Charlie Turns Into a T-Rex

by Sam Copeland

  ‘Or a piranha,’ said Wogan.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ said Mohsen, putting a reassuring hand on Wogan’s shoulder. ‘One piranha flapping on the floor won’t be able to eat you, Woge.’

  ‘Phew! Good point. Charlie, you’re OK to turn into a piranha.’

  ‘CAN YOU TWO STOP?’ shouted Flora.

  ‘They’re right, though, Flora,’ said Charlie. ‘There’s too many dangerous animals. It’s too risky.’

  ‘Nonsense!’ said Flora, smiling at Charlie. ‘We just need some protection.’

  Flora jumped up and began running around Charlie’s room, gathering all sorts of objects and throwing them at Wogan and Mohsen: an American football helmet, a battered old hockey mask, a padded Batman suit, cricket pads, a baseball bat, a catapult and a Nerf gun.

  ‘There,’ she said when she’d finished, panting. ‘For protection.’

  Mohsen turned to Charlie. ‘You sure it’s necessary?’

  ‘Definitely. Put the stuff on. And if I turn on you, do whatever it takes to stop me and save yourselves.’

  A silent, unspoken agreement met Charlie’s warning.

  After Flora, Mohsen and Wogan had got suited up in protective armour and had their weapons at the ready, Flora continued. ‘OK, Charlie, I want you to lie down on the floor. On your back.’

  Charlie did as he was told. The three friends sat round him.

  ‘Now, close your eyes.’

  Charlie obeyed again.

  ‘Right, now I want you to start thinking about all the bad things you worry about.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes. Close your eyes again. Think about all your worst fears.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘That’s not for me to tell you.’

  ‘I’m not sure what to think.’

  ‘What about Flora falling in love with Dyl–’

  ‘It’s not for any of us to tell him what to think about, Wogan!’ interrupted Flora hotly. ‘Only you know what bothers you most, Charlie. But you need to face these thoughts square on. Don’t try to control them. See where they take you.’

  ‘OK. I think I’ve got one.’

  Charlie felt for the stress in his belly – there it was, squirming away. Slowly his head filled with thoughts of moving into Aunt Brenda’s cat-filled house all the way on the other side of town. He imagined transferring to Huntsman’s School for Boys, full of huge trouser-less rugby-playing boys. He imagined being far away from his friends.

  Charlie felt electricity start to spark through him.

  Another thought jumped out – being caught changing into an animal. Being taken away from his family to be examined by scientists, locked in a hospital, like his brother had been.

  Charlie could feel it working. He was changing.

  And then his mind twisted towards his new, deepest fear – the fear that he was going to change and forget who he was. Forget that he was Charlie and stay trapped as an animal forever …

  ‘Look!’ said Mohsen. ‘It’s starting! He’s shrinking!’

  The moment Charlie heard the words, though, the change slowed and he started changing back.

  ‘Argh! I nearly had it then! You interrupted me!’ said Charlie, infuriated.

  ‘Mohsen!’ said Flora.

  ‘Mohsen!’ said Wogan, relieved it wasn’t him who had got in trouble – he had just been about to shout exactly what Mohsen had done, but Mohsen had beaten him to it.

  ‘Sorry, guys! I was just caught up in the moment,’ said Mohsen.

  ‘And you don’t have to keep pointing that catapult at me the whole time, you know, Wogan,’ said Charlie. ‘I’m not about to attack you now.’

  ‘It’s for protection!’ said Wogan, eyes narrowing. ‘And anyway, that’s exactly what somebody who was about to attack me would say …’ he continued, stretching the catapult even further back.

  ‘Try to ignore them, Charlie. Let’s go for it again,’ said Flora.

  Charlie lay down and closed his eyes. He tried to summon the dark thoughts again but it was no use.

  ‘I can’t do it. It’s gone.’

  ‘Just like Wogan’s poo,’ said Mohsen, nodding wisely.

  ‘Thank you, Mohsen,’ said Flora. ‘Please, Charlie. Just keep trying.’

  ‘OK …’

  As Charlie lay there, desperately trying to change, he realized that it wasn’t the fact that he had been interrupted that was the problem. It was the fact that Mohsen’s familiar voice had reminded Charlie that he was surrounded by friends. Friends that would do anything for him. Even risk being attacked by a tiger. And how could he be stressed when he was with friends like that?

