For the Love of Sin

by Leanne Banks

  Another thought persisted, though, and she had to voice it. “When I was diagnosed, I quit my partnership in Tennessee and came here. In the back of my mind, I was running home, but when I got here I was afraid to tell you. Afraid you’d turn away like before.”

  Rex’s face wrinkled in agony. He shook his head. “It won’t happen, Senada. I swear it, baby. I ran away from your mother, and I’ve been paying for it ever since.” He looked down, then back at her. “Hate to admit this, but sometimes it takes a long time for a man to become a man.”

  And Rex had become a man. She could see it. It might be hard for him, but she knew he would stay with her even if it killed him. The dam of resentment burst inside her, and the feeling of freedom and hope made her dizzy. She blinked at tears blurring her vision. Her throat was knotted, her chest tight, and she was ready to sob. “Oh, Daddy, you think we can turn this thing around now after all these years?”

  Before she knew it, he was beside her, pulling her down and holding her in his arms as if she were ten again. “I’ve been dreaming of this day for years. I almost can’t believe it’s true.”

  “Me too.” She swallowed hard and thought of Troy. How had he known? She patted her father on the back. “There’s someone I need to thank.”

  “Later,” Rex said. “We’ve got some catching up to do.”

  Hours later, Sin arrived back at her house, feeling exhausted and elated. She and her father had talked and talked. They’d argued about a few things, but it had been good-natured. He wanted her to move into his house. She told him to forget it. “I want us to stay on speaking terms for longer than twenty-four hours,” she’d said.

  He’d grumbled, but relented. He’d also been anxious about her diagnosis. After she’d filled him in on her treatment, he seemed to relax a little. He would keep a watchful eye, though, she thought. And she didn’t mind it. She even kind of liked it.

  Troy’s rental car was missing, so he must have gone out, she decided. She needed to apologize. She needed to thank him. And then she needed to tell him that she loved him. The thought terrified her, but she wanted to do it. She wanted him to know.

  She headed for the kitchen to clean up the mess she’d made and stopped when she saw the plate she’d broken on the kitchen counter. It had been glued back together, and there was a note attached.

  Senada,

  I’m not sure it’s usable, but it’s fixed. I couldn’t resist trying. Sorry if I made things more difficult for you. I understand you need to make your own way. If you ever decide you want to share your life with others, remember there are people in Tennessee who love you. Take care, Troy

  Senada stared at the note and felt her heart fall to her feet. She reread it again and again. No hidden messages. No questions. No frills. The message was clear.

  Troy was gone. She’d waited too long.

  She went through the motions of her routine, went to work, ate when she was supposed to and took her insulin. She even went to bed at her regular time.

  But she couldn’t sleep.

  Troy’s scent was still in the room. It was too easy to imagine his body right next to hers as it had been the night before. Too easy to remember the sound of his voice, low and sexy. Too easy to recall the way his breath drifted over her hair and his hand wrapped around her waist, pulling her against him.

  So easy and so hard.

  Sin sat up in bed and flicked on the beside light. She needed to shoo his ghost away. With the light on, she knew he wasn’t there. Yet, his scent remained.

  Swearing, she got up from her bed, took a freshly laundered blanket from the linen closet and made her way to the living room sofa. It took another hour of telling herself not to think about him before she finally fell asleep, and when she did, she dreamed about him.

  The next morning, she changed the sheets, laundered the bedspread and lit a candle to purge his scent and presence from the room.

  When she went to bed that night, however, she still couldn’t sleep. Dozing on the couch became a ritual that lasted for five nights.

  Cranky and bemused, she unloaded on her dietician at her regular appointment. “I have always been the one to finish a relationship, Helen.”

  Helen nodded. “So this is ego?”

  Senada paused. “Ego,” she repeated, and laughed. “I wish.”

  Helen’s eyebrows rose. “Oh, my. I take it you’d like an ongoing relationship with this man.”

  Sin nodded. “Yes. But it will be difficult with him in Tennessee and me in Texas. Plus, there’s the fact that he left and he hasn’t called.”

