The Department of Hate - A Love Story

by Anthony O'connor

  Lucifer had conjured up a large screen which hovered in the air in front of them. They all watched as Jarrod and Cassandra left the city and made their way out onto the Plains of Desolation. Lucifer couldn’t understand it. Given what was about to happen on Earth and what was already under way, going back there was stupid. Even if Beelzebub really had forgotten the plan and just didn’t know - it was still stupid. And his obvious obsession with the human female – that was just incomprehensible! Asmodeous and Belial watched more impassively. They were pleased to see Beelzebub go. If only Lucifer would go with him then they would just have to fight each other for dominance. Each of them considered the other to be more or less easily defeatable – the other three major demons: Gaap, Paimon and Marbas, would be vanquished with barely any effort at all. Marduk watched all of this, revealing nothing. The only one not watching silently was Odin.

  Odin was raging, eyes blazing, shaking his head furiously. He glared at the three demons, focusing on one after the other, screaming at them

  “You killed my son, Thor.” Even as a projection he was frightening. Lucifer who wasn’t frightened of anything still blinked. He didn’t know what to say. Odin was still screaming at him.

  “Stuck in that accursed pit, forever. Worse than death.” Lucifer decided not to mention that he’d also been decapitated. It wouldn’t help the situation. Odin continued to bellow

  “I want justice.” Lucifer had to respond to that

  “They were attacking the city. We have a truce. But how did they get in so close anyway?” Odin raged on.

  “Your defences are weakening, Yahweh must be losing interest. A fickle God your God – can’t be relied on. And the lads were just having some fun. I want justice.” Lucifer replied coolly

  “You mean revenge.” Odin replied savagely

  “Don’t fuck with me piss ant, I want justice, now. Or the meeting is over.” Lucifer sighed; there were things he needed to ask them

  “Very well. The second legion was on air patrol duty that night. I’ll have them decimated.” Odin stared at him and grunted

  “Not enough. I want half of them and I want the one that did it.” Lucifer replied steadily

  “Of course. Half then. Standard punishment. And you can have the demon who took him down”. He was careful not to say beheaded, although surely Odin would find that out eventually. He wondered what vengeance a wrathful God could bring to bear – a God with all of eternity at his disposal. But then it was difficult to imagine anything more wrathful than the pit. Odin seemed satisfied. He replied

  “That will do. And what’s the standard punishment again?” Lucifer tried to maintain his patience. That this uncouth moronic clod was somehow a God was yet more evidence, if any was needed, that Reality itself was devoid of any sense at all. He spoke quietly

  “Gutted, beheaded and pitted.” Odin grunted

  “All right, then. I’ll want to watch.” Lucifer replied with a sneer

  “Of course you will.”

  Lucifer was starting to feel enraged – a state he deplored since it meant loss of judgement and control. He spoke out

  “Can we get to the business at hand? What is Beelzebub up to?” He turned towards Marduk and Odin.

  “And why are you helping him?” The other two demons feigned surprise at this accusation but Lucifer ignored them and continued to stare at the two Gods. They both shook their heads. Odin replied

  “But we’re not.” Lucifer looked steadily at Odin

  “Then why were you in Amsterdam with him a year ago? The human female was there too.” Odin stared back at him

  “Just a coincidence.” Lucifer sneered again. The large stupid warrior God wasn’t much of a liar. But Odin was indifferent. He knew that Lucifer didn’t believe him and he didn’t care. Lucifer didn’t seem to know about the gnome though. Marduk had explained that he was filtering the gnome from Lucifer’s perception as part of a deal with Beelzebub and that the existence of the gnome must not even be hinted at. Lucifer would see the plot in an instant if he knew about the gnome. This puzzled Odin. He knew about the gnome and he still didn’t have a fucking clue what the plot was. With some effort he kept quiet and said nothing more.

