A Song of Forgiveness

by Lillian I Wolfe

  My heart skipped a beat as a shiver raced down my spine. “You are too sexy,” I whispered. “When did you get so sexy?”

  He pulled back, his eyes narrowing, and he sounded indignant. “I have always been sexy. You mean to tell me you didn’t notice before now? What about in school?”

  I cringed and bit my lower lip. “I thought you were cute.”

  He winced. “It’s like a curse. Do you still think that?”

  “Ummm, sexy cute, and handsome and funny.” I put my glass down and put my hands along each side of his face pulling him back to me.

  Our lips met again, heat against heat, and our bodies wiggling against each other in an effort to get closer. I pulled at his shirt wanting to feel his skin and rub my hands against his chest while he ran his hands down my throat, reaching under my shirt to find the rounded treasures in my bra. A thumb rubbed against a nipple and I gasped, eager for more, wanting it, and I mumbled something as another man’s face flashed, just for a moment, in my mind.

  He pulled back, sitting up. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

  Puzzled, I gaped at him, wondering why he’d stopped. “Of course I do. Why do you ask?”

  “Because you just called me Gavin.” The flat tone in his voice said far more than the words.

  Oh, shit. Talk about a bucket of water on a hot fire.

  Mortified, I bolted up, then sat with my hands between my knees like a silly schoolgirl. “I’m sorry, Ferris. I am so sorry.”

  How could I have done that? I wasn’t even thinking about Gavin. Expect for that momentary flash that had come unbidden. I opened my mouth to say more and closed it again. What could I say?

  He picked up his wine glass and moved to the lounge chair on the left, then took a big sip as he stared at the floor.

  My gaze tracked from him to the wine glass on the table in front of me. The rug on the floor under the table had a small stain on it, maybe from a spilled glass of wine, but why was I thinking about that now? I’d just hurt a man I cared about more than words could express.

  And I had wanted him. Him! Not Gavin. Not anyone else. So why the hell had Gavin’s name come out of my mouth?!

  “Have you slept with him?” Ferris asked in a quiet, pained voice.

  “No. I had a crush on him when we were at the university. You know that. But no, not then and not since I’ve been working with him.”

  Although that kiss from our Sunday practice popped into my mind. But it was just a kiss. A kiss full of fire and desire, but so was the one I had with Ferris. Crap. I felt so confused.

  I reached for my purse. “I’d better go. I really am sorry. I care about you so much.” My voice broke as I said it.

  “And him as well.” Pain and disappointment colored his voice.

  I felt the strain in my voice as I managed to say, “In a different way. There’s nothing between us like this. Maybe I— I... I don’t know why I said his name.”

  I ran out the door to my Jeep.

  Fittingly, it had begun to rain, cold drops falling onto my face along with the tears leaking from my eyes.

  EIGHT

  Once again, I stood in the same dirt in the same canyon Gavin and I had gone to before. I had dressed in my already dirty clothes from the last time with the assumption I would be able to toss a successful light blast. To say I lacked self-confidence would be overstating it. I didn’t have a clue how to control this so-called ability.

  I’d run through the successful casts a few times since Sunday, but I couldn’t point to anything I’d done differently in the attempts that didn’t work. Gavin had tried for a pep talk on the way to the site, suggesting that maybe I had just been tired and energy-drained the last time. He was upbeat even if I wasn’t.

  He picked a new target, relieving the poor boulder of its enemy status.

  “There,” he said pointing toward a large hill.

  “That big mound of dirt? You think I can hit it?” If you can’t hit the mountain, you’re finished; I got the message. I scowled at him.

  “No, the cluster of sagebrush about three hundred feet away there.”

  I looked again, spotting the gray leaves of the family of desert sage. “You want me to murder innocent sage bushes?” I considered that proof that he didn’t think I’d be able to do it, else why risk the plants?

  He replied with a mischievous grin that was so charming and pointed again. “Just try it.”