  ‘Guys, I think I need to be alone. I don’t think I can get properly stressed with you here.’

  ‘You have to, Charlie,’ said Flora gently. ‘If we are going to break in to Van der Gruyne Industries, you’ll have to do it with us around. Just try again. Think of your dad.’

  ‘And the gold!’ said Mohsen.

  ‘OK. I’ll try again.’

  Once again, Charlie closed his eyes. He breathed deeply. But Charlie had an inkling there was something else holding him back.

  ‘But what about if I forget who I am? For good this time? What about if I don’t change back?’

  Flora patted Charlie on the arm reassuringly. ‘We’ll be right here with you. We’ll do everything we can to help. Just try to change back as quickly as possible. Then I’m sure you won’t have time to forget who you are. OK?’

  Charlie took a deep breath. ‘OK … Here goes nothing.’

  Once again, Charlie thought about all his worst fears.

  As he breathed out, his friends disappeared from his mind.

  He was alone.

  His dad’s company, McGuffin & Sons,fn1 had collapsed …

  His family had moved to Aunt Brenda’s cat-wee-smelling house …

  He had started at a new school, full of threatening, angry faces …

  His brother was ill again, stuck on a drip in hospital …

  He had changed and became stuck, doomed to stay forever as a tiny, squirming maggot, forgetting that he had ever been a boy called Charlie …

  Electricity shot through him, from his neuronsfn2 to his fingertips.

  His body began folding in on itself, like a flower at night.

  He was changing and nothing was going to stop it this time.

  He was growing smaller, sprouting fur.

  Feet turning into paws.

  There was a snout. And claws.

  He had changed but he had no idea what into.

  ‘FLAMING NORA!’ cried Wogan, still aiming the catapult at Charlie.

  ‘HOLY MAJOLY!’ exclaimed Flora, staring at him in astonishment.

  ‘I’M GONNA PUKE!’ croaked Mohsen.

  ‘Mohsen! Don’t be rude!’ said Flora.

  Yes, thought Charlie. Don’t be so rude!

  ‘But it was so gross!’

  ‘Yes, it was,’ said Flora. ‘It was disgusting to watch, but it’s rude to point it out.’

  Guys, thought Charlie. I can still understand you, you know.

  ‘I just can’t actually believe my eyes,’ said Mohsen, who just couldn’t actually believe his eyes.

  ‘You’ve really changed,’ Wogan added, almost not believing it had happened right there in front of him. ‘I almost can’t believe it happened right here in front of me.’

  ‘You did it, Charlie!’ said Flora triumphantly. ‘Well done!’

  She gave Charlie’s fur a tentative rub, and then wiped her hand on her dress.

  Yes, I know I’ve changed, thought Charlie, but can someone please tell me what exactly I have changed into?

  ‘OK, Charlie, it’s time to change back before you start forgetting who you are,’ said Flora briskly. ‘Meanwhile,’ she continued, looking at Wogan and Mohsen, ‘the important thing is not to startle Charlie in any way. You know. In case he … erm …’

  Flora left her sentence hanging, glancing at Charlie with a meaningful look
on her face.

  No, I don’t know! In case I what?! thought Charlie. What am I?

  ‘Any loud noises or sudden movements might mean he accidentally –’

  A sudden knocking sound made everybody jump.

  ‘Everything OK in there?’ shouted Charlie’s mum through the bedroom door.

  ‘Everything’s fine, Mrs McGuffin!’ said Flora quickly.

  Charlie started panicking and attempted to scurry under the bed but found to his dismay that he couldn’t quite fit.

  Charlie’s mum tried opening the door, but fortunately Flora had had the foresight to jam it, using a Lego model of the Millennium Falcon as a doorstop.

  ‘Is this door stuck, kids? Can you let me in?’ Charlie’s mum rattled the handle.

  Fumbling to put the catapult away, Wogan accidentally let go of the elastic. A small pebble shot from it and hit Charlie squarely on his furry backside.

  Charlie yelped in pain and without him even thinking about it, something sprayed out of his furry backside. Something that smelled so vile, so nose-bustingly disgusting, that Flora, Mohsen and Wogan immediately started retching.

  Charlie finally realized – too late by far – what animal he had changed into. Charlie was a skunk.

