by Jenni Wilder
Gah! Okay, I was being ridiculous. He wasn’t going to hate me, and even if he did and never spoke to me again, it was no loss. Except I really did like talking to him. I looked at my phone again, willing it to chime with a text from Lincoln. I waited a half hour before finally going to bed, falling asleep with my phone in my hand.
~~~~~~~~
“Jillian? Hello? Did I wake you?” a voice said in the darkness.
My head was foggy with sleep, and I didn’t know who was talking. I was sitting up in bed and had my phone up to my ear, having apparently answered it in my sleep. “No! I’m awake. I’m awake,” I replied, trying to hide my scratchy sleep voice. I rolled my eyes at myself. Why do people try to hide it when someone wakes them up? “What... what time is it?” I asked into the phone, still confused.
“It’s after midnight. I told you I would call you Saturday morning.”
I shook the rest of the sleep from my brain and realized I was talking to Lincoln. I flopped back into bed and sighed into the phone. “Yeah, but I thought you meant like when it was light out.”
Lincoln chuckled. “Sorry. We just landed and I wanted to apologize for not texting you sooner.”
“So you decided to apologize by waking me up in the middle of the night?” I teased.
He chuckled again. “You’re adorable when you’re sleep deprived,” he said. I could only grunt into the phone in reply. I felt stupid for being half asleep and trying to talk to him. My brain just wasn’t awake yet. “Almost as adorable as you were with that goofy face in the picture you sent.” Lincoln continued.
My face broke out into a grin, my brain fully awake now. “I wanted to cheer you up after the game,” I said, rolling on to my side and snuggling down into my bed. I loved my bed. I had a fascination with beds and bedding. I only bought the nicest, most comfortable bedding I could find in my price range. The fluffier the better in my opinion.
“Well, it worked,” Lincoln replied.
“Good,” I said with a smile. “I am sorry you lost, though. It looked like a good game.”
“Thanks. You kind of get used to it. As much as it sucks, you know you can’t win them all,” Lincoln said.
I picked at the fluff on my pillow. “So you’re back in Chicago now?”
“Yeah, we just landed. I’m actually still on the plane. I wanted to call you as soon as I could.”
“Oh?”
“What are you doing today?” he asked.
“Well, so far my big plans involve going back to sleep for several hours.”
Lincoln chuckled. “And after that?”
“Not sure. Becca’s off, so I don’t have to watch Tabitha.”
“The Winter Festival is going on downtown. Brian’s out of town for work, so Kennedy asked if I would help her take the kids. Would you like to go with us? I promise it won’t be babysitting duty the whole time,” Lincoln asked hopefully.
I hadn’t been to the Winter Festival since I was a little girl. My father used to bundle up all us kids and take us to the festival, leaving our mother at home so she could have a day off. I remembered the ice sculptures in the winter village and the highlight of the whole festival—the shimmering ice castle. It had a drawbridge, several spiral towers, and a grand throne room and was completely made of ice. When I was a little girl, I was sure a princess lived there.
“That’s sounds nice,” I replied.
“Yeah? If you don’t want to do that, we can do something else…,” Lincoln trailed off.
“No, that sounds fun. I haven’t been to the festival in ages.”
“So you’re free all day? Should I pick you up at noon and we can get lunch and then go to the festival?”
“That sounds good. But, Lincoln—this isn’t a date,” I said firmly.
“We’ll see about that,” Lincoln responded, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “See you at noon, Jillian.” He hung up without waiting for my reply.
I exhaled and laid back, closing my eyes and trying to go back to sleep, but I was too excited about our plans. Even if Lincoln was going to need reassurance that we could only be friends. Part of me just wanted to let myself fall for him. It would be so easy to let out the emotions that were bubbling under the surface.
I frowned at myself and let my hand graze under the bottom of my shirt. My fingers traced the outline of my scars on my stomach and hip. I had always hated my scars, obviously, but never so much as right now. I wanted Lincoln, I admitted to myself. But I couldn’t have what I wanted. Once he discovered my ugliness, he wouldn’t want me.
