If I Can't Have You

by Dawn Jiles

  It was true. Ever since Bria had told me that she was pregnant, I had been feeling some type of way. I’d even started drinking. One day, I was chilling with one of my boys when this little thick chick walked past. She was smiling at me, so I hollered at her. Under normal circumstances, I would never cheat on my girl, but this pregnancy shit had a nigga in the wrong state of mind.

  “I chilled with her a few times, but nothing serious. I didn’t fuck ole girl, if that’s what y’all thinking,” I told them.

  “Bro, it’s not even in your character to entertain these thots. She’s pregnant. So what? That doesn’t mean your life ends because you have a baby. Not to mention, you planned on spending the rest of your life with her, anyway,” Kevin said.

  I loved my girl with all my heart, and I didn’t want to lose her, so I was going to get my shit together. “Y’all right, dude. I have to fix this shit,” I told them.

  “We’re here for you, man. We’ve got your back,” Corey said.

  We headed back to my place to finish setting everything up. I never in a million years would have thought about cheating on Bria, but now a nigga had that “I don’t give a fuck” attitude. I had a vision for my life. I planned to go to college, get married, and then have children. I still wanted to enjoy my life without restrictions. Granted, I planned to do all this with my girl, but with a child in the picture, we would definitely be restricted. Although I felt this way, I still needed to get my shit together, before I lost my little family.

  Mo

  Bria and I turned eighteen in the same month. Our birthdays were a week apart, so we decided to throw a big birthday bash at this mansion we rented out. Bria was starting to show a little. You still couldn’t tell that she was pregnant if you didn’t know her, but her stomach had grown a little bit. That didn’t stop us from throwing the party of the summer. I decided on an all-white BCBG minidress with some white BCBG sandals with a four-inch heel. Bria decided on an orange pencil skirt by Chanel and a white and orange crop top. Since she was pregnant, David made her wear some flat white Chanel sandals. We were looking fly as shit, and our party was already live.

  We had a popular DJ named Stretch, who was from Milwaukee, on the ones and twos. I had invited Sam to the party, but who knew if she was going to show? Her ass had been on some funny shit lately, and quite frankly, I was tired of her bullshit.

  Everything was going well until David got on some bullshit. He was dancing with a few other women, and he was drunk as hell. That was something he had been doing a lot of lately. Corey and Kevin kept trying to get him together, but his ass wasn’t listening. Plus, he had some nigga named Darrel in his ear, encouraging him to do bullshit. I guessed Bria had had enough, because she went over there and snapped. She slapped him dead in his face. He tried to apologize, but Bria wasn’t hearing it. The party ended up shutting down early because of it.

  Like, three days after David and Bria moved into their place, Corey surprised me with keys to a place of our own. We moved in, and I completely furnished our place. We had a two-bedroom condo in the same area as Bria and David’s, except ours was closer to the water.

  I was just about to jump in the shower when Bria called me.

  “Hey, girl. What’s up with you?” I asked Bria.

  “Nothing much, besides the fact that I’m about to leave David,” she said with so much sadness in her voice.

  “What? Why? I know he was being disrespectful by dancing with those girls, but you don’t have to leave him, friend,” I said.

  “I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this. Ever since I told him that I was pregnant, he has changed. Before I told him that I was pregnant, I couldn’t get away from him, and believe me, I tried. Now he’s gone all damn day, and he comes home late at night. We argue all the time, and all he does is apologize, and then he does the same shit the next day. Mo, you know I don’t tolerate that type of foolery,” Bria said.

  That was true. Bria didn’t take shit from anybody. She was quick to drop your ass.

  “Bria, just hang in there. Things will get better. Are you coming to the dinner tomorrow?” I said.

  “Yes, we are coming,” she said.

  “Well, I will see you then. I’m about to shower and relax. Love you, and call me if you need me,” I told her.

  “Love you too, friend, and I will.”