  And he had just blasted his room with maximum-strength skunk spray from his bum.fn3

  ‘Oh, it’s awful,’ gagged Wogan. ‘I’m going to be sick!’

  ‘No!’ said Flora, holding her nose. ‘You can’t! If you do – oh my goodness it smells SO bad – if you do that, then Charlie’s mum will – oh gosh, I think I’m going to be sick.’

  Mohsen was desperately trying to open the window one-handed, while covering his mouth and nose tightly with the other. He was looking very pale and trying not to vomit.

  Charlie shuffled around, not knowing what to do with himself. Should he hide? Would it be worse for his mum to come in and find Charlie missing or to come in and find him replaced with a skunk?

  ‘What is going on in there?’ Charlie’s mum asked. She tried pushing the door again, but fortunately the Millennium Falcon held.

  ‘Nothing, Mrs McGuffin,’ said Flora. ‘We’re just – hurrrgggghhhhhohgod – playing a game.’

  ‘Well, can I just see what you’re up to, please?’ Charlie’s mum pushed the door harder. It cracked open a centimetre.

  ‘No!’ shouted Wogan. ‘It’s a – hurrrghhhogghhhohboy – secret game!’

  ‘Charlie? What’s going on in there?’

  ‘Charlie can’t talk right now,’ shouted Flora. ‘He’s doing a sponsored si-hurrrrghhhhhhh-lence.’

  ‘A what?’ shouted Charlie’s mum. ‘Why are you all making strange noises?’

  ‘A sponsored –’ Flora swallowed, concentrating on not heaving – ‘silence.’

  Holding her nose, she whispered to Charlie urgently, ‘Now would be a very good time to change back!’

  Charlie closed his little skunk-eyes and desperately tried to slow his breathing and think happy thoughts, but if you have ever desperately tried to calm yourself down, you’ll know it’s tough. Especially with the sound of your three best friends gagging and heaving, and your mum banging on the door and about to discover you have changed into a skunk.

  ‘Good grief!’ shouted Charlie’s mum. ‘What is that smell? Open this door immediately!’

  Charlie could see his mum’s nose poking round the door. He couldn’t help it – he panicked and another blast of foul stench shot out of his bum glands.

  Flora looked like she might faint. Wogan for some reason had put Charlie’s bin on his head in a vain attempt to protect himself from the smell. By the sounds he was making from inside, it wasn’t working.

  Mohsen finally managed to push open the window and mustered the strength to reply. ‘Really sorry, Mrs McGuffin, but Wogan just farted.’

  Flora, Charlie the skunk and Wogan, still with the bin on, all swung their heads towards Mohsen.

  ‘Farted?’ Flora hissed to Mohsen in disbelief.

  Mohsen shrugged. ‘It was the first – huggghhhhhhhh – the first thing that came into my head!’

  ‘Wogan’s farted?!’ said Charlie’s mum through the door. ‘Good god, the boy needs to see a doctor. It’s absolutely terrible!’

  ‘Yeah, sorry, Mrs McGuffin,’ said Wogan. ‘I had –’

  ‘Take the bin off your head, Wogan!’ Flora whispered. ‘She won’t be able to hear you!’

  ‘Oh yeah,’ said Wogan, taking the bin off his head. ‘Sorry, Mrs McGuffin – hueggghccchhhh – I had baked beans for lunch. And beans – huegggggchhh – for tea last night. Basically I’ve been eating a load of beans recently. Dad calls me the Human Bum Trumpet.’

  ‘A human bum what?’ said Charlie’s mum.

  ‘Bum Trumpet.’

  ‘Well, I’m not coming in there with that smell, that’s for sure. Tea is in twenty minutes. And one thing’s for certain: I will not be cooking baked beans,’ Charlie’s mum said. ‘And open a window. In fact, open all the windows. It smells like you’ve got a skunk stashed in there.’

  And at the sound of Charlie’s mum’s feet clomping down the stairs, the four friends let out a collective sigh of relief.

  ‘Now THAT was close,’ said Mohsen.

  ‘WAY too close,’ agreed Flora.

  ‘Can you pass me the bin again? I’m actually going to puke,’ said Wogan. Flora quickly threw the bin at Wogan, who immediately started retching into it.

  Wogan’s voice echoed from inside the bin. ‘Oh boy, the smell isn’t getting better!’

