The Hitwoman in a Pickle (Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman Book 18)

by Lynn, JB

  Thurston crossed his arms over his chest. “Why the interest, Maggie?”

  “You’re family.”

  “But from what I hear, you have enough problems of your own.”

  I nodded. “I didn’t come here to give you the third degree about your zoo escapade. I’m here about my mother.”

  He nodded slowly. “What about her?”

  “She keeps claiming that she’s seen Dad, and I’m trying to figure out if that’s one of her delusions or if you’ve been going to the mental facility.”

  He pursed his lips.

  My blood pressure rose as I recognized the action as one my father used when he was formulating a lie. I glared at Thurston, silently daring him to let the untruth leave his mouth.

  “Yes,” he said finally. “I’ve been on the grounds.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Artie is concerned about how she’s doing.”

  I didn’t bother to ask how the man in Witness Protection was communicating with his brother. Instead, I spat out, “She was doing a lot better before he knocked her off course by being a selfish jerk and taking her out of there.”

  “He feels badly about that.”

  “Badly?” Outrage made my voice squeak.

  “He didn’t realize that—”

  “He didn’t think about the consequences for anyone other than himself,” I interrupted hotly. “He never does.”

  Thurston raised his hands in surrender. “You’re preaching to the choir on that one, kiddo. Artie can be one selfish bastard.”

  Hearing him turn on his brother poked a hole in my ballooning outrage, and I leaned weakly against the wall. “You have to stop going to see her. It confuses her and the doctors think she’s nuts. Not that she isn’t, but they think she’s nuttier than usual.”

  “Okay, I’ll stop.”

  “Stop what?” a voice asked from behind me.

  I turned to find Ian, carrying an overnight bag, watching us.

  “Making things harder on Maggie,” Thurston said smoothly.

  Ian put the bag down on the foot of the bed. “How are you doing that?”

  “Going places I shouldn’t. Like the zoo at night.”

  “Well, I’ll second that. You gave me quite a scare.”

  “I’m sorry about that.”

  I pushed myself off the wall. “I should be going.”

  “Hot date?” Ian joked.

  I grinned. “Actually, yes.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  But before my date, I decided to do some additional surveillance on Kevin Beader.

  Parking my car a distance away, I watched the exterior of the ice cream shop to see if I could spot any suspicious activity. Beader was outside, alternately wiping down the windows and texting madly on his phone.

  I was a little surprised to see that he totally ignored the parade of kids that streamed in and out.

  He was good. Really good. It was like he knew he was being watched and his behavior was impeccably above board.

  I was starting to understand why he hadn’t been caught.

  Yet.

  I was determined to get him. But not then, because I had a date to get to.

  Since Angel hadn’t specified where we were going on our date, I wasn’t sure what to wear. Not that I’m normally a walking fashion plate, tending to wear a steady uniform of jeans and sneakers ever since I’d quit my day job at Insuring the Future, but even I thought a date, a real date, deserved more than something I’d walk the dog in.

  So I went for my black dress. The same black dress I’d been wearing when I first met his mob boss uncle, Delveccio. Of course, then I’d been wearing it because I’d gone straight from my sister Teresa’s funeral to visit a comatose Katie. It’s funny how the same item of clothing can span such a wide spectrum of emotion.

  At the funeral, I’d been mourning the death of my sister and wondering if life would ever be normal again. (For the record, it hasn’t been.)

  But as I put the dress on to prepare for my date with Angel, I was nervous, excited, and wondering if I was making one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

  After all, there were a lot of reasons to stay far away from Angel Delveccio. For one thing, he’s an honest guy who has forsaken the criminal enterprises of his criminal family. For another, I wasn’t sure that co-mingling my business with the less-than-upstanding members of the Delveccio family with the pleasure of the hottest member of the family was a good idea.

  In fact, I knew it wasn’t…if only because God wouldn’t stop telling me so.

  “A million ways this could go wrong,” the lizard droned for the tenth time as I stepped in front of the mirror.

  “Why don’t you count them?” Piss meowed, flexing her claws. “Since you seem to be imagining them all.”

  “Angel like I,” DeeDee interjected.

  “Everyone likes him,” Piss soothed.

  “Exactly,” God crowed. “Why ruin the life of a good man?”

  “I’m not ruining his life.” I smoothed the dress over my hips and turned to try to see my reflection from all angles. “I’m going on one date with him.”

  The lizard stuck his tongue out. “Has the chaos that befalls those in your vicinity gone unnoticed?”

  “But that’s not my fault.”

  Benny’s squeaky little mouse voice piped up. “Not her fault. Not her fault. Not her fault.”

  I grinned, thrilled that he had joined the conversation. “Thanks for the assist, little guy.”

  “He has no idea what he’s talking about,” God huffed.

  “Doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate his support.” I pulled on my heels and took another twirl in front of the mirror.

  “You look beautiful, sugar,” Piss purred.

  “She looks like a black widow,” God griped.

  DeeDee growled at that. “Window a not.”

  “Not window, you slobbering simpleton. Widow. A black widow. A creature that wreaks death and destruction wherever she goes.”

  “Melodramatic much?” the cat mocked, glaring at him with her one good eye.

