The Department of Hate - A Love Story

by Anthony O'connor

  “Well, evolution ...” But Gaap cut him off muttering harshly

  “Don’t fucking start.” They walked on in silence. Finally Jarrod asked

  “What about the other games? They seem to be selective.” Gaap smiled at this

  “Ah yes, those ones do have a point. I designed them. I’m always looking for intelligent assistants to work for me. They are very hard to come by. By the time they get through the obstacles I set for them I have the best of the best.” Jarrod was confused

  “Assisting you with what?” Gaap looked amazed.

  “You really have forgotten everything haven’t you? Mathematics of course!” Jarrod replied

  “What!” He found this as surprising as anything else he’d come across down here so far. But then as he thought about it he shrugged and said simply

  “Well, why the fuck not.”

  They went through a large door into what was obviously Gaap’s study. There was a young man standing in front of a huge white board. He looked barely twenty. He seemed very pleased with himself.

  “Master, I’ve completed all of the calculations. It checks out. We’ve ...” He corrected himself quickly “I mean you, have proved the Riemann Hypothesis, finally.” Gaap was smug

  “Of course, it was only a matter of time.” Jarrod knew what he was talking about – the hardest and most important unsolved problem in mathematics. The location of the zeroes of the zeta function on the complex plane. He couldn’t fail to be impressed. He asked

  “How did you do it?” Gaap answered, affecting boredom.

  “Non standard interpretations. Mahlo reflections in the mappings between them. Child’s play when you really get down into it. You really have forgotten everything! Amazing! I devote all of my time to mathematics. We used to talk about it occasionally. I am way beyond anywhere the humans will ever get to. Fucking Morons! This was one took a bit of imagination. They’ll never get it.” He laughed nastily “especially now that they’ve got one day left to do it in.” Jarrod ignored his ‘one day’ remark, they would get to that. He had a vague notion of the kind of proof Gaap referred to - fascinating enough, but not at all simple. Taking another look at Gaap’s assistant, he thought he recognized him, from some picture somewhere. Gaap noticed his puzzled look and spoke up

  “Yes, that’s Galois, Evariste Galois. Fairly bright for a human, he’s been quite useful to me. He passed the puzzle boxes very easily.” Galois smiled

  “Thank you Master.” Gaap snapped at him

  “Did I ask you to speak?” Galois cringed

  “No Master, sorry Master.” Jarrod remembered the story of Galois - French, possibly one of the greatest mathematicians in history or might have been if he’d lived longer. He was killed at the age of twenty in a duel over a woman. Before meeting Cassandra, Jarrod might have added ‘what a waste’. But now he was thinking differently. Gaap was still speaking

  “I’ve devised an intelligence scale. I use various attributes, a combination of measures. All humans are zero to two – most of them cluster around one – basically as dumb as dog shit – there are only a few two’s. Galois is one of them.” Galois smiled at the compliment but knew better than to speak. Jarrod was intrigued. He wondered where Gaap was going with this. But suddenly he was puzzled by something else. He asked Gaap

  “How is it that Galois is still so young?” Gaap seemed bored by the question

  “We have a few potions – they work for a while – not indefinitely. He ages very slowly.” Jarrod was puzzled by this

  “So why doesn’t Asmodeous use them on the women he has.” Gaap sneered

  “Because he is too fastidious. He says it makes them look too plastic, he prefers the natural look.” Jarrod felt pity for the female slaves but clearly no one else cared about them in the slightest.

  Gaap was obviously annoyed by the diversion. He waited impatiently for Jarrod’s full attention and then continued on as before.

  “The lesser demons are no better than the humans. My left toe is smarter than a dozen of them put together. The senior demons range from three to five. I’m a five.” He looked at Jarrod. “So is Lucifer, so are you, well you were, in your true form. I’m not sure about now.” Jarrod looked back at him, still listening. Gaap was clearly obsessed; he started sounding a little whimsical .

