In the Stars

by Joan Duszynski

  He leans in, giving me a very sweet kiss. “Ok, I will be right back down.”

  Once Kyle is going up the stairs, I open the front door. Raleigh is standing there with her eye brows arched up in the air. “Damn girl. you are already answering his door and everything, huh?”

  “Good to see you too, Raleigh. Why don’t you come on in, and I will even give you the grand tour? No seriously, you know it isn’t like that, I just knew it was you.”

  “Well I am glad it was me. since you are opening the door in nothing but a t-shirt, and your hair looking like that.”

  I look down at my exposed parts and start laughing. “Yeah definitely; I guess I really should have thought that through more.”

  “Well, I did call you to give you fair warning I was coming. You have obviously been living with Piper too long, since you can’t seem to stay fully dressed around him.”

  Raleigh has now walked inside, and I shut the door. “That was a low blow bitch. Don’t you dare compare me to her. I can’t help it that I enjoy all parts of Kyle.”

  Raleigh is now looking up over my shoulder, and I feel warm arms wrap around me. “So you enjoy all my parts, Caroline? Once again, good to know.” He reaches his head around, and places a kiss on my now very red cheeks. Then reaches out to greet Raleigh.

  “Hi Raleigh, good to see you again.”

  Raleigh pauses, looking down at his outstretched hand. “Is that safe to touch? I mean, I am not exactly sure where it has been just very recently by the looks of you two.” She then looks at me and winks.

  Kyle starts laughing, and I know my mouth is hanging open. “Oh my god, Raleigh; you are just full of your damn self today, aren’t you? Don’t worry, I am sure his hand is safe; I just wouldn’t accept a kiss if he offers you one.” Now I am smirking at her, and I feel Kyle’s body go stiff behind me. Then Raleigh and I both start busting out laughing, and Raleigh snorts. Then I feel him relax again.

  “Ok sorry, I haven’t gotten all my stuff together yet. You two hang out down here, and I will be back down in a few.”

  I turn around to face Kyle and give him a quick kiss. “You know Caroline, if there is anything you want to leave here to make things easier you can.”

  Now my body goes stiff, and I have to look away for a moment. “Oh thank you Kyle; it really isn’t much, though. I will have it all together, and ready to go in no time.” I glance back up at him, and he just gives me a very weak smile and nod.

  I release him and head straight for the stairs. I quickly get dressed and brush my teeth and hair, and then throw all my stuff into my bag. I walk back into the bathroom to make sure I grabbed everything, and stop and stare at myself in the mirror. I place my hands on the counter and remember the night before, staring into Kyle’s eyes through this same mirror. What is going on with me? I genuinely like Kyle and we have great chemistry together. I don’t have one negative thing to say about him. I am the only negative in is this equation. My head just seems so screwed up lately. Can lust really drive you insane? I feel like this might be the case when it comes to me and my thoughts of Eric.

  When I come back downstairs, Kyle and Raleigh are sitting at opposite sides of his couch talking. They both look up when I get closer. Kyle gives me his genuine smile, and Raleigh looks at me with an expression of concern. I know she can sense something is up with me, and she happens to think highly of Kyle. I am sure the drive to Tara’s is going to involve a lot of serious talk, and I just don’t know if I really have the answers.

  They both get up, and Kyle walks over to me and pulls me close while resting his chin on the top of my head. I drop my bag and wrap my arms around him. “Well, I think I am going to give you two a moment to say goodbye. I have no mushy gushy going on right now in my life, so I don’t want to watch yours.” Raleigh then lets out a small laugh, and Kyle turns sideways facing her.

  “I will see you in a few days, Raleigh. You two be safe driving back. I can’t imagine all the talk you three girls are going to have when you get together at Tara’s today. I don’t think any man could properly handle those moments.”

  “You are probably right, Kyle. It could most likely scar you for life. See you soon. Bye.”

  Once Raleigh is out the door, Kyle pulls me into him very tight. “I hate saying goodbye to you, Caroline. Last night was the best sleep I have had all week.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t actually say there was all that much sleeping going on.”

