If I Can't Have You

by Dawn Jiles

  “I’ll let you know,” I said with a hint of irritation. Why couldn’t niggas get some pussy and go about their business?

  “Okay. I’ll call you a little later. You are going to be my lady one day. Fuck that nigga, Kevin. He’s obviously not fucking you right,” he said.

  I gave him a weak smile as he walked backward out the door. Once he left, I got in the shower, hoping this nigga wasn’t pussy whipped.

  Chapter Three

  Kevin

  I loved my girl, man, but I couldn’t believe this bitch had the nerve to be cheating on me, and with my best fucking friend at that. I’d been so heated the night I caught them motherfuckas. I had wanted to dead both of them bitches, but I had played that shit cool, like I wasn’t hurt. I had been looking for my girl when I spotted Eric’s ass sneaking into my basement. I’d waited, like, ten minutes to see if he was going to come back up. He didn’t, so I decided to see what was up. When I made it down the steps, I heard moaning. I thought, This nigga is in my bro’s bed, fucking a bitch. I was about to turn around when I heard that nigga say, “Shit, Sam. This pussy is super wet.” I knew this fucking nigga didn’t just say, “Sam,” so I crept closer to the door, and that was when I heard the girl I loved, and who was supposed to love me, screaming this nigga’s name. I knew it was Sam because she screamed my fucking name the same way.

  I ran up the stairs two at a time to go and get my gun, but I stopped once I got to the top of the stairs. I calmed myself down and slowly walked back down the stairs. I told myself that I wasn’t going to kill their asses that day, but they were not about to be busting no nuts in my shit. That was when I opened the bedroom door and found my bitch with her ass in the air for another nigga. I’m not going to lie. A nigga was ready to cry like a bitch, but I wouldn’t give her or that nigga the satisfaction. I could not let that nigga see me sweat. I honestly had never cheated on her ass, because I felt like she was the one, but she had me fooled.

  Little did she know, I would never marry or be with her ass for the long term. She had messed all that shit up. I absolutely did not trust her, and if I couldn’t trust her, there was no future for us. I had bitches throwing the pussy at me, and I was turning hoes down left and right. Well, that shit ended the moment I saw my nigga hitting her ass from the back. I couldn’t help but notice that the nigga wasn’t even wearing a condom. Now I didn’t enter her ass without one.

  My parents had never raised me to be no player. My mom and dad didn’t play that shit, so it was never in me to be that type of nigga. Even though my parents had split up when I was a youngin’, I had always wanted a family for myself, and once Samariah and I graduated, I had planned to marry her and pop a bunch of kids in her ass. Both of my parents had remarried, so I was always around that type of atmosphere. Now a nigga was about to be on one. Yeah, I’d entertain this so-called relationship for a while, especially because my bitch gave good head and her pussy stayed wet and tight, but I planned to fuck off on her ass and leave her for somebody who deserved me.

  My mother had always said that there was something about her that wasn’t right, but I hadn’t tried to hear her, because I was young and in love. I loved her ass, but I was not in love with her. All that “in love” shit had left the moment my nigga hit. Eric thought he had got away scot-free with fucking my bitch, but that nigga had an ass whupping coming his way. Until then, I was going to play my role and wait on my revenge.

  Bria

  It had been about two months since everything went down with Sam and Kevin. Sam had called Monique and me to let us know that she and Kevin had got back together. She had also informed us that she and Eric had finally finished what they started. I didn’t understand how you could get caught cheating with your boyfriend’s best friend, beg your man to take you back, and then cheat on him again with the same guy—and even feel bad about it. Sam hadn’t always been a bitch. I had noticed a change in her when we were, like, twelve years old. She had gotten worse since she started having sex. I loved her, but I didn’t know if we were going to be friends too much longer. I hated how she treated people.

