corrine asked finally noticing the ring.

  “What does it look like?”

  “Don’t get smart with me girl! Did Justin propose?”

  Zenovia nodded. “He did. We’re getting married in Bishop’s office in two weeks.”

  “No, you are not getting married in Bishop’s office!” Corrine objected. “Your mother would have my head if she knew I didn
’t put on a wedding for her only child.”

  “Justin and I think it’s best, since we won’t have any of our family here.”

  “You’ll have your church family. Everyone at Reaching the Masses will come.”

  Zenovia shook her head. “I’m not walking down the aisle if my mother’s not going to be there.”

  “Well, go see about her, and tell her about your wedding.”

  “That is the plan.”

  Corrine asked, “Are you going to take your fiancé with you to Cleveland?”

  “No. This is something that I need to do without him, I think. This is about Audrey, so you know, it’s private.”

  “Private! You can’t have anything private from your husband. You might need him.”

  “He’s not my husband yet, and until he is, Audrey is my issue.”

  “You are so stubborn, but you get it honest. No one could tell your mother anything, either.”

  Zenovia smiled. “How do you know how Audrey was? You must’ve been little when she left home.”

  “I was ten. I remember the day vividly because it was my tenth birthday. I was having a party and Audrey ruined it.”

  “She did?”

  “Yes. Everyone was in an uproar because Grandfather had put her out of the house. I mean, why did she have to tell everyone she was pregnant on my birthday?”

  “That was pretty bad. Did you have your party anyway?”

  “If you want to call it that. Grandmother threw something together, but I didn’t even have any balloons. It was supposed to be a tea party.”

  Zenovia was a little amused by her cousin’s anger. “Seriously, Corrine, it sounds like you have some unresolved issues. Maybe you need to leave that on the altar and let God handle it.”

  “Whatever! Audrey owes me a tea party.”

  “Okay, maybe she does, but why was Grandmother throwing you a party? Where were your parents?”

  Corrine sighed. “I keep forgetting that you don’t know anything about the family history.”

  “Well, I just kind of assumed that your parents weren’t around.”

  “My mother was around, but if you had met her, you’d think Audrey was the most normal woman on the planet.”