Maniacs in The Fourth Dimension

by YT Whitemansson

  ''Looks like people were here not too long ago. They were trying to warm themselves.''

  ''Where do you think the alsatian took us? Backwards or further on?''

  ''I have no idea. Look.''

  Empty tuna cans.

  ''The label's in Russian. Cyrillic. We just might be close to home. Let's go back, I had enough of this shit.''

  ''Try. I already did. It's not working.''

  Oh, fuck.

  ''Nothing's happening.''

  ''No. We're stuck here.''

  Chapter forty seven

  Kook

  Malmurna. I haven't been honest with you. Laszlo is not my real name. I'm not even one of them. I'm one of the Kril. The Kril have egziled me to the realm farthest from Luminscence, farthest from the Source, to live with time, entropy, and humans. They made me wear a human body. Laszlo is the first human name I heard, name of the first human I met. Malmurna, I can't hear your voice yet. Long has passed since the last time I've heard the speaking of metal, or the speaking of stone. But, I'm finally building my way home. I'm accumulating energy, I'm growing back to what I was before the exile. I'm still far from that, I know, but it's important that I found the way. I was trapped in the world of humans for far too long. I've lost hope in return. I've almost become one of them. Ignorant of the Source. But, how can I know It, if I can't feel Its energy, if Its energy doesn't reach the human realm? I wondered too long through their world looking for a way. If it lasted for any longer I would have killed myself. They know nothing of the Source and it doesn't bother them. Malmurna. I apologize to you. I didn't let you taste the blood of dogheads. Slippery bastards. I devoided you of your purpose. Now, I promise you blood of many creatures if you promise to cut through anything that stands on my way home. Soon, I will hear you speak Malmurna, and you will reveal your name to me, and I will reveal mine. Soon.

  Chapter forty eight

  Finally. Angel's heart

  It was getting late, and Hubert finally agreed that there's no more point in sticking around. I took his car keys, and we headed for his car, parked couple of blocks away. He overdid the booze.

  Oh, by the way, we managed to make a photo with Sacha. It was when security finally caught him and pulled him down. I gave my cell to this cool guy, big Sacha's fan, and he took a couple of shots of Hubert and me with Sacha, before con's security pushed us away from him. Pretty cool, ha?

  Anyway, I said to Hubert, that science will explain all today's paranormal events, just not today. And Abraxas, well, his long gone.

  And then he appeared. Him, Abraxas. Hubert saw him first. He was standing on the street corner in front of us. He wasn't clearly visible in the dusk. Man in the black suit, with a black hat. There was something wrong with the picture. His feet weren't touching the ground, he dangled in the air. This realization scared the shit out me. But, Hubert kept walking towards him.

  ''Hubert, no! There's something wrong with him!''

  ''It's okay.''

  No, it's not. Hubert stopped in front of him. I forced myself to go closer.

  ''What in the saint's name…''

  It looked like a sticky mannequin freshly painted over to have clothes and facial features, facial features that were melting off!

  ''Hubert, what the fuck is that thing?!''

  He touched the thing's shoulder with his hand, his hand sticked for the paint. I pulled Hubert's hand to stick it off, and the diabolical mannequin just shaked in the air. And it wasn't attached to nothing anymore. The mannequin was the end of illicium of a demonic anglerfish whose gruesome eyes stared at Hubert and me. It looked like it was smiling. Its teeth were sticking out of it monstrous jaw.

  ''You gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me.''

  You know that feeling of some sudden heat you feel all over your body when you get really, really scared?

  ''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!''

  Next thing I remember is lying on the ground and Hubert waking me.

  ''Edwin. Edwin, wake up.''

  ''Did it go away?''

  ''The monster is dead. He saved our asses.''

  He stood next to Hubert. Bearded guy in shorts, with a bush hat on his head, that kind that has one side of the brim pinned to the side of the hat. He helped me up.

  ''Marco Engelherz.''

  German. He speaks in accent.

  ''I'm Edwin.''

  Some savanna's around us, the city's gone.

  ''What happened? Where are we?''

  ''I already explained the circumstances to your friend, and he thinks I'm crazy.''

  ''I want to hear it anyway.''

