For His Eyes Only

by Lexi Blake

  “Yes. If you ask this of me, I would.”

  But she could see the shame in his eyes. How much had he done for Desiree? What had she asked of him? How much of his soul had he given away to stay close to her? He would do it because he thought it was all he had to give. Was that why D/s was so important to him? So he would have something besides brute force to give to a woman? She hated the fact that she’d put that look in his eyes. Reaching up, she caught his hand in hers.

  “I would never ask that of you, Nicky. Never. I don’t want that for you and I don’t want it for me, either. I’m sorry I mentioned it.” It was that nasty part of her, the part that needed to know he would give her what he’d given Des. Damn, but she didn’t like that part of herself.

  “You opened your eyes,” he said quietly, but a bit of the tension in his shoulders had fled. “I believe I specifically ordered you not to.”

  She had to remember that he needed this as much as she did. She kept praying that he would care about her, but every time he showed that he did, she retreated to someplace selfish.

  He needed her trust. Probably more than he needed her love. But then she knew that words could mean different things to different people. Love could be a difficult word for some. Actions were more important. He was here with her. He could easily have locked her away. This wasn’t merely about sex for Nick. She could feel it.

  “You did, Sir, and I broke that promise I made to obey you.” She let go of his hand and leaned forward, dropping to her hands and knees and allowing her ass to tilt up and into the air. It was easy to make herself physically vulnerable with him. The trust she had in this place was implicit. It was time to give him the emotional trust he needed.

  They were both damaged. Her by her childhood and him by so many things he wouldn’t talk about. Could she find some small healing for them both?

  “I won’t fight it, Sir,” she promised.

  A long sigh came from Nick as he dropped to his knees beside her. It was a satisfied sound. He ran a hand over her back and down to her ass, spreading warmth wherever he touched her. “There is nothing weak about you. Crying won’t change that fact. It will make you stronger. Only a weak person can’t feel emotion.”

  She didn’t want to feel this emotion, but he seemed to need it. She closed her eyes again and tried to find that place she’d found at the beginning of the session. Peace. Tranquility.

  A sharp crack hit her ears and then she felt the pain. It smacked along the fleshy part of her ass.

  He slapped her ass again, fire licking through her.

  This was not the playful smack from before. This was a full-on, her-ass-was-on-fire spanking and she couldn’t help but gasp at the sensation. She gritted her teeth against it and squeezed her eyes to keep them closed. Maybe if she pretended it wasn’t happening she could get through it.

  Her whole body shifted with the next smack and she bit back a cry.

  “Don’t pull away from me. Don’t try to hide from this. We can get through this, dushka. We can do it together.”

  Another swift smack. Every instinct told her to suck it up, to not let him know how much it hurt. He could fuck himself. She wasn’t giving him what he wanted.

  “This can’t work if you won’t give an inch.” He smacked her again, this time holding his hand against her flesh after. “Tell me if it hurts.”

  “Of course it fucking hurts, Nicky.” Did he think she was an idiot? Or was he the one who needed advice? “Getting hit hard hurts.”

  “So does being lied to.” Another smack. “So does being used.”

  She gasped at the pain of the next slap. It jarred through her, but it was more than simple pain. A thousand memories seemed to rush in, memories of her father, memories of Desiree.

  Liars. They couldn’t hurt her.

  “It hurts to lose your home, your life, your name.”

  He kept talking, but she was busy building a wall. A wall against her father and her fake cousin. All the lies they’d told. All the times they’d used her, and what had any of it meant? Con artists.

  The chaos in her head suddenly fell away and she was a child again.

  She’d gotten lost in a smoky casino, lost and looking for her father. She’d known how angry he would be that she’d managed to lock herself out of their hotel room. She would have waited by the door, but she was in only her nightgown and a man had tried to get her to come with him. She’d run and gotten caught by a massive security guard who’d called her father. She’d sat in the cold room waiting for his fury only to be wrapped up in his arms, squeezed so tight.

  I’m so sorry, baby. Are you all right? Please tell me you’re okay.

  She’d been so relieved and felt so loved.

  A hundred memories flooded through her. Memories of the days he took off to share amusement parks with her. Nights when they watched movies and ate room service fries. How he’d taken care of her that time she’d been so sick.

  He’d loved her. He’d worried about her. Why had he abandoned her?

  Nick smacked her again and she felt the dam shake. A gasp shot from her mouth and her body shuddered from the pain. Not the physical. Her spine shook as though taking the weight of some horrible trauma.

  Heartache and loss. She’d loved them all. Her mother, who had tried her best. Her father, the charming rogue. And Des. Desiree, the first woman outside of her mother to attempt to build her up. She’d loved her, too.

  If anything happens, run to him, love. I took him from you once. You won’t understand but it was in your best interest at the time. I always meant to give him back to you. I was simply selfish and kept him for a while longer. You see, you’re the only two people I ever loved.

  Another hard hit and she couldn’t stop the sob that welled inside her.

  “Yes.” Nick’s voice came out in a harsh grind. “Yes, love. That’s what you need. Give over. It hurts. Let the pain flow through you. Like a river rushing out. Let it leave.”