  “True,” Helen said, and continued to pencil in some foods for Senada on her menu. “The distance between Tennessee and Texas might as well be the same as the North Pole and the South Pole.”

  Sin started to nod, then stopped. “It’s not quite that far.”

  “Hmmm. And the reason he hasn’t called probably doesn’t have anything to do with your obsession to remain independent.”

  Indignation flared inside her. “I’m not obsessed.”

  Helen gazed at her skeptically. “Hmmm.”

  “I’m not obsessed,” Sin insisted. “Look at how my father and I have made amends. I even asked him to give my neighbor a job. I’ve been to dinner at his house twice since our big powwow.”

  “So why are you so upset about Troy?”

  Senada’s heart squeezed tight. “I didn’t want him to go,” she admitted. “I liked being with him. Other men I get tired of after a few hours of their nonstop company. But I even like bickering with Troy. I was really surprised when I found out he wasn’t as dumb as I thought he was.”

  Helen shook her head. “You didn’t give him that last overwhelming compliment, did you?”

  “No, but I thought it.” She stood and paced around the small office. “And I really liked the attention he paid to me. I mean, I know my body turned him on, but he was always trying to get past what I said to what I really meant. Being with him got to be a habit,” she said, and the knowledge hurt. “And I don’t want to break the habit.”

  Helen sat back in her seat. “Do you think he loves you?”

  Her insides twisted and splintered. She wondered how she could feel euphoric and sad at the same time. “Yes,” she said quietly. “I think he does.” What a revelation, she thought. Even though he’d said it, even though he’d acted it, it had taken him leaving for her to comprehend the truth.

  Helen shrugged. “Then it seems to me your decision is easy. Are you going to fly or drive?”

  Sin ended up driving a week later.

  She didn’t just drive herself. With help from one of her father’s ranch hands, she loaded a trailer with most of her worldly possessions. She quit her job, got out of her lease and after a long talk with Rex, headed north.

  The hours of riding afforded her several opportunities to reconsider, to come to her senses and turn back, but Sin kept on going. She’d gotten what she came for in Texas, and now it was time to go back to the people who loved her. Though she could tell her departure saddened her father, she knew their relationship would never be distant again.

  After pulling into a Chattanooga hotel just after noon, she freshened up and called Lisa, who insisted Sin come over immediately.

  “You’re back! You’re back!” Lisa said, a baby on her hip, as she opened the front door to her traditional home. Her face scrubbed free of makeup, her light brown hair tied up in ponytail and dressed in casual shorts that accented her long, lean figure, she looked happier than ever.

  “Come here,” she said, and hugged Sin.

  Sin returned Lisa’s embrace and smiled at the youngster. “She’s adorable. Got your face and the Pendleton eyes.”

  “Brick’s chin,” Lisa corrected with a grimace. “Stubborn. All three of them got Brick’s chin.”

  “Where is the iron man?” Sin asked.

  Lisa grinned at the familiar joke between them. Sin often deliberately forgot Brick’s name. “Brick, Sin. Not rock, not iron or steel. Bri
ck.” She rolled her eyes and led Senada to the family room, where the other two babies lay in the playpen. “You are staying for dinner, aren’t you? He’ll be crushed if he misses you.”

  “I bet,” Sin said wryly, knowing Brick had very mixed feelings about her. She sat down on the couch.

  “No,” Lisa said, shifting the child. “Really. He wants to grill you about Troy.”

  Sin’s heart caught. “Why?”

  “Because ever since Troy came back from Texas, he’s been quiet.” Lisa met Senada’s gaze squarely. “Quiet,” she repeated. “Troy is many things, but quiet isn’t one of them.”

  “Oh,” Sin murmured, wondering what the quiet meant. “He told you why I went to Texas, didn’t he?”

  “No. He said it was your business. Your place to tell or not tell.”

  Sin gaped at her longtime friend. She put her hand to her throat in surprise. “I—uh—” She shook her head. “He didn’t tell you I was diagnosed with diabetes?”

  Now it was Lisa’s turn to look shocked. “No.” Her pretty face wrinkled in concern.

