Where are you?
Please answer me this time, Gabe. Please.
She crossed her fingers. Two minutes passed. Then three.
Liz decided that if he didn’t answer, she’d go in after him. Right as she decided that, she got a text from him.
At the feed store.
She took a deep breath. This was it.
I’m in the parking lot.
He texted back.
I’m coming out.
Gabe was wearing faded blue jeans, work boots and a cotton blue-and-white-striped shirt with the sleeves rolled up to reveal the chiseled muscles in his forearms. He had a huge sack of seed slung over his shoulder, and he walked toward her with long, purposeful strides.
The look in his eyes was so electric and loving she felt her heart rip to shreds on the spot. But he wasn’t smiling, and her concern morphed into worry. She’d never wanted to run to anyone as much as she wanted to run to Gabe at that moment. She just wasn’t sure what kind of reception she’d receive.
“Hi, Liz. I’m surprised to see you. Nate’s here for the sale on riding lawn mowers. What about you?” He pressed the remote to pop the SUV’s back end open. He dropped the bag of feed then walked toward her.
He took his time, as if debating what to say to her. His expression was solemn, and he wasn’t rushing to scoop her up and spin her around. He came to stand in front of her precisely at arm’s length so as not to invade her space. Ironically, he wasn’t putting pressure on her at the one time when she would have welcomed his intrusion.
The air between them was like an invisible steel wall.
The hair on the back of Liz’s neck prickled, and she felt as if a killing frost had spread across her whole body. Then she saw his transfixed expression.
“You didn’t answer my call,” Liz said. “I wanted to tell you—”
“That Sam is home,” he finished for her. “That’s great, Liz. I’m really happy for you both.” He smiled, but it was forced, and she could see a trace of sadness around the downturned edges of his mouth.
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
“Then what was it?”
“That I missed you, Gabe,” she replied honestly. She hadn’t realized how true that was until this moment. Yet he seemed more distant than ever.
“Is that so?”
“I was hoping you could come out to see us. I could make a special dinner. And I promise a very good wine.” She attempted to smile at her own joke, but it dropped quickly off her face when she saw the icy flecks in his eyes.
* * *
GABE GLANCED BACK at the store and shoved his hands in his pockets. Since the day he’d walked out of Sam’s hospital room, he’d realized exactly what needed to be done, and what was best for him and Liz. He’d been trying to back away from Liz ever since his mother had revealed her past to him, as well. “So, why did you want to see me?”
She brightened, but only a bit. “Because I—well, I thought it over. I need your help, Gabe.”
“My help?” He nearly spat the word back. He felt a frigid flow of ice shoot through his veins. When he’d seen her text message, Gabe realized, he’d been hoping for something to change in their relationship. In the back of his mind, he’d conjured visions of Liz rushing up to him and telling him that she loved him. He understood now that that was a fantasy. “Go on.”
“I want to sell my land to you,” she said all in a rush.
At first he thought he hadn’t heard her right. “What? What would make you change your mind so suddenly?”
“It’s not sudden,” she countered.
“Yeah, it is. I’m betting that because Sam got sick and you’ve been hit with some expensive medical bills on top of the back taxes and everything else, things look pretty grim.”
“They do,” she confessed as she looked at his offended expression. She rushed on to explain. “I thought you’d be happy. Maybe even excited to know I’d finally come around.”
“Oh, you did, did you?”
* * *
WHAT WAS THE MATTER with him? Liz was handing Gabe his dream wrapped up with a bow, but he looked as if she’d just spit in his eye. She’d never expected ingratitude. In fact, she’d expected a lot of reactions—all positive, even joyous—amid visions of Gabe throwing his arms around her. Kissing her. Definitely kissing her.
She stared at him. “You’re not happy with my offer?”
He pushed his breath out through his nostrils. “You need my money, is that what you’re saying, Liz?”
“Well, I wouldn’t say it like that—“
“I would,” he replied. “I’ll make you a deal.”
Liz teetered slightly, feeling her confidence wane. She’d faltered somewhere, somehow, but she didn’t know what she’d done to repel him.
“I don’t want your land, Liz.”
“What?”
She felt the blood drain from her face.
“I can’t take your father’s dream away from you. I’ve been fighting his ghost since I met you. I know you love him very much, and you want him to be proud of you. It kills you to see that expanse of earth just sitting dormant every year. But if I bought it, you’d grow to despise me, Liz. I’d be working his dream and you’d always feel you failed. I couldn’t take that. So, no, Liz. I won’t buy your land.”
“It wouldn’t be like that...” Her voice trailed off as the reality of his words settled in.
He continued. “I’ll loan you the money you need to get through. No interest. Just friend to friend. But you keep the land.”
* * *
GABE HELD HIS BREATH. If she took the deal, it would be a sure sign all she’d needed from him was his money, nothing else. But the vineyard would go on and she and Sam would be financially secure; Gabe would always know he’d been the one to buoy her up when she’d needed it. That’s what friends did for friends. Yet if she didn’t take the deal, he believed her pride would keep her out of his arms, as well.
