Journey to Her Dreams

by Iris Blobel

  “Hey, I heard that.”

  Jeremy looked up and saw Hollie in a window upstairs.

  “Love, I thought I taught you better than to listen to other people’s conversations,” Murray said with a smile towards Jeremy. “Women—as you said. Lad, just go through that door, through the kitchen and then up the stairs. Nice talking to you. Do you mind if I check out the black one over there?” Murray asked, nodding towards Jeremy’s BMW.

  “Feel free. The doors are still open.”

  Jeremy went into the house and followed Murray’s instructions to get to Hollie’s apartment upstairs. He vaguely remembered it from the previous visit. He knocked at the open door before he entered.

  “Come on in.”

  He stepped into the room. Taking in everything, he said, “Hi, there. Nice little place you’ve got here. Quite cosy.”

  Hollie came towards him. “I know! I love it. Dad built it a few years ago, so I wouldn’t move into town.”

  Jeremy came closer and placed a kiss on her cheek. “Hope you had a good sleep last night.”

  “Yes, I did. Thanks. Three days hiking and the drive back did take a toll on me. Sorry, I left so early.”

  “No worries, I understand.”

  “I only went out last night because Alex and Ben seem to have something going on, and for some odd reason she didn’t want to go on her own. No idea what was going on in her head.” Hollie shook her head absently.

  “I’m glad you came,” Jeremy said just above a whisper.

  Hollie blushed. He put his finger under her chin, but she moved away. Watching her, he was glad when she finally turned to face him.

  “I’m glad I came, too,” she said with a shy smile.

  Jeremy’s mouth twitched into a smile. “Anyway, I believe we have some work to do. Which room, Hollie?”

  She showed him through to her lounge room, where she had a little desk in the corner overflowing with documents and stationery.

  She pointed at a chair near her desk. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll just grab something to drink.”

  “No worries.”

  Jeremy checked out the room. It had a touch of organised chaos to it, with magazines in one corner of the couch and the other side swamped with laundry. The single-seater seemed to have all the mail on it, nicely sorted with little sticky notes, which, as he noticed on coming closer, had the due dates written on them.

  Jeremy choked back a smile and went over to the shelf. He was surprised by the variety of books and magazines. A lot of them were advertising related, but he also found a few books by Ruth Rendell, P. D. James, Caroline Graham and, as it seemed, the entire collection of the Midsomer Murders series. There were also Dan Brown’s books, a few John Grisham’s, and even Cecelia Ahern.

  What a mix. He found some photos amongst all the books as well. He laughed when he noted a photo of Hollie and Alex in school uniform. A photo sitting in the back corner caught his eye, and he thought he recognised a younger Murray, and assumed the woman by his side was Hollie’s mother.

  “That’s my mum,” Hollie said, all of a sudden by his side.

  “She was beautiful,” he commented.

  Hollie took the frame in her hand. “Yes, she was,” she whispered.

  Jeremy stared at her.

  “Anyway,” she said, “let’s do the impossible and finish this application.”

  Jeremy watched her as she carefully placed the frame back on the shelf, in the back corner.

  “Why are you hiding it?”

  “Hiding what?”

  He nodded towards the shelf. “Your mum’s photo.”

  She frowned as she protested. “I’m not hiding it.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  Hands on hips, she met his gaze. “Excuse me, so you have a diploma in psychology, too? I’m not hiding it. I place it at the back. I have a tendency to feel guilty that my mum had to die so I could live. I merely place it in a spot where she’s close to me, but not always in my sight.”

  Jeremy felt awkward, but then shook his head. Again, there was the refreshing honesty. She was finally starting to open up to him.

  He rubbed his eyebrow with his thumb. “Sorry. I never thought of it that way.”

  “That’s okay.” She went over to the table and took a drink. “I only have some lemonade.”