I huffed and rolled back to my side. I turned my phone off and threw it across the room in the darkness. Pulling the covers over my head, I embraced the darkness and waited for sleep to immerse me.
Chapter Seven
Lincoln knocked on my front door promptly at noon. I was hiding in my room, pretending to have a wardrobe crisis. I could hear Rebecca call to me from downstairs as I tried to contain my growing despair. I didn’t reply, and Rebecca must have known something was wrong. When she came up to investigate, she found me sitting on the floor in my closet with my head in my hands.
“Jillian?” Rebecca asked with a voice full of concern.
I sighed. “I’m all right. I’m all right. Just having moment,” I said.
“Can you tell me what your moment is about?”
“I don’t want to tell you. I know what you’re going to say,” I replied, looking up at my sister.
“All right… If you know what I’m going to say, then maybe you should listen to me. I’m usually right about these things,” she said with humor.
“It’s just hard to hear it from you when I’m the one that has to look in the mirror every day.” I put my head back in my hands.
“Jillian…, “
“I know. I know. Blah blah blah. Beautiful inside and out. Whatever. I just don’t know what to do. What am I supposed to tell him? He’s here for a date. I can’t date him, Becca!” I exclaimed with a touch a panic.
“Okay. Are you going to freak out every time he comes over here?” Rebecca joked.
“Ugh! You’re not helping!”
She sat down on the floor in front of me. “How about you let him decide if he can date you or not?”
“’Cause don’t you think he deserves to know what he’s getting into?”
“No. I don’t,” she said plainly.
“What?!” I spat.
“It shouldn’t matter.” She shrugged.
“Of course it matters, Becca!” Obviously it matters! He should know how unworthy I was.
“No, it shouldn’t. You are an awesome person, Jillian,” Rebecca said, looking me straight in the eye. “And if he honestly deserves to be with you, then it shouldn’t matter.”
I sighed deeply. “It shouldn’t. But it will. And I don’t know what to do about it.”
Rebecca stood up, and I followed. “Don’t do anything. Just let it play out, Jillian. This might be the best thing ever.”
“Yeah, right,” I replied, full of doubt, and walked out of my room.
I bounded down the steps, and Lincoln greeted me with a big smile.
“Hi. Ready to go?” he asked as I shrugged into Rebecca’s coat and grabbed my purse.
“Yeah. Bye, Rebecca,” I replied.
Lincoln held the door open for me. “Thanks, Rebecca,” he said to my sister with a serious tone, and Rebecca nodded at him with a meaningful look in her eye.
“Where do you want to eat?” Lincoln asked as we walked to his vehicle.
“Oh, I don’t know. You craving anything?”
He looked at me with a smirk. “Yes,” he replied and put his arm around my shoulders. “But I don’t care where we eat either.”
I blushed bright red and knew I should not allow him to keep his arm around me. I didn't want to give him false hope over what our future could be. But before I could shrug out of his embrace he squeezed my shoulder. “How about pizza?” he asked me. “There’s a ‘by-the-slice’ place
downtown near the festival…”
“Sounds great.” I nodded as Lincoln opened my car door for me and made sure I was settled before getting in on his side. Despite my trepidation about Lincoln, I was excited to see the Winter Festival again.
“How old are Kennedy’s kids?” I asked after Lincoln got in and fired up the engine.
“Ben is five, and Madison is two and a half.”
“Oh my. No wonder she wanted help,” I joked.
Lincoln laughed. “Yeah. They can be a handful, but they’re good kids,”
I smiled at the thought of Uncle Lincoln playing with his niece and nephew. “What does her husband do? Something political?”
“God, no. He’s a wildlife specialist with the DNR.”
“That would be a cool job. Get to be outside all the time?”
“Yeah.” Lincoln chuckled slightly. “Except when it’s thirty below zero and you have the diehards out ice fishing. He still has to go out in weather like that.”
“Ooh. Okay, yeah. I changed my mind. That would not be a fun job,” I said with a laugh.