  David and I were doing great. Tonight we were going to have a picnic at the lake. I stole a bottle of Moscato from my parents’ liquor cabinet and grabbed a blanket out of the linen closet. I put everything in my overnight bag and decided to freshen up. Just as I was finishing up, David texted me to let me know that he was outside. I did a once-over in the mirror, and I loved what I saw. I had on a long white fitted sundress with some white and gold Michael Kors sandals. I wore nothing but a thong underneath. Because my titties were nice and perky, I didn’t need a bra. I swished my hips and ass to David’s car. I didn’t have any ass whatsoever, but you couldn’t tell me that. I got in the car and kissed him sweetly on the lips. He pulled out of my driveway, and we headed to our destination.

  When we finally arrived at the lakefront, the sun was setting, and it set the perfect mood. We laid our blanket out in a secluded area and enjoyed our view. I looked over at my man, and I just took him in. I could stare at him for days and never get tired. He was so handsome, and he loved me unconditionally. Sometimes I had my fears, but one thing I didn’t doubt was his love for me. “How much do you love me?” I asked, resting my head on his shoulder.

  “I love you more than all the stars in the sky. I wouldn’t trade you for the world,” he answered sincerely.

  I got up and stood in front of him. Tonight was the night I decided I would give myself to him. I wouldn’t want to share my honeypot with any other person but him. I didn’t know if it was the wine, but all of sudden, I just felt ready. I untied my dress from around my neck and let it drop to the sand. I walked over to him and kissed him. He broke away from our kiss to take his clothes off. He laid me on the blanket and began to suck on my nipples. He bit down on them softly while playing with my love box. He slowly slid two of his fingers inside my hole. I tensed up a little, but then it started to feel good.

  He came back up and began to kiss me on my lips. I sucked on his tongue as he began to ease into my honeypot. I began to feel a lot of pressure once he finally slipped into me. It hurt for a while, but then the pain began to slip away. As he thrust against my clit, I began to feel something that made me shiver all over. I had never experienced anything that felt so good. He began to pick up his pace, and he made a loud grunting nose. He lay on top of me for a second and then began to kiss me all over my face. He pulled out of me and lay beside me. My body felt so good, and I wanted that feeling to never go away. We lay there for a few more minutes before we dressed and headed home.

  Later that night, David texted me a thousand times, asking me if I was okay. I told him yes. He was acting like he had shot me or something. I showered and headed to bed.

  * * *

  The next day Sam called and woke me up, talking about Eric’s crazy ass. “Friend, what am I going to do? I gave Eric some pussy, and he won’t stop calling and texting me. Do you know he had the nerve to pop up at my house unannounced? Kevin had just left minutes before,” she said, sounding frustrated.

  “I told you to stop messing with him. You have Kevin. That should be enough,” I yelled.

  “Kevin doesn’t know how to treat my body. He just isn’t good enough in bed for me. I’ll kick Eric to the curb, but I’ll have to find someone else to replace him. Someone has to take good care of my pussy,” she said seriously.

  All I could do was shake my head. She would never change.

  I hadn’t seen Mo since the day of Kevin’s party. She refused to hang out with us because she said she had something she wanted to show us, but we had to wait until school started back up. I hoped my girl wasn’t pregnant; that would be devastating. David and I had been sexing each other every chance we got. I could honestly see why Sam liked doing it so much. She didn’t need to do it with Kevin and everybody else’s man, but I got why she liked to do it. I had been reading a lot of books and watching a lot of videos to build my sex skills, and I couldn’t wait to try some of the
things I’d learned. When I got done with my man, he was not going to ever want anybody else.

  Monique

  I finally took Bria’s advice and lost the weight. I hadn’t seen them all summer, and I was excited to show off my new figure. It took strict discipline and lots of time in the fitness center, but I did it. I was now 150 pounds, and you could see every curve that I had. I already had a big butt and hips, but now they looked really good on me. I lost some off my breasts during the weight loss, but they were a perfect 38C.