  ****

  Hollie was impressed by Jeremy’s knowledge about applications and the efficiency he showed to get every detail nicely worded. He seemed completely focused and in a different world. His questions were straight to the point. Hollie enjoyed working with him, and it seemed in no time they created an application, which suited her character: eager, yet respectful, experienced, yet still enthusiastic to learn more, outgoing, yet considerate of others—she liked it.

  “Jeremy, this is great. Thank you so much.”

  In her happiness, she leaned over to him and kissed him on the cheek. Jeremy raised his eyebrows. Silence hung in the air as they both just stared at each other. He carefully and slowly moved forward and kissed her. She didn’t move. She loved the feeling of his hand on her face when he moved her close to him. He gently touched her lips with his in another kiss. Hollie’s heart raced. His touch and his kisses were gentle and a wonderful sensation, but she was afraid this wasn’t the right time.

  She slowly pulled away. “I’m sorry, Jeremy.” She touched his lips with her finger, gazed into his eyes and, yet again, noticed how beautiful they were. Sighing, she whispered, “I don’t want to hurt you, but this is not what—”

  “Shh.” Jeremy took her finger off his lips and took her hand into his.

  “Please. I need you to know I like you. It’s just…there’s this…anyway, you just have to believe me.” She threw her hands in the air in frustration. “I have no idea what I’m saying.”

  A small frown came onto Jeremy’s forehead. “I’m afraid I don't either.”

  She ran her hand through her hair. “You’re not making this easy. There’s something I have to work through before I can even think about a relationship.”

  Hollie bit on her bottom lip as the lump in her throat grew. She needed to sort out her dreams and felt she wasn’t ready yet to start a relationship. But it wasn’t only her dreams, and she knew it.

  Deep inside, she was afraid of starting something. Starting something that might result in the same pain that had pulled her feet from underneath her. She thought of Jackson, her first love, the man she had wanted to grow old with, yet who had moved on with someone else. She knew she was treading on thin ice, but she didn’t want to lose Jeremy either. The little time they had spent together had been special. And as she met his gaze, her heart gave a leap.

  He held her hands with his and caressed her fingers. “Why don’t you let me help you?”

  “I don’t think you can. It is something I have to do on my own. I’m truly sorry.”

  Their eyes were locked. His voice was soft and just barely loud enough for her to hear. “Hollie, I was honest when I said I like spending time with you. I obviously can’t help you, so if you can tell me there’s a chance for us, I will wait.”

  Hollie entwined her fingers with Jeremy’s. “I can’t believe you’d do that.” Her eyes met his. “You hardly know me.”

  “I know, but I’ve now spent two beautiful afternoons with you. One has to start somewhere.”

  “Jeremy, I don’t want to bring this up all the time, but I still don’t understand why you were so rude in the car. It just doesn’t make sense to me.”

  Jeremy let go of her hands, leaned back, and rubbed his hands over his face. “Not my best day, eh? I’m sorry. Well, I know sorry probably doesn’t do it. I…it was…maybe just a matter of being overworked, lonely, old habits, a drink or two…”

  “The old habits sort of worry me a bit.” And with a sigh she added, “The drinks as well.”

  “Okay, I have a feeling I’m making this worse rather than better. ‘Old habits’ as in the girls before didn’t mind jumping into bed the f
irst night. Good job, good money—the girls were happy to—”

  Waving her hands, Hollie said, “Say no more. I have a feeling the bringing you back with your feet on solid ground will actually happen sooner rather than later.”

  “I’m already there, Hollie. I want this to work out.” He took her hand in his again and caressed her palm with his finger. “Frankly, I always wanted to have a girl like you.”

  “The different kind, you mean.”

  Jeremy shook his head and smiled. “Yes, the different and so-down-to-earth kind of girl.”

  “I do like you, too, but I don’t want to hurt you. I have no idea how long this will take.”

  “I’ll be right here waiting for you, I promise.” Jeremy gently pulled her closer into his embrace.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sam watched the clouds floating by outside the window as she talked to her mother on the phone. “I’m sick of this cold weather already and it’s only the start of the winter season.”

  “When are you coming home, darling?”