  I took a deep breath, thought about the shades and how annoyed they made me, then wound up a cast and thrust my hand out.

  I stared through my open fingers as nothing happened.

  “You had to have done something different. Tell me what you just did.” He sounded patient, but I felt he might be getting annoyed with me.

  “I thought about how I did it and in what position my hand was the first time I cast it. Then I recalled the shade in my bathroom and how frightened I was at first, then angry, and I cast my hand out.” I went through the motions again, showing him as I talked.

  “At what?” he asked after he thought a couple of moments.

  “At the sage,” I answered. Wasn’t that what he’d said?

  He looked exasperated, his mouth puckered and looking like he’d eaten something soured. “You thought about aiming at the sage?”

  “Yes. That was my target.”

  “But you’re not angry or afraid of the sage.”

  “No. I’m angry at the shade...” I halted and realized what I’d just said. “I’m angry at the shade. I need to cast with my anger directed to the target I want to hit. So, I need to envision the shade in front of me, not the sage or the boulder.”

  Eager to try, I motioned him aside and prepared again, going through the steps and calling the image of the cowering shade to mind, then flung the blast out.

  The desert exploded with the impact of the blast, although I managed to overshoot the sage clump and hit a small pile of rocks another thirty or so feet beyond it.

  “That’s it!” Gavin shouted. “You need the anger and the focus to make it work. If you don’t aim for the real target, you’re not really getting the anger. Okay, let’s try the cone-shaped fingers and see if you can direct it better.”

  With a nod of agreement, I started again, focusing and seeing the shade on the roof, then directed the blast toward a rock on the edge of a jutting bank of land that I saw as that disturbing shade.

  Boom! Right on!

  The rock exploded out and dirt flew.

  Gavin had recorded it with his phone and we huddled into the cab of his truck to watch it again. Mouth hanging open in amazement, I punched his arm with excited enthusiasm that it worked. As I sobered, my stomach tightened with fear by the power I seemed to wield.

  “What is it, chica?” he asked as he noticed the look on my face.

  “The enormity of it, Gavin. I was just an ordinary woman until that accident, then the visions and the ethereal cemetery. Then it was shades and now this. I feel so out of my element. This isn’t who I am.”

  I waved my casting hand toward the pothole I’d left in the ground. Gavin caught it and pulled it between both of his.

  “I know this is strange and feels weird. I’ve been right where you are. I didn’t start out with any special ability, but I think sometimes, when it’s necessary, people are chosen by some power—call it God. We’re given a gift or gifts, and a job to do. I think someone called you to be the Creator’s champion.”

  He paused and glanced toward the field that looked like a grenade had blown up on it. “You’ve received an extraordinary gift and you can handle it. You’re so much stronger than you believe, Gillian. I knew that when I first met you. The only thing you lack is belief in yourself.”

  I thought about what he said as I turned my face to look at the open desert around us. Was it true? But even with this amazing power I seemed to have, I didn’t believe it would be enough against the True Shades. Hell, maybe not even against more than a few of the regular ones.

  I tol
d Gavin as much and he nodded. “But you’re not alone. We’ll find others, chica. I believe there’s a way to defeat them. Just don’t try anything until we have a battle plan. In the meantime, let’s practice a little more.”

  He motioned for me to get back to work and he held up his phone to indicate he was taping. He wanted me to try different ways to hold my hand and distribute the energy. After several more attempts, I learned I could focus it in or I could do a broad sweep, depending on how I shaped my fingers. He even made me do it with my left hand to see if I could use it as well, which I did.

  “Both hands at once,” he called and I complied, watching in satisfaction as two streams of white energy shot across the desert, traveling side by side to their destinations.

  After that, I felt drained, slumping over from the waist and wanting to just sit on the ground. “The only drawback is that this is draining,” I complained. “I could use a candy bar or something with sugar.”