“He really does love it though. I think that’s the only thing that keeps Ken from asking him to find a job that lets him be home more—she knows he loves that job.”
“That sounds lonely,” I said softly, remembering what Kennedy had said at the bar.
Lincoln nodded in reply. “She is really excited you’re coming today, though,” he said with a big grin.
“Really?” I asked doubtfully.
“Really.” Lincoln answered. “And so am I.” He reached over and grasped my hand. I swallowed hard but smiled up at him. His hand felt so good around mine. It was tough and callused from his years of hockey playing but felt warm and strong around mine. I didn’t want to lead him on, but I couldn’t deny my attraction to him any longer. He smiled back at me, and we drove the rest of the way in quiet conversation while holding hands.
~~~~~~~~
“Hot chocolate?” Lincoln asked me with a smirk. We were walking through the winter village, meandering through the quaint touristy shops on either side of the path.
“Don’t even think about it, buddy.” I teased back, and Lincoln let out a loud laugh. He grabbed my hand again, and I felt a flutter in my stomach. I couldn’t contain my smile.
We were having an amazing day. I had forgotten how special this festival was, and I was glad I was there with Lincoln. He truly seemed to care about me, although I knew how easily that could be faked. He had held my hand throughout the day, joking with me and teasing me in a charming manner. I was quickly falling for him. It was so easy to do. Even though we hardly knew each other, Lincoln brought out feelings in me that I hadn’t felt in a long time. Feelings like comfort, acceptance, and security. For now, I was going with the flow and allowing myself to have a fun day with this man who made me feel so happy. I would deal with the consequences of my actions later. This was just a crush. So I temporarily let my guard down and teased him back with ease.
“I want hot chocolate, Uncle Linc!” the five-year-old Ben said, tugging on Lincoln’s coat.
“Oh no, you don’t need any hot chocolate right now, kiddo,” Kennedy told her son.
“How about we go through the ice castle first, and then maybe we can have hot chocolate?” I suggested, and Madison pointed at the ice castle. I let go of Lincoln’s hand and picked up little Madison. “Did you know a princess lives in that castle?” The little girl looked at me with wide eyes. “Do you see the tower all the way up there?” Madison nodded. “That’s her bedroom. She’s waiting up there for her prince. Should we go see if she is up there?” Madison stuck her fingers in her mouth, smiled, and nodded, and we all began walking toward the castle, Madison on my hip and Ben holding Lincoln’s hand.
“You’re so good with them,” Kennedy said and I smiled.
“Oh. Thanks… Comes from helping raise my niece,” I replied while playing with Madison’s boot, making her giggle.
Lincoln was unusually quiet as we made our way up the ice steps to the tower of the castle. Once we reached the tower room, Ben began pretending to wield a sword like a knight in an attempt to fight off an evil force. We were the only ones in the tower for the time being, so I carried Madison to one of the four windows and looked out. Kennedy stood at another window with Ben, pointing out meaningful landmarks. Ben eventually got bored and ran toward Madison and me, waving his invisible sword.
“I’ll save you, Princess!” he cried, and Madison squealed and shimmied out of my arms. Ben grabbed Madison and began tickling her, causing her to squeal even louder. She broke free from her brother and awkwardly cantered toward the ice steps and started heading down them with Ben hot on her heels.
“Careful kiddos!” Kennedy hollered and went after them, leaving Lincoln and me alone in the tower of ice. I giggled at the kids and turned to look at Lincoln with a big smile, but he wasn’t looking at me with amusement. His eyes were smoldering into mine, and he took two giant steps toward me. I gasped as he reached a hand up and cupped the back of my head. He brought his other hand up and pushed a lock of hair back from my face.
“You’re the princess, Jillian. You’re my princess,” Lincoln said to me and lowered his lips softly to mine.
I melted into the embrace and deepened the kiss. Despite the cold from being surrounded by ice, I felt warmth spreading through my body. I brought a hand up to his cheek and ran my fingers through his scruffy beard. With the other hand, I grabbed his coat and pulled him closer.
