Unbroken Pleasures

by Alisa Easton

  “I have a date,” I announced once we got past the usual greetings. I knew she could hear the excitement and nervousness in my voice as I said the words out loud.

  “Do you know his name this time?” she asked. She laughed lightly but I knew that she was repressing the genuine concern that she still harbored for my encounter with the stranger.

  “You remember that guy Adam that I told you about with the puppy that kept finding an excuse to make an appointment and tried to ask me out every time?”

  “No way. You finally said yes? I thought you swore up and down that you would never go out with that guy?”

  “Yes, I finally agreed. We actually had a little picnic at the park together on Monday and it was nice. He made sandwiches and poured grape juice in wine glasses. It was very sweet.”

  “Oh, Alex! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me sooner. This is newsworthy!”

  “It’s not that big of a deal, Sylvia, but I do have a big favor to ask you which is why I am calling. I’m going to need your help.”

  “Oh, I think I’m going to like this.”

  “It’s been a while since I’ve gone out with a guy, especially one that I think I could keep around for a while and my wardrobe might need a bit of a makeover.”

  “Don’t be silly, Alex, you have some of the cutest clothes of anyone I know. Surely you can find something suitable for the evening. What are you doing together?”

  “We’re going out to dinner but I’m not worried about the dress so much. It’s what I am going to wear underneath that I need some help with.”

  “Underwear?”

  Sylvia sounded a bit stunned by the idea so I took a deep breath to steady my nerves. I needed her help but I didn’t want to make a big deal about it.

  “Yes, underwear. That sort of thing. It’s been a while.”

  “So you plan on inviting this guy back to your place? I thought you were looking for something long term?”

  “I am.”

  “Rushing things a bit, don’t you think?”

  “Look, I didn’t say that I was definitely going to sleep with him or anything but this guy has potential and I want to be prepared. Is that so crazy to imagine?”

  “Well, it beats dragging strangers back to your house and shagging them without even asking their name.”

  I felt a sting as she said the words and it hurt. I still couldn’t look at my encounter with the stranger as a bad thing no matter how crazy or daring it had been. Even though I was still desperately trying to forget him and let it go, I knew that there would always be a little part of me that regretted not following him out the door that morning. I swallowed my pride and ignored Sylvia’s comments.

  “This from the woman who set me up on a blind sex date,” I countered.

  “Okay, okay, put away the claws, Kitty Cat. I have some free time later this evening so why don’t you meet me at Victoria’s Secret and we’ll take it from there?”

  “Thank you, Sylvia.”

  I hung up the phone and wondered what I was getting myself into. I probably could have handled picking out suitable lingerie on my own but somehow knowing that Sylvia would be there beside me helped or maybe it was my own personal insurance that I’d make good on the promises that I’d already made to myself.

  Look out Adam, I was embracing this dating thing full force.

  Chapter 9

  By the time Friday night came around, I was a bundle of nerves. Three times over the course of the work day, I picked up the phone with the intention to cancel my dinner plans with Adam. I thought about the assortment of lacy and skimpy undergarments that I’d purchased with Sylvia’s expert advice and wondered if I’d have the nerve to wear any of them. I felt like I was pushing myself too far outside my comfort zone. Even with Ed, I’d never put much effort into a sexual relationship. We were more friends than lovers, I admitted to myself with a sigh and even that was too painful to let go. I was terrified to get too close to anyone.

  Adam pulled into my driveway in his gray Toyota Celica at seven o’clock on the dot. I took a deep breath, checked my face and hair in the mirror, and met him at the door before he had a chance to knock. I realized as I opened the door to his shocked expression that I probably appeared more eager than I’d intended, but it was better than lingering in the entryway of my house not knowing what to say to each other when my head was filled with all the possibilities of what we could be doing.

  He took my arm and led me to the passenger side of his car and opened the door for me and we drove to the restaurant together mostly in silence. He snuck a glance over at me a couple of times along the way as we tried to make small talk and I blushed every time despite my efforts not to. I felt like I was a school girl on my first date.

  The restaurant Adam had chosen sat on the outskirts of town and was a quiet little Italian place that I’d been to maybe once or twice during the time I’d been with Ed. I almost dreaded walking through the door and being hit with a flood of memories but much to my relief and surprise, there were none. That part of my life had truly ended and I felt no sense of loss or remorse about it.

  Of course, it helped that the owners had done some extensive remodeling since my last visit and I barely recognized the place. Even if I had, I wasn’t convinced that it would inspire any memories of Ed either happy or sad. I was grateful for that and I relaxed as we ordered our food and settled into the cozy atmosphere to enjoy each other’s company.

  He looked at me with those intense green eyes and I smiled. This might not be so bad after all.

  “How is Tiger?” I asked feeling the tension between us lighten.

  “Living up to his name, that’s for sure.”

  I laughed. At only nine months old, Tiger had already managed to wreak havoc on Adam’s home, at least from what he’d told me during his office visits. I was all too familiar with the playful curiosity of a puppy, all the more reason that I wasn’t ready to adopt my own anytime soon. High maintenance, just like the upkeep on a relationship as Sylvia would say.

