Syn: Sex Is Syn, Love Is Pain

by J Peach

  “Just water is cool,” Kimmy replied. The other three girls asked for the same.

  “Alright, I’ll be back in a minute.” Yandy said as she walked off.

  “Okay, so tell us how this started because I’m so confused?” Peaches asked as soon as Yandy walked off.

  I let out a sigh and shrugged. “Can I at least get a drink first?”

  “No, shit, I wanna know. I should’ve knew it because Jerron had hinted it to me a year ago. Damn, I’m stupid,” Peaches fussed at herself.

  “Yeah, Ang, I wanna know, too, tho. Like how did it happen?” Ebony asked from beside me.

  Again, I let out a sigh as Missy started to braid my hair. “How it happened? I don’t know it just kind of did. I think Mike had a party and we were drinking and it happened. It didn’t go anywhere, he had a girl and I was seeing somebody. We just became friends that had sex every other weekend or when he called.” I explained to them.

  “Damn. And he paid you? Why?” Kim asked the dumb question.

  My eyes rolled hard at her. “Why else, Kimmy? Why would someone willingly have sex for money?” I snapped at her. Not meaning for it to come off as harsh as it did.

  “Bitch, don’t snap at me. It was just a fuckin’ question.” She shot back.

  “Y’all, don’t start that shit in here. Kim stop asking dumbass questions. Angel, finish talking,” Ebony cut her eyes at Kimmy who rolled her eyes.

  “Whatever,” Kim mumbled.

  “Anyways, to answer Kim’s dumbass question, y’all know how hooked Kelley was on drugs. I couldn’t get a job and I didn’t want to be homeless or have to go into a damn group home—”

  Peaches cut me off. “Homeless, baby you would have never been homeless with us being here for you. Why would you even think you would have to do that with him to get money?” She questioned sincerely. “Angel, for as long as we’ve been cool, we would have given you anything if you came to us. Well, I can only speak for myself, but had you come to me, even though I was young, I would’ve looked out for you. And if I couldn’t King would have,” Peaches explained, looking at me like I was crazy.

  My head shook at what she said. I believe she would have done everything she could to help me just like the rest of my girls. Even so, I was young and to see them well off, I was embarrassed to talk to them about anything. It was bad enough I had a crackhead for a momma that they knew about, I didn’t want them to take pity on me in addition to that. That was the main reason I never let them come over to my house when we were younger. I didn’t want them to see how bad it really was living in the projects with Kelley.

  “I know now that y’all would’ve looked out for me, but at that time I wasn’t in a good place at all. I put on a good front, but it was so much shit going on at home that I had to close myself off,” I said, closing my eyes as I remembered the bullshit Kelley was putting us through. “I just needed y’all to be that normalcy in my life while everything else was shit. I mean, it was just so much shit and I couldn’t come to y’all because I couldn’t have y’all judging me or pitying me because of my situation. It was best I kept it to myself and did what I had to do to make sure I was taken care of rather than having to depend on anyone.”

  Yandy returned with our drinks. With a smile, she went back to work as I started talking again.

  “Regardless of how I got it, I did it on my own. Leon was just something that went too far. I should have ended it years ago. But there was times when niggas had left me high and dry and Leon was there. He came through to help me out. He didn’t know what the money was for of course, but he was always there with his pockets open. That’s why our thing lasted this long,” I was honest with them.

  “Y’all might think I’m wrong and dirty for doing him like that, but over the years I did try to grow some type of feelings for him. I just couldn’t see past sex with him.” I felt bad about the way I played things with Leon, knowing he had actual feelings for me. But I just couldn’t return what he felt, so I stopped pretending that I could and was always straight up with him.

  Leon flipping out caught me by surprise. I never thought he would have taken it that far. Especially since the entire time we’d been messing around he stayed in a relationship. Never had he been single since I’d known him, but once I wanted to start seeing someone it had to be a problem.

  Missy came and stood in front of me with a rattail comb in her hands. She pointed it at me. “Ang, I don’t know what you had to deal with outside of what you shared with us, but baby, know that if you had ever came to me or any one of us, I would have given you anything with no judgement. You’re my bitch, my fuckin’ sister, have been since the second grade. You know I will always have you. Even with you telling us this, I don’t see you no differently. I just see a strong ass female who had to do what was needed to survive. Bitch, you’re working and going to school. Paying for that shit yoself, shid, I need to pick up yo fuckin’ hustle. I’m tired of being broke, shit,” she complained.