  Lucifer turned to Marduk. He knew that Marduk was vastly more powerful than Odin. He had no clear idea how to proceed. He asked simply

  “And I hear that Beelzebub met with you decades ago, before his last incarnation. What did you talk about?” Marduk seemed amused

  “You overstep your bounds puny little snake. We are here as a courtesy only, not to be interrogated by you.” Actually he’d agreed to come out of curiosity only. He wanted to find out what Yahweh’s demons knew and how they were taking it. They clearly knew nothing and weren’t taking it well. He paused but then continued, indifferently at first, but with increasing savagery.

  “I barely recall the meeting. We discussed theology. The fundamental difference between Gods and created beings. What I would do if I ruled the universe again. How many instants before you would be obliterated should Yahweh’s influence ever fade.” The threat floated there. Lucifer was quiet and didn’t reply. Marduk let him wait for some time. He looked back up at the screen and asked casually

  “So, what’s Beelzebub up to now?” Lucifer also looked back at the screen. He replied

  “He’s trying to get back to Earth through the portal. It just doesn’t make any sense. Why would he do that?” Belial spoke for the first time

  “Why is he still in human form at all, why hasn’t he reverted? No one has ever stayed human this long. He cannot be that besotted with his new slave. It’s some kind of trick.” Lucifer nodded. There was no doubt about that. He spoke slowly as if trying to understand his own words.

  “He told me that in this incarnation he wanted to try to understand love. It’s why we always fail, according to him. Did he find love? Is he now caught in his own trap? I can almost believe it – but he’s too cunning for that.” He said this more or less cynically, of course he didn’t believe it for a moment, and yet? But Belial and Asmodeous burst out laughing. Beelzebub in love! It was impossible to even try to imagine this. The only thing that Beelzebub understood was hate – and he was very, very good at it. So it was and so it always had been.

  Belial had been watching Cassandra with special interest. He kept a rather large harem in his department – for personal use. He decided she would be a delightful addition to his collection. Always direct, he spoke out

  “She is a tasty looking bitch, I want her.” Lucifer looked at him disdainfully but then had an idea. He thought about it for a few moments then replied to Belial

  “I’ll make sure they come back – and when they do you can have her. But it has to be done in a particular way. I’ll explain later.” Belial watched him greedily. The thought of taking something from Beelzebub was an exquisite one – more satisfying even than the thing taken, though he had no doubt she would be satisfying enough. He turned back and continued to stare lustfully at Cassandra as she walked across the Plains. Asmodeous sneered at him

  “Simpleton.” Belial replied without looking around

  “Fuck you.” And while the demons quarrelled, the Gods vanished.

  ***************

  Far away on the eastern edge of the Plains of Desolation - where reality began to blur into nothingness – there stood three Gods in embodied form: Odin, Marduk and Dagon. Dagon was the God of Fertility and in earlier times a supporter of the Philistines against the Israelites and their usurper God Yahweh. He was working with Marduk but hadn’t participated in the conference. Odin was still belligerent

  “Why the fuck are we helping Beelzebub?” Marduk smiled

  “That should be completely obvious, even to you.” Odin ignored the insult. He pressed on

  “And where is Ishtar? Didn’t she kick all of this off?” Marduk kept a blank face, relpying carefully

  “She’s busy. But you’ll see her again soon.” Odin thought about this. He’d met the Goddess Ishtar once bef
ore, a thousand years ago. An image of her fierce beauty still burned in his skull and would never fade. Marduk could easily see what he was thinking. He continued, taunting

  “She’s very appreciative towards those who help her, and she likes to show her appreciation ... physically.” Odin was hanging on every word. Marduk continued to taunt him.

  “So, boy, with a bit of luck you might even get to fuck her. And that’s not an experience you’ll easily recover from. Believe me, I know.” Odin bristled at being called boy but ignored it - caught up in the enchanting notion of bedding Ishtar. He grunted and then strode off.