“But that would be like charity and that’s not right, either,” Liz answered.
For a moment, Gabe considered the wisdom of his next move. He stared down at the concrete and contemplated getting into Nate’s SUV and driving away. But that was too cowardly. “Liz, you’re one of the most special people I’ve ever met. What you’re doing for Sam is exemplary. Truly. He’s very lucky to have you. It’s the right thing for you to do.”
“What is?”
“Spend your life caring for him,” he said bluntly.
“He took care of me. Now it’s my turn.” She hesitated, her eyes searching. Then revelation broke across her features. “Is this why you didn’t call me? You think I should be with Sam and not you?”
“Listen to me,” he said fiercely, his gaze sincere. “I know you. If anything happened to Sam, if he died when you and I were someplace else, you would never forgive yourself.”
“And you think I would blame you?” she pressed.
Gabe’s mouth went dry. He couldn’t get the vision of her face in the hospital out of his mind. It haunted him constantly. This was the truth behind all his fears. “Wouldn’t you?”
She rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest. “So, you’ve got me all figured out, do you?”
“Yes, I think so. You are ferociously loyal to Sam, and to your dad’s dream. Frankly, I admire that about you. You’d do anything for Sam because you love him.”
“That’s true. But I wouldn’t blame you if something happened. You just saved his life, Gabe.”
“I know what I’m talking about. You’d come to hate me. We’d grow apart and I would lose you. It happens to people all the time,” he replied.
“Not to me, it doesn’t,” she said. “You know what, Gabe? I get it. You don’t have to come up with a bunch of reasons
why you don’t want to see me. I’ll do it for you. I’m out of here. You’re off the hook. No guilt. No worries.” She yanked her truck keys out of her pocket and started toward her truck.
“Liz.”
“I was a fool to think I was someone special to you. So there you go, add me to your list. Thank goodness I didn’t really fall in love with you.”
“Liz,” he said and grabbed her arm to pull her back to him.
They were nose to nose, angry breath on each other’s cheeks. His eyes blazed into hers. Her eyes dropped to his lips.
“Tell me you love me, Liz.”
* * *
AT THAT MOMENT, Liz realized she was so deeply in love with Gabe, she’d never get over it. This wasn’t just attraction or even a crush. It was love. He was everything she’d dreamed a man could be for her. He was more than just tender and affectionate—he was smart and courageous. And he’d put her above himself and his family. He’d defied his father for her. He’d shown her repeatedly, in just about every way imaginable, that he cared for her. He’d never said the words to her and he certainly had never brought up marriage. But she’d thought about what it would be like to be with Gabe forever. Her daydreams of him occupied a vast territory in her mind and heart.
“Liz,” his eyes plumbed hers.
“I do...”
“But all the rest of it—what I said about Sam holding you back. I can feel it.”
Tears welled in her eyes until they spilled onto her cheeks. “I can’t believe I’m saying this. I want you so badly, but at the same time, I do owe Sam. He’s taken care of me all my life. I owe my father to build his dream.”
“And you think I’d get in the way.”
“You have dreams of your own. Important ones.”
“I just tossed all my dreams on the table for you, Liz.”
Suddenly, every bit of reasoning in her head disappeared. She saw no color. No thoughts. No words. Everything was black, as if panic had erased all her brain cells. She was done for. She didn’t know how she could continue, but she had to.
She hated that Gabe knew her better than anyone, including Sam. What if Sam died and she did blame Gabe for it? What if she were the cause of bitterness and anger between them? She would never forgive herself for not letting him go. He had a chance to find a girl who was unencumbered by responsibilities, as she was. She brought so much baggage along with her that even she wondered where the real Liz was beneath it all.
She had to do the brave thing and let him go. But as he stood there, his blue eyes piercing her with so much hope and love, she didn’t think she could do it.
She was terrified of loving him any more than she already did. What would it be like in five years, or ten? And what if she lost him then, to an accident, or worse, to her own faults?
She could barely bring herself to pronounce her next lie. “It’s my duty.”
Gabe winced and his mother’s words cut through him like a saber, quickly and cleanly. Duty. Liz would always belong to her father’s world. To Sam. Just as his mother had committed herself to a loveless life with his father. Duty.
“I understand completely. Well,” he said, releasing her, “you take care, Liz.”
His arms fell and did not linger, as Liz thought they might. He seemed relieved to walk away from her.
She climbed back into her truck and watched Gabe through her rearview mirror as he walked into the feed store. His image wavered, as if he were floating through the cosmos or underwater. She wiped the tears from her cheeks with the palm of her hand and then depressed the clutch and struggled, as she always did, to put the truck into Reverse.
Slowly, without grinding the old gears, she backed out of the parking space. She braked and then put the truck into first gear. She drove away from the feed store, wondering if Gabe had seen her leave. Or had he dismissed her from his life before she’d even shown up today?
Liz burst into sobs before she reached the traffic light at the highway. Her lungs heaved with sorrow and pain. She’d never felt worse in her life. When the light turned green, she turned right and headed back north toward the vineyard.