  We ended our call, and I headed right for the shower. I didn’t understand why Corey insisted on going out to dinner tomorrow. We ate out all the time, and I wanted to have a home-cooked meal. I was tired of eating fast food, but he had said there was something special about eating out tomorrow, so I had caved in to his request.

  Corey

  My baby had no clue what was going on, but I was about to make her one of the happiest women in the world. We had decided to eat at this place called Chops, and I had made sure to invite all our family and friends. I had asked her father two weeks before if I could have her hand in marriage. He had lectured me for about two hours, but he had told me that he would be glad to have me as his son-in-law. Today was the big day, and somehow that bitch Samariah had found out about the dinner and showed up. None of us had heard from her or seen her since graduation, so it was surprising that she showed her face today.

  My father had rented the restaurant out for two hours so that everyone was able to sit in one area and chat it up. I was nervous as hell, but I knew this was what I wanted to do. I stood up and asked for everyone’s attention. Then I walked over to Mo, and I could tell that she was clueless as to what I was about to do.

  “Monique, since the first day I saw you in the ninth grade, I have had the biggest crush on you, but I allowed my own insecurities to get in the way of me being with you. Now that I have you, I don’t ever want to let you go. I have never been in love with any woman besides you, and I want to give you the world. You are the air that I breathe, and I need you by my side. With that being said, Monique Peterson, will you please marry me?” I said.

  She was crying so hard, but I knew that they were tears of joy. I pulled out a fifteen-carat princess-cut diamond and gold engagement ring.

  “Yes, Corey Anderson. I will marry you, baby. I love you so much,” she said, then kissed me all over my face.

  Everyone came over to congratulate us, and then I decided to step outside to get some air. I felt someone wrap their arms around my waist, and I assumed it was Mo.

  “Baby, you didn’t have to come out here. I told you I was coming right back,” I said as I pulled her in front of me.

  When I opened my eyes, I immediately got pissed. I pushed Sam away from me, and for a minute, I almost blacked out. “What in the hell is your problem, and why are you even here?” I asked her.

  “Well, I saw Monique’s mom at the store, and she invited me here. You know I couldn’t pass up the chance to see my boo,” she said, trying to touch my face.

  I slapped her hands down and began to walk away.

  “How could you propose to her, Corey, after what we shared? I love you, and I need you. How could you just walk away from what we had?” she said.

  I looked at her like she had just grown two heads. “If I didn’t know then, I definitely know now that your ass is crazy. You and I never had a relationship, so get your delusional ass away from here,” I said as I walked back into the restaurant.

  Sam didn’t come back in, so I guessed she had got the picture. We enjoyed the rest of the time at the restaurant, and then everyone headed to their destination of choice. Monique and I made it home, and I made sweet love to my fiancée. I hoped this bitch Sam didn’t try to come in and ruin what we had, because if she did, there would be major hell to pay.

  Kevin

  Bria and I decided to get together and throw Corey and Mo a surprise engagement party. It had been a few months since he proposed to her, but being the party people that we were, we turned everything into a party. Bria and Zoe did the decorating, and I basically paid for everything.

  My nigga, David, had gone downhill,
and for the first time since he and Bria got together, that nigga was cheating on her. Corey and I tried talking some sense into his ass, but that nigga just wasn’t listening. He acted like having a baby was the worst thing in the world. He could still go to college and enjoy life, so I didn’t know why he was acting out like this. If Bria found out, we were definitely going to be planning his funeral. Anyway, Zoe and I were doing great. She had even got a nigga thinking about marriage, but I could definitely wait. I was not that nigga Corey. I was not in a rush.

  Sam’s stupid ass had somehow got my number, and she was up to her same old tricks. She had been calling me all day and night and sending nude pictures of her and that nigga Brian fucking. She was trying to make me jealous, but I honestly didn’t give a fuck. I did not want her ass anymore. She had almost caught my ass slipping one time. I thought back on what had happened.

  I stopped into Red Robin to pick up some food that I had ordered over the phone for Zoe and me. I headed to the bathroom first, because I had been holding my shit for a while. As I was finishing up, I heard someone come into the bathroom, but I didn’t think anything of it until I felt a pair of hands grab at my dick from behind me.