  ‘It most certainly isn’t,’ said Mohsen. ‘In fact, I think it might be getting worse. But still – not as bad as one of Wogan’s farts.’

  Flora started to smile. She looked at Mohsen, who couldn’t help but smile back. And then Flora started to giggle. And then Mohsen started to giggle. And then they were both laughing.

  The sound of their laughter rushed through Charlie’s body, and then he could feel his own laughter bubbling up in reply, and then the laughter started to turn into electricity, fizzing and rippling through his veins. And before Flora and Mohsen’s stunned eyes (but not Wogan’s, whose head was still in the bin), Charlie changed back from a skunk into Charlie.

  He was still laughing until he breathed in the stench he had created.

  ‘Oh my god – huaargh – it’s so bad! I couldn’t smell it when I was a sku-huuuuuuurrrrgh-nk. Now I know what you were all complaining about. Oh, it’s disgusting!’

  The other three had run to the open window and were trying to breathe in the crisp, clean air from outside. Charlie got up from the floor and joined them, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

  Flora clapped him on the back. ‘Well, you did it!’ she said. ‘You changed when YOU decided. I think that officially makes you a superhero.’

  ‘What, Skunkman?’ said Wogan. ‘“Don’t make me stinky. You won’t like me when I’m stinky”?’

  Mohsen laughed. ‘With great power comes great stinkability.’

  ‘Yeah, very funny, guys,’ said Charlie, grinning.

  ‘Seriously, though. Charlie – this is momentous. But from here on in, the hard work begins.’

  ‘How d’you mean? I’ve done it, haven’t I? And I didn’t forget who I was!’

  ‘You’ve done it ONCE, Charlie. And that took time for you to get it right. And it took a while for you to change back. You need to practise so you can do it straight away and under pressure. If we’re breaking in to Van der Gruyne Industries, we can’t be standing around waiting for you to change. And we can’t wait around for you to change back from a slug if we’re getting chased by ferocious security dogs. So you need to practise, practise, practise. You have to work hard.’

  ‘Totally. Work hard. I’m a hard worker. Everyone knows that.’

  ‘Charlie. What did Mr Wind say in your last school report?’

  ‘I … er … can’t remember.’

  ‘Yes, you can. We all can. Wogan? Mohsen? You both remember?’

  Wogan and Mohs
en both nodded their heads.

  ‘“Charlie is incredibly lazy and works as little as possible”,’ said Mohsen.fn4

  ‘OK, OK! I take your point,’ said Charlie. ‘I’ll practise changing every day!’

  ‘Good,’ said Flora.

  ‘But what happens if I, you know, start forgetting I’m Charlie again?’

  ‘Did you forget at any point while you were a skunk that you were really Charlie?’

  ‘No … I guess not,’ admitted Charlie.

  ‘Well, there you go then. You’ve worked out in your brain how to keep hold of the Charlie part of you. You’ve cracked it.’

  ‘Are you sure about that?’ asked Wogan. ‘Because I –’

  ‘Oh, Wogan,’ interrupted Flora sympathetically. ‘Of course I’m sure.’

  But for once, Flora was wrong. Very wrong.

  And even more extraordinarily Wogan was right.

  ‘I can’t …’ said Flora, shaking her head.

  ‘I can’t … actually … believe …’ said Flora, still shaking her head.

  ‘I can’t … actually … believe … I was wrong,’ said Flora. She was never going to stop shaking her head.

  ‘Oh, you get used to it,’ said Wogan. ‘Believe me. I’m something of an expert.’

  It was Monday morning and the friends were sitting in their classroom waiting for Mr Wind to arrive. He was now back from his intensive three-day strategy course with Miss Fyre and was going round the school with a permanent smile plastered on his face.

  ‘But you were right, Wogan. I was wrong and you were right. It’s just … I don’t know what …’

  ‘I understand, Flora,’ said Wogan, his voice full of tender concern. ‘You feel like the world has turned on its head and you don’t know what to believe any more?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Flora simply, still shaking her head.

  ‘I feel the same, Flora,’ Wogan said. ‘So let’s just try to move forward and forget this ever happened. It will probably never, ever happen again.’

  Ironically, Wogan was right once more.

  ‘So,’ continued Wogan. ‘Pull yourself together, Flora. We need you. Charlie needs you. Look at him.’