Maniacs in The Fourth Dimension

by YT Whitemansson

  ''God… yes. Maybe God is on the 365-th level of existence. Maybe, Basilides was right.''

  ''Nonsense!''

  ''I mean, just try to think about it for a minute. It could explain a lot of things. Disappearance of dinosaurs, for instance. Maybe, at some point, they just continued their existence in some other dimension. UFO-s. Accidental, or intentional transit from other dimensions.''

  ''Wonderful! And my dissertation was unacceptable. You actually believe what you're saying?''

  ''No. I don't know. Well, there's a fuckin' giant flying medusa right there! And there! And everywhere! Can you explain that?!''

  ''Not yet I can't, but… That reminds me of something. There's an old belief in the Balkans-''

  I need to tell you that Hubert knows alot about religious rites, customs and folklore of the Balkans, he gathered his knowledge from mountains of books.

  ''There's an old belief in the Balkans that every house has its protector snake, guardian of the house, the spirit of a notable ancestor that lives under the house.''

  ''A totem animal.''

  ''And to kill such a snake would be to kill the soul of the house. And they killed the Convention-con's jellyfish, its totem animal. Waiter! Another 'Jack'! ''

  ''And a mineral water, please!''

  Chapter twenty two

  Important things

  Maybe I went too far this time. I left him alone to find his way through this jungle. He wanted me with him in there. But, I simply cannot hold his hand through everything he does, he's not a kid anymore. I have dozens of obligations, I can't sacrifice my whole day for some fantasy convention. When I was Lee's age, I worked with my old man, I knew my way around cars, I did all sort of stuff, but Lee, he just spends all of his time closed in his room with his comics.

  I keep telling him, but he doesn't understand that this is the best time for important things. For friends, for sports, for learning what life is. When he grows up, he'll have to get employed, caught in the machinery, and there will be no more turning back, or slowing down, all you get then is three weeks vacation and Sunday barbecue. It's just the way the life is.

  Lost time can't be recovered.

  It's gone forever. Flows away like turbid water.

  And my son spends his with dark rooms, bright colors and rabid fantasies. I know I'll sound like I missed a century or two when I say this, but, Mark Twain's books are what kids should read. I read all of his books and learned so much from them. Written by a wonderful human being for human beings. But today, everyone wants to be superheroes and vampires.

  There's Lee. Something's wrong. He sat down in the back of the car and slammed the door. His face looks as if he cried.

  ''What's wrong, son? What happened?!''

  ''Nothing.''

  ''Did someone hurt you, boy? Where are your comics?''

  ''I threw them away. Don't buy anymore comics for me, ever.''

  I won't push him if he doesn't want to talk, he'll open up when he feels comfortable.

  ''I'm here now, son and everything is going to be okay.''

  ''Dad?''

  ''Yes, son?''

  ''That building on the left, look over it, what do you see there?''

  ''Clouds… sky…what?''

  ''Nothing. Let's just go home, dad.''

  Chapter twenty three

  Monkeyboned

  I opened my eyes. I'm on the top of the building with Cleit and Lempo. Lempo.

  ''Shit, dawg, how did you come back?!''

  ''I didn't. You ascended, man. This is level five. Look around you.''

  Holy fuckin' shit. No more flying jellyfishes. There are huge trees sticking out all over the city. A part of the city, I can see it from here, is completely covered in giant ferns. Pine Cone Center is there, entirely obscured. Aw, man.

  ''What are those things flying out of the ferns?''

  ''Prehistoric dragonflies. Aren't they cool?''

  Suddenly, from behind the corner, a big black T-Rex appeared, roamed the street bellow us, and went away.

  ''You gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me…''

  ''Yeah, a tyrannosaur. They're actually coal black.''

  ''Cleit, are you seeing this?!''

  He's going away.

  ''Cleit!''

  ''He can't see you or hear you, man , he can't see any of these things, he's still on the level four.''

  ''Cleit!''

  ''What did I just say?! Don't shout, something might hear us.''

  Soooo fuckin' weird.

  ''I shouldn't of crushed those branches, I feel like I'm dreaming. Dreaming on acid! In purgatory!''

  ''Quiet! It will air out. Try to do this.''

  He started making electricity between his fingers, like that guy in the park.

  ''Come on, you try.''

  ''How?''

