by Alisa Easton
I felt my blood begin to boil. Why couldn’t he just let go of me and let me walk away? He had to add insult to injury by telling me what? That he still wanted to see me even though he’d just touched me and pushed me away like that?
“I can make you forget him,” he continued when I refused to respond.
“You were right. I should go.”
“I would drag you back in there, take you upstairs, and make you forget him right now if I could.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“But my mother and my sister are coming over for lunch.”
I stopped and looked at him. He let go of my arm with a satisfied smile when he saw the look of surprise in my eyes. As usual, my timing had been completely off.
“I’m so sorry,” I said looking down at my feet as I realized the awkward position I’d just put him in, “I shouldn’t have showed up here like this. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, Alex,” he said pulling me against his chest again and kissing me softly, “I’m not.”
I swallowed hard and tried to clear the thoughts swarming my mind. It felt like utter chaos in there.
“You’re not mad at me?” was all I managed to say.
“Of course not. I know you’re confused and you’re still holding on to pieces of him but I’m determined to help you get past that. We can take this slow like we talked about last night or we can jump in feet first. I’m ready.”
“I should go.”
“I will call you tonight.”
“Okay.”
He reached down and brushed his fingers against my lips before kissing them again. “I wish that I could take you back into my house right now.”
“I’m glad you aren’t angry with me.”
“How could I be angry with a beautiful half naked woman?” He laughed lightly and I felt my cheeks blush.
By the time we said goodbye and I found my way back to my car, I knew my feelings for Adam were changing but I didn’t know how exactly. A part of me looked forward to seeing him again, whenever that may be, and I was relieved that he didn’t harbor any resentments toward me after what happened the previous night at the restaurant. I smiled a little when I thought about the way his eyes filled with lust when he looked at me in the special bra and skirt that Sylvia had picked out for me. I wondered what might have happened if he didn’t have the prospect of lunch with his mother and sister looming in the near future. I wondered how it would have felt to be naked in his arms and then despite all my efforts not to, I wondered how it would compare to the night I’d spent with Reese.
Chapter 12
I braced myself when I picked up the phone. I knew Sylvia would demand all the between-the-sheets details with Adam and I hated to disappoint her again.
“How are things in Love Land?” I asked as soon as I answered in an attempt to steer the conversation away from Adam and me and focus on her and Ben instead. She laughed nervously. I knew she was still reluctant to accept the fact that she was capable of having actual feelings for a member of the opposite sex.
“I don’t think he wants to be my boyfriend anymore than I really want him to be,” she said.
“Why do you say that?”
“I think he has a date tonight. With someone else.”
“Are you sure about that?” I was genuinely shocked by this sudden revelation. I thought for sure after watching the two of them together that Ben wanted more than anything to secure a more permanent status in Sylvia’s life. It didn’t make sense that he would suddenly drop her for another girl. Could it be possible that Sylvia had actually been right all along?
“Pretty sure. I was at the mall this morning and I ran into Janie. She said she heard that Ben was going out with Amy tonight. I didn’t believe it but when I called Ben, he told me he had other plans and he couldn’t see me. He wouldn’t tell me why but he doesn’t have to.”
“It might not be what you think. Maybe Amy is just a friend?” I knew I was grasping at straws but I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that Ben wasn’t totally in love with Sylvia the way I thought he was and more than anything, I hated to see Sylvia get hurt, especially when I was the one to push her in that direction in the first place. I didn’t need her broken heart on my conscience anymore than I wanted my own broken heart. Why did life have to be so complicated and confusing? I didn’t know what to say to make things right.
“Give it up, Alex. He’s not that into me and you know what? I’m okay with that. I’m better off. Life was a lot better before I had to start worrying about maintaining a relationship. I’m going back to my carefree ways.”
“Oh, Sylvia, don’t give up hope. The right guy will come along.”
“You don’t get it, do you, Alex? I don’t want the right guy. I’m not sitting around pining for Prince Charming to come sweep me off my feet like you are. I’m more than happy to just live my life and have some fun and to me, that’s all guys are - fun. I’m a lot better off.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Actually, I do. I’m happy that he’s seeing Amy. I’m happy that I found out about it. It’s a relief and I’ve already moved on. I’m seeing someone else tonight and that will probably be the end of things with Ben.”
“Okay,” I said even though I wasn’t convinced that she really meant what she said. She was hurting in her own way. She just didn’t know how to admit it. She was trying to convince herself that she was better off without him but I knew as well as she did that she was really hoping that this guy would turn out different. I hated that he had disappointed her, and so early in the relationship as well.
“Anyway, enough about that. It’s old news and I’m getting bored talking about him. I want to know what happened with Adam. So, it worked, right? You had him at your mercy and begging for more, right?”
“Well, not exactly,” I said slowly.