Our mouths moved in perfect rhythm together, and I wished this moment would last forever, or at least long enough to imprint this feeling in my heart forever, but all too soon Lincoln broke the kiss. He stood close in front of me and peered into my eyes. Lincoln brought his hand up and ran his fingertips down my cheek. “Told you this was a date,” he said with a smirk. I smiled back at his stubbornness, and he grabbed my hand to lead me out of the castle.
~~~~~~~~
“Hot chocolate time, monster?” Lincoln asked Ben once we were free of the castle. Ben yelped with excitement, grabbed Lincoln’s hand, and pulled him toward the hot chocolate stand.
“Five, please,” Lincoln said to the woman behind the counter. It was a cute little stand I think was meant to look like an Alpine ski lodge.
“Four,” Kennedy corrected. “Madison and I can share.”
The lady behind the counter nodded and served up four piping-hot cups of chocolaty goodness before directing us to a side table with toppings for our drinks. Containers of whipped cream, sprinkles, caramel drizzle, chocolate chips, marshmallows, nutmeg, and cinnamon lined the table. They had anything you could possibly want to add to a cup of hot chocolate. Ben’s eyes lit up, and he bolted for the table and reached for a can of whipped cream. Kennedy quickly came up behind him to help him while holding Madison on her hip. I scanned the table, looking for embellishments to add to my own drink.
“Marshmallow?” Lincoln asked and held one up in front of my face. I smiled, grabbed the marshmallow from him, and popped it in my mouth, bypassing my cup. Lincoln’s face erupted in a wide smile, and he grabbed another marshmallow and copied my actions.
“Ever play Chubby Bunny?” I asked Lincoln as he chewed his marshmallow. Lincoln cocked an eyebrow and shook his head. “No?” I was surprised. “Never at a party in middle school?”
“I didn’t go to many parties,” Lincoln said sadly, and I mentally kicked myself. He had told me that.
“Sorry. Okay, we’ll make up for it right now. Chubby Bunny. One by one, we shove marshmallows into our mouths until we can’t say the words ‘Chubby Bunny’ anymore. Then the other person wins.” I explained. “But, like, make sure you stop before you choke.”
“Choke?” Lincoln questioned and his eyebrows shot up.
“Yeah, people have died because they didn’t know when to stop,” I said gravely. I wasn’t sure if that was an urban legend or not, but it was still a good warning.
“And you played this in middle school??” L
incoln said astonished.
I giggled. “Yeah, just don’t choke. You’ll be fine.” I popped a marshmallow in my mouth. “Chubby Bunny.”
Lincoln grinned and followed suit. “Chubby Bunny,” he said.
“No chewing!” I ordered and popped another marshmallow in my mouth. “Chubby Bunny.”
Lincoln repeated the action. “Chubby Bunny. This is stupid, Jillian,” Lincoln said without any problem.
“Just wait, it’ll get better.” I popped two marshmallows in my mouth to speed things up. “Chubby Bunny,” I said, sounding slightly distorted.
“Two?” Lincoln asked.
I nodded. “Step it up,” I said, trying not to laugh at how funny I sounded.
“All right…” Lincoln said and put two in his mouth. “Chubby Bunny,” he said without any difficulty.
I placed a fifth one in my mouth. “Chubby Bunny!” I managed to mumble. This was getting to be too much. Lincoln laughed at my struggle, and I picked up a marshmallow and offered it to Lincoln. He managed to separate his lips, and I crammed a fifth one into his mouth. Lincoln’s eyes sparkled with laughter, and he breathed through his nose as if he was trying not to laugh.
“Chubby Bunny.” Lincoln managed to say, sounding only slightly less mumbled than I had.
I held up another marshmallow and gave Lincoln a challenging look. I succeeded in shoving the sixth marshmallow into my mouth, but that was my limit. My cheeks were puffed out, and my mouth wouldn’t close all the way. I knew the marshmallows were about to burst out of my mouth, but my competitive streak took over, and I wasn’t about to let Lincoln win this.
