Broken Dreams

by Rissa Blakeley

  From that moment on, she had a yearning for Nick, but she couldn’t confess her feelings, fearing that he would reject her. Every time she saw him with his next fling, a jealous streak would run through her body. Claire could never understand why Nick only saw her as Elaina’s friend and never as much, much more.

  After Nick’s graduation, he went away to college. Claire’s feelings simmered down when she wasn’t seeing him several times a week. Then, in her senior year, she ran into Marc…literally. She ran into him with her car, bumping into him in a parking lot. Once he saw how beautiful she was, he forgave her.

  They began dating and, a few years later, she stood up at the front of the church for Elaina and Henry’s wedding…daydreaming. She was hoping that Marc would ask her soon. Then Pastor Jones staggered out and tore Marc’s throat open, taking all of her hopes and dreams with him. Claire let out an ear piercing scream.

  “What! What is it?!” Sophie yelled, while shaking her shoulder. Claire realized she had been in her own world, reliving one of her worst days. She was crying and shaking all over. “Claire! What’s wrong?”

  “Marc… I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

  “Who is Marc?” Thomas asked.

  “Claire’s boyfriend…well… Christ. He’s true dead now,” Sophie mumbled. They sat in the truck in silence for a moment. Thomas decided he wasn’t about to ask any more questions. “Claire, you have nothing for which to be sorry.”

  “I do!” she shouted with excessive emotion.

  “No. No, you don’t. You did what you had to do.” Claire wondered what Sophie knew. She wondered if she knew everything. She was sure that Henry must have mentioned what happened to Marc. How could he not?

  “You don’t understand,” Claire muttered.

  “Me? I don’t understand? You do realize what I am, right?”

  Claire nodded, but then said through her river of tears, “I betrayed Marc’s memory.” She put her face in her hands.

  “What could you have possibly done to betray his memory?” Sophie was trying hard to be kind and understanding, which wasn’t exactly her usual M.O.

  Claire looked at Sophie, trying to relay the answer without having to say it out loud. If she said it, then it would true. It was like her parent’s death. If she doesn’t acknowledge it, it never happened.

  “Ohhhh, right. I understand.” Sophie took a deep breath.

  “Please don’t say anything to anyone.”

  Sophie nodded. “You can trust me.” She touched Claire’s cheek with her icy hand. Claire never imagined she would bond with Sophie. “Now, come on. Wipe those tears away. We need to get up to Henry’s flat.”

  “How do you do it?” Claire whispered.

  “Do what?” She wasn’t sure what Claire was talking about.

  “Watch Henry and Elaina.”

  “Ah, yes. That. Quite frankly, it is rather difficult. I loved him, and I still carry a torch for him. That’s obvious. But I have to step aside. I originally thought that once we reunited, he would forget about Elaina and he would be mine again. Henry is amazing, and we were great together. I know there’s a picture of him next to the definition of insane in the dictionary, but there have been some extenuating circumstances. Now I have to wonder if maybe we had just fallen together because of our situation. We could relate to one another. Convenience, yeah?” Sophie took another deep breath. “Anyway, enough about that. We should go.”

  They all got out of the truck, scanning their surroundings. Since Sophie had the only fully loaded gun, she went first. Claire and Thomas followed closely behind.

  They made their way up to the third floor, not a single undead in their path. Sophie scanned the floor through the little window before opening the door. She put the key in the lock and, before she turned it, took a deep breath, readying herself for anything that could be waiting for them. Then she opened the door to Henry’s apartment. She quickly scanned the front of the apartment and everything looked the same as when they left.

  They all breathed a sigh of relief. Sophie stalked off and cleared the rest of the apartment. She came back and met both Claire and Thomas in the living room.

  “Look, I’m tired. I’m going to get some rest. When daylight hits in a couple hours, we will pack up.” Sophie walked back toward the bedrooms, leaving Claire and Thomas in her wake to fend for themselves.

  “Well, where should I sleep? Here?” He pointed at the couch. Claire nodded, and he grabbed the blanket that was thrown haphazardly on the floor. She headed back to Henry’s bedroom, ready for a few hours of sleep herself. She was exhausted.

  Claire lay down and snuggled up under the bedding, wishing she could snuggle up to Nick. Sophie was right. She had to move forward. When she and Nick talked about Jenna and Marc, they both thought they would have wanted them to move forward. They could understand what the other was going through so maybe they could learn to cope with it together.

  It was chilly in the apartment. She took a mental note to grab some of Henry’s winter clothing. Oddly enough, she hoped they could head south shortly after they got back to the house. Staying in the north would just make matters worse. The snow would arrive soon, and they were ill-prepared for it. Heading south just made sense.

  ***

  The sun came streaming in the window. Sophie groaned. She wasn’t ready to get up and was thoroughly enjoying her sleep. She rolled over and pulled the blanket over her head, opting for more rest.

  “Sophie?” Claire peeked into the room, and she groaned again. “Sophie, come on. Thomas and I have got nearly everything packed up.” She jumped up out of bed, forgetting that she was just in her bra and panties.

  “Why did you not wake me up?” She was racing around, getting dressed and packing at the same