  “I’ll be home early on Boxing Day, Mum, maybe even late Christmas Day.”

  “Will Padraic be coming with you?”

  “No, it’ll be just me, and I’ll probably be staying a few days this year. Padraic is going skiing with his friends.”

  “Without you?”

  Sam sighed. “Yes, Mum. I don’t like skiing, and it’s so hard for him and his friends to find time all at once. Not to mention it’s even colder in the mountains.”

  “It is indeed. It’ll be so nice to have you here without the usual rush. Your dad is anxious to see you,” her mother replied with a smile in her voice.

  “How is Dad?”

  “He’s fine. The doctor was quite happy when he last saw him.”

  “How are you, Mum?” Sam asked with concern in her voice.

  “I’m doing fine, love. I went to Doctor Mackenzie the other day, and he’s given me the ‘all clear’ about my lumps. I’m so relieved.”

  Sam was all ears. “What lumps?”

  “I told you about the lumps under my arms.”

  Rubbing her neck with her hand, Sam tried to remember anything about that. “Sorry, Mum, I completely forgot. Things are a bit out of the ordinary over here.”

  “Darling, do you have problems at work?”

  “No, Mum, just a lot of work.”

  Her mother hesitated but asked, “Is all okay with you and Padraic?”

  Sam sat on the couch and slouched back right into it.

  “Sam?”

  She moved her hand through her hair before wiping a tear from her eye. “All is okay, Mum. By the way, we went down south the other week to have a few nights at the cottage. Sorry we didn’t drop in, but we were short on time.”

  As soon as the words were spoken, Sam regretted it, yet it seemed her mother hadn’t heard what she had said.

  “Love, why do I have the feeling you’re avoiding my question?”

  “Everything’s okay, Mum. Anyway, I’d better go. I still have a few things to do.”

  Her mother had heard her after all. “I suppose Padraic didn’t want to drop in.”

  Sam took a deep breath. “The thing is, Mum, we were lucky to find a weekend during which we both had no commitments. So, honestly, we didn’t have much time.”

  “I know. You never have time, love. You work too much.” The pain in her mother’s voice was evident.

  “You worry too much. All is okay. Gotta go. Love you both. Give Dad a big hug. Can’t wait to see you!”

  “Us too. Love you, Sam.”

  “Love you, too.” Sam hung up and went downstairs into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Padraic had gone north over the weekend for some business, and she enjoyed the quietness in the house.

  As she walked past the dining room, she looked at the empty spot where she always imagined a Christmas tree. A smile spread across her face and Sam stepped towards the front door, where she wrapped herself in a warm coat and a scarf. Still amused by her sudden actions, she walked a few meters down the road, catching the bus into the city. She disliked going on the bus. The crowd, the smell, and the stuffy air usually bothered her, but for some reason she didn’t feel like using the car. The thought of struggling through the traffic and then trying to find a parking spot was enough to persuade her to do the bus trip.

  The snow from the previous days had disappeared, and the days were now grey and wet. Sam preferred the snow. She was lucky to get a hold of a seat by the window. With a grin, she watched the people inside their cars cursing and honking the horn.

  “I gave up my car a long time ago,” the old man next to her said.

  Sam turned around. “Pardon me?”

  The old man pointed at the cars outside. “No more traffic and abusive drivers for me.” He smiled. “Doing some late Christmas shopping?”

  Sam wasn’t sure what to say. Why did this stranger want to have a conversation with her?

  “Sorry, this is my stop. Nice meeting you.” Sam stood and exited the bus hurriedly. She had no idea why she did what she had just done.

  Grand, now I have to walk two stops.

  She stared back at the bus and caught the eye of the old man. She flopped her arms down at her side and instantly felt bad.

  “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. The old man smiled and nodded.

  Not sure what she wanted, Sam enjoyed a leisurely stroll past all the beautifully decorated shops. Then there was a shop in front of her—the window filled with wonderful Christmas decorations, a stunningly decorated Christmas tree and a remarkable nativity scene. She stood in front of the shop window and just stared at the setting in front of her. Then she opened the door to the shop and stepped inside.