  “The sleep I did get was still the best, though. I enjoy every moment I have with you, Caroline.”

  He pulls my chin up so I am looking right into his eyes. His thumb starts lightly caressing my bottom lip. “So desirable, I will miss these and everything else about you too.”

  I nip his thumb with my teeth, and then kiss the same spot. “I will miss you too, Kyle. I am supposed to eat at my mom’s house tomorrow. If it isn’t too late, and you are around, I will call you when I am done, and maybe we can meet up for a little while before I head back.”

  “We have a band practice set up for tomorrow. Make sure you call, though, because I will make sure I get to see you; ok?”

  I just nod and lean in to kiss him. The kiss goes from sweet to heated in less than two seconds. We both pull away, with our breaths coming heavy now. “God I hate letting you go. Look, next Saturday, if you are scheduled to work, can you see if someone will switch with you? I would love for you to be there to watch the band perform.”

  “I wouldn’t miss it, Kyle. I can’t even begin to tell you how exciting that is for me. Is there a back room where you will be performing, where we can disappear to for a few? You know, just in case seeing you up there has me for a loss of control and I need to grab you and drag you off with me.”

  Kyle grabs at my chin again, a little harder this time. “Shit Caroline, you can’t say things like that, or I am not going to let you leave now. I don’t think Raleigh will appreciate sitting out in her car a whole lot longer. If you feel a loss of sexual control, I am sure I will find a way to fix that for you; no matter where we are together. You just let me know.”

  I feel a heat starting to rise through me at the thought of Kyle giving me an orgasm backstage. “Ok I will be sure to think of a good signal to use. I really am excited about watching you, though. I think from just the little I have heard that you really are wonderful Kyle.”

  I see a sparkle in Kyle’s eyes when I say this. I realize that the last words I just said could be taking very seriously as in relationship terms, and I feel guilty for planting it there. He takes my mouth to his again, and our tongues intertwine with one another automatically. We pull away and Kyle walks me to his door. “If you can, let me know when you get back in from work tonight please, Caroline.”

  “I will, Kyle, and hopefully I will be seeing you again tomorrow.”

  “Oh I plan on making sure of that, Caroline. Be safe, and I will miss you until then.”

  He now has the door open, and I lean in for one last hug and kiss before walking out to Raleigh’s car.

  I SIT MY bags down in Raleigh’s back seat and climb into the passenger seat. As soon as I shut my door, Raleigh looks over at me with her very serious expression. “I was really beginning to think I was going to have to come in there and drag you away, Caroline. I was just afraid I might get an inappropriate view of Kyle’s certain parts. Not that I would complain any; god knows he is hot. It would make things a little awkward though.” “Sorry Raleigh, we were just talking about our plans for next week.”

  Raleigh pulls out onto the main street and remains silent. I know something more is definitely on her mind, because Raleigh and I don’t do quiet very well. “Ok Raleigh, spill it; I know you have something you want to say.” Her face actually falls some, and she takes a quick glance at me, and then back at the road.

  “How do you feel about Kyle? I mean what is it you would like to see come out of this? Before you even tell me, let me tell you what I think he is starting to see. He really likes you, Caroline, and I
can tell it is far from just having fun with you. He has started throwing his heart into it now, too. Any chance he gets during our sessions, he talks about you. There is just talk of my therapy and process, and then you. He has a smile on his face the whole time he is doing it, too. I have known you for a long time, Caroline, and I can tell you like him. I can also tell something is holding you back, as far as your own heart goes.”

  I can’t help the sigh that escapes me. I lift my hands, and bury my face into them while shaking my head back and forth. “He really is perfect, Raleigh. I think I am just completely screwed up or something. He is tentative, sweet, gorgeous, and also has that bit of a tough guy edge—he is in a band for god’s sake—and the sex is wonderful. So please tell me why a man I have only ran into a few times keeps popping into my head? I am still having dreams about Eric. Then, every time I am around him I swear it is like someone turns my horny switch on. It isn’t just a sexual sensation alone, though; it’s something else too. Eric makes me giddy, and then turns right around and pisses me off in the same moment. My body temperature is all over the place when I am around him. Like putting your feet in ice, while a heat lamp sits over your head. Kyle, on the other hand, deserves someone who realizes all his qualities, and can fully give themselves to him. I am not sure I can give myself fully to him.”