  I had gone out this weekend and got a whole new wardrobe to go with my new figure. Now I was at school on the first day, getting ready to show the world what I was made of. I hoped that Corey noticed me, because I wanted him so bad. I couldn’t wait to have him on my arm. And you know what? I was going to get him. I had decided on some high-waist blue jean shorts with a sleeveless white blouse. I had put on a pair of white sandals that I got from Aldo. My hair was already long, so I had just got some honey-blond highlights added to it. I wore some white diamond hoop earrings with matching bracelets to top off my look.

  I walked into the building, and all eyes were on me.

  I heard someone say, “Is that the fat girl, Monique? Damn, she looks good.”

  I tapped Bria on the shoulder, and she turned to face me.

  “Monique!” she screamed and hugged me. “You look so good, friend. I’m so proud of you,” she said genuinely.

  Sam finally spun around to see what all the fuss was about. She hugged me and was happy for me as well. We had first period together, so we headed there. When I walked in, the first person I saw was Corey. He looked up at me but quickly looked down. My heart instantly broke, and I thought that he wasn’t interested in me at all.

  For the first half of the day, I walked around, sad as hell. When we got to lunch, I expressed to my girls how I felt. “You guys, Corey didn’t even look my way,” I said sadly.

  “Friend, don’t be sad. He’s not the only guy out here. The person that’s for you will come along,” Bria said, rubbing my back.

  “Fuck him! He’s not all that, anyway. You don’t want him,” Sam said.

  Before I could respond, David and Kevin came to sit down with us. I was always the only one who was all alone. Here I was, beautiful as ever, and I still didn’t have the man I wanted.

  Bria could tell that I was still feeling down, so she said, “He will come around, Mo. You just got your new look, and people still have to get used to it. Besides, he will be a fool not to notice you.” That was why I loved my BFF. She knew just what to say to make me feel better.

  “I’ll be right back. I’m about to go grab a soda,” Sam said while walking off.

  We started making small talk about nothing in particular, until Kevin abruptly got up and stormed over to the soda machine. We followed him with our eyes, and that was when we noticed Eric and Sam in a heated argument by the soda machine, and neither one of them saw Kevin coming. I knew it was about to go down. Before any of us could do anything, he punched the shit out of Eric. Eric tried to fight back, but it was no use, and Kevin beat the hell out of him. Security was finally able to break it up, and they took the boys in separate directions. Sam ran over to us, smiling.

  “I’m about to go check on Kevin,” David said, then stood and walked away.

  “Did you see them two fighting over me? I’m really that bitch,” Sam said excitedly.

  “Really, Sam? That shit isn’t cute at all. You really disgust me sometimes,” Bria snapped.

  “Her ass always has an attitude,” Sam said before walking off.

  * * *

  I was walking to my car, about to head home, when I heard the sexiest voice call my name. “Monique,” Corey yelled out. I spun around, and I was face-to-face with the man of my dreams.

  “Hey. W-what’s up?” I stuttered.

  “Nothing much. Listen, I stopped you because I wanted to ask you out on a date,” he said, giving me that sexy smile.

  “I would love to go on a date with you,” I said, sounding a little too desperate.

  He smiled at me again, and we exchanged numbers. My day may have started out badly, but it definitely ended perfectly.

  Chapter Four

  Corey

  I had finally got the balls to ask Monique out. I had been interested in her since the ninth grade, but I had let the fact that she was a little on the big side get in the way of that. I know you’re probably thinking that I don’t deserve her, but hear me out. For starters, I felt like I had a certain image I needed to uphold, with me being the star of our basketball team, but that was just me being young and dumb. On top of that, I had slept with her best friend a few times, something I was now starting to regret. I had thought about being honest with her, but I felt like I would lose her before we could even get started. David had always encouraged me to be with her if I wanted her. He said I shouldn’t care what people think, but I had just been too stupid to step to her.

  Today I decided to make things official between us. I took her out to Olive Garden because that was one of her favorite restaurants. We were sitting at the table, chatting it up, when she decided to ask me what had made me ask her out.

  “Well, I just figured it was the best time to do it. I couldn’t let someone else snatch you up,” I said.

  She looked at me and chuckled a little.

