Who Moved My Blackberry?
Page 18
There is someone else, mum. I think you’d like her. She’s very down to earth, calls a spade a spade. She’s not the brightest cookie on the beach, but she’s very intuitive and has been very good for me. She’s called Keri and she’s 29 and a New Zealander. Started to train as a physio, so she’s very caring. But it’s all too soon for me to get serious, especially as the situation with Jens is all rather up in the air. I need to talk to Jens about it, but she’s being totally unreasonable—listening is not a strong point of hers, to put it mildly!!
Much love
Martie
From: Martin Lukes
To: Phyllis Lukes
Dear Mum, yes of course I’m thinking about the boys. But Max is at Eton, and Jake has basically done something that I find hard to forgive. And don’t forget, this wasn’t my choice. I’m not leaving. I’ve been chucked out. I had hoped you’d see this from my point of view …
See you tomorrow
Martie
SEPTEMBER 29
From: Martin Lukes
To: Barry Malone
Sure! Let’s talk 11am your time … Sounds exciting!
Bestest
Martin
From: Martin Lukes
To: Barry Malone
Hi Barry
I just wanted to say again how incredibly excited I am about your offer. I feel this is just the right opening for me—and hopefully for yourself, as well. Truly win-win!
I love this company as much as you do. I am thrilled at this opportunity to serve it in a more pivotal role. I will send you soonest a memo detailing what should be front of mind for me as your chief of staff.
You mentioned relocation of my wife and children. I just wanted to flag up at this stage that my domestic situation is a bit fluid. So I am not sure that the whole family will be coming with me.
All my very bestest
Martin
PS Give my best to the lovely Janine.
From: Martin Lukes
To: Keri Tartt
Sorry darling, going to be back late tonight. Got an important memo to write to Barry. Something vv exciting has happened. Will tell you later.
M x
10
OCTOBER
My Money
OCTOBER 1
From: Martin Lukes
To: Jenny Withers
Jens
I know you said no messages. But I’ve got such BRILLIANT news, it puts our difficulties into perspective. I’m going to Atlanta as BSM’s Chief of Staff!! This is my DREAM JOB—it’s got power, it’s got profile AND it’s going to be intellectually stimulating … I’ve been catapulted into the hot seat right in the heart of the control room!
But this isn’t just win-win for me—if you approach this with a more positive headset it’d be great for you and the boys too. I’d be well placed to get you whatever job you fancy—within reason! Lunch today to discuss? Or I could come round to my own home this evening?
Love you
M xxx
From: Martin Lukes
To: Jenny Withers
Did you get my message? What do you think?
From: Martin Lukes
To: Jenny Withers
Would a reply be too much to ask for?
From: Barry Malone
To: All Staff
Howdy!
I am today announcing some exciting changes to our corporate structure that will position us ahead of the curve in our goal of Phenomenal Performance—Permanently! To support my leadership platform and facilitate execution of new policy initiatives I shall be establishing an Office of the Chairman in Atlanta. The office will be headed up by Martin Lukes, currently Marketing Director of a-b glöbâl UK.
To those of you who do not know Martin, he has an unrivaled track record in creovation. He has a results-driven headset and a very British sense of humor! I know he is going to be a genius in his new role, and a best-in-class addition to our top team!
I love you all
Barry
OCTOBER 4
From: Martin Lukes
To: Pandora@CoachworX!
Hi Pandora
I wondered if we could be a little creovative™ about this module of the program and focus on money? I’d like your take on how to maximize my package. On merit grounds alone, I should be paid more than anyone in the UK, and more than Keith. And given my present domestic situation (don’t ask!!) I may be running two homes … which is obviously going to cost me an arm and a leg.
22.5 percent better than my bestest
Martin
From: Pandora@CoachworX!
To: Martin Lukes
Hi Martin!
Sure! I have no problem coaching you on wealth! It is something I have helped literally thousands of coachees on in the past, with phenomenal success!
The first step is to understand true wealth isn’t about money. It is about the joy you feel seeing the face of a laughing child. Or the beauty of a turquiose ocean.
But money can be an aspect of wealth—and that is what we are going to work on now. Martin, this month I am going to help you develop the millionaire’s mind-set. Already in your mind, you have a collection of beliefs and emotions around money. We need to look at these before we can start increasing your wealth. Ask yourself: what does money mean to me? What would having more money give me that I don’t already have?
Strive and thrive!
Pandora
PS Given your new responsibilities, now would be a great time to upgrade to the Executive Gold or Executive Platinum Coaching Program. Not only would this be more in keeping with your status, it would free up more of my time to help you be even better than your best!