  ''Just open your fist.''

  Agh. Shit. There it is. I can make it grow, or make it recede. It hurts my elbow so bad.

  ''It hurts like I've sticked a needle in the power plug.''

  ''It'll pass, you'll get used to it.''

  He started pushing and shaking me.

  ''This is awesome, man! It feels so good! So powerful! Whooo! Let's go follow Cleit.''

  We caught up with Cleit in the elevator. I tried putting my hands on him, but they just went through him.

  ''I feel like a ghost.''

  ''I know. So cool.''

  It's horrible. Claustrophobic. God.

  ''What happened with Laszlo?''

  ''I went to the top of your building looking for him. That wasn't the best possible place for ascension. There was a velociraptor on top, he massacred him.''

  ''Who massacred who?''

  ''Laszlo massacred the velociraptor with the sword. Absorbed his energy, and ascended automatically, I guess. He wasn't there when I came, just the carcass.''

  ''Well, what the fuck are we going to do if one of those gwangis attacks us?''

  ''We'll do 'the hand' thing, and kill the gwangi. But only if we must, because we don't want to go up before Cleit joins us.''

  We followed Cleit in the street. No gwangis so far. Good. Very good. Cleit went down to the subway station.

  ''Where is he going?''

  ''To get some more fireworks, probably.''

  ''Why isn't he going to Toussaint Louverture's, couple of blocks away, why is he going to the subway?!''

  ''Because he doesn't know where you get your fireworks, you should have told him while you still could.''

  We sat next to him in the subway. Like two ghosts. No one can see us. Cleit looked sad. For a moment, I thought that he's going to start crying. He swallowed it down. Such a pity. He kinda deserves more than to waste his time with Isaac, Lempo and me. He has a kind, beautiful soul. He deserves to be a president, or somethin'. Not one of those presidents that bomb the poor in Who-da-fuck-would-know-where-stan, but, like, a good president, like Kennedy. Oh, yeah. They killed Kennedy. Good that Cleit is with us then, because they would definitely kill him if he was president, he would never bomb anyone.

  He left the subway at the Pine Cone Center, and we followed him. We followed him into the giant fern forest that swallowed this part of the city. It's filled with those dragonfly things, but luckily they don't seem to be interested in us. They're fighting each others in the air, mating, or somethin'. I guess this is where the park would be, back in our dimension.

  Wait. Something moves. Something big.

  ''Holly fuckin' shit, Lempo, what the fuck is that?!''

  ''An iguanodon.''

  Huge fuckin' lizard.

  ''Don't worry, he feeds on vegetation.''

  He saw us, looked at us, and continued eating the fern. Good. There's more of them. Lot more. Out of somewhere, a guy and a girl appeared. They're holding hands, walking. I guess they're just walking through the park, back in our dimension. They stopped in front of one lizard, and started kissing. The animal stared at them. If they would just know what is looking at them right now. Maybe something is looki
ng at me right now, from some higher dimension. Maybe none of us is ever really alone.

  This made me remember one song. Unvisible Zedd. Lempo hit my shoulder.

  ''Come on, let's not lose Cleit.''

  We found him talking to a girl.

  ''Is that that girl from the convention?''

  ''Where are your friends, the tall guy that can't stop laughing, and the Asian guy?'', she said.

  ''Bweheh! You hear that Lempo? You're Asian.''

  ''I hear…''

  ''They're on the next level.''

  ''Unreal. They're talking about us, and we're standing right next to them. It's like in this song, 'Unvisible Zedd'. You know that song, Lempo?''

  ''No.''

  ''Little little lady, all alone in her house, she’s preparing for a-bed, little does she know, little does she know, she is in the house with Unvisible Zedd…''

  ''I don't know that song.''

  ''It has this really cachy beat : tat-ta-tat-ta-ta-ta-ta-tat-ta-tat-ta-ta-ta-ta-RATATATAAA-RATATATAAA, she's in the house with Unvisible Zedd…''

  ''Stop singing! Let's just follow them.''

  Ratatataaa-ratatataaa, she's in the house with Unvisible Zedd. I heard that song so many times, but I never understood the lyrics.

  ' Little lady, in her kitchen

  She's bending over, over frying pan

  Little does she know, while she's bending over

  She's strip teasing for unvisible man '

  It's starting to make sense now, in the fifth dimension. Maybe the author wrote it from the fifth dimension. Now, I am the Unvisible Zedd.