  “Are you okay? That must have been frightening. How long has it—” She stopped and looked at Sin with hurt indignation. “Why didn’t you tell me!”

  Sin stood. “It’s a long story,” she began.

  “I’ve got all afternoon,” Lisa insisted.

  Sin gave Lisa the background on her diagnosis and her mother’s death. While she told her friend, she felt foolish for turning away from her close friends when she’d been hurting. She was relieved that Lisa didn’t blame her and was just pleased to have Sin back in town. Lisa wanted to make plans to put their catering business back together as soon as Sin could manage it. The two were discussing clients when Brick walked through the door.

  Followed by Troy.

  “Hi, honey, I dragged my mute brother along for dinner since—” Brick, the biggest of the Pendleton brothers, broke off when he saw Sin. Distrust and reluctant affection warred in his gaze. “Well, well, look what the wind blew in.”

  Lisa fluttered to her feet. “Sweetheart, Sin’s just been telling me…”

  Sin knew Lisa was talking, but she couldn’t have repeated a word. She was too busy staring at Troy. She was so immobilized, she wondered how she managed to breathe. Inside, she was sweating and swearing. She wasn’t prepared for this. She’d wanted to take a shower first, compose herself, practice in front of a mirror.

  She gave herself a hard mental shake. She was Senada Calhoun. Cool, in control, she could reduce most men to stuttering. She held all the cards in a relationship. She said when. She said how. She said goodbye.

  At that moment, she couldn’t form the word boo. And she was about as mighty as Jell-O.

  Suddenly, Lisa stopped talking, and she and Brick were alternately staring at Sin and Troy.

  Holding her gaze, Troy nodded. “It’s good to see you, Sin. You doing okay?”

  She cleared her throat. “Yes.”

  “Good,” he muttered, and looked away.

  She waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t. Lisa gazed at him searchingly and began to fill the silence. “Sin’s had a long drive, so I thought we’d go ahead with dinner and…”

  Brick gave Lisa a kiss and squeezed her against him, then picked up two of his babies. Troy took the one Lisa held, and within minutes they all sat around the kitchen table.

  “Where are you staying, anyway?” Lisa asked as they began to eat.

  “A hotel for now,” Sin said, ever conscious of Troy’s presence. Why wasn’t he saying anything?

  “We’ve got an extra room,” Lisa said.

  Brick blanched.

  Senada laughed. “That’s okay. I’ve got a trailer, so I’ll need to make a quick decision about where I’m going to live.”

  “Live,” Brick echoed, glancing at Troy. “So you’re really back?”

  “Yes. I am.” She looked for Troy’s response, but when there was none, she felt a sinking sensation in her stomach. Perhaps she’d overestimated his feelings for her.

  Troy played with his triplet nieces and remained quiet the rest of the evening. Senada grew distressed. Concerned that she would be unable to hide her feelings, she decided to leave. She thanked Brick and Lisa, tickled the three little girls under their fat little chins and gave a quick nod to Troy.

  “G’night.”

  He finally met her gaze. “Glad you’re back, Sin, for however long you decide to stay.”

  Senada paused, taking in his statement. It told her everything. He was afraid she was going to leave. “I’m here to stay, Troy,” she told him, feeling a smile climb out from inside her.

  “For good.” Because she just couldn’t resist, she lowered her voice to a purr. “Come by room four thirty-three at my hotel tomorrow at 7:00 a.m. if you want to see something you’ve never seen before.”

  Then she walked out the door and let Mr. No-Talk chew on that for a while.

  At three minutes till seven, Troy rapped on Senada’s door. Ever since he left Sin, he’d had to do everything but break his fingers to keep from calling her. He felt as if he’d gone through a meat grinder, and it was all he could do to put a good face on every day. His brothers were nagging the living daylights out of him.

  He hadn’t counted on falling in love with the modern-day equivalent of Mata Hari. He swore under his breath. How the hell was he supposed to find a way to get her to stay with him? He swore again.

  Sin opened the door and stared at him, her brown eyes wide with emotion and questions. “Come on in,” she murmured.

