Her Secret Life

by Tiffany L. Warren

  “You don’t embarrass me,” Chelsea said in the most unconvincing of tones.

  Onika knew she was correct. Chelsea had brought her around the other elite girls on campus. She’d vouched for Onika and hadn’t told her secret, as far as Onika knew. But if the girls started to notice Onika’s apparent lack of possessions, they’d blame Chelsea for bringing her around to taint their circle.

  When they were finished getting ready, Onika followed Chelsea out to the front of their dormitory, where the rest of their pretty girl clique waited for them. Ari, with her chestnut brown weave that cascaded down her back in waves. Jennifer, with her somewhat grungy look—long locs and all black. Jennifer reminded Onika of a porcelain kitten. Tiny nose and mouth, large. expressive hazel eyes, and pale, smooth skin.

  Onika slightly despised them all, with their high-end perfume and their designer clothes. All of them looked like money, even Jennifer’s grunge looked better than Onika’s repeat attire. It was obvious that Onika was just a cheaper version of these girls. A knockoff.

  “We called a cab already,” Ari said.

  “Already?” Chelsea asked. “What would you have done if it had gotten here before we did?”

  “We would’ve left you, of course,” Jennifer said. “You know we don’t operate on colored people time. A lady is always punctual.”

  All four girls giggled at Jennifer’s etiquette lesson. The sisters of Epsilon Phi Beta believed in following spoken and unspoken etiquette rules down to the letter. When Onika had expressed her desire to be invited to that sorority, Jennifer had started giving her lessons.

  So far, she had learned that she must be punctual, she must never buy a drink for a man, and that she must always wear a girdle under her dress (a lady’s behind never jiggled—that was for whores). It seemed she had a bigger learning curve than most, because her life had been the opposite of every one of these rules so far. Judy didn’t care about anyone’s time clock; she bought drinks and drugs for her men if she was the one with the money, and if her behind didn’t jiggle, that was a problem.

  Instead of a nightclub, the girls were dropped off at a house in Buckhead. There was no security at the door checking identification. Clearly, if you knew about the party and where to find it, you must’ve been invited. Even in the entry doorway, the faint scent of marijuana made its way to Onika’s nose.

  “Whose party is this?” Onika whispered to Chelsea.

  She grinned. “Kappa Phi Lambda. My older brother Jaime just crossed last year.”

  Now Onika understood. Kappa Phi Lambda was the brother fraternity to Epsilon Phi Beta. These were going to be her brothers.

  “Why didn’t you tell me this was where we were going? I would’ve gotten a new outfit for this,” Onika fussed.

  “They’re so drunk, they won’t remember what you had on or that you were even here. Let’s just party.”

  With that, Chelsea squealed and followed Ari and Jennifer into the huge living room, where everyone who wanted to dance was bumping and grinding to the sounds of the DJ playing in the corner of the room. Onika hung back on the fringes, not wanting to dance in those close quarters, not wanting other people’s sweat and bodily fluids touching her body.

  She went for the punch bowl, because just looking at the dancers had made her thirsty. She took a red cup from the table and sniffed. It smelled strong. She took one sip and nearly gagged. It tasted like poison. The only thing about this concoction that reminded her of punch was the color.

  A cute, ebony-skinned boy cornered Onika by the punch bowl. “You don’t like the punch?” he asked.

  “This isn’t punch. This is straight alcohol with red food coloring.”

  He laughed. “You want something sweet, I can get you a can of soda.”

  “Yes, that would be nice.”

  “You have to say please.”

  He was beyond cute. He was sexy. Onika liked him already.

  “What’s your name?” she asked.

  “Jaime.”

  “Jaime, would you please . . . pretty please . . . find me a can of soda. I am feeling a little parched.”

  He took her hand and pulled her into the kitchen. “Come on. What’s your name?”

  “Nikki.”

  “You’re a freshman?”

  She nodded. “You on the lookout for freshmen?”