  I immediately pushed whoever it was, and then I turned around to see who in the hell was about to get murdered up in Red Robin. It was none other than Sam’s ass. I was so shocked to see her that I forgot that my pants and shit were still undone. She walked up on me, dropped to her knees fast as hell, and took me into her mouth. I pushed her off me.

  “Sam, what in the hell are you doing?” I asked her.

  “Nothing you don’t want me to do. It’s obvious by how hard you are that she isn’t sucking your dick right,” she said sarcastically.

  Her ass was partially right. I was hard as hell, but shit, I was a nigga. Who wouldn’t get hard if some bitch just dropped to her knees and started sucking your dick? Plus, Sam was good at giving head; she was one of the best. But she was wrong, because I thought my baby, Zoe, was just as good as she was. She crawled back over to me and tried to take me in her mouth again, but I stopped that shit ASAP. This time I knew that if I went there with Sam, I would regret it. Her ass was looking good too, but not good enough for me to put my relationship at risk.

  “I know you miss me, Daddy. Come back home to me, and I promise to treat you good,” she said.

  She lifted up her dress and showed me her clean-shaven pussy. My little nigga started to leap in my pants. She took her finger and started to play with her pussy. I suddenly thought about my girl, and I knew that I had to get my ass out of there before I made a mistake. I fixed my clothes and told her ass to stay the fuck away from me. She tried stopping me from leaving the bathroom, but I wasn’t going to stay there with her ass. I got my food and got the hell out of Dodge.

  She would never catch a nigga slipping like that again. My girl would kill both of our asses.

  Sam

  I found out that Bria and Kevin were throwing Monique and Corey a surprise engagement party. I figured that this would be the perfect time to destroy their little happiness. I no longer cared about keeping things between Corey and me a secret. If I couldn’t be happy with him, Monique wouldn’t be, either. Our friendship was over the moment she decided to be with Corey. I didn’t care if she didn’t know that we had slept together.

  I walked into the party, looking sexy as hell, and of course, all eyes were on me. I spotted Bria out of the corner of my eye, and she was looking at me like, “What the fuck is she doing here?” I didn’t care how her ass was staring me down. I was on a mission. I knew that they had set aside a time so that everyone could congratulate them, and that was when I had decided to make my move. I walked up to Monique and hugged her tight. I could tell that she was somewhat happy to see me, but that shit wasn’t going to last for long. I sat back and waited for the big grand finale, which would be sure to end all this fucking celebrating. Why the fuck should this bitch be happy and celebrating with my man while I sat at home and dreamed about being with him every fucking night? Fuck that bitch. I was about to destroy her ass.

  It was almost time for me to go up and speak. I had a group text message prepared, and would be sending it to Corey and Monique. Corey had changed his number on me, but I had sucked his friend Mitch’s dick, and he had given me Corey’s number. I had scheduled the text message to be sent three minutes from now. Actually, it was a video of Corey and me having sex. The last time Corey and I had sex, I had recorded us doing it. He didn’t know about it, and I hadn’t planned to use the video against him, because I hadn’t even known he had plans to get with Monique. I had recorded it because I loved watching myself fucking, but now this video was about to come in handy. I stood up and grabbed the microphone, and now it was time to put on a show. All eyes were on me, and I was super excited.

  “I would like to take the time to congratulate my best friend, Monique, and Corey on their recent engagement. I love you, girl,” I said and blew Monique a kiss.

  She blew me one back.

  “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Corey is not who he says his is.”

  I could tell that Corey was about to shit himself, and Mo looked confused as hell, but her eyes never left mine.

  I went on. “Corey and I have slept together on more than one occasion. I want to thank everyone for listening to me, but I just couldn’t allow my best friend to marry this liar without her knowing the truth.”