But for the first time, Liz felt as if she weren’t going home.
Home, she realized, was behind her—at a feed store, dressed in a pair of faded jeans. And for the rest of her life, she knew she would never experience a deeper hollow than the one she was experiencing now, driving away from Gabe.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
GABE SAT ON an unpadded chaise next to the swimming pool, watching the surface of the water fill with falling golden leaves. He’d felt numb ever since he’d seen Liz at the feed store. He was stunned that she wouldn’t tell him she loved him. Gabe had bet his heart on the fact that Liz was the love of his life. He wasn’t one to wax wistful, and he didn’t consider himself to be a romantic man. But the vision of a stoic little girl at her parents’ funeral had haunted him all his life, and when he had met that girl again on the very vineyard he could only dream of owning, he’d fallen in love with her faster than he’d thought possible. She wore her heart on her fingertips, and everything and everyone she touched was blessed by her magic. Gabe felt grateful just to have known her. In his soul, he felt that if the universe had ever made two people who were perfectly suited for one another, it was him and Liz.
But something was holding her back from him and all the love he had to give her.
His stomach was in knots and he felt as if he was walking in a fog.
After hours of contemplation, Gabe was certain fear was imprisoning Liz, and he didn’t have a clue how to help her escape it.
Since their last words to each other, he’d walked through his days like a zombie. He barely ate or slept. He was suspended in a time warp of hopelessness. He had no plans for the future, and without Liz he didn’t give a whit about the present.
The cold autumn air cut through his windbreaker, but he didn’t feel a thing. A large maple leaf got caught in the skimmer and made a loud, obscene noise for a long moment before moving away from its oblivion and scooting to the side of the pool.
“Gabe. What are you doing out here?” Gina asked, pulling a huge black wool sweater on. She hugged herself and looked down at Gabe.
“Thinking.”
She glanced up at the dark storm clouds that were rolling across the western sky. When she sat down on the chaise next to his, her ebony eyes shone with bottomless love and compassion. These were the eyes Gabe had always cherished. He was glad he’d loved her completely all his life. Maybe it made up for his father’s lack of love and gratitude. A woman like his mother deserved so much more. Suddenly, he felt tremendous pity for her.
She placed her hand on his folded ones. “Hmm. Thinking. Again. Seems to me you’ve been doing a lot of that these past few days.”
“Yeah,” he said, staring back at the emotionless pool water.
She leaned over and placed her hands on his cheeks, turning his face toward hers. “Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“Grieving over Liz. Acting like you buried her. Trying to forget her.”
“That’s exactly what I’m doing.”
“I’m telling you to stop,” she replied with a catch in her voice. A tear filled her eye and fell quickly down her cheek. “I can’t bear it, Gabe, watching you destroy your life when it’s not necessary.”
He started to get up, and she pressed his shoulder down with more strength than he’d imagined her to have. “You sit down right now and you listen to me. I’m your mother.”
He shook his head. “It’s over, Mother. I should have seen it coming. I really do love her. And I’ve realized that when you love someone completely, you give them the world, isn’t that right?”
“Yes, that’s true.”
“Well, Liz’s world is her vineyard, which was her father’s world befo
re her. It means everything to her. She’s built her entire life’s plans on it and I want her to have it.
Gina peered at him. “You know I like Liz. I could grow to love her like the daughter I never had. But she’s wrong. You’re both incredibly wrong.” Gina wiped away a new round of tears. “I’ve done everything wrong myself, so I should know. I’ve taught you to be loyal to your father and the farm, and that was wrong. I stayed with your father out of duty. And what did it get me? A life without romantic love. I’ll go to my grave never having experienced that. I won’t let that happen to you, Gabe. You’ve found the real thing. Don’t let it slip away.”
“But I’ve tried, Mom.”
Gina guffawed. “Believe me. You have done no such thing. You get very close, and then your duty pulls you back. You fight with Liz and then you retreat to the farm. You venture out to her and then you come back here, taking care of your father and worrying about me. I hate that I’m going to say this, because no mother ever loved a son as much as I love you. But you have to leave us, Gabe. Don’t put me first or even second in your thoughts. It’s time for you to break away. We’ll be fine. Rafe and Mica will step up to fill your shoes. There’ll be an adjustment period, sure, but they’re very competent.”
“What about you, Mother?”
“We have a special bond, Gabe. Very few mothers and sons have experienced our kind of love and friendship. I’ll be fine. You go to Liz. She’s worth it.”
Gabe reached out to his mother and hugged her.
The tears in Gina’s eyes fell in a torrent, and he felt his heart swell to proportions he hadn’t known possible.
“I just don’t know how, Mom. These past few days without her, I’ve come to realize that all those dreams I had for myself don’t mean a thing anymore. I’d give it all up for her. I don’t care if I ever make a bottle of wine or if my name is on a label. If she needs money, and believe me they do, I’d just give it to her. No strings attached.”
A Fine Year for Love (Shores of Indian Lake) Page 22