  There is silence again for a minute, and then Raleigh finally speaks. “I should have just done a lap dance for him that first day, and then I would be the one dealing with generous, great sex Kyle.” I let out another moan, and Raleigh slightly pushes my shoulder. “I am sorry, Caroline; I was just trying to lighten your mood. Bad choice of timing. You really do like Kyle, though, don’t you?”

  “Yes I do, and I really do like spending time with him, and not just for sex. That is what makes all this so confusing. I don’t want to hurt him, and I don’t want to stop seeing him. I am such a selfish bitch.”

  “Ok that is enough; I am the only one that can call you a bitch. You are just confused. It happens. It isn’t like you are having sex with both of them, Caroline. So you aren’t really doing anything wrong. I really do like Kyle as a person, though. Just make sure if you make any final decisions you go about them the right way. I know someone might get hurt, but don’t completely screw him over—ok?”

  I look out the side window, watching the trees go by. “That is exactly what I am trying to figure out; if I am doing that to Kyle or not already. I really don’t want to; he doesn’t deserve it. I just can’t get my head wrapped around my thoughts and sensations around Eric, and if they are all just basically lust driven or something more special. Plus, it isn’t even like Eric has ever acted like he wants me, really. Yes, I get a sense at times that he is definitely taking notice of me, but I can’t be certain in what way.”

  “You do realize you basically just said you want Eric, right Caroline? You might need to spend some more casual time around him, and figure out if your feelings mean more or not. Does Tara know anything about this?”

  I start shaking my head back and forth quickly. “No, no she doesn’t. I am probably not the best at hiding the fact that I take notice of him around her, but more than that she knows nothing. She’s aware I have been going out with Kyle, though, and Eric knows too. Which seems to keep getting brought up in the whole safe sex way by him ever since he saw me buying condoms. See, this is another confusing example. He even brought the use of the condoms and me up again Friday night, before he left with my car. It is all so strange. I don’t want to talk about this around Tara, though; ok?”

  “I get it, Caroline. My lips are sealed.”

  There is silence again for a moment, and then Raleigh glances over at me quickly. “So I can’t wait to meet Tara, and see my new sleeping arrangements.” Just like that the subject is changed, and I am very grateful. The rest of the drive is back to our normal laughs and everyday life talk.

  Once we pull up in front of Tara’s house, Raleigh has a big smile on her face. I can’t help the smile across mine as well. I really do like the home and the neighborhood surrounding it. “Wow Caroline, you were right. I really like this place already. I wish we could have found something like this together our first year.”

  “I really like it, too. You know, though, there is no way we could have afforded this on our own. If it wasn’t for Tara’s family being willing to work out the great deal for me then I wouldn’t be here now, either.”

  I can see the slight sadness crease at the corners of Raleigh’s eyes. It is only there for a second, but I still noticed it. This is all really hard on her, having to miss out this year. Even though she is really happy for me, I know it is hard for her that I am ending up here with Tara, instead of Raleigh.

  As we are stepping out of the car, the front door swings open. Tara is practically bouncing out to us with a huge smile on her face. She walks up to Raleigh first, and gives her a hug. “It is so good to finally meet you. I have been excited all morning, waiting for you two to get here.” Raleigh hugs Tara back, but is looking over at me like, wow-really. I just smile and shrug my shoulders.

  Tara walks over to me, giving me a hug, and then starts for the front door again. “Well Tara, we probably could have been here a little earlier if Caroline didn’t have such a hard time dragging herself away from Kyle’s place.” Tara glances over her shoulder back at me, and Raleigh just gives me that smirk of hers.