  Her hair was damp from her shower, and she wore the silk robe he’d taken off of her so many times. “A lot has happened since I last saw you,” she said, heading for the bathroom. “I went for a ride with my dad, and we’re speaking again. I have you to thank for that.” She met his gaze. “Thank you.”

  Speechless, Troy stood outside the bathroom. “I didn’t do any—”

  “Yes, you did. You knew better than either of us did how much my dad and I needed to reconcile our differences.”

  He shrugged, still bowled over by her gratitude. “Okay.”

  She stepped inside the bathroom and gazed at him expectantly. “Well, are you coming or not?”

  Confused, he stared at her. He’d always known Sin was a little sideways, but this was— She lifted a syringe. His internal protests died and he stepped inside.

  She gave a tight smile. “Get ready for the greatest show on earth.”

  His heart flipped over. “Sin, you don’t have to—”

  “Yes. I do.” She bit her lip. “Sorry the accommodations are a little tight, but this won’t take long. You want to sit on the side of the tub? Don’t worry. I dried it off.”

  She pulled out an alcohol pad and tore it open. “I talked Rex into giving Maria a job. She and the kids are moving to the ranch.”

  She looked matter-of-fact but sounded nervous. Concentrating on her, Troy nodded. “That’s good.”

  She sat down and allowed her robe to slide open. “Left thigh today. Can’t repeat injection sites too often. I probably seem calm, but I want you to know how I really feel.”

  She lifted one of her hands to him. “Touch my palm.”

  Troy did. It was damp, sweaty and trembling slightly. He closed his hand around it.

  She looked at their entwined hands for a long moment, then brought his to her mouth and kissed it. “Thanks,” she whispered, then released his hand. “I really hate shots. Always have. When I was a little girl, I screamed every time I got a booster shot. So when the doctor told me I would be giving myself injections twice a day for the rest of my life, I asked about other options.” She frowned in distaste. “None of them were good, so before I knew it, I was practicing on oranges. And then on me.” She shot him a warning glance. “It’s still not a dignified sight.”

  She swiped the alcohol pad across her thigh and hesitated for a few seconds. Her tension wrapped around his heart like a steel cord. Fear flashed through her eyes, an
d he wanted to hold her.

  “God, I hate this,” she whispered. She plunged the needle into her thigh. Her face wrinkled in a quick slice of pain. “Oh!” Two seconds passed, and she was tossing the syringe into the trash can.

  She stood, took a deep breath and smiled sheepishly. “All done.”

  Troy stood more slowly. “Why’d you finally let me see?”

  “Because you asked,” she told him, her eyes growing suspiciously shiny. “I’ve never had anyone love me the way you did.” She swallowed and seemed to work at keeping her composure. Her voice was unsteady. “Enough to make me love him back. And I guess I wanted you to know that whatever you ask of me, even if it’s hard, I’ll try to give it to you.” She met his gaze, her eyes awash with fear and love.

  Troy’s heart was so full, he couldn’t speak. She loved him.

  She bit her lip. “I’m getting very nervous, Troy. I just spilled my guts, and you’re not saying anything.”

  Swearing, he still couldn’t form words, so he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bed. He set her down and followed after her.

  “You’re still not talk—”

  He covered her mouth with his hand. “Give me a minute. I feel like Lazarus coming back from the dead. The last two weeks have been hell.”

  She lifted her hands to his face and looked at him in wonder. “I missed you. I hadn’t counted on it, and it really annoyed me.”

  Troy felt a rusty chuckle bubble up from his chest. “Annoyed you enough to make you come to Tennessee so I could annoy you some more.”

  She smiled. “Yes.”

  He thought about how she’d finally let him watch her give herself an injection. It was crazy, but sharing that moment of vulnerability with her had felt almost as intimate as making love. He pushed open her robe and lowered his head to press a kiss to her thigh. He felt her fingers thread through his hair, and he closed his eyes for just a second.

  “You said you’d give me anything I asked for,” he said, looking up at her.

  She met his gaze straight on. “Yes.”

  “I want to know all your secrets.”