  The Divine Goddess Amaterasu came strolling by. She looked like a short and slender Japanese lady. She was casually dressed and carried no weapons. But both of the Babylonian Gods bristled as she approached. She was truly dangerous and not to be fucked with. She looked over at Marduk, quietly asking him

  “Marduk, were you just in Hades with Lucifer?” Marduk was very polite. He replied

  “Yes I was divine Goddess?” She smiled softly at him, then she asked

  “Was the demon Asmodeous there?” Marduk replied carefully

  “Yes he was divine Goddess.” She continued still very quietly

  “And how was he? Was he well?” Marduk was cautious now. He didn’t understand the question.

  “As far as I can tell, divine Goddess, he didn’t say much.” Amaterasu smiled at him again

  “That’s good then.” Then she turned and walked off – not saying anything further. Marduk turned to Dagon asking him bluntly

  “What the fuck was that all about?” Dagon had heard something. He explained it to Marduk.

  “She’s got it in for him, really, really bad, no one knows why.” Marduk smirked. The thought of it was incredible. He said

  “Wouldn’t want to be him.” Dagon replied with great sincerity

  “That’s for fucking sure.”

  Dagon watched Odin disappear into the distance. He wished that the Divine Goddess Amaterasu would smash down the Nordic Gods. He had nothing but contempt for Odin and his thugs. Their only usefulness lay in the fact that being less powerful they were still able to directly manifest themselves on Earth and mix in with the humans. Very soon that skill would no longer be of any relevance. He was surprised though by Marduk’s assertion about Ishtar’s supposed gratitude. He looked at Marduk with great puzzlement and started to ask

  “Ishtar would never ....” Marduk laughed out loud.

  “Of course not. Not in a million years. She has no time for dogs. She’ll cut his fucking heart out and eat it.” Dagon shrugged.

  “Of course she would, sorry, I wasn’t thinking straight.” Both of them yearned for Ishtar with heart breaking, soul shredding fervour. She’d been gone for some time and they just ached for her. Both of them wanted one more night with her whatever the consequences – and for that would do anything, absolutely anything. Neither of them would hesitate to destroy a billion universes and slaughter the untold trillions of lesser beings inhabiting them.

  Chapter 16 – Wedding Preparations in London

  Ten years earlier Jarrod had almost got married to Elizabeth Collins, a young woman he met while he was at Cambridge. He was studying philosophy, in the second year of a doctorate. She was studying English Literature, completing the final year of a first degree. She had practically thrown herself at him – he didn’t have a chance. Jarrod had been shy at first. He’d had no experience with women until then. But after sleeping with her the first few times and finding out what he’d been missing he became extremely enthusiastic and not shy at all. He loved just being with her, looking at her, touching her, her smell, her taste. He loved waking up with her in a warm bed on a cold morning, holding her tightly, pressing up against her, kissing her on the back of the neck and then sliding up into her – afterwards laying together there for hours on end.

  Their affections had grown. They were always together. They went to any number of plays and concerts, frequent hiking trips, occasional overnight trips into London to see West End musicals, and spent several long summer weekends in a hotel on the beach in Bournemooth. Jarrod had always spent most of his time alone – not exactly by choice, there was just no-one he connected with. This was so different. Just having someone to do things with was great, and of course the sex was unbelievable. Somehow after just six months or so they ended up officially engaged. Jarrod wasn’t sure who asked who. It just happened. Now they were off to Knightsbridge in London to meet her parents. He hadn’t met them until now – they were always too busy or out of the country. They were apparently very wealthy and very powerful and this made Jarrod not nervous exactly but cautious. They definitely wouldn’t approve of him.