  ''Oke. You encountered en telepsychic predator, telepsychic means that it can register brain waves, which means that it can see inside de mind of its pray, and then it uses its… its antena to form that what will attract de prey. It finds dimensional cracks through which it inserts de antena, staying invisible for de victim and lures it in its otherdimensional jaws. Its en true wonder of nature. You were lucky I happened to be there.''

  ''You, you killed it?''

  ''Ya. I'm en hunter.''

  ''It lured us where?!''

  He looked around.

  ''Two eighty-nine, I think.''

  ''Two eighty-nine what?!''

  ''Dimension two hundred eighty-nine.''

  ''Well, how do we go back?!''

  ''Look, I'm just human, like you and your friend, I can't detect dimensional cracks.''

  What. Do. We. Do. NOWFORFUCK'SSAKE?!

  ''Your best option would be to stay with me, until some solution for your situation presents itself. Ya?''

  Hubert agreed. The hunter put a camera in my hands, and asked me to take photos of him posing with the monster he killed. I messed up first couple of shots, because my hands shaked. I can't even look at the dead thing. It came from my nightmares.

  ''It's en beautiful trophy, but too big to load it on de jeep. It will have to stay here. Pity. Do you want that I take en picture of you with it?''

  ''No! No. Let's just go.''

  Chapter forty nine

  One hundred

  No road, no path Jove and I could take outside the temple, just jungle on all sides, but the temple is too big to be obscured by it. Looks like Greek, or Roman architecture. We went downhill, through the jungle. Jove murmured something about how Emily might come back for us, since Lempo declared that he won't. He thinks that Emily has such feelings for me. There's plenty of adult males left in the pack for her to find new emotional anchor. Old Cleit served his purpose. She already saved my life enough times to owe me nothing. The universe will pair her up with someone more alike. L. E. M. P. O.

  ''Emily's psychotic, she smacked a guy on the head with a .38 back at the convention, just because of some stupid comment he made. Also, I think she wacked Abraxas, although she says she let him go. We're on our own, Jove.''

  We tripped and stumbled downhill, and an opened clearing appeared before us. And something more. A diner. In the middle of nothing. Jungle goes on behind it. 'Gurg's'.

  ''This looks like a dream right now. A mirage. Last thing we ate were those pancakes, god knows how long ago. Maybe we're home Jove, in our world.''

  ''Gurg's sounds like home to you?! Not like some Hansel and Gretel eatin' ogre canteen?!''

  ''There's no such thing as ogres. Let's go.''

  ''There's also no shrimp dragons and trash monsters! Right?!''

  I can't listen to him pussying around. I'm hungry. And out of cigars.

  ''Wait, Cleit!''

  Diner like any other. Opened, but empty. Jove came.

  ''No one here.''

  A waitress appeared. She said something Russian sounding.

  ''I don't understand.''

  ''Holy fuckin' shit, you're Americans!''

  ''Aah… we are.''

  ''I never, ever get Americans here, I'm from Illinois, Aarghus, Illinois.''

  ''West coast, Westside'', declared Jove.

  She's smiling, seems that our appereance made her
happy.

  ''Cool. I'm Kayla.''

  ''Cleit.''

  ''Jove.''

  ''What did you two do, went swimmin' with your clothes on?''

  ''Um, it's a very long story. Kayla, would you mind tellin' us where we are?''

  ''Three twenty-six.''

  Oh. S. H. I. T.

  ''Three twenty-six away from home?'', said Jove.

  ''Yeah. That far.''

  ''Is there any way we can go back?!'', said Jove.

  ''Only the one you came with.''

  ''Well how did you get here?'', he said.

  ''It's a classic tale. I met a guy, he took me places, this is where we broke up.''

  ''And now you work for Gurg.''

  ''Yeah. Gurg's okay. He's a Tajik.''

  ''What's a Tajik?'', asked Jove.

  ''A person from Tajikistan'', she answered.

  ''A human?!'', said Jove, surprised.

  ''Yeah'', she started laughing: ''Wow, you two are really… flushed out.''

  ''Who comes here? Russians?''

  ''Yeah, mostly Russian soldiers from above, and before sochi, I had illegal construction workers coming from below. Their foremen would hide them from the authorities on the temple up the hill, sometimes they would leave them there for days, and they would be coming down here looking for food. They could rarely pay, but I couldn't let them starve. Not a very chatty company.''

  What's 'sochi'? I don't have any idea what she's talkin' about, but I will not ask anything, I don't want to look stupid like Jove.