From: Martin Lukes
To: Thelma Dowd
Hi Thelma—I’ve got a lot to do trying to sort my package today. Various members of my team want to talk to me … can you keep them all away?
Martin
OCTOBER 5
From: Martin Lukes
To: Pandora@CoachworX!
Hi Pandora
You ask what would money give me that I don’t have already? Easy! I’d like an Aston Martin DB9. I’d also like to upscale my real estate. A substantial residence in Atlanta, with smaller pads in London, Antigua and Aspen, Colorado. I am not into being flash with money—I certainly would never want my own plane. But I think I would like my own art collection, or something classy like that, which was as much about taste as money.
22.5 percent better than my bestest
Martin
PS Re Executive Platinum, I strongly agree, though I think the best strategy is to get my package sorted first, and then to ask for extras. Sure it won’t be a problemo.
From: Pandora@CoachworX!
To: Martin Lukes
Martin—
I’m a teensy bit disappointed that you haven’t grasped what this exercise is all about. I was asking what emotions—happiness, security, freedom—you thought money would get you.
Think again: why do you want more money?
The reason, Martin, has got to be: BECAUSE YOU’RE WORTH IT!!
If you don’t believe that, you can throw away all your hopes of getting the package of your dreams. What is money? Money is a symbol of someone’s confidence in you! If you want more money you are going to have to have Extraordinary Confidence in yourself, so that others will have Extraordinary Confidence in you!
Strive and thrive!
Pandora
From: Martin Lukes
To: Keri Tartt
Keri darling
I’ve been thinking about this, and I know I said I wanted us to be together. I do, obviously. But I don’t think it would be a good idea if you come to Atlanta with me unless you have a job. Not earning would be bad for your self-esteem. And if you had a job, if anything happened between us, you’d still have an income.
My plan is to import you as my PA. I’m sure I could wangle you more money and a grand title—something like Senior Administrative Assistant to Chief of Staff, Office of the
Chairman. I’m going to need some people on my side, it’s a vipers’ nest out there.
Love you M xxx
OCTOBER 6
From: Martin Lukes
To: Max Lukes
Max old man
I hope school is going well—well done for coming top in the Latin test!
I don’t know if mum has said anything to you about me, but I thought you had a right to know that she’s a tad miffed with me at the moment. To be perfectly honest, she’s gone on a bit of a bender and chucked me out (!), so I’m presently living with a friend. I do hope that this is a temporary situation and that she’ll come to her senses and won’t break up our fantastic family. Might help if you put in a word for your old dad next time you talk to her?
The other big news item is that I’ve been offered a really wicked job in the US with loads of money—I’ll have a ginormous house with pool and private golf course. I hope you’ll spend your Christmas holidays with me—you can have all the burgers and skateboards and iPods you ever dreamed of …
Love, Dad
From: Martin Lukes
To: Barry Malone
Hi, Barry
As you know I am blown away with excitement about my new position. I can’t get started soon enough!
However, there are just a couple of details that I think we should iron out re package.
We haven’t talked numbers, but I’m assuming that my pay would be in line with comparable senior executives. I would see myself coming in slightly north of Keith and Cindy, but not out of the ballpark. In addition, 100 percent housing allowance, school fees, cars for myself, my ladywife and my older son and all the other usual perks.
I understand that the job will not initially be a main board position, but that this would happen in the fullness of time. Could we nail down when that would be? I am also assuming that I can bring my PA, Keri Tartt, with me. A small pay raise for her would send a highly motivational message.
As I think I may have told you, there are some issues around the relocation of my spouse. At present she is in External Relations in London. To facilitate her transition I would like some career coaching and psychological counseling. Can we discuss these matters soonest?
My best, Martin
From: Martin Lukes
To: Keri Tartt
Keri—Sorry darling, I’m going to be late back—am working flat out on package negotiations.
I’m absolutely starving. Can you order a takeout curry for about 9:30—and I’d also like some Ben and Jerry’s (Cherry Garcia if poss, otherwise Chubby Hubby) for afters.
Love P xx
PS should be no prob at all getting you a great new job in Atlanta … but I’m insisting on monster raise for you.
OCTOBER 7
From: Martin Lukes
To: All Contacts
Hi everyone!
Apologies for not reaching out to each of you personally, but I wanted to tell everyone who I have had the pleasure of working in partnership with these last few years that I am moving on to pastures new!
From October 15 I shall be transferring to Atlanta to become Chief of Staff, Office of the Chairman. This is obviously a pivotal position, and I will be working directly with the legendary Barry S. Malone, who was recently named by Fortune as the 7th most respected business leader in the world.
It has been a great pleasure working with you in the past, and thank you for the deep interest you have always shown in my career. I hope you will feel able to continue your relationship with a-b glöbâl (UK) going forward.