“You didn’t go through with it, did you?” I could hear the disappointment in her voice and I wondered if it was because she was still living vicariously through me. Did she want things to work out with Adam for the same reasons that I had wanted things to work out for her with Ben because for some strange reason, we felt less hopeless if our best friend managed to find happiness in a world where we felt that we would never find it for ourselves?
“I tried.”
“What do you mean that you tried? Either you did it or not and if you did, there is no way in this world that he could turn you away. You’re hot stuff, Alex, and he’s a red-blooded man. He likes you. He’d be crazy to turn you away. So what happened? Why didn’t you follow the plan? That was our deal. I let my damn heart get trampled by some loser who never deserved it in the first place and you were supposed to offer yourself up to Adam.”
“I was going to chicken out,” I admitted, “but even though I had cold feet going in, I went through with it anyway. Well, eventually, and I am pretty sure that he liked what he saw just like you promised that he would. The only problem was that his mother and sister were on their way over for lunch. Talk about awkward. Just imagine if I’d shown up a little later and interrupted lunch. I would have been so embarrassed. He did kiss me rather passionately though and he promised we’d finish where we left off later.”
“Ohhhh…” Sylvia said almost purring the word. Apparently, I’d managed to describe my not-so-erotic encounter in such a way that pleased her. That made me smile a little.
“He’s not mad at me after what happened last night so I’m relieved about that and he’s going to call me later so we can arrange our next date. Looks like there might be hope for me after all.”
“Oh, Alex, I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am to hear this. I was so worried about you, especially after that whole weird thing with you and the creep from the rain. I’m glad you’re settling with a nice, normal man.”
“Creep? He wasn’t a creep.” I knew I should let it pass but I defended him before my better senses kicked in. Reese hadn’t been a creep. So, it was a little weird how I
ran into him and the fact that I invited him back to my home afterward may not constitute as normal or sane even by Sylvia’s standards, but that didn’t mean that he was anything less than what I could have imagined in my wildest fantasies. Just thinking about him again was enough to make my pulse quicken.
“Whatever.” I could almost hear her roll her eyes when she said it. It wasn’t a secret that she didn’t think much of Reese or my one-time experience with him. I felt heavy in my heart when I remembered that I’d never see the guy again.
“Reese wasn’t a creep,” I said again even though I knew it wouldn’t do any good at changing her mind to say it. I think I just needed to hear the words out loud. It made me feel less bad about what had happened that night. It may have only been a week ago but it already felt like a lifetime.
“Forget him. You’ve got Adam and you’re not going to screw this up. So, I bet you he wants to see you again pretty soon.”
“Maybe.”
“And you’re going to say yes, right?” Sylvia could hear the doubt in my voice. I wondered if she’d been testing me by bringing Reese into the conversation. She detected something when I talked about the encounter with the stranger which neither of us could quite define. He wasn’t just some man that I met on the street. There was something so much more and given half a chance, I think she knew as I well as I did that I’d jump at the opportunity to find out what was so special about him.
“I will most likely see him again,” I agreed. I tried to mask the reluctance in my voice even though in my head I was screaming that I only wanted to see Reese.
“Alexandra?”
“What?”
“Promise me that you won’t do anything stupid.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sylvia. I thought you liked Adam.”
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“I have no idea,” I lied.
“No more late night strolls and absolutely, positively no more strangers in your house. Is that clear?”
“Yes, mother.”
“I’m serious about this. It really freaks me out that you did … that. I still can’t wrap my head around it.”
“I know, Sylvia. I know. It’s not going to happen again.” But I wanted it to. I wanted it more than anything. I wanted it even more than I was willing to admit to myself and I think she knew it.
“He’s going to come back again,” Sylvia said.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Why would you say that?”
“Why wouldn’t he? You basically offered up every man’s fantasy.”
I could barely catch my breath. I could imagine him knocking on my door, taking me in his arms, and giving in to every promise we’d silently made to each other that night. Did I dare to believe it was a possibility?
“No, he made it clear enough last night and even if he changed his mind, who cares? He was with another woman. I couldn’t be with him again knowing that he might be cheating on a girlfriend,” I swallowed hard, “or a wife.”
“Just keep reminding yourself that you have Adam now and Adam can offer you things that a guy like that will never even dream of.”
I wasn’t convinced but I agreed anyway. I already had a taste of what Reese could offer me and it was enough to make me breathless with desire at the mere thought. Adam had kissed me and touched me this afternoon and I’d almost forgotten the experience as quickly as it had happened. This didn’t bode well for a great romance. I was still willing to give it a try but the more I thought about it, the more I wasn’t convinced that Adam would be the one. Maybe after my experience with the stranger, no one would ever be the one?
She did have a point, I decided as I hung up the phone. I would never be the sort of girl to chase after more than one guy at a time. I’d basically committed myself to something with Adam, even if I was still a little confused about what exactly that was. Things with Reese would never have worked out.