  “No,” he said with a laugh, “but I would’ve remembered seeing you before. Who did you come with?”

  “My roommate, Chelsea, and two other girls.”

  “Oh, you’re my sister’s friend, Nikki. Where is she? Why were you alone by the punch bowl?”

  “I didn’t feel like dancing. They’re dancing in the living room.”

  “Okay.”

  In the kitchen, he reached into the cooler and handed her a can of Coke. “That should taste a little bit better than the punch.”

  Onika took the soda from his hands and cracked it open. She liked the kitchen more than the living room. It was a big kitchen, and it was quieter in there. There were only a few people milling around, and it wasn’t wall-to-wall bodies.

  “I think I’ll stay in here,” Onika said.

  Jaime laughed. “The party is out there.”

  “This party is doing too much. I’m good right here.”

  “I feel you. It is pretty wild.”

  Onika sipped her soda, while Jaime stood staring at her. His gaze lingered on her breasts and then her hips. He licked his lips hungrily, looking just like a predator. But Onika wasn’t afraid. She stood a little taller, slightly thrust her chest out, and spread her stance. It was an invitation of sorts. She wondered if he’d bite.

  “You want to go upstairs?” he asked lustily.

  “What’s going to happen if we go upstairs?”

  “Nothing you don’t want to happen. No means no.”

  “We just met, so all I want to happen is talking,” Onika said.

  He shrugged. “Okay then. We can talk.”

  They went upstairs without going back through the dancing and noise. Slid right up the stairs and into what Onika assumed was the master bedroom.

  “They don’t have a den or a library or something?” Onika asked as she sat on top of the dresser. She wasn’t going anywhere near the bed. “We’re wasting this space. Someone else might need it.”

  Jaime laughed. “The other rooms are already occupied.”

  “So the rest of the guys who snuck freshmen upstairs tried to trick them, huh? Told them nothing was going down, so they’re in the library and the office, pretending not to be trying to get the panties.”

  “You think that’s what I’m doing?”

  Jaime sat down on the edge of the huge bed. Onika shook her head. She wasn’t going to join him unless she felt like it, and he hadn’t convinced her yet.

  “Of course it is. You want to get some, just like every other guy who sneaks a girl into a secluded area. That’s all any of you want, really.”

  “Maybe I just want to get to know you.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “What’s your major?”

  “Education. Although I’m thinking of going into political science and law.”

  Jaime nodded. “I’m not going to be an educator. That’s what my father wants. Our family is full of rich college professors.”

  “How’d they get rich to begin with?”

  “Land purchases and inheritances. My great, great, great-grandfather was a white man. He gave his biracial son a huge sum of money to disappear and make his own way in the world.”

  “Did he own slaves?”

  “Probably.”

  “The ancestors probably cry when they look down at y’all.”

  Jaime laughed. “Yep, they may, but I’m going to be a doctor. I’m going to create my own wealth.”

  “That’s nice. You must be brilliant.”

  He beamed a smile at Onika. “That’s what my professors tell me.”

  Onika pondered how far she should let this go. He was fine,
no doubt, but he was Chelsea’s brother, so it could get complex. Plus, he was an upperclassman, so he probably already had some girl on campus that considered herself his girlfriend.

  “Where’s your girlfriend?” Onika asked. “I know you have one.”

  “I don’t. I did, but she and I broke up.”

  He sounded like he was being truthful. “Why? Because you were out here chasing freshman girls?”

  “Because I’m a young man in college, and there is temptation all around. I don’t know if I’m ready to be married yet. I still want to see what’s out there.”

  “So . . . like I said . . . you were chasing girls.”

  “I don’t have to chase.”

  “They come to you.”

  He nodded. “Yep. Very few are like you. You’re different.”

  “I would never chase a man. There are too many of you to choose from. Why would I knock myself out over one?”

  “You sound like a guy.”

  “You don’t like how that sounds, do you? We girls have to hear this stuff all the time, but we just have to take it.”

  “I don’t mind hearing it from you. Like I said, you’re different.”