  I sank down on the sofa, considering the lizard’s accusation. He wasn’t entirely wrong. As an assassin, I do bring death to people and I’ve had some destructive moments.

  All because I was trying to protect and take care of the people I love. I mean, I do things with the best of intentions, but they often don’t go the way I plan.

  Was God right? Was I about to ruin Angel’s life?

  DeeDee strolled over, plopped her head onto my knee, and stared at me with her warm brown eyes, offering silent support even though she obviously didn’t have a clue what was going on.

  I absentmindedly rubbed her nose.

  “At the very least,” God said, “you should take me with you. I, at least, will be the voice of reason. Otherwise, you’re liable to do something incredibly stupid.”

  “Don’t let him get into your head,” Piss urged, rubbing against my ankle. “Go out and enjoy your date.”

  “And ruin his life,” God added for good measure.

  Before I could respond, I heard the distinctive peal of the doorbell. Jumping to my feet, I almost tripped over both the cat and dog as I lunged for my purse and made a mad dash up the basement stairs.

  I knew full well that the date would get off to a bad start if anyone in my family got to the front door before me. The women in my family tend to give men the third degree or set unrealistic expectations, or worst of all, undress them with their eyes. Visions of poor Angel being subjected to a combination of all those things flashed through my head, spurring me to move faster despite the fact that my ankles protested the stilty nature of my heels.

  I barreled through the kitchen, raced through the dining room, and skidded to a stop in the foyer, trying to suppress a groan that erupted from the depths of my soul when I realized that someone had already opened the front door.

  Of course, I couldn’t tell who had opened the door because all I could see was Angel sta
nding there, grinning at me. Instead of his usual U.S. Navy t-shirt, he wore a blue dress shirt, unbuttoned at the collar, and looked even more handsome than usual.

  “You look nice,” he said, eyes twinkling mischievously.

  My entire body, from my eyeballs to my pinkie toes, flushed with heat and all of the sudden I was lightheaded. I had to lean against the wall as I swayed unsteadily. Of course, the heat and the breathlessness may have had more to do with my crazy sprint than sexual attraction. I stood there, sucking in air like a beached fish, the epitome of a sexy date.

  “I know I’m a little early,” Angel continued. “So if you need more time…”

  “I’m ready,” I gasped, a little too eagerly.

  “Where are you headed?” a voice asked.

  I looked around until I found its source. U.S. Marshal Larry Griswald was standing in the shadows watching our exchange.

  “It’s a surprise,” Angel told Aunt Susan’s boyfriend.

  “Well, make sure you two stay out of trouble,” Griswald ordered like some sort of over-protective father figure.

  Something in his tone put me on edge and I looked at him curiously.

  “If you’d give us just a moment,” Griswald said to Angel.

  Angel nodded slowly, clearly unsure of what was going on.

  He wasn’t the only one. Usually, I get along exceedingly well with Griswald, despite the fact he’s a Law Enforcement Officer and I’m a criminal. Hell, I’m a professional criminal at this point.

  Griswald jutted his chin in the direction of the dining room, indicating I should follow him there.

  I shrugged helplessly at Angel. “Give me just a minute?”

  Katie’s former manny nodded. “I’ve waited this long. What’s another couple of minutes?”

  I rushed in the direction Griswald had disappeared, eager to find out what he wanted so that I could get on with a date that had been a long time coming.

  Griswald stood at the far end of the dining room, holding a silver-plated pitcher, examining it for tarnish.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  Putting down the pitcher, he turned his assessing gaze on me. “Are you sure this is the best idea, Maggie?”

  His tone was so serious that I wondered for a moment what kind of catastrophic mistake I was about to make.

  “I like Angel,” he continued solemnly. “He’s a good guy. But his family…”

  “I’m not dating his family.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Trust me. When you get involved with someone, you get involved with their family whether you want to or not.”

  I scowled. “Are you having second thoughts about your relationship with Susan?”

  He shook his head. “I won’t say it’s easy being involved with someone who is related to a career criminal, but we’ve made it work.”

  “And I can make it work with Angel,” I said a tad too defensively, God’s warning ringing in my ears even as I said the words.

  “Look.” Griswald moved closer to me. “I know that you only know Delveccio as a kindly grandfather who is devoted to his grandson, but trust me, he’s a bad guy. A very bad guy. If you cross him, things could go very badly.”

  I knew that the mobster was dangerous, but I also know that he had a soft spot for me, so I wasn’t too concerned. Still, I assured the marshal, “I’m not going to cross him.”

  “Maybe not intentionally, but if you interfere with his plans for his nephew, or if you break Angel’s heart—”

  “It’s one date,” I interrupted. “One date is not going to break his heart.”

  Griswald shook his head and raised his hands in surrender. “All I’m asking is that you be careful. You’ve been through so much. You don’t need to invite more trouble.”

  Hearing the sincere concern in his voice, I reached out and patted his arm. “I appreciate that you’re looking out for me.”

  “That’s what we do for family.”

  I blinked, processing the knowledge that he considered me to be family. My eyes welled with tears. Impulsively, I hugged him tightly. “It’ll be okay.”