  I give Raleigh the evil eye. “It isn’t really anything like she is trying to make it sound, Tara. You will figure out over time that Raleigh is the queen of over exaggerating.”

  Tara just slightly shrugs her shoulder and smiles. “Well, you are here now, so let’s make the most of it. Starting with a tour for Raleigh.”

  Tara walks us through the house and shows us all the rooms, like she did for me the first day. Raleigh seems excited the whole time, and claims the side of the bed closest to the window. Her reasoning being since I would be staying slightly more often than her, I should be able to sleep near the night stand and bedroom door. I just roll my eyes, and Tara laughs at us both.

  Once we reach Tara’s room and she opens her closet, Raleigh’s jaw pretty much drops to the floor. She stands there frozen for a second, and I shove her in. Her hand starts lightly gliding across the racks and shelves. She stops, and looks over at Tara. “Ok, you have just officially become my new best friend. We can still let Caroline hang out with us some, I guess.” This actually makes me smile. I was worried about how Tara and Raleigh would do together. The smile right now, on both Tara and Raleigh’s faces, though, confirms things will probably be just fine.

  We make our way back to the kitchen and sit at the island. Tara gets us all a drink and some snacks. “Ok Caroline, I just have to tell you I am really sorry about Lori on Friday night. I never could stand that bitch while she and Eric were actually a couple, and I sure as hell don’t want to be around her now. She showed up at his house Friday, right before he was going to leave to come to mine. Once he mentioned he was getting ready to come see me, she pretty much insisted she come too. Lori used the whole, oh-how-I miss-Tara-I-would-love-to-see-her-again reasoning. Such bullshit; she just wants to get her claws into Eric again. As crude as it sounds, she is just basically a booty call every once in a while for him now. She is hoping for so much more, but it isn’t going to happen with Eric.”

  I slightly cringe with this information and Raleigh looks over at me, and back away quickly. “It isn’t your fault, Tara; he is the one that brought her. You didn’t know. I will admit, she didn’t exactly seem like someone I would ever care to be around again, though.”

  “I don’t want to be around her either. That is the thing, Eric knows I don’t like her. I made sure to make that very clear to him as soon as they broke up. Hell, I think I even made it pretty clear while they were together. So her whole excuse to see me really shouldn’t have worked. She was one of his longer relationships, though, so I guess he has some feelings toward her. Eric never really has been good at the whole long term rela
tionship thing. He claims it just isn’t worth it, and his job keeps him too busy anyway. Maybe he was just a little wound up Friday, and figured he would keep her around for the night to get what he needed later. Honestly, with her, though, he could have taken it before he left, and then pushed her away. Trust me, she would come back again—they always seem to try and come back.”

  I am now completely silent and still. Everything Tara just said about Eric and relationships is running full force through my head. Raleigh must since my sudden reaction, and clears her throat. “So, Tara, do you have any pictures of this Eric, and the rest of your family, around? I love looking at pictures. Plus, I have to know where you get those eyes of yours. They just really stand out—so pretty and dominant.”

  Tara gets up from her stool with a smile. “I have a couple framed pictures lying around here. I will get them, and show you.” Raleigh nudges my shoulder.

  I look up at her and just mouth “I’m good, it’s nothing”. She gives me a slight eye roll, and then Tara is back with three picture frames in her hands.

  She lays the first down in front of us and starts pointing at the people in them. “Ok, this one is me and my parents. I obviously get my eyes from my mom. Eric’s eye shape is more like my dad’s, but the color is just like Mom’s too.”

  Raleigh and I both look over the picture. I can definitely see a very strong resemblance between Tara and her mom. Tara is taller, but other than that they look very much alike. I can also tell that Eric looks a great deal like his father. I remember Eric’s jaw line looking a bit stronger, and then of course those eyes, but they look very much alike. I also take notice that, even though you can see some age around his dad’s face, he is a very good looking man—and built.

  Raleigh looks over at Tara. “Tara, I can’t believe how much you look like your mother. She is very pretty, and your dad is a very nice looking man too. This is a great picture.”