  They got off the train at the Knightsbridge subway station and caught a cab. Beth told him that her parents’ house was about half a mile away. They sat back together without saying anything. Jarrod looked at her and smiled. But not for the first time he asked himself did he actually love this woman. He had to admit that as delightful as she was he could never really be himself with her. She was quite demanding and quite opinionated – but that wasn’t it - more a fundamental mismatch of style and attitude. They had never really had any substantial discussion about anything important, and well, quite frankly, she wasn’t smart enough for that. Who the hell was? A harsh thought intruded itself

  ‘Pretty tits and a readily available cunt are poor substitute for true love and a genuine meeting and union of mind and soul.’ He shook his head, thinking

  ‘Ughh, where did that come from?’ The cab pulled to a stop in front of a large house. Beth turned to him and smiled

  “We’re here darling.”

  Dinner was awkward. At first no one said much about anything. The four of them sat around a large wooden table in the dining room – Jarrod and Beth, Mr and Mrs Collins. Robert and Susan were their names apparently, but he doubted he would be allowed to progress to first names any time soon. They were all elegantly dressed – including Jarrod - he’d been warned. Jarrod wore a white shirt with a collar and a grey suit – which was not at all like him. Beth wore the low cut long bright red dress which drove him just crazy. She exuded sexuality. That’s why she wore it - and possibly to annoy her parents, he wasn’t sure. Mr Collins was still wearing his business suit and Mrs Collins wore a pale yellow dress which looked both simple and extremely expensive at the same time. They both seemed stiff and formal. Jarrod glanced around the room. There were several large paintings, lavish curtains, some pieces of furniture, all of it ornate and elaborate. He didn’t pay much attention – never having had any time for that kind of thing. Uniformed servants bought in the food – roast pork and vegetables, and later for dessert strawberries and ice cream. Jarrod picked at his as did Beth and her mother. Mr Collins devoured his portions, quickly and greedily.

  Beth’s parents made no attempts to conceal their doubts about him. Eventually the interrogation began and slowly escalated as the evening progressed. Yes, he’d grown up in Brighton. Yes, he’d gone to St Anne’s parish school. Yes, he’d been raised a catholic but was now an atheist. Yes atheist, not agnostic. ‘Agnostic’ was just a weasel word invented as a polite compromise. Yes, his parents were retired. Yes, his father had been a plumber. Yes, he’d been thrilled to get into Cambridge. That was another polite lie. He’d always considered it inevitable and his by right. It occurred to him that they would probably have liked that answer better. They continued asking him various questions. He continued to answer, determined to be polite at all cost. Beth smiled at him, encouraging him. He could see that she also was feeling quite uncomfortable.

  He sized them up. Mrs Collins wasn’t really being very aggressive. She was just backing her husband. She was quite thin and starting to age but Jarrod could see that she’d been very beautiful in her time. She wasn’t really even being deliberately impolite and was obviously quiet and reserved most of the time – though clearly capable of any level of savagery should the need arise. In contrast, her husband w
as large and overweight, bullish and overbearing, demanding and aggressive, and very loud. He was very opinionated and obviously used to getting his own way. He reminded Jarrod of someone but he couldn’t think who - someone from another place entirely. Jarrod disliked him instantly – and this clearly was never going to change. It was quite clear that he didn’t like Jarrod much either.

  After dinner Mr Collins poured glasses of wine and passed them around. He sat back in his seat clearly very satisfied with how things had gone so far and getting ready to close in for the kill. Jarrod had been on the defensive for some time. It didn’t really bother him. The standard hypocrisies of social convention constrained his responses as Mr Collins like all bullies understood quite well. Jarrod could hardly shrug indifferently, get to his feet, calmly tell the asshole to go fuck himself, walk out and never give him another thought. Well, not if he wanted to keep fucking Beth. There it was again. He was surprised by the harshness of his own thoughts – wondering where they came from. Mr Collins waited for the right moment then continued

  “You’re doing a doctorate in philosophy.” Jarrod replied carefully

  “Yes.” Mr Collins asked him bluntly

  “What do you intend to do with it?” Jarrod blinked, surprised. It was a child’s question, stupid and ignorant, undeserving of any answer. Mr Collins did at least pick up on this and sneered, partially correcting himself