  The next smack brought a scream from her mouth, a primal sound of agony that had nothing to do with the physical.

  Why? Why had they done this to her? Why was it happening? She couldn’t see at all, the world blurred by the emotion pouring through her.

  She sobbed, unable to hold out a second longer. Once the dam had broken, there was no holding back the flood. Her body sagged, the will that held it up washed away. Before she could hit the floor, strong arms dragged her up and she found herself held tight against Nick’s body.

  “Hold on to me, dushka. Let me help you through. Cry all you like. I’m here,” he whispered into her ear.

  He started to talk to her, but it was all in Russian. Soothing words that she didn’t understand. It didn’t matter because she knew what he was saying. He was offering her comfort, affection. He was offering his love in the only way he knew how.

  She clung to him, allowing herself the relief of tears. He held her, rocking her in his arms while she cried.

  Slowly, so slowly, she began to come back to the world. She could feel the fabric of his suit against her skin, feel the warmth of his breath. The pain had leached away, but the residue would remain. It didn’t hurt as much as it had, and an almost grateful acceptance flowed over her as though the very cessation of heartache was pleasure in and of itself.

  But she needed more.

  She craved intimacy with him. Sitting in his lap and crying had fed her soul, but her body needed him, too. She was well aware she probably looked like hell, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was showing him how much he was needed. She tilted her head up, bringing her mouth close to his.

  “Please.” The words came out as a breathy plea. “I need you.”

  He didn’t hesitate. His mouth came down on hers and the hold he had on her body went from comforting to passionate in the space of a breath. As his lips moved over hers, she could feel the hard length of his erection. His back was against the couch, bearing the brunt of their collective weight and leaving his hands free to roam across her n
aked flesh.

  His tongue played with hers, a silken slide. His palms flattened on her skin and proceeded to explore, warming her everywhere he touched. Shoulders, chest, breasts. He smoothed his hands over her, leaving nothing untouched.

  She let her knees fall open, needing his touch at her core.

  “I need you more than you can know, dushka.” He licked at her lips before kissing his way to her neck as his hand moved down her belly. “What you gave me…I’ll never forget it.”

  She finally understood what he’d wanted from her. He’d wanted her to open up to him, to give him what she’d never given anyone else. Her pain. He’d offered to take some of it as his own, to lessen the burden. She needed to offer him something of her own, something more than her pain. “Take me, Sir. Take what I have. Take my body and my warmth and affection. Take me.”

  His tongue traced the shell of her ear. “No. Not this time. I want you to take me. I want you to ride my cock and look in my eyes while you do it. Know that my body is yours. Only yours.”

  The idea sent a thrill through her, and though she was tired from the crying, her body suddenly leapt back to life. Hers. All hers. It was everything she’d ever wanted and nothing she’d allowed herself to hope for.

  His hand fell away, but that was all right because he’d given her permission. Permission to take charge for once, to be in control of their intimacy. It wasn’t something he would do often. She knew that instinctively, but today he was giving her back a measure of control because she’d allowed herself to be out of it.

  His gift.

  She shifted, turning her body so she had access to his. Hayley straddled her big, gorgeous Russian. He was beautifully disheveled, with his normally tamed dark hair all rumpled and curling over his forehead. Like something Michelangelo would have sculpted. His jawline was perfectly straight and those lips were something she’d never been able to forget. She stared at him, trying to remember him as he was in this moment, so long after she could pull the memory from her head and play it over and over again. A movie she wouldn’t forget.

  “I think you’re so beautiful, Nicky.” She cupped his face, letting her thumb trace over the curves of those glorious lips.

  “No one has ever called me beautiful before, but I’ll take it from you.” His hands slid from her hips to her waist. “What are you going to do with me?”

  She knew what she would eventually do with him, but first she needed to touch him. She worked the buttons of his shirt, pulling it free from his slacks and belt so she could put her hands on him.

  His whole body reacted to her touch. She felt a shudder go through him and his pelvis pressed up against her. Nothing could make her feel as sexy as that erection pressed to her ass. Even when her ass was sore and achy. She ran her fingertips over his chest, reveling in every hard muscle she found there.

  “I’m going to ride you, but first I get to touch you. I love touching you. I feel so free with you.” She hadn’t imagined she could ever sit on top of a clothed man and feel so comfortable with her own body.

  With herself. It was more than her body that she was suddenly at ease with.

  Something deep inside had loosened up. Something had come unsprung, and she felt lighter for it. Braver. Bigger than she’d been before.

  “You are free,” he replied. “There is nothing you can’t do or say with me. No boundaries but the ones we make together. You can explore anything you wish to with me.”

  She leaned over, running her nose along his neck and breathing in his clean, masculine scent. She dragged her tongue over his skin. Yes, she could explore him. “What were you going to do to me before I cried?”

  His hands gripped the cheeks of her ass. “I was going to torture you, of course. I was going to move you up to a larger plug and watch you wiggle and squirm, the same way you will when I finally work my cock into your ass.”