  He went into the truck and pulled out a stale doughnut with one bite out of it. “That’s all I got, chica.”

  I shot a look of disgust at him, but snatched it out of his hand and gobbled it down like I hadn’t eaten in days.

  He crouched down beside me. “I should have realized you’d be burning calories with this. That power’s coming from you, super chick. Let’s head back to town and I’ll buy you a high-calorie Mexican dinner.”

  “Oh, sweet. I want enchiladas and chile rellano and tacos... and beans, lot of beans. With cheese.” I let him haul me to my feet then I stumbled, without grace, into the passenger seat. I felt utterly drained.

  As we drove back to town, I drowsed off, but my mind drifted to thinking about Ferris and how the heck I was ever going to get things back on track with him. I had to ask myself if I wanted a romantic relationship with him or had that train already jumped the track? And how did I feel about Gavin? Was this just a crush, a fantasy left over from a few years ago or would there be a possibility of something more with him?

  I had questions and no answers.

  Over dinner, we talked about the progress, or lack of same, we’d made on finding more people who could help and getting additional information on the shades themselves.

  “I’m still waiting for a reply from the one woman who indicated she might have seen a black moving shadow that was suspicious. She could be a fraud, but I have hope. One was a definite fraud, making up stories about interacting with the shadows. It was laughable. I have one guy in Japan who’s asked me a couple of questions about what I’m talking about.” I paused to sip on my peach margarita. “I think I may have to go into a little more detail, Gavin. Not tell them exactly what I’ve encountered, but suggest a little more. If they’re like me, they’re probably not too eager to tell others about it.”

  He nodded as he listened, a small twist of his lips telling me he found it humorous. “You’re probably right. Most people would think you were crazy or you’re one of those conspiracy theorists and these are aliens rising up against humanity.”

  I frowned. “Well, aren’t they?”

  He laughed. “Yeah, I guess they are. Just not the kind most people were expecting.” He paused, rubbed his fingers against his drink glass, then leaned toward me. “I may have a lead on something. I have a friend in Taipei who’s an anthropologist and who might have some information on the True Shades. There’s a document found in a Cambodian dig that refers to a demon-like creature they call the pacura yiaiwa, which is like a soul thief.”

  “Sounds about right. Yiaiwa is a good name for them. I see one and I think, ‘yee-ay-wa”. How about we call them that from now on? But what we need to know is how to kill or repel these creatures. Any clues on that?”

  He shrugged. “Working on it, chica.”

  I hoped he’d have answers soon because I couldn’t help but feel we were running out of time.

  NINE

  For once, the weather forecast for the weekend seemed to be panning out as Janna and I drove over the Sierra Nevada mountains toward the Sacramento Valley. I felt the weight lifting from my shoulders as I began to leave most of my worries behind me and looked forward to a fun weekend with my best friend. Ever since grade school, we’d had each other’s back and it was worth our combined weight in gold to know we could count on each other.

  Janna’s spirit had brightened the further we got away from Reno. When I expressed my concern about her new job being too much for her, she assured me she was getting used to it. Just a lot of running, extra hours, and late nights, she said. But she enjoyed the work and she was learning tons of new things.

  On the other hand, she countered with her worries about the direction I was heading. She’d seen the interview I did with Gayle Trumbull and gave me a two thumbs up for the way I’d handled myself. Gayle, or her director, had edited out the one section that I’d stopped her on, so it came across as a pretty favorable picture of me and not at all what Trumbull wanted it to be. Whether it would have any impact on the hecklers at our shows remained to be seen.

  “I thought you were terrific, anyway,” Janna said as we passed the agricultural checkpoint in California with a wave to the officer. For the most part, they never checked anyone coming from Nevada into the state. Most of our fruits and vegetables came in from the Golden State anyway.

  “Well, thank goodness for my acting classes and my ability to be a different person on stage. I was just glad Trumbull didn’t press on some of the things she might have, but I was prepared to dodge those questions.”