  Cleit and the little little lady got the fireworks, and they rushed to the top of the closest building, but not to become Unvisible Zedds themselves, but for animal magnetism. You know, for sex. Tat-ta-tat-ta-ta-ta-ta-tat…

  ''Oh, c'mon, I can't belive this! Jove, let's go down, let's give them privacy.''

  Ratatataaa-ratatataaa…

  ''Jove!''

  ''I'm not going! I have to watch over them.''

  ''Oh my god… You monkeyboned!''

  ''What?!''

  ''You're having a boner, you're turned on by this!'', he tried to grope my genitals, but I quickly clenched his arms.

  ''Either go, or stay, but if you tell Cleit I watched him, I will feed you to one of them gwangis. Got it?! Good.''

  Tat-ta-tat-ta-ta-ta-ta

  Tat-ta-tat-ta-ta-ta-ta

  Ratatataaa

  Ratatataaa

  She's in the house with Unvisible Zedd

  Little does she know

  Little does she know

  She is in love with Unvisible Zedd…

  Chapter twenty four

  A very boring chapter the author didn't want to write

  I can't ditch 'em. They keep tagging along. She went into some state of shock, and he's a moron.

  ''Why don't you just take her home, girl's obviously not feeling well.''

  ''Go home Alice! Kristen and I are on a quest. Just go!''

  Dick.

  ''You and I are on nothing, what part of what I said you don't understand?! I don't want you following me. Your girl got messed up, look at her, everything that happened today was obviously too much for her, her lips are white, she's in shock. Take her home!''

  ''She's fine, she's always like that, she never speaks much, but, she's a grown person and can take care of herself. Also, you and I should stick together, we'll have better chances of success.''

  God, what moron. If I just knew, I would have let that psycho break his arm. I just don't have tolerance for bullies. I knew a couple of them, and I know how easily they break. I can fend for myself.

  But this freak, first he was thanking me, and that was okay, we talked, and he started most retarded possible flirt with me. In the presence of his girlfriend. He was complimenting my hair, my sneakers, my nail polish. And my nails aren't even polished. And she was just staring like a mule. I didn't tolerate him for long, I told him that I don't want him around me, and that he has the breath of a corpse. Guy's breath is unbearable. He just stared at me and smiled like an idiot, like he doesn't understand my words.

  ''I'm serious, you really need to brush your teeth, stink from your mouth is disgusting, I'm not kidding.''

  Nothing helps, they won't go away. And I can't find any energy to ascend and escape from them. It's making me angry. Stupid Mace, why couldn't he just be with me? The beach. I'm so going to make him pay for this on paintball. Shit. If the world really ends tonight, I'm going to spend my last moments with these freaks. Fuck everything. I'll sit on the sidewalk and have a smoke.

  I don't get it. Why did Abraxas send us all to do this, if there's spot only for one. And that one spot is taken now. I mean, there's no way that I can ever obtain any high pulse weapon to shoot at the medusa. That's pretty unfair of him.

  He sat down next to me.

  ''If you're going to talk to me, turn your head away, I don't want to feel your breath on my face.''

  ''I can see that you are in bad mood and that you want to be left alone, but, I have to tell you that you release the smoke of that cigar over your lips and through your nostrils, in a fashion of rarely seen elegance.''

  ''God, you're really stupid.''

  ''And you're really beautiful.''

  ''Turn your head away.''

  ''Could I get one of those, I haven't lit one since high school'', said some deep male voice, from behind me.

  He sat down on the curb, all sweated, dripping wet, like he just surfaced out of water. One of the guys from the convention. I gave him the cigar.

  ''What happened to you?''

  ''Thanks for the tar. My lungs missed it. I came to ask you, all of you, do you want to go to the next level.''

  ''How? I've been trying to find a way all this time.''

  ''I'll take you there. I just came back.''

  ''In the comic, you need to reach the ninth realm in order to get the ability to go back through dimensions.''

  ''Yeah. You wanna go?''

  ''How can we trust you?'', said the… moron, I don't know his name.

  He put the cigar in his mouth and raised his hands, and electricity bursted from them.

  ''Convinced?''

  ''Yeah, we wanna go!'', said the moron.