  “I don’t know what state the house will be in by the time I get home,” he said, “but I wouldn’t trade him for anything. Do you have any animals? As a vet and animal lover, your house must be a zoo.”

  “I have three goldfish named Edgar, Allen, and Poe.”

  “That’s it? No cats? Dogs? Horses? Wild pigs?”

  I laughed. “No, just fish. That’s as much as I have time to manage at the moment.”

  “I swore I’d never get a dog,” he said taking a sip of wine.

  “What made you change your mind?”

  “I guess I got tired of being alone. My wife and I split about two years ago and I was depressed for a long time. I finally decided it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and move on with my life. Tiger gives me a reason to worry about something outside of my own miserable life. He’s my reason to get up in the morning.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I said suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable. I took a sip of my own wine.

  “Don’t be. My life is better now, especially now that I’ve met you.”

  “Adam...”

  “I thank the heavens every day for making me get that crazy dog because he’s what led me to you. You have no idea how happy I am that you finally agreed to go out with me.”

  “You and Tiger seem very happy together.” I didn’t know what else to say.

  “What about you?” he said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Do you date much? I get the impression that you tend to keep to yourself.”

  “No, I don’t. I guess I had my own heartbreak to overcome before I was ready to dive back into the world of dating and I’m still not sure I’m there yet.”

  “You finally agreed to go out with me. That’s a good sign. What was his name?”

  “Ed. He left me a year ago for another woman. We were only married for six months when I found about her.”

  “Ouch.”

  “The worst part is that the affair
had been going on longer than our marriage. I’ll never understand why he even bothered to go along with the wedding in the first place. He could have saved me and my entire family a whole lot of humiliation if he’d just told me he didn’t really want to marry me.”

  “What a selfish jerk.”

  “That’s an understatement.”

  “Not all guys are like that, Alex. Don’t give up on the rest of us.”

  I smiled at him. I was starting to like Adam and that scared me a little. “I still don’t think there will ever be a day when I’m ready to marry again, but I’m starting to put the past behind me.”

  “There is no reason that we need to rush into anything,” he said.

  “I know. I didn’t mean to imply anything.”

  “It’s alright. I know where you’re coming from. It’s hard to put yourself in a position of feeling vulnerable again after your heart has been broken.”

  “Why did you and your wife divorce, if you don’t mind my asking?”

  “It was a mutual decision. We were together for about three years but over that time we discovered that we were more different than alike and we wanted different things out of life. I wanted to start a family. She wanted to focus on her career. It just got to the point that we realized that it wasn’t going to work out no matter how hard we tried so we decided to separate. Once we separated, there just didn’t seem any reason to get back together, so we divorced.”

  “That’s so sad.”

  He shrugged. “There were a lot of things we probably should have talked about before we got married but we were young and crazy in love, or so we thought. My parents tried to warn me but it’s not like I was going to listen.”

  “Yeah, I hear you there,” I agreed thinking back to the remarks that my own family and Sylvia had made when I announced my plans to marry Ed. Sylvia, in particular, had been dead set against the idea. It wasn’t until I told her that we couldn’t be friends any longer if she couldn’t support my decision to include Ed as a permanent fixture in my life that she finally gave in and accepted it. She never liked Ed but she at least finally made the effort to be nice when he was around. I had to give her a lot of credit for that.

  Ed hadn’t exactly been Sylvia’s biggest fan either. Every time I mentioned spending some time with her he rolled his eyes and acted like it was some horrible thing. I didn’t want to let go of my friendship with Sylvia but I hated the fact that Ed seemed to think there was some reason that I should steer clear of her. She was bad news, he’d tell me. Maybe he was only afraid that she’d finally convince me that he was the jerk that she could see him for.

  “Anyway, that is all in the past,” he said, “and I believe in fresh starts and new beginnings, and I hope, Alex, that you will be willing to give me even half a chance to get to know the person that you are because I promise you that I am not like your ex and I would never do anything so foolish or stupid to break your heart.”

  “Adam, I like you. I really do. It’s just that I’m not ready to think about hearts and happily ever after and all that stuff. I’m still not even sure why I’m here.”

  “I’m sorry. I guess I just keep getting ahead of myself every time I look at you. I really meant it when I said we can take things slow and when I say that, I mean even if you only want to think of me as a friend for the next six months, I can live with that.”

  “Thank you, Adam. I think we’ll get along just fine.”

  “I think so too,” he said.

  The waiter brought our meals and placed them on the table. The food was even better than I remembered and I was grateful for the easy conversation that flowed between us as we enjoyed our dinners. By the time the waiter cleared our empty plates and we sat back in our chairs to rest our full bellies, I wondered why I’d never agreed to go out with Adam sooner.