  For the last few days he’d been playing with her there. It had been odd at first and then merely one more part of their intimacy. He’d told her nothing would be forbidden, that it would all come down to what pleased her or didn’t. After the initial shock, she’d found she liked the intimacy that came with giving over to him. The feel of the plug inside her had sent her into a deeply submissive state.

  She couldn’t help but rub herself against him. Like a cat in heat. That was what he did to her. He took her from the depths of despair to something like peace, and straight on to lust. He was everything. No matter what he did, he made her feel everything to a degree she never had before. “And what if I say no?”

  His hands parted the cheeks of her ass, exposing her. “You won’t say no. You’ll want me there. You’ll beg me. You’ll say, ‘please, Nicky. Please to take me there. Please to leave no part of me untouched with your cock.’”

  God, when his accent thickened, so did her lust. There was something about how he lost control of his accent when he was fucking her that heated her blood, as though the words that came out of his mouth in those moments weren’t measured or planned. They were for her, straight from his heart. Or his cock. She didn’t care in that moment. She wanted them both.

  “Yes, I’ll say that. I’ll give you all the dirty words you want.” Because those words, those acts weren’t dirty when it came to him.

  “I want more than words, dushka. I want you taking my cock deep inside. Please. Don’t make me wait forever.”

  She loved the fact that he couldn’t handle the same torture he loved to dish out. Unfortunately, she didn’t want to wait forever either. She couldn’t wait. She moved down, her fingers finding the buckle of his belt and releasing it.

  “Fuck, yes,” Nick groaned as she pulled back his slacks and boxers and released his cock.

  She caught that monster and stroked him, loving the way he pulsed in her hand and the drop of pearly fluid that seeped from the head. It was too tempting to pass up. She leaned over and licked off the pre-come. Salty and clean, she loved his taste.

  She also loved the deep shudder that went through him and the way his balls drew up.

  “Get the condom. It’s to your left.”

  She licked him again.

  “Please, dushka.”

  Now he was the one begging. She licked him one last time before reaching for the condom. Her body was desperate. She needed him far too much to keep him hanging on. She tore open the package and slid the condom on, her hands shaking with need. She straddled him, dragging her core against his erection until he was poised at her pussy.

  She balanced her hands on his broad shoulders and sighed in pure pleasure as she lowered herself down. Her head fell back and she concentrated on the way he felt as she took him deep. His hands were back on her ass. Even the ache in her backside was nothing more than another sensation to be had, another way she was connected to him.

  She opened her eyes and looked down at her lover. Hers. So beautiful. He was staring at the place where they were connected, watching her take his cock. A shiver went through her as she felt the tip of his finger rim her asshole.

  “Yes.” His voice was a low growl. “You’re so wet, it’s gotten back here, too. This is a taste of what I’ll do here.”

  She hissed at the sensation. Jagged pleasure jarred her from the dreamy state she’d found as Nick’s finger played at her asshole. It stopped her in her tracks and forced her to focus again.

  “Don’t stop,” Nick ordered.

  That finger circled around and around. With shaky breath, she moved her hips again, gasping when she felt him slip inside the ring of her ass. She couldn’t help but clench around him.

  “Relax.” His free hand guided her hips. Up and down and a little back. Enough that she found herself fucking both his big cock and that intriguing finger. “Let it happen. Let me in. Don’t fight it. Think about how deep I am inside you.”

  So deep. It felt like he was everywhere. She’d never given this to another man and that felt right and good. Only Nick. She found a rhythm that took him deeper. Up and down and back, the
jangled sensation of having her ass fucked gave way to pleasure. It was hot and stretched and she needed more. She wanted more than that solitary finger and she knew she would do everything he’d said she would. She would beg him for his cock, present herself in any way that pleased him.

  But for now all that mattered was the fact that they were together, that he was so deep inside her, connecting them, making them more than they were when they were apart. There was no feeling of being small, not when she was with him. When she was with him and not questioning every moment of their relationship, she was sure everything would be all right.

  She let go and fucked him, riding him rough and hard. He was hers and she treated him that way. Her man, her lover. Hers to please and love and take comfort from.

  More. She needed more. She wanted him as deep as he could go.

  His hand tightened on her hip and he twisted up, hitting that perfect place deep inside her. That place that made her back bow and a strangled scream of pleasure come from her throat.

  The orgasm bloomed from deep inside. It spiraled up and suffused her with heat and energy. Nick’s finger slipped out and she suddenly found herself on her back, the carpet cradling her as he fucked her hard. He’d lost all semblance of control and hammered inside her. She watched as his beautiful face contorted and his body stiffened.

  He fell on top of her, giving her his weight. She didn’t mind. She loved the feeling of being surrounded by him. He kissed her cheek and neck and murmured soft words she couldn’t quite understand. It didn’t matter. She could feel the affection pouring off of him.

  “We should take a shower.” He finally switched back to English, but his actions betrayed the words as he sighed and settled against her.

  She wrapped her arms around him and wished the moment didn’t have to end.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Nick sat back and stared at the pictures on the wall. It showed two men, the two men he’d nearly died trying to get the names of. They were ghostly images on the wall, seemingly insubstantial, but Nick knew the truth. Those two men were real and they were only two of many. Two of the many criminals who were looking for Hayley.