  “I’m not so different than the rest of the girls. Not even different from the ones who are behind the closed doors of these upstairs rooms. I’m just about the same.”

  Jaime stood from the bed and approached. Fully aware of her surroundings and unimpaired by alcohol, Onika let him advance.

  “Can I hold your hand?” Jaime asked.

  Onika looked at him, knowing exactly where he was headed. “Yes.”

  Jaime took her hand and squeezed it. Onika examined her own reaction and waited for something glorious to happen, because the boy was holding her hand. When nothing happened, she relaxed.

  Jaime seemed confused. Maybe girls started to tremble and shake when he’d held their hands before. Onika was waiting for something to feel out of the norm.

  “Can I kiss you?”

  Onika paused for a moment before responding. She knew some boys started to get confused at the start of kissing, and she could smell the alcohol on Jaime’s breath. She wasn’t impaired, but he probably was.

  “Yes. One kiss.”

  She wouldn’t tell him it was her first kiss. That wasn’t any of his business. If he knew, he’d probably try too hard to make it special, and then it would be awful.

  Jaime pressed his lips on Onika’s, and she waited for an explosion of butterflies, fairies, sparkles, and magic. Nothing exploded. His mouth tasted like the poison from the punch bowl, even though he’d tried to cover it with some sort of mint.

  Jaime stepped away from her and stared like he wanted to admire his work. But she wasn’t moved. She took another sip of her soda.

  “Did you like that?” he asked.

  Somehow, even though Onika had never been in this place before, she knew that if a man had to ask if the woman liked it, then he probably didn’t want to know the answer.

  “It was fine,” Onika replied.

  Jaime stepped in again without asking. His manners evaporated, and he stole a second kiss. This one was worse than the first. This one was angry.

  Onika pushed him away this time. “I’m good.”

  “What you mean, you’re good? Why you come up here if you was gonna act like that?”

  “I’m not acting like anything. I do what I want, but now I’m good. I don’t want anything else.”

  Lack of manners was replaced by sheer anger. He grabbed her wrists and slammed them down on the dresser, knocking the can of Coke on the floor.

  “Get off of me,” Onika said. “I’m ready to go.”

  “Not until you give me something.”

  He took both her small hands in one of his and used his other hand to reach under her skirt, trying to pull her panties to the side.

  Swiftly, she pulled up her knee and shoved him across the room with her foot. She had not escaped being molested by her mother’s johns in Goldsboro for this. She’d faced more formidable opponents.

  As he tumbled drunkenly first onto the bed and then to the floor next to the bed, Onika leapt from the dresser. Her stance was a fighter’s stance. She was ready to beat the rapist out of Jaime if he stepped up to her again.

  He pulled himself to his feet, looked at her, and then shook his head. “You’re crazy.”

  “Maybe I am.”

  He held his hand to his face and sniffed his fingers. She wanted to gag at his vulgarity.

  “Next time,” he said.

  “Never,” she spat.

  She waited for him to leave the room, and she knew there would be an aftermath. She might end up being a pariah on campus, because she decided not to give one of the Kappa Phi Lambda brothers a taste.

  She did not want to be an outcast here. She’d been an outcast before. This was not her plan as a Robinette. She wanted a different life.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, as Jaime still lingered in the room. “I’m just not feeling this. Did I hurt you?”

  He laughed. “Nah. You didn’t hurt me. But you’re gonna get hurt playing games like you just did.”

  Onika ground her teeth and balled her hands into fists, digging her fingernails into her palms. This was worse than Jaime’s rape attempt, but she held it together.

  “You’re right.”

  Onika had to force the words through clenched teeth. She wasn’t sorry. He wasn’t right. He was a predator; she was prey, but not easy prey.

  “I’m gonna let it slide this time. I’ll let this be between us. You probably wanna be a soror next year. If I say something, you’ll never cross Epsilon Phi Beta.”

  “Thank you.”

  She wasn’t grateful.