My best regards
Martin Lukes
Marketing Director, a-b glöbâl (UK)
Chief of Staff, Chairman’s Office (designate)
From: Martin Lukes
To: Jenny Withers
Jens darling
I didn’t appreciate it at all just now when I came to talk to you in your office and you went on talking to your PA as if I wasn’t there. I know that you are upset. Rightly so, as I’d be the first to admit! But this is going too far.
I’ve been doing some digging about possible jobs for you in Atlanta, and there are two suitable openings in the press office—none with a grand title, but you’d be a big fish in a big pond!
I’m playing hardball re money, and looks like we’ll be able to afford whatever we want accommodation-wise—I’m thinking enormous house, obviously with pool, in a gated community with its own golf course.
We must talk about this … time is running out.
Martin
From: Martin Lukes
To: Jenny Withers
Yes I know you don’t play golf. And please don’t accuse me of going behind your back with Max … I simply told him what his life would be like with me in Atlanta. M
From: Martin Lukes
To: Jake Lukes
Jake—I think it is time for you and I to be highly honest with each other. I am still very angry at what you did. You are presently living with the consequences of your actions, and I hope you have come to experience some serious regrets.
That said, I am aware that you are going through a difficult patch in your life, and that you need the support of your father. How about a drink before I go to the US? I shall come and pick you up from the house at 7pm Thursday night.
Dad
OCTOBER 8
From: Martin Lukes
To: Jenny Withers
Jens—Before you bite my head off for contacting you again, this is a legit business e-mail!
I’ve decided to write a lighthearted Q&A press release that could work as a diary piece—Brit Hits the Big Time in the US. The business pages are always looking for something a bit different, a bit humorous!
I’m planning to take Jake out for a drink next week. He hasn’t honored me with a reply. Can you make sure he is in, and ready on time? M
With which historical figure do you identify most closely?
Einstein. He was the original creovative™ guy!
Which living person do you most admire?
My mum, who taught me to appreciate the little things in life! And Barry S. Malone for teaching me not to understand the word “impossible.”
What was your biggest break?
Getting this job. Oh, and meeting my wife, Jens.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
That’d be telling! Seriously, after my own family, I love the extended family that is a-b glöbâl.
What is your greatest weakness?
Bounty bars!!!
What keeps you awake at night?
Nothing! I believe in work hard, play hard. I don’t take my worries to bed with me!
What was your proudest moment?
Leading the award-winning a-b glöbâl rebranding initiative. And getting a birdie on the famous 12th at Augusta.
What is your most unappealing habit?
You’d have to ask my ladywife. She might mention something I do with the toothpaste tube!!!
How would you like to die?
As I have lived—giving 110 percent.
What would be your epitaph?
A creovative™ talent who never stopped pushing the envelope!
From: Martin Lukes
To: Jenny Withers
What do you mean it’s naff?? It’s actually really funny and it helps people get to know me quickly. And what do you expect me to say: that my wife has kicked me out and is refusing to come to Atlanta with me???
M
OCTOBER 11
From: Martin Lukes
To: Barry Malone
Barry—I’ve just had a message from a Kimberly Warp in HR outlining my package. I have serious issues with some of the detail. She says the only benefit I am entitled to is healthcare insurance, and that I cannot bring my PA with me. I guess I can train up a local hire as a PA, but I need confirmation that she has made an error over the benefits question.
All my bestest, Martin
From: Martin Lukes
To: Pandora@CoachworX!
Hi, Pandora
Alas, your technique isn’t delivering the desired package. This isn’t a confidence issue—I’ve got loads of that! The problem is that some idiot in HR begs to differ. Any advice?
Martin
From: Pandora@CoachworX!
To: Martin Lukes
Hi Martin
Can I share with you a little story about myself? When I was in my 30s, I was in debt, I was living in one room, and my self-worth was so low I could hardly get up in the mornings.
A few months later I began creating money everywhere I looked! Within a few years I had become a millionaire. Because I had changed myself and my perception of the world, money came flowing to me!
Your mind is like a magnet, Martin. You must create the millionaire’s mind-set. Make a scrapbook and stick in it all the things you would like to own. Imagine you own them already and one day you will!
Strive and thrive!
Pandora
From: Martin Lukes
To: Thelma Dowd
Hi Thelma—can you organize my leaving drinx for Thurs? Find out what Rog will swallow expense-wise—I don’t want to be left with a sodding great bill!
Could you also reduce these Aston Martin pictures on the color printer so that they’ll fit into this notebook? Then cut them out and stick them in.
Martin
From: Martin Lukes
To: Keri Tartt