  “Most of the Gods we know about, Yahweh, Marduk, Ishtar and all the rest seem to be somewhere between eight and ten. It’s hard to say from below. The Norse Gods are only human level of course – that fact alone is just so fucking aggravating.” Jarrod cut in

  “The Gods? I thought there was just God, one God.” Though, even as he said this he remembered the incident with Thor on their first night and the encounter with Marduk on the Plains of desolation. Gaap laughed

  “Fuck no. All that monotheism bullshit was invented by Isaiah long after Yahweh made his pact with the Israelites. Yahweh was just the local fire God at Mount Sinai. Later on mediaeval theologians made him infinite this and infinite that – everything they could think of. All of us down here were laughing our asses off. Clever move though, really. That way they could argue for centuries trying to resolve the contradictions implied by their excessive and overly enthusiastic attributions – infinitely hot and infinitely cold, immoveable objects and irresistible forces – whatever. Also a great pretext for executing as a heretic anyone who wouldn’t comply with whatever orthodoxy prevailed at the time – basically yours as opposed to his”. He paused and then sighed. “No! There are Gods beyond them and then Gods beyond them, and so on and so forth ... never ending.” Jarrod could see that he definitely did envy them and wanted to be one of them, and it occurred to him that well, basically, who wouldn’t. Galois had been listening carefully. He couldn’t help but blurt out

  “Like infinite cardinals in set theory Master, gods all the way up.” Gaap looked at him disdainfully and threateningly

  “Galois, shut the fuck up.” Galois was instantly contrite

  “Yes Master.”

  Jarrod found Gaap’s evident obsession with intelligence quite revealing. He thought he could see the overall goal. He asked him directly

  “So you want to be a God, or at least God like?” Gaap replied simply

  “Of course I do. Don’t you? But I don’t think it’s possible. I can’t build any kind of mathematical model of their creative powers. Edit and create functions seem to be completely inaccessible at our level. They’re something outside the system projected in. What’s the difference between something and nothing? Where do you even start? I can’t even figure out a way to bootstrap our intelligence beyond level five. We were created to be self-limiting. Assholes!” Jarrod looked at him steadily

  “So what do you do?” Gaap replied

  “I do what I can. Figure out as much as I can. Its amusing, passes the time. And you never know, maybe there is a way”. Jarrod asked

  “But how does mathematics help?” Though he realized it was a stupid question even as he said it. Gaap just sneered at him

  “Beelzebub! How can you ask such a ridiculous thing? Map out all possible states and moves, all statements, all questions, all ways of computing solutions – how could it not be useful?”

  He paused for a minute or so, glaring at Jarrod.

  “I’m not like the rest of you. You have been corrupted by the humans even as you tried to corrupt them. Power, sex, greed, hate – you’re as bad as them. You’re all stuck in the perverse little game the Gods created for you, distracted from any possibility of challenging them and confronting them.” It occurred to Jarrod that someone in Gaap’s position of power would find it rather easy to affect a complete indifference to it. It proved nothing. He was sceptical of Gaap’s claims to be above it all. He felt like trying to annoy him. He asked him bluntly

  “What about sex?” Gaap looked back at him coldly.

  “What about it? What a complete fucking waste of time and effort!” Jarrod was amused by his choice of words, he pressed his advantage

  “W
hat? So are you claiming you never ...?” Gaap replied reluctantly

  “Well, all right, every now and then, it’s a basic urge, programmed in, impossible to ignore even for me.” He paused briefly before continuing. “But it’s no big deal I just fuck Galois – or one of my other assistants.” Galois looked embarrassed and stared down at the floor. Jarrod felt some sympathy for him, he asked Gaap

  “What about Galois?” Gaap was openly incredulous.

  “Beelzebub you are so far from your usual self. It’s astonishing. He’s a slave. Who fucking cares? Anyway, I had him gelded. All the others too. It makes them more submissive and it lets them work for me with full concentration, no distractions.” Jarrod found this harsh but then he remembered that they were in Hell. He wondered what Galois had done to deserve his fate. Of course to ask that was to assume there was any kind of justice behind this whole wicked farce – and Jarrod was far from convinced that that had ever been the case.