  “So how would you feel about making things official?” I asked.

  “What do you mean, official? Like being a couple or something?” she asked eagerly.

  “Yes, I want to be with you.”

  She looked like she was hesitant for a moment, which scared the shit out of me, because I hated rejection. Then, all of a sudden, she gave me the prettiest smile. “I would love to be your girlfriend,” she said with a huge grin on her face.

  I leaned over the table and kissed her soft lips. That was our first kiss, and I felt like a little kid in a candy store. Just being around her had me feeling some type of way. I felt things that I had never felt before with any woman. I sat back and looked at her, and she became visibly nervous.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.

  “Has anyone ever told you that you look like that chick from Love & Hip Hop: New York? I think her name is Yandy.”

  “Yeah, I have been getting that a lot lately,” she said, laughing.

  We ended our date, and I went home happy as hell. I had finally got the woman of my dreams, and I didn’t plan on ever letting her go. Even though I might not deserve her, I planned to spend the rest of my life making her happy.

  Sam

  I couldn’t believe Eric and Corey were fighting over me. I knew things were going to get ugly when he approached me about sitting with Kevin instead of him. Don’t get me wrong. Eric and I still slept around a few times a month, but I could never really see myself in a serious relationship with him. Needless to say, that shit turned me on, knowing that they were fighting because of me. No, I didn’t feel bad that I had broken up his and Kevin’s friendship, either. Like I always said, I was that bitch, and all the niggas wanted me. Kevin had definitely been pissed at me for a few days after the fight, but he had eventually forgiven me.

  Monique called Bria and me on a three-way to invite us out bowling with our men. Monique had a boo now, and she wanted to reveal him to us. I didn’t know what was up with her and all these damn surprises and secrets. We all arrived at the bowling alley before her and her date, and when she walked in on Corey’s arm, I instantly felt my blood boil. Sure, I was wrong for sleeping with Corey in the first place, because I knew how Mo had felt about him all these years, but I was pissed. To make matters worse, Bria was all excited for them and shit. Although Corey and I had never spoken about being together, I had always told myself that if Kevin and I didn’t work out, I would be with Corey. This shit between Corey and Mo had to end today. They came over to greet us, and I tried my best to hide my displeasure.

  “Baby, I’m going to head to the bathroom before we get sta
rted,” Corey said and kissed Mo on the lips. I watched, and when she blushed, I became even angrier. I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to make my move.

  “Sweetie, I think I’m going to head to the bathroom as well,” I said to Kevin as I rose up.

  I walked at a fast pace to catch up with Corey. I finally got to him just before he was about to walk inside the restroom. “Corey, wait. I need to talk to you,” I said. I walked up on him and put my arms around his neck. He knocked them away and stared at me with fire in his eyes. I had never seen him like this, and to be honest, it turned me on.

  “What the hell are you doing, Sam?” he asked angrily.

  “What do you mean, baby?” I said, trying to kiss him on the lips.

  “Are you fucking insane? My girl is out there, and so is your boyfriend,” he said, pointing toward them. I wasn’t worried about them seeing us. The bathroom was all the way on the other side of the bowling alley and quite far from where we were bowling.

  “So? I want you, and what I want, I get,” I told him. He turned around to walk away, but I grabbed his arm. “Corey, I want you and me to be together. You need to leave her!” I shouted.

  “Listen, I’m going to say this as nicely as I possibly can. You and I will never, ever be a couple. You have never expressed interest in me on that level, and neither have I. It was just about the sex. Now that I’m with your girl, you’re trying to make it more than what it really is. I’m not having it, so leave me the hell alone,” he said heatedly.

  “Corey, you mean to tell me that you don’t want all of this?” I said, spinning around and showing him my body. “I have the best pussy you have ever had. You can’t just walk away from what we shared,” I noted, pleading my case.

  “You are delusional, and I never told you that your pussy was the best I’ve ever had,” he said with a smirk. “Look, like I said, there will never be a you and me,” he added, then walked away.