  “You’re welcome. Just . . . when you’re ready, let a brotha know. I saw you first.”

  Onika’s upper lip trembled from keeping her words in check. She walked to the door, unlocked it, and let herself out. Left him standing there.

  She went downstairs to find her friends. She found them near the punch bowl, all with cups of the poison in their hands.

  “Where have you been?” Chelsea asked, her words slurring as she spoke.

  “Exploring the house. It’s huge. I met your brother.”

  Ari and Jennifer exchanged glances. Onika knew what they assumed. She didn’t care. She couldn’t even let herself say anything, because she was still too angry about Jaime. She was close to snapping on someone, and she didn’t want it to be her potential sorority sisters.

  “Oh, yeah, Jaime said he would be here. I haven’t run into him yet, though,” Chelsea said. “This party is popping, isn’t it?”

  Onika nodded, although she was ready to leave. “Yeah, it’s popping.”

  Onika swiftly stepped to the side as Chelsea vomited all over herself and on Ari and Jennifer’s feet. Onika had seen it coming. The chest heave and the look of discomfort. She’d seen her mother do that same thing countless times.

  “Get her to the bathroom so we can clean her off. No cab driver is going to take us with her smelling like this.”

  “Go find her brother,” Ari said.

  Onika did better than finding the rapist. She went into the bathroom and called the emergency number they’d given them on campus the very first day. The one for if they were caught out somewhere in trouble. No questions asked, they’d be delivered back to campus.

  While she was in the bathroom, she wet paper towels and found disinfecting wipes for Chelsea and her friends. Onika came back to where she’d left them, and of course, the area was cleared. No one wanted to be near the vomiting girl.

  Onika shoved the paper towels and wipes at them. “Hurry. Our ride will be here in ten minutes.”

  “What ride?”

  “Our ride back to campus.”

  “You called the emergency number?” Ari asked.

  “Yes, I did.”

  “You’re so stupid. They will tell the dean about this,” Jennifer said. “Ari, we are not riding back with them.�
��

  Chelsea started to cry. “I don’t feel good.”

  Onika helped her to her feet and held her up as she half-walked, half-fell out of the party. One of the Epsilon Phi Beta sisters (she was wearing a sorority T-shirt) held the door open for them.

  “You are your sister’s keeper,” she said to Onika.

  Onika nodded. She understood that to be a welcome addition to their circle. She was planning to pledge Epsilon Phi Beta anyway, but this was encouraging. It salvaged the night for her from the ugliness that had happened with Jaime.

  Onika helped Chelsea to the curb, and as they stood there waiting for the ride, Onika worried about what Ari and Jennifer had said. She couldn’t get kicked out of Robinson or lose her scholarship and wind up back in Goldsboro because Chelsea had decided to drink.

  “Don’t worry about what they said,” Chelsea said as if she were reading Onika’s mind. “My father is a trustee. We’ll be fine.”

  Onika stepped out of the way and sighed as Chelsea vomited again. It was going to be a long night.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Lunch with Chelsea and Mrs. Richard was not how Onika wanted to spend her Saturday. The month of classes had been overwhelming, and the weekend was going to be a break. A time for Onika to breathe.

  But Chelsea had insisted, promising that her mother would help Onika get a job in Robinson University’s trustees’ office. It was a coveted position, typically saved for upperclassmen honor students. So, as much as Onika wanted to rest, she’d accepted the invitation.

  The small French café was bright and informal. Onika was glad about that, because she didn’t have anything to wear to a formal lunch or tea or whatever it was that rich women did when they got together.

  “Chelsea tells me that you’re here at Robinson on a scholarship and you’d like to make a little extra money,” Mrs. Richard asked after taking one sip of her tea.

  She was an elegant and classy woman, not that Onika had expected anything different. Onika wouldn’t say that she was necessarily pretty, but she was indeed flawless. Her hair, makeup, attire—all perfection.

  Onika let out a nervous chuckle. “Let’s just cut to the chase, why don’t we?”