  Sam was amazed by the variety of trees and decorations, by the lights and colours, and by the various sizes of each item, but there was just one nativity scene that caught her eye—and she knew it would look good in her house. She chose the tree, the decorations, and included the nativity scene. Everything was to be delivered that afternoon—her excitement grew.

  ****

  When Sam returned home, she had a quick shower to warm up before she went back downstairs. She dialled Claire’s number. Things had been said that she regretted. The morning in town had put her into a lighter spirit. She wanted to apologise, or at least let her friend know that even though she didn’t agree, she accepted Claire’s opinion. Unfortunately, Claire didn’t answer, and Sam didn’t leave a message.

  After the delivery of the ordered items, she went into the dining room and slowly unpacked everything. She hadn’t been aware that setting up a Christmas tree was such a tedious task. She sat back in her chair. It had always been a big occasion for her and her father to go and get the Christmas tree a day before Christmas and decorate it. Her parents would shake their heads if they knew she had bought an artificial tree, but she couldn't care less—this was her first Christmas tree in her home, and it was going to be beautiful.

  She imagined Padraic going off at the idea of having a Christmas tree in the house. She thought about the peculiarity that even though Christmas had always been celebrated true to traditions in the Shaughnessy house, Padraic had always been opposed to exactly those traditions in their house. She never figured out why and never made an effort to find out, because up to this day she never cared much whether she had or hadn’t a Christmas tree in her house.

  Step after step and bit by bit she assembled the tree, added the decorations and lights, with a red bow and the golden star at the top. The nativity scene was placed next to it in all its glory. After hours of assembling, decorating, and creating, Sam stepped back to admire her work. She loved it! Her own Christmas tree. Still in thought, the phone rang and hauled her back. “Hello?”

  “Hi, Sam. It’s Claire here.”

  Sam sparked up. “Hi, Claire. How are you?”

  “I’m fine, but more importantly, how are you?”

  Sam couldn’t take her eyes off of her Christmas tree and smiled
. “I couldn’t be better.”

  “What happened? I mean…wow, the other day you were so distressed…today, you’re chirping like Santa himself.”

  “I take that as a compliment. Forget about the other day. One of those days when hormones go wild.”

  Claire showed her disbelief in the tone of her voice. “Sam, you and I know very well that wasn’t a day of wild hormones, but a day of a wild husband.”

  “Nah, forget about it. Please. It’s Christmas next week. Will I see you at Catherine’s Christmas dinner on Friday night?”

  “Yes, you will,” Claire replied.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Hollie was in the downstairs kitchen talking to Alex on the phone when the sound of a car arriving outside interrupted her.

  “Someone’s just coming down the driveway. I’d better go. Have a great Christmas, Alex. Catch up with you on Boxing Day…love ya.”

  From outside came the sound of a car door slamming, and Hollie sighed. She didn’t want any visitors on Christmas Eve. It was a special time just for her and her dad. She went over to the window. Jeremy was outside chatting with Murray, who was already in his good clothes and waiting for Hollie. She went outside and gave Jeremy a gentle kiss on the cheek.

  “Hi. I didn’t expect you here at all,” she said. Jeremy gently put his arm around her and returned the kiss.

  “I’d better leave you two to it,” Murray said with a smile, and as he turned to go back inside, added, “Remember we have to leave soon, love.”

  Hollie smiled back at him. “Won’t be long, Dad.”

  “I just wanted to put a little something under your Christmas tree. I hope you have one,” Jeremy said.

  “Yes, I’ve just finished decorating it. Come on in.”

  He smiled. “Just?”

  “Yeah. Break from traditions. We set up the Christmas tree a day or two before Christmas. I love the decorating part. Converting a bland tree into something outstanding and grand.”

  They both went inside, and Jeremy put his little present next to the tree. He winked when he caught her eyes. “You did well, Twinkles.”