  As soon as I was finished talking, Corey and Mo received the video. I noticed Mo looking at her phone and then covering her mouth, and that sealed the deal. My work here was done. I walked off the stage, and Bria was coming for me with fire in her eyes. I was tired of this bitch putting her hands on me. This time I would definitely be whupping her ass. Before she got to me, Zoe and David grabbed her.

  “You dirty bitch. You’re always sleeping with somebody else’s man! How could you do that to her?” she shouted, with tears coming down her face.

  I just stood there smirking. She tried to break loose, but they stopped her.

  “She’s not even worth it, Bria. She is nothing but a lonely, scandalous-ass bitch that’s not even worth the fight,” Zoe said.

  “Naw, fuck that! When I have my baby, I’m coming for your no-good ass. You just wait!” Bria said, then stormed off.

  I didn’t see Corey or Monique, so I left the party, feeling very satisfied. I expected a visit from him sooner or later, and I planned to whip it on him something serious.

  Chapter Ten

  Monique

  I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears. I knew that she did not just tell me that she and Corey had slept together. It was one thing for her to admit it in front of everyone, but it was another to see the shit on video. I looked at Corey, and I began to cry.

  “Baby, can we please talk?” he whispered in my ear.

  I turned to face the man that I had grown to love, and I couldn’t even look at him without feeling disgusted.

  “Baby, I love you, and it’s not what it seems. Baby, ple—”

  I slapped the shit out of him before he could even finish his sentence. “You love me? You love me? You don’t fucking love me. You don’t lie to the people you love,” I said.

  “Sweetie, I didn’t lie to you,” he said.

  I kicked him in his balls and punched him in his face. I stood over him, and I spoke to him with so much anger. “You better stay the fuck away from me. I hate your ass, and just so that we are clear, we are definitely over!” I said. I threw my ring at him, and it hit him in the face.

  I was so pissed with Corey that I forgot the part that Sam had played in all of this. She could have told me in private, but instead, she had decided to embarrass me in front of all our friends and family. This bitch was not about to get away with this shit at all. I drove to her house, but she hadn’t made it home yet. I parked a few houses down and waited for her to pull up. She came home about forty-five minutes later, and I was ready for her ass.

  I always kept a pair of shoes
in my car because I had been wearing heels a lot lately, and I hated to drive in them. I threw my shoes on and then got out of my car. I waited until she got to her door, and then I snuck up behind her. I grabbed that bitch by the back of her hair and slammed her face into the door. Blood started gushing out of a gash on her head, and she fell to the ground.

  “Get your ass up, bitch!” I yelled at her.

  It took her a second to regain her composure, but then she stood up and rushed me. We fell to the ground, and then we started to tussle with each other. She ended up on top of me, but before she could do anything, I kicked her in her stomach. She rolled off me, and I got on top of her and started punching that ho in her face. I guess her mom heard us fighting outside, because she came out and pulled me off her.

  “What in the hell is going on out here?” she said, looking at both of us.

  “Ask that ho of a daughter you’ve got. Samariah, stay the fuck away from me, or the next time, I might kill your ass,” I said, and then I headed to my car.

  I was so done with both of their asses. I should have listened to Bria when she told me that she had a bad feeling about them. Well, that feeling had just turned into a reality.

  Corey

  I couldn’t believe this bitch Sam had done this to me. It was one thing to tell Mo, but the way she had gone about it was all wrong. I tried to explain to Mo that how Samariah had made it seem wasn’t really how it happened. I knew she was going to be hurt once she saw the video, which I didn’t know how that bitch had even got. I tried calling Sam so that I could curse her ass out, but she wouldn’t answer. I know where that bitch stayed, so I’d be making a stop by there ASAP.

  It had been about a week since everything went down, and Monique was not fucking with me at all. Every time I called, I was sent straight to voice mail, or she would pick up the phone and then hang it back up right away. Since she had been gone, my life had been miserable. We were supposed to go see my grandmother the day after the party. I went, but of course, Mo didn’t go with me. While I was gone, she came and got the majority of her clothes and stuff from our house.