  Missy’s reaction wasn’t what I expected. I thought she was going to be pissed about what I’d been doing, but it was the complete opposite. Nervous couldn’t begin to describe how I felt during my explanation, but I was so glad she understood my reasons and wasn’t judging me for making that decision.

  “Thanks, Miss.” She gave me a hug and went back to doing my hair. I looked at the other girls. Their facial expressions were neutral, so I couldn’t read them.

  “For real, though, y’all need to stop looking at her like that. I know damn well none of you bitches are going to judge her because nann one of you bitches are A1—” Missy started to go off on them, waving her damn rattail comb.

  “Bitch, shut the fuck up with yo stupid ass. Ain’t nobody going to judge her for that shit. I just feel some type of way because you felt as though you couldn’t come to us. A part of me understands it, but then again I don’t. I thought we were all tight and didn’t hold secrets. We help each other is what I thought,” Ebony said. “If one of us is going through a hard time, we all are going through it as well. So, Ang, I’m not judging you, I’m just trying to understand that part is all. I feel like I need to apologize because you felt like you couldn’t come to us,” Ebony said, looking like she was truly sorry.

  That made me feel bad because I didn’t want her to feel that way. “Baby, you don’t have to be sorry and it wasn’t y’all. Like I said, y’all were my normalcy away from Kelley, the bills— just everything. Y’all are my comfort when I’m dealing with bullshit. And I didn’t want to pull y’all into that. I needed y’all away from that because regardless of what you all are saying right now, had y’all known, then you would have pitied me. I would have hated to see that look on your faces that I have gotten plenty of times from strangers. I couldn’t have that from y’all.” I looked away from them and finished off my glass of Tropical Sangria Myx.

  “I can’t pretend and say I wouldn’t have felt sorry for your situation. Hell, maybe even pitied what you were going through, but regardless of that, I would’ve still been there. But I understand what you’re saying and how you felt in a way because had the roles been reversed…” Peaches trailed off with a sigh. “I would have felt the same way and would’ve ‘bout been pissed had any one of you pitied me. So I understand that Angel. Even so, like E said, we’re family, we don’t keep secrets. Especially not one as big as this. I mean you’ve been fuckin’ Leon!” Peaches blurted out.

  Covering my face, I started laughing. “So you’re not mad?” I asked her.

  She shook her head and waved me off. “No, I’m not. Like Missy said, you did what you had to. And I don’t see you no different from how I’ve always saw you. Now, though, I see an even stronger woman than what I saw before.” Peaches reached over and grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. “You still a hoe.”

  I burst out laughing at her. “Ugh, fuck you, Peach!”

  “Peaches can’t call nobody a hoe when that slut was spreading it wide for any pretty nigga with a tongue,” Kimmy jum
ped in, clowning her.

  Peaches’ mouth fell open. “Kim, why would you say that? I wasn’t that bad, though,” she said, trying to defend herself.

  The girls and I looked at each other and then burst out laughing.

  “Yes the hell you were. I’m sorry, but you was ridiculous with that shit.” Kim laughed before she looked at me. “Seriously though, regardless of what you have done, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re my bitch and always will be. None of us have room to judge, honestly. Shid, look at me, I’m fuckin’ Mike and Bellow. While y’all playing, I agree with Missy, I need to start charging their ass for this shit.” She pointed to her coochie then looked at me. “Bitch, let me borrow yo shit. Maybe I can get a car outda one of those niggas,” she joked, making us laugh.

  “Okay, now let’s get to the important shit. What the dick was like? Leon look like he can fuck some shit up, for real,” Ebony asked, biting into her lower lip smiling.

  “Look at yo ass. King, gon’ fuck you up,” I laughed at her stupid self.

  “Fuck King triflin’ ass! And it’s not even like that, Leon sexy and all, but he’s a hoe just like King’s ass. That shit don’t get my juices flowing no more.” Her eyes rolled into her head.