  He also happened to be one of the most attractive men that I’d ever had the pleasure of going out with, and I found myself staring into his eyes several times as we talked and ate our food. I could get lost in those eyes, I decided. Maybe it was the atmosphere of the room or maybe it was the bravery that was brought on by a couple of glasses of wine, but my desire to kiss him increased ten fold. I knew he could sense the shift in me as well. I could see the change in the way that he looked at me. He may have meant what he said about only being friends for the next six months but there was clearly a side of him that wanted more. A lot more.

  He reached over and set his hand over mine. The sparks that I felt were subtle but there was a definitely a promise of something. I longed for intimacy. He stroked my fingers lightly and we looked into each other’s eyes without saying a word.

  “So I thought maybe we could see a movie,” he said softly, “The night is still young and I’m reluctant to give you up again so soon.”

  “I think I’d like to go home,” I said breathless. His fingers stopped stroking my hand and he pulled away.

  “Of course. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

  “Adam, that’s not what I meant.”

  “What did you mean?”

  “I’m not in the mood for a crowded movie theatre but I was wondering if maybe you’d like to come back to my place? Maybe we could pick up a video on the way or something?”

  I hoped I didn’t come off as too desperate but I could tell by the way his eyes brightened that he liked the idea. My house just the two of us set the stage for the possibility for an evening of just about anything.

  “Yes, I could pick up another bottle of wine as well, if you’d like?” He had trouble disguising the hope in his voice.

  There it was between us. Only our first date but I’d given him the opportunity to explore so much more. Neither of us said anything for a full five minutes while we waited for the waiter to return with his change so that we could leave. I think we must have both been holding our breath and doing a mental inventory of everything we needed to remember for a night of one-on-one. He was probably afraid that I would change my mind and probably with good reason. Admittedly, this plan of action didn’t make the most sense after our earlier conversation.

  The waiter returned with his change and Adam excused himself to visit the restroom before we made our exit. I exhaled slowly as I watched him move toward the men’s room and pulled out my phone to check for messages. I had only one text message from Sylvia inquiring about my evening. I responded quickly telling her that I planned to lure him back to my place and we were getting ready to head that way now. She would be happy to read that.

  I turned off the phone and rested my chin against my hand and elbow on the table looking around at the others eating their dinners and lost in their own conversations. I wondered where they would end up. How many of the couples were only just getting to know one other? How many had been married for years? How many would be breaking up before the end of the year? I smiled to myself and happened to looked back toward the restroom just in time to see a man coming out and walking toward the far corner of the room. My heart stopped.

  For a moment, I simply froze in my seat with my mind going in a million different directions. It couldn’t have been him. It couldn’t have been the stranger. I searched my memory for the images I’d replayed so many times in my fantasies since our encounter to try to make a match but the dim light of that night coupled with the dim light and distance of the restaurant made it difficult to be entirely certain. But somehow I just knew. Somehow I felt a force pulling me forward, toward him. Was I only imagining it?

  I didn’t think so. I got up from my seat and hurried in his direction. I didn’t know what I would say when I finally caught up to him but I couldn’t just let him slip through my fingers again without even knowing his name. I saw him escort a young woman toward the main exit. They were leaving the restaurant and I hadn’t managed to close the distance between us yet. My heart thumped even faster. He was with someone. A warning sounded somewhere in the back of my mind trying to slow me down, trying to stop me from making a horrible mistake. I felt like the world was
moving in slow motion and I couldn’t catch my breath but I couldn’t stop moving in his direction. Suddenly, in that moment, I knew that he was the only thing I could possibly ever want. I didn’t know how or why but I felt it with every fiber of my being.

  “Alex?”

  The voice came from behind me but it might as well been a million miles away. I’d forgotten where I was and what I was doing. I had only one goal in mind and I’d finally made my way out into the open air where the coolness of night slapped me in the face and woke me from my strange trance.

  But he was still there. The stranger was only a few feet away from me opening the passenger side door of a car to let his female companion get in. She never looked in my direction. I couldn’t see her face to know if she was prettier than I was, if she was somehow more deserving of his affection than I was, and still, I didn’t care.

  “Alex? What are you doing? Alexandra?”

  The voice behind me almost shouted, more frantic this time and desperate to make me stop and turn around to look at him but I couldn’t. I was standing only inches away from the stranger now and I put my hand out to touch his arm. I felt the jolt of electricity pass between us and I knew by the way that he looked at me that he felt it too. His face was a mixture of wonder, fear, and panic. I didn’t say anything while I waited for recognition to take hold of him but if it ever did, he didn’t admit to it.

  We stood locked in each other’s gaze frozen in time and space, unable to move or to speak. All I could hear was the pounding of my heart as I looked at him and waited for the entire world to open up and swallow me down. I was spiraling out of control. The voice behind me didn’t speak. He must have been waiting, wondering what to do, wondering like me what would happen next. My entire life hung in a delicate balance. I needed him to look at me, remember me, know me. I needed to have that connection or else I didn’t know how I could turn around and face the life that I called my own anymore. The night we’d met in the rain, my life had been inexplicably changed. Could he feel that too? Did he even remember me?