I opened the refrigerator reluctant to what I might find growing inside and realized that I would have to pay an afternoon visit to the local grocery store. The only ones with any food in the house were Edgar, Allen, and Poe. I sprinkled a bit of their fish food into the aquarium and watched them gobble it up eagerly. Their lives were so much less complicated than mine. Some days I wondered what it would like to be a fish and spend my days just swimming around and waiting for the big food drop from the sky. I scribbled out a quick list, changed into jeans and a t-shirt suitable for an outing and decided to get shopping over and done with.
Standing in the middle of the produce aisle trying to decide between cantaloupes, I was startled when a voice said my name and a hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find myself face to face with exactly the man that had broken my best friend’s heart.
“Ben,” I said nearly dropping the two cantaloupes that I’d been comparing. I managed to safely return one cantaloupe to the display stack and put the other in my shopping cart, “What are you doing here?”
“I live just around the corner. I imagine I’m doing much the same thing you are,” he said. I laughed, forgetting that I was currently angry at this man. I quickly found my serious side again and debated on how to best approach the subject without scaring him off completely. He beat me to the chase.
“How is Sylvia?” he asked me. I could see sadness mixed with genuine concern in his eyes and this fact disarmed me.
“She knows about Amy,” I blurted out and then immediately wished I hadn’t been so blunt about it.
“Who?”
“Amy. She knows that you’re seeing her tonight.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said and I wanted to believe him. He sounded so sincere and forlorn.
“You aren’t going out with Amy?” I asked feeling confused all over again.
“I’m sorry, Alex, but I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t even know anyone named Amy.”
“Maybe Sylvia got her facts mixed up,” I said but then considered another possibility. Maybe Sylvia was making up excuses not to see Ben again.
“I don’t know but I’m glad that I ran into you here today. I was kind of hoping to talk to you about Sylvia, if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” I muttered pushing my cart forward to start picking through bananas still trying to make sense of our conversation.
“I’m sorry. I know she’s your best friend and all and I don’t want to put you in an awkward position but I really care about her. I’m in love with her but I feel like every time we start to get close, she finds a way to push me away again.”
I slammed my cart straight into the back of an older man who yelped and looked around at me startled.
“Oh my god, I am so sorry,” I stammered. “I don’t know what happened. Are you alright?”
The old man muttered a few choice words under his breath and moved on with his wife and I was left once again to stand gaping at Ben feeling bewildered and now embarrassed on top of it.
“What did you say?” I asked him.
“I just need to find some way of getting through to Sylvia and make her trust me. I’m not going to hurt her.”
“You’re in love with her?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Oh my god.”
“Is it really so hard to believe?” he said laughing nervously. I hadn’t meant to make him feel funny about this revelation but I supposed I was still in a bit of a shock. Only moments ago when I talked to Sylvia, I thought she and Ben were a done deal.
“She doesn’t plan on seeing you again,” I whispered more to myself than to him.
“Excuse me?”
“I mean, she thought you were going out with Amy, or at least that is what she told me so she said it was over. She’s going out with someone else tonight.”
Ben frowned at the idea of Sylvia with someone else and I could tell that I’d probably told him a lot more than I should have.
“Who?” he asked.
&n
bsp; “I don’t know. She didn’t give me a name and I didn’t think to ask. I was going to ask why you broke her heart.”
“I asked her to marry me,” he said.
“Holy shit. Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“She didn’t tell me that.”
“She didn’t take it very well and now I regret doing it. I should have known better. Things were finally starting to go so well between us. It’s just that I’ve never met anyone like Sylvia and I can’t imagine not spending the rest of my life with her. We have fun together. The sex is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I really think we’re meant to be together. I just don’t know how to go about convincing her.”
“Shit. This is Sylvia we’re talking about. She doesn’t believe in happily ever after. She thinks marriage equates to death. She spends her life fixing other people’s ‘mistakes’ in messy divorces. I can’t believe that you asked her to marry you.”
“It was pretty stupid, I guess. Can I fix it, do you think? Is Sylvia ever going to talk to me again or did I just pretty much push her away for good?”
“Oh boy, Ben, I wish I could tell you that you still have half a chance with her but I don’t know.”
“You’ve got to help me, Alex. I don’t know what to do without her. She doesn’t have to marry me. I just want her back.”
“I’ll try to help you,” I said. All the pieces clicked into place, why Sylvia had been so evasive about him on the phone and why she wanted me to believe that the relationship had ended because Ben wasn’t interested. I knew her better than anyone but even I didn’t know how to go about capturing her heart. I wasn’t convinced this was even possible but after seeing the way she looked at Ben whenever they were together, I couldn’t let things go without at least making an effort.
“Thanks, Alex. It really means a lot to me. Don’t tell her that I told you about the proposal.”
“I won’t but if I were you, I wouldn’t ever mention that dreaded ‘M’ word ever again. Understood?”
“Yeah, I guess. Although I’ve always imagined that someday I’d settle down and have a family. I’d sure like that to be with Sylvia. You think she might ever change her mind?”