  “Bitch, stop lying. All King gotda do is rub up against yo ass and an hour later you gon’ be hot in the face talking about, y’all I slipped.” Peaches mimicked Ebony’s stressed sounding voice and flustered facial expression, sounding and looking just like her.

  “Oh, my God! Why that’s how E be sounding, tho? Peach, you gotda make the puppy dog face when you say it,” Missy said. Peaches made a pouty face and mimicked Ebony again making Missy holler out. “Yes! That’s exactly how she look and sound!”

  We all burst into a fit of laughter at Peaches’ and Missy’s stupid asses as they made fun of Ebony. As we were laughing, Yandy came back over to us with her best friend Katrina.

  “What y’all ass over here yelling about?” Katrina asked, giving us all a hug.

  “Hey, Kat. Girl, messing with Ebony ass about King,” I laughed, shaking my head.

  “You still with that nigga?” Yandy asked her as she refilled my glass. “There you go, babe,” she told me before looking back at Ebony.

  “Hell yeah she is. You can tell from her flushed cheeks,” Katrina pinched Ebony cheeks, laughing, but then she quickly stopped. Her hand went to Ebony’s stomach. “Oh, my God, when did this happen? King the daddy, ain’t he?” She asked.

  Again, the girls and I burst out laughing

  Ebony slapped her hand away. “Fuck y’all, I’m not dealing with him no more. It’s been over for about a year now,” Ebony explained, rolling her eyes hard.

  Katrina twisted her lips at Ebony. “Mhm, but you still ended up pregnant,” she laughed.

  “Mhm, when was the last time yo nasty ass slipped and split on King’s dick?” I asked her before I rubbed her protruding belly. As I did, a thought came to me. “Wait, for real. I know you done slipped and had sex with King. What did he say?” I knew King found out she was pregnant. Ebony was definitely showing and it was no hiding it anymore.

  Ebony’s cheeks quickly turned red and she looked away from us. “Ugh, fuck y’all,” she started laughing. “To answer your question Kat, yes it’s King’s baby—”

  Katrina waved her off. “I knew that.”

  “Whatever, heffa.” Ebony shook her head before she looked back at us. “He’s happy about the baby. He wasn’t pissed off like I expected him to be when he finally found out. But he understood, given my miscarriages.” Ebony suddenly started laughing. “Y’all, he went to the doctor with me to find out the sex of the baby. We’re having a girl. Lord, why did I let him come? He’s real excited about being a daddy. This is his first, so I understand. Hell, I’m just as happy, but anyways, he took it upon himself to name her. Guess what the hell he wanna name my baby?”

  I could tell from her flustered cheeks how excited she truly was. I was happy for her and him, especially after they had three miscarriages. They deserved it.

  “Don’t make us guess. I can only imagine what he wanna name the baby,” Peaches groaned out.

  We all laughed at her.

  “What’s the baby name gonna be?” Kim asked her.

  Ebony started laughing. “Sha’Keema Princess Johnson. Y’all, I just about died when he told me that damn name. I’m like hell no, that shit ghetto as hell. Princess, I like. But Sha’Keema, Lord have mercy. He said he wanted his baby to have something close to his name. His ass sure found a way to make it work. But I couldn’t take that from him, so that’s our baby name.”

  “King wrong for that name, but it’s kinda cute. Sha’Keema. Keema. I like it. Hey, Keema,” Kim rubbed Ebony’s stomach.

  “How far along are you?” Yandy asked, smiling.

  “Six months. I can’t wait until she gets here. I just wanna hold her.” She smiled wide before she looked over at me. Ebony’s smile slowly started to fade and she glared at me. “Wait, how the hell did this get turned around on me? Angel, yo ass supposed to be telling us what Leon’s dick was like, so please do share,” she quickly tried to change the subject by throwing the heat back on me.

  “I’mma need another drink for this shit. Y’all just might need one too,” I started laughing before I jumped into telling how good Leon’s dick was and how I could understand why those bitches went crazy over his black ass.

  “So who’s better, Leon or Parker?” Kimmy asked me.

  My face immediately went hot at the thought of Parker. “Listen, I can admit that I loved Leon’s dick, but he ain’t fuckin’ with Parker. I’m sorry, both of their stroke game is amazing, but Parker is winning that hands down.” I bit into my bottom lip, smiling. I couldn’t help that stupid smile.