  “I hope so,” he murmured in my ear before pulling away and hurrying into the kitchen.

  Taking a couple of deep breaths, I smoothed my dress and hoped for the best as I headed out to properly greet my date. The one whose life I was going to ruin, or who was going to ruin my life, depending on who you ask.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Angel chivalrously guided me into the passenger seat of his pick-up truck before getting in himself.

  “Everything okay with Griswald?” He started the engine.

  “Aunt Susan is stressed. Maybe it’s rubbing off on…” I trailed off, remembering Katie’s contention that Susan was seeing a doctor.

  Angel glanced over at me. “Something wrong?”

  I shook my head, unwilling to voice my concern that something other than stress could be affecting my aunt. “So where are we going?”

  “Told ya, it’s a surprise.” With a wink, Angel pulled out of the driveway of the B&B. “How was your day?”

  Thrown off guard, I glanced over at him. I wasn’t accustomed to being asked about my days. “Okay. A little busy, but I got to take Katie out for some one-on-one time.”

  “That’s great. What did you do?”

  “We went for ice cream.” The corners of my mouth turned down as I remembered creepy Beader. Before Angel could catch on to my unhappiness, I asked, “Hey, how did your job interview go?”

  “Good. Great, actually. I was offered the job.”

  “Are you going to take it?”

  He slid his gaze from the road to me and back to the road before answering. “Why do you ask?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I was wondering if it’s the kind of work you want to do.”

  “As opposed to going to work for my uncles?” A thread of defensiveness tightened his tone.

  I wondered if he’d overheard Griswald’s concerns or if someone else had given him a hard time about his job choice. “I wouldn’t want to work for a hospital,” I explained honestly. “Supervisor, upon supervisor, upon supervisor. It just sounds horrible.”

  Angel chuckled. “I’ve got a lot of experience with that having worked for Uncle Sam.”

  I nodded. Maybe working for a hospital would be easier than working for the U.S. Navy.

  “But to answer your question,” he continued, “I do think I’m going to take the job.”

  “So I guess congratulations are in order.”

  “You don’t sound too sure of that.”

  “I’ve just spent too much time at that hospital,” I declared breezily. “It triggers some kind of PTSD or something in me.”

  “Speaking of which, how’s your friend?”

  “My friend?”

  “The one you were visiting.”

  “Good. He’s doing better.” I stared out of the windshield, trying to find a safer subject to talk about. I really didn’t want to have to start explaining anything about Uncle Thurston. “You’re really not going to tell me where we’re going?”

  “So impatient, Maggie. We’re almost there.”

  Angel was a self-assured driver and our vehicle snaked through the streets of downtown quicker than I would have liked. More than once, I fought the urge to stomp on a non-existent brake. Instead, I clasped my hands in my lap and closed my eyes. Not the best idea since my stomach lurched traitorously as we took a turn a tad too fast.

  “It’s not seafood, is it?” I asked worriedly. “I really hate seafood. The smell of fish makes me want to throw up.”

  Angel eased the truck into a parking spot along the road. “Relax. No seafood.”

  Relieved, both because we’d stopped moving and because I wouldn’t be expected to dine on ocean creatures, I slumped in my seat.

  Reaching over, Angel brushed the hair away from my face so that he could get a better look at me. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

/>   “Because you were out of breath when you showed up in the foyer and now you’re looking a little pale.”

  “I’m fine. It’s just been a long couple of days.”

  “What else happened?”

  It wasn’t like I could tell him about the attack on Patrick in the park, or the fact I’d been conversing with gorillas, so I just shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just have some fun.”

  “Your wish is my command, milady.” He jumped out of the truck.

  Before I could disconnect my seatbelt and climb out my side, his hands were wrapping around my waist and he was lifting me out of the truck.

  Not knowing whether I should protest or thank him, I rested my hands against his impressive pecs as he lowered me to the ground. His heart thudded steadily beneath my palm as I looked up at him.

  He dropped his hands from my waist but didn’t move away, so now the only one initiating physical contact was me. And I didn’t want it to end.

  Keeping my hand over his heart, I raised the other to gently cup his cheek. “You’re a good man, Angel.”

  Raising his eyebrows and pitching his voice low, he said, “And you haven’t even really gotten to know me yet.”

  The promise in his tone made me weak in the knees and I leaned a little harder against him as he turned his head slightly and kissed my palm. I shuddered as a wave of sensation washed over me.

  I took a couple deep breaths to regain control of my libido.

  Angel chuckled. “Are you okay, Maggie?”

  Sucking in another deep breath, I nodded. As I exhaled, my nose twitched like a rabbit. I sniffed the air like a bloodhound. “Do you smell that?”

  “You don’t like my cologne?”

  “No. It smells like dill. Or maybe garlic? Definitely vinegar.”

  Angel humored me by sniffing the air. “Pickles.”

  “Pickles,” I repeated, wondering if that is what the gorillas had smelled. “Let’s go check it out.”

  Angel tilted his head and squinted at me. “What?”

  “Let’s go find out where the pickle smell is coming from.”

  “Instead of going on the date that I had planned?” To his credit, he sounded more incredulous than angry about my odd request.