  We’d taken Janna’s new car, instead of my Jeep. It was downright luxurious compared to my tough vehicle. I’d concluded that she’d gotten a decent raise with the new job, enough to buy the brand new Chevy Malibu. “I wanted a Camero, but this is more practical,” she’d told me while I’d gushed over the car when I saw it.

  “So, since you’ve planned this weekend out, where we are heading?” I asked as I adjusted the headrest on the seat and move it an inch or so further back to stretch my legs. Heaven.

  “It’s a surprise,” she answered. “But I think you’ll love it. We won’t be going all the way to Sacramento, but it will be warmer and really fun.”

  “Warmer is good.”

  Right now, the Sierras had a heavy layer of snow from several storms that had buffeted them this year, but once we descended toward the valley on the other side, it would warm up significantly.

  “So, when we spoke yesterday, you were worried about Ferris being able to housesit Nygard tonight. I assume that worked out.”

  “It did.” I gazed out the window. Although I’d sent him a text message the morning after our shake-up and apologized again, I hadn’t heard from him. Finally, I’d sent another and asked him if he was still on to watch my cat or maybe I could find someone else. The only other person I would trust in my house, except for the one at the steering wheel, was Digby. I knew he would do it, but I hated to pull him away from any plans he might have with his partner. But Ferris had come through, telling me he’d do it and not to worry. The message was terse and I couldn’t blame him. I sighed. “We had a little...altercation, but he’s doing it.”

  “What happened?” she quizzed.

  “I’ll tell you later.” I didn’t want to get into it now. I perked up and told her what I’d been dying to say ever since yesterday afternoon. I’d wanted to tell Ferris, but not in the frame of mind we were both in now. “I’m learning how to control my light blast thingy.”

  “Your what?” She sounded puzzled. Hadn’t I told her about that?

  “My secret weapon. You know, I point my hand and a column of light blasts from it and zaps the shades?”

  She glanced at me. “I must have missed that. What are you talking about?”

  I was certain I’d mentioned it to her before, but I hadn’t talked to her all that much since the big confrontation. I dropped back to square one and went through the whole story and how Gavin was helping me to learn to use it.

  “Whoa. What are you telling me? Who are
you? A superhero?” She cast a sharp glance at me, then pulled the car over to the shoulder before she turned it off and turned toward me. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? You could have been killed!” Her eyes turned stormy as her fury at just now finding out about it emerged.

  “Calm down. I’m fine. Nygard’s fine. Yes, it was scary and I won’t deny I’ve been concerned about it. But I haven’t found a good time to tell you. Since you got the new job, you’ve been working more than not. And honestly, I thought I’d at least told you about the light thing since that happened—”

  “No! No, you don’t brush this under the carpet and make it seem like I was too busy to support you while you were risking your life. I could have made time... would have made time. You’re like a sister, Gilly. What if I’d lost you?” Tears welled in her eyes as she spoke and her hands shook with her anger.

  I reached across, catching her hands. “Janna, it’s okay. I’m okay. I didn’t know I would be going up against the shades when I sang at Saffi’s funeral. But I learned that my light weapon is a powerful one and if I have to face these demons, then I am at least armed. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all about it. Things have been a little rough for me over the past couple of months as well.” I released her hands and opened my door. “Let’s take a little stretch break and calm down, okay?”

  She nodded her head, a pouty look distorting her usually beautiful face, and she opened her door to get out. I stepped out of the car and walked around the back where she met me.

  “I’m sorry,” I repeated. “I love you and I should have told you. I just didn’t want to interrupt your new job. You always seemed so busy and you didn’t need the distractions. I was okay and I had Ferris and Digby supporting me through it. Do you forgive me?”

  Throwing her arms around me, tears bursting out, she sobbed against my shoulder. Jerkily, between sniffles, she cried, “Of course, I do. I would have been there, hunny. You know it.”