  “Wait, what is that?” Yandy poked at the corner of my mouth. “Wait a minute… Angie like somebody?” Yandy smiled at me and I rolled my eyes at her. “Nuh uh, none of that right there,” she pointed to my eyes. “Angie, you feeling somebody?”

  My head shook and I laughed. “Yandy, I do, but I don’t know. I don’t want to.” They laughed at me as I said that. “Don’t laugh at me. I’m being serious right now, y’all.”

  “Regardless of not knowing, Ang going to give it a shot without holding back,” Missy chimed in. “Ain’t that right?”

  “I’mma give it a shot and see where it goes, you know,” I shrugged nonchalantly as if it was nothing serious. Even though that’s what I tried to portray, my insides were jittery from excitement.

  “Nuh uh, look at her.” Yandy hit my thigh while laughing at me. “You ain’t fooling nobody, I can see right through that bullshit ass shrug. Well, baby, if you’re feeling like that, I say go for it full force. I mean what do you really have to lose? Pride? Feelings? You can always reclaim both of those back,” she told me, smiling.

  She had a good point, I really didn’t have anything to lose besides my feelings and pride getting hurt. That scared me, though. I didn’t want to ever be hurt again. However, regardless of me being scared, I wasn’t going to hold back with Parker. I was going to give him a fair chance.

  “You right, Yandy. Thanks, mama. Okay, enough with this mushy shit,” I waved them off before I looked at Kim.

  Kim’s head tilted to the side and her brows rose. “What?”

  “Don’t what me. Y’all done got the dirt on Parker and Leon’s stroke game. Bitch, don’t hold out, what Mike and Bellow working with?” I asked her, excited to turn the focus on someone else.

  But before Kim could respond, Katrina looked up from her phone and jumped back into the conversation excitedly. “Bellow with the dragon tattoo that cover his back?”

  My brows rose at that. “Um… I don’t know. Kim?” I asked her.

  “Yeah, Bellow with that tattoo,” Kim responded, staring at Katrina funny.

  “I used to be so in love with him in high school. Ol’ sexy ass bastard, with his crazy ass,” Katrina said.

  “You used to talk to him?” Kim asked h
er.

  Katrina’s hand waved. “Kinda sort of. It was nothing serious. We used to hook up every now and then until I got with my boo,” she smiled wide. “Anyways, what about Bellow?” She asked.

  Her question showed that she didn’t hear a damn thing we were saying other than his name. “That’s Kim’s bae. She was just about to tell us what that dick was like,” I told her.

  “Oh shit, my bad, boo. I didn’t—” Katrina started to apologize.

  Kim cut her off with a wave of her hand. “Girl, don’t. That was years ago. Shid, for a second there I thought you was going to say he was your boo. I was about to go find his ass. We was about to fight.”

  “Kim, shut yo ass up. You wasn’t gon’ do shit to that man,” Peaches waved her off.

  “Right!” Ebony slapped hands with Peaches.

  “Fuck y’all. Yes, I was,” Kim rolled her eyes before laughing. “Whatever, man.”

  “Okay, now tell us,” I pushed her. “What that dick like?”

  Kimmy starting laughing before she bit into her bottom lip smiling. “For real, tho… Bellow ass is… mm…” Her eyes rolled into her head as her legs crossed.

  From the looks on the other girls’ faces, Kimmy’s erotic expression had us all excited to hear what she had to say. “Bellow’s sex game is just… for me to know. You bitches will never find that out,” she burst out laughing at us. “Why it look like all y’all was leaning in, tho?” She laughed out loud. “Y’all my bitches and all, but it just some things I’m not going to share. And my man’s stroke game damn sho not one.”

  “Bitch, you petty as hell. Ugh! Trick had me excited to hear that shit.” Missy snapped her hot irons at Kim which only made her laugh more.

  “Stupid hoe,” I laughed, shaking my head at her playfulness, but I knew her ass was so serious.

  Once our hair was done, we stayed at the shop with Yandy talking and laughing around with one another. I sat back looking at the girls and their carefree aura’s. I smiled at them, but on the inside I was feeling bad because I hadn’t told them everything.