  Jarrod smiled harshly and took another long look around. It occurred to him again that he was not unfamiliar with places like this. He said to Gaap

  “You’ve got this place set up like some kind of university, undergraduates being tested and culled, neutered graduate assistants doing all of your work for you, your obsession with research, and your arrogant disdain for anything else and everyone else.” Gaap stared back at him

  “In my last incarnation I was president of ______ University, not that long ago. I got a lot of good ideas.” Jarrod had met Professor ______ on several occasions. It made perfect sense – and wasn’t at all surprising.

  But none of this was getting him anywhere. He had wasted enough time. He’d come here to get Gaap’s help in getting Cassandra back, nothing else. He asked him bluntly

  “You must know that Belial and Lucifer have taken Cassandra from me.” Gaap stared back at him

  “Oh yes, we’ve all been following your little love affair, even I got dragged into it. What the fuck do you think you’re doing? What is wrong with you?” Jarrod wasn’t going to be drawn into that one. He asked Gaap

  “You called me, are you going to help? What can I do to get her back from them?” Gaap looked at him with an evil impatient smile.

  “That’s not why I called you. You have a much bigger problem, or rather we all do. Do you know what Lucifer is planning for tomorrow?” Jarrod replied

  “I think so. I’m not sure of the exact details.” Gaap spoke urgently

  “Let me remind you. He’s attacking heaven again. He’s threatened to destroy any of the major demons who don’t go with him. And he will, no doubt – dismembered, the Pit. But anyone who goes with him will be destroyed anyway. Do you think for a moment you can take on a deity like Yahweh and survive? Didn’t work out so well the last time! Oblivion either way! We have to stop him.” Jarrod was very wary

  “How do we do that?” Gaap was eager to convince him

  “I have other supporters – Paimon and Marbas. Asmodeous will stay out of it, gutless pathetic turd that he is. But we’ll need you too and back in your true form. Then that will be enough. Our power will exceed his. We will destroy Lucifer. Belial will support Lucifer. We will destroy him too. You can have the human bitch back then and a thousand more just like her.” Jarrod had no intention of reverting back to Beelzebub even if he knew how, which he didn’t. He had no confidence in Gaap or Gaap’s plans. If it was that easy why hadn’t it already been done? He had no way of knowing if Gaap was telling the truth about anything. Lies and deception were far more likely. It was immediately clear to him that any further discussion was at best pointless – and at worst he was being drawn into some unknown conspiracy which wasn’t going to end well. He spoke calmly to Gaap

  “No. I won’t be doing that. Are you going to help me get Cassandra back?” Gaap was still trying

  “Help me break Lucifer, it’s the only way.” Jarrod could see that this was pointless, he said

  “I’m leaving now.” Gaap snarled at him

  “You’ll be destroyed. We all will.” Jarrod replied

  “Whatever.” Gaap continued to snarl at him

  “How can you be such a fucking moron? What is wrong with you?” Jarrod ignored him and started walking out of the room. Gaap called out to him

  “Wait! Just a minute!” Then he stood there silently – as if listening to someone. Jarrod was curious. Gaap looked at him incredulously

  “What? You can’t hear that?” Jarrod shook his head. Gaap seemed amused.

  “Perfect timing! Lucifer wants to talk to you.” He smiled nastily. “I hope he wasn’t listening in on our little conversation – shouldn’t have been possible.” Jarrod was suddenly very attentive

  “Where and when?” Gaap relayed the details of the invitation – or was it a summons.

  “Now. In his department. Listen to me. This is our last chance. We have to stop him.” But Jarrod was still sure he didn’t know enough and wasn’t going to fall into some stupid trap. He had a feeling that if it came down to a choice Lucifer would make a better ally than Gaap – at least temporarily. Gaap was obviously pretty fucking useless when it came down to it.

  He had no idea how to get out of the building. Fortunately Gaap escorted him to the front door personally – fuming at him the whole way. They went back through the maze of corridors and the puzzle rooms. Gaap opened the large front door for him politely enough and Jarrod went through. Jarrod stood just outside the door looking back at Gaap. He had never disliked anyone so immediately and so instinctively - though it scarcely compared to his long term absolute loathing and hatred of Asmodeous. He stared back at Gaap. He spoke bluntly

  “You are by far the most repulsive, most obnoxious individual I have ever met, anywhere!” Gaap looked back at him without expression

  “Yeah well, like I give a fuck what you think.” Then he slammed the door in Jarrod’s face.

  Chapter 22 – Waltz in Vienna

  Jarrod found himself in a Concert Hall in Vienna, in a large ball room with polished floor boards, high ceilings and crystal chandeliers. The ball room was full of smiling couples elegantly attired - the men in black suits and white shirts, the women in long flowing gowns. The mood was one of quite desperation, a brief calm before the storm. They held each other tightly, swirling about to the rich cadences of the waltz played by the orchestra at the front of the room. They gazed into each others eyes anxiously. Death was all around them - each of them in their own way clung to some fleeting chance of temporary happiness. Tonight the guns were silent but in the morning all of the men would ride off to war – against an impossibly powerful enemy. None of them would survive.

  Jarrod stood there alone, at the side of the room, waiting. He was used to being alone. He looked out over the dancing couples. To him they seemed just as lost, but at least they had each other. Then, suddenly, walking towards him was a woman whose brilliance and whose beauty instantly brought tears to his eyes. She was a stranger and yet somehow he'd known her all his life. She was wearing a long bright red gown. She came to him with a smile. He held her in his arms. They moved out onto the dance floor and began to dance. He saw her face clearly for the first time. It was Cassandra, of course. He felt immensely happy.

  He knew that he was only dreaming and that it was a dream that had recurred over and over again for as long as he could remember. But until now he had not known who she was. He held her tightly and tried to forget that none of it was real. But the dream had an eerie sadness to it - as the sheer inevitability of its events played out - yet again and again. He clung to the hope of love as hope itself faded and died. They moved together gracefully as if one. He could feel her body against him and the softness of her breathe. He held her closely and wanted desperately to say to her

  'I love you.' But it seemed such an impossible thing to say out loud. He hesitated - and was lost. He wondered what she was thinking. She seemed happy - she was smiling, enjoying the moment. Her beauty was dazzling. He ardently wished that this moment could go on forever. />
  There was a tap on his shoulder. He turned to find another man standing there. He recognised his friend Alex - Cassandra's boyfriend. Alex was staring past him at Cassandra, eyes blazing. Hardly noticing Jarrod he managed to say

  "Thanks Jarrod, for looking after her for me". Cassandra saw Alex and immediately jumped into his arms, kissing him on the lips and exclaiming

  "Darling, you made it." Cassandra briefly turned to him

  "Thanks Jarrod." Then Alex and Cassandra, dancing together, effortlessly and gracefully, moved off into the crowd.

  Jarrod was left alone. He made his way back to the side of the room and stood there self-consciously - watching all of the couples dancing. He remembered now that Alex had asked him to fill in for him at the last minute - some sudden emergency! Clearly he'd made it after all. Jarrod had been friends with Cassandra for years – always hoping, always longing, to be more. Alex had turned up only recently. He and Cassandra had become lovers almost immediately. Jarrod could only watch on - with silent disbelief and quiet desperation - wondering how he could have done things any differently. He watched the dancers for a few more minutes, holding each other, moving around the room – he caught glimpses of Alex and Cassandra. He was the only one alone. Wearily and despondently, he retreated into one of the adjoining rooms. As so often happens in a dream, his misery just kept increasing - grief beyond bound or measure. He could still hear the music through the closed door. He shook his head

  "This is just fucked."

  He decided to go outside. The room opened onto a corridor - which lead to the main entrance. In a few minutes he was outside in the cold evening air - sitting on the steps leading up to the Concert Hall, looking about. Around him cold empty streets and overhead a vast and vastly indifferent jet black star studded sky. He was feeling bleaker and more devastated than he ever had before – though the dream was progressing as it always did. He heard someone else coming out onto the steps. He barely had the energy to turn around - but he did so. It was Alex and Cassandra, walking down the steps, arm in arm, glowing, happy. They'd called a cab which was just pulling up at the street. As they came up to him Alex spoke