  ''Whose temple is that?''

  ''That temple is a very special place. Sacred place. That's the place in which the spirit of God abode when he created the visible world.''

  ''Wow'', said Jove: ''Really?''

  ''No. I just made that shit up to see will you buy it. I'm sorry, but you two look so lost that I had to. Sorry. It's just some edifice, I don't know what that is.''

  Stupid.

  ''Okay, funny girl. What kind of food you have in this place?''

  ''Only dinosaur meat. We serve only meals made from dinosaurs.''

  ''What kind of dinosaurs?''

  ''You're messing with us again'', said Jove.

  She bursted into giggles.

  ''I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you can have whatever you want, burgers and fries and all that.''

  ''I'm glad we entertain you. You get very lonely here, don't you?''

  ''You have no idea.''

  She went to get us food. Weird girl. She has planet Saturn tattooed on her neck, and a sea horse next to it. Her hands are also all tattooed up. Cute, weird girl.

  ''Eight and a half? Nine?'', said Jove.

  ''Right now? One fuckin' hundred.''

  Chapter fifty

  Dutch, not German

  ' Bright light city gonna set my soul

  Gonna set my soul on fire

  Got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn,

  So get those stakes up higher… '

  ''American classic, ya?''

  He played some old Elvis tape in his jeep radio. An old radio cassette player. I bombarded him with questions during the ride. His story is an interesting one. I was wrong about him being German, Engelherz is Dutch. He claims that back home, in the Netherlands, he was a successful insurance agent.

  ''I had en house, and en wife, and more money that I could spend. And then I couldn't take it anymore. Human beings. Not only de people at work, de clients, but all de humans. I had enough of them all. Did you ever wanted to go to de lone cabin in de woods, and live there all alone? I couldn't bring myself to say 'good day' to people anymore.''

  I would call those symptoms signs of depression, or mid age crisis, but for Marco that was spiritual awakening. He claims that societal customs navigating people to desire wealth, respect of community, good looks, moment with fashion and technology are not impulses natural to man and his spirit, but deviations from the way of life of our ancestors. He claims that the most purest impulse natural to man besides the drive to feed and breed, is his urge to hunt. That's what makes Marco happy.

  I, myself don't see anything primeval, exciting, or romantic in hunting. It's not like chances are even when you hold some thing at gunpoint. In fact, it's savage. But, Marco made it sound so purposeful. He left quite an impression on me with his piercing blue eyes of a… of an Aryan huntsman. There's certainly something uncommon about him.

  So, he says, he left everything behind and went on a safari.

  ''I was not interested in shooting antelopes. I wanted to face predators. I wanted lions, rhinos, crocodiles. And I was ready to pay handsomely for them.''

  So, he gained reputation of someone who pays abundantly for facing off dangerous beasts. And then, one day, his Congoan guide brought to him a man who asked him how much would he pay to face off mokele-mbembe. Dinosaur from Central-African legends. Marco didn't believe in the seriousness of the man's offer, but, being curious, he agreed on a price. Before the man led him to mokele-mbembe's lair, he took him to a local juju man to consecrate Marco's rifle. And then, under the cover of the night, the man led him to the beast. Marco wasn't ready for the encounter, mokele-mbembe scared him and escaped, and he found himself in the world that doesn't exist. Seventeen years passed since that day.

  ''I'm still on safari'', says he.

  During these seventeen years Marco crossed over three hundred levels, and hunted every existent predator, at least he claims so. Except one. Something he calls ' bidsprinkhaan', he says he doesn't know the English word for it. He calls it the ultimate predator, and says that only one exists, only one was ever created.

  Primordial monster.

  ''Seventeen years. Don't you miss your home?''

  ''I have many homes. And you two, what's your story?''

  ''Hubert and myself are theology students, actually now, I'm senior year, and Hubert is assistant professor…''

  I wanted to tell him about circumstances of our crossing into other realms, but he suddenly hit the brake, and stopped the car.

  ''Men of God. Did you come here looking for Him?''

  ''No. I'm trying to tell you, we got here by accident. We read about this in a fantasy romance, until today, I thought this world is fiction…''

  ''Are you ordained?''

  ''What ordained?''

  ''We are not priests, Engelherz!'', exclaimed Hubert.