Not So Casual: Part 4: Bre & Collin #4 (Power Play Series Book 16)

by Kelly Harper

  It took every ounce of willpower Bre had to not groan out loud. She did not like how eager Collin was about all this. Ray’s face lifted into an amused smile.

  “It’s not nice to lie to a man in his own house.”

  The look on Collin’s face made it obvious he didn’t catch that Ray was just fucking with him. Bre interjected herself before the conversation took a turn for the worse.

  “Maybe that would be true if you actually invited us into the house,” she said, giving Ray a look.

  “Of course, of course,” Ray stammered, actually looking ashamed. “You’re always welcome in. This will always be your home.”

  Bre suppressed an annoyed groan as Ray turned to lead them inside. Collin rubbed her back and followed behind her, as though she were the one that needed comforting. She wasn’t the one he needed to be worried about. He was the one that might not make it out of this.

  Stepping into the house brought a wave of memories and emotions crashing down around her. This was the setting of her youth and all the things that had happened to her. The good memories of her former life had long ago been suppressed by the bad ones. The interior of the house was similar to the exterior in that, while it felt familiar, there was something just a bit off about it. Bre couldn’t quite put her finger on what the difference was, but she knew it was there.

  Ray led them into the den and gestured at the old, leather couch that had been a permanent fixture in the tiny room since Bre had been a teenager. At least some things never changed.

  He sat opposite them in a faded green recliner. He wore a pleasant, awkward smile as he looked between her and Collin for a few long moments. Bre busied herself by making a show of surveying the room.

  “It’s nice to see you,” Ray said, finally breaking the silence.

  “You’ve changed some things,” Bre said, ignoring the comment.

  He looked around the room with her.

  “The place is getting old. Just like me. Getting harder to keep either of us put together.”

  Collin joined Ray in a laugh at his horrible attempt to make a joke but Bre wouldn’t encourage such behavior.

  “Here I was thinking you might have had someone new in your life…”

  “No, nothing like that,” Ray said, giving a tiny shake of his head. Bre hadn’t meant it to come out sounding quite that harsh, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it now. A few moments of awkward silence passed before Ray smiled again. He looked between them and asked, “You want a drink?”

  Truth-be-told, Bre had wanted nothing more than to throw back a few shots since they’d left the City. But she wasn’t about to give Ray an excuse to crack open a bottle.

  “It’s a little early in the day to be having a drink, isn’t it?”

  The slightest hint of a scowl flashed across Ray’s face before he shook his head and forced it away.

  “I was thinking coffee or tea…”

  His tone was that of someone trying to hold something back. Well, if he wanted to get annoyed with her that was perfectly fine. It’s not like she’d made a completely baseless assumption.

  “I’m fine,” Collin said, breaking the tension.

  Ray gave Collin an appreciative nod. Bre would have been equally grateful if she wasn’t still sour from the exchange.

  “So how did you two meet?” Ray asked.

  “A mutual friend,” Bre said, curtly.

  Ray smiled.

  “You know that’s how Kacie and I met…”

  Another flash of annoyance ran through her. This time she couldn’t contain it.

  “Ray, I didn’t drive all the way up here to make small talk,” she said. “I came because I have something to tell you.”

  “Of course,” he said, softly, bobbing his head. “There’s actually something I need to tell you as well.”

  Collin leaned in close and gave Bre a light squeeze on the knee.

  “I’ll give you two some privacy,” he said.

  He kissed her on the cheek and stepped out of the room. Bre gave Ray a long, hard stare until she was certain they were alone. She intended to get a few things off her mind and didn’t want Collin judging her for anything she might have to say to get her point across.

  “So?” she prompted, impatiently. “What do you want to tell me?”

  “Please, you drove all this way… you first.”

  Bre huffed an annoyed sigh. She’d always had a short fuse with Ray and apparently time hadn’t done anything to change it. She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself before saying anything. It was a trick Stephanie had taught her to use whenever she felt overwhelmed. Bre hated the fact that it actually seemed to work. Of course, right then, Bre basically hated everything.

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I need to address a few things with you.”

  His brow rose.

  “I see…”

  Bre shifted, uncomfortably. This was the hard part. She reminded herself to try to remain calm and civil. What was done was done and the only thing she could affect was where things went from here.

  “I want to start by saying that I know things were difficult when Kacie left. And I’m sure I didn’t make it any easier on you…” She took another deep breath. “But, I’ve realized that I can’t keep pretending like the way you treat me is okay. I can’t keep living my life wanting and hoping for approval and reassurances from you that I’m never going to get. I have to start living my life on my own terms, doing the things I love and discovering what I can accomplish without feeling like your judgments are holding me back. I need to let myself be happy.”

  Ray’s face drooped.

  “You’re looking for approval from me?” he said, incredulously.

  “Why is that so surprising?”

  “You have yourself so put together. Why would you need anything from an old timer like me?”

  Bre rolled her eyes and struggled to keep her tone in check.

  “So typical of you,” she said. “Can you at least pretend like you know you’re my father and then maybe even start acting like it?”

  He let out a soft breath.

  “You’re right,” he said, almost to himself. Bre had been expecting more of a fight than that. “I haven’t been much of a father to you. You’ve always been so strong and independent… I never felt like you really needed anything from me.”

  “I’m only strong and independent because I had to be! You didn’t give me any other choice!” Bre gave him a desperate look. “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t need you…”

  Ray shrugged his shoulders and looked at his hands.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  Bre shook her head, trying to collect herself.

  “I hated you for so long. Hated you for blaming everything on me. Hated you for not being there for me. Hated you for… everything.“ She fixed him with a serious look. “And I also hate feeling this way. I don’t want to hate anymore.”

  Ray gave her a sad look, his eyes glistening.

  “I don’t want you to feel that way either, Brittany,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I’m sorry you had to grow up like that.” He gave her a long look, as though trying to figure out what to say, as if anything he said could make up for the lifetime of hurt she’d already endured. “I don’t know what I can do to make any of that better… But I do know that you don’t hate me even half as much as I hate myself.”

  A pang of guilt pulsed inside Bre.

  “What do you mean?”

  He gave her a somber look.

  “I may be a drunk but that doesn’t mean I didn’t see what I was doing to you. You deserved someone better—and I knew it. I hated myself everyday for the way I treated you—for the life I gave you—and hitting the bottle was the only thing that could numb that pain.”

  Tears formed in Bre’s eyes. She hated that they dared to distract her. She hated showing this kind of emotion in front of the very man that had always made her feel like she had to guard
everything about herself. But she hadn’t expected him to open up like this. She was used to the drunk that never took any of the blame; that would deflect it to everyone else around him. She didn’t know what to make of the man sitting in front of her.

  “And now what?” she asked. “Why can you tell me that now and not before?”

  Ray smiled, weakly.

  “Brittany… I’m sick.”

  Her stomach twisted just a little tighter.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “The doctor told me a couple months ago. Sclerosis of the liver… Well, of everything I guess.”

  She went completely numb.

  “You’re dying?”

  The weak smile on his face faded only a bit as he lifted his shoulders in a shrug.

  “Silver lining is I finally sobered up.”

  Bre stared at him in disbelief.

  “Silver lining? Is that what you call it?”

  “What do you want me to say? There’s nothing I can do about it.”

  Bre couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She’d come here to confront him on her own terms. He was supposed to put up a fight, tell her that she was remembering everything wrong, tell her she was just acting crazy. He wasn’t supposed to be dying.

  “Were you even going to tell me? Or were you going to just let me find out after you died?”

  He hesitated for the briefest of seconds.

  “Of course I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know how… we haven’t talked in so long!”

  “And that’s my fault?”

  “No, it’s mine!” he shouted, raising his voice for the first time.

  The smile on Ray’s face twisted into a grimace as his eyes sunk to the floor, unable to face her any longer. The emotional pain he was suffering became obvious to her for the first time and she instantly hated that she’d ever wished anything like this on him.

  “I’ve never known how to do right by you,” he said.

  Bre scooted to his chair and knelt on the floor to be closer to him. She rested her hand on his leg and was shocked by how bony it was beneath the old jeans.

  “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be my dad. To just be there for me when I needed you.”

  A hint of his earlier smile tugged at Ray’s lips.

  “It may be too late for that, but I’d like to give it another try. If that’s alright with you.”

  Bre could barely contain the emotions swelling in her chest.

  “I’d like that,” she said.

  For the first time in as long as she could remember, a twinkle lit her father’s eye.

  “Where do we start?” he asked.

  The answer came to her immediately.

  “For starters, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

  Ray’s brow pulled together.

  “Your friend Collin? I just met him…”

  Bre shook her head.

  “He’s not just my friend. We’re in love, and we’re happy.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  “I can’t believe your dad found out you love me before I did.”

  Collin nuzzled his nose into her neck. Bre could feel his heart pounding against her back. She was still trying to wrap her head around the fact that they were now making love, because it definitely felt more like fucking like wild animals. But since they were technically in love with each other, she supposed she should call the activity by its appropriate name.

  “How long are you going to keep crying about it?” she asked, mostly teasing. “I already told you: it just came out. I didn’t plan it or anything.”

  “I’m just wondering if you’re going to make a habit of telling everyone else the things you should be telling me…”

  “I’m not going to tell you anything if you’re going to whine this much about it.”

  Thoughts of their future together and how different life was going to be flashed through her head. She was trying to remain positive about the whole situation, so it was for the best if she didn’t think about it for too long. Everybody died; that’s a fact of life. Ray just had a clearer timetable than most people.

  “You okay?” Collin asked, probably sensing that her thoughts were getting away from her.

  “I’ll be fine. It’s life, ya know?”

  “You’re still allowed to be upset about it.”

  Bre took a deep breath before nodding that she understood.

  “I’m choosing to not be upset about it,” she said. “Getting upset won’t help anything.”

  “Taking an enlightened view?”

  “I don’t really have a choice. I can be upset later. For now, I just want to enjoy what time I have left with him.”

  Collin kissed her on the cheek and she took the opportunity to snuggle even deeper into his arms.

  “Well, I’m here for you, in whatever way you need me to be.”

  Surprisingly, there wasn’t a single doubt in Bre’s mind that he really would be there for her—no matter what. It was the first time she’d been able to say that about anyone in her life.

  She rolled over and looked him in the eye. She searched those beautiful, blue eyes for a long moment before saying what was on her mind.

  “Thank you,” she said, finally.

  “For what?”

  “For pushing me. If you hadn’t… Well, now I get to spend more time with him.”

  “He would have told you. He just needed to figure out how.”

  “Maybe,” she allowed. “But maybe not until it was too late. Because of you I get a chance to makeup with him before… things get worse.”

  She could admit to herself that Ray was dying; she just wasn’t quite ready to say it out loud. The day had left her with a lot of processing to do, but soon she’d get it all sorted out.

  “Well… you’re welcome,” Collin said, smiling. “I’d do it all over again if I had to.”

  A grin of her own spread across Bre’s face.

  “And I love you for it.”

  He gave her a satisfied look.

  “You really do, don’t you?”

  “What?”

  “Love me…”

  She gave him a light slap on the arm, even as the grin on her face widened.

  “Don’t make me change my mind.”

  He squeezed her tight.

  “I’d change it back for you.”

  She looked back at him over her shoulder.

  “Are you getting cocky on me?”

  “I’m trying it out,” he said. “What do you think?”

  “I think that as long as you keep using that magical tongue of yours you can be as cocky as you want.”

  He let out a loud laugh.

  “Who’s the cocky one now?”

  “You know your place.”

  “Inside of you?” he asked without missing a beat.

  “Damn straight.”

  They held each other for a couple minutes without saying a single thing. Bre tried to force every thought out of her head. This was one of those moments she just wanted to enjoy. No drama. Just be happy. It was so simple and it felt so good. She was amazed she’d never tried it before.

  “Hey Bre?” Collin said, breaking the silence.

  “Yeah?”

  He pressed a kiss into the back of her head and whispered into her ear.

  “I love you.”

  Bre hugged him even tighter as a huge grin spread across her face.

  “I love you, too.”

  Yeah… this felt good.

  Epilogue

  Bre spent the next few months getting to know her father all over again. In a very short time they accomplished more than she’d ever dreamed possible. They overcame their differences and managed to form the beginnings of something that could have been a very fulfilling relationship. But there was no stopping march of time and the cancer eventually took its toll.

  It was a sad affair, but one that she’d prepared for. Well, she prepared as much as anyone could for the death of a loved one. Bre wa
s with him when it happened and she suspected that, one day, she’d consider that to be one of the great blessings of her life. And, thankfully, she didn’t have to face it alone. Collin was with her through the entire thing.

  She was surprised to discover that she wasn’t the only one struggling with Ray’s passing. In the short time they had with Ray, the two men developed a relationship of their own, and Collin needed someone to lean on every bit as much as she did. When it was done she felt a gratitude toward her lover that was deeper than she’d ever thought possible.

  Ray’s death brought Bre and Collin even closer together, and it wasn’t long before they were talking about moving in together. Bre warmed to the idea quickly, but knew there was one other thing she needed to accomplish before she could take that next big step with him.

  Late one night she shared her plan with Collin and he was immediately supportive. Inspired by how things had worked out with Ray, Bre decided it was time to track down Kacie. She wanted some closure on the whole issue of being abandoned as a child. She didn’t know what would come from it, if anything, and she had absolutely no idea where to start, but she knew she needed to do it for herself.

  For the first time, possibly in her entire life, Bre’s future had turned from a threat to a promise. She didn’t know how everything would play out, but she knew without any doubts that she could handle whatever came her way. Collin’s support and encouragement gave her more confidence in herself than she’d ever had before.

  When he was around, she never stopped feeling like she could fly. More importantly, he made her want to fly. Faster and higher than her fragile self-confidence would have permitted before she met him. She didn’t have to pretend around him. She could give him shit about the nerdy things he liked and he still accepted her impulsive craziness.

  Maybe that’s the love everyone was always raving about. She just didn’t have to worry about herself anymore. He had the ability to reveal who she really was, and he made her happy to be nothing more and nothing less than exactly that. It was revolutionary, and she was ready to fight everyday to keep what they had: simple happiness.

  Viva la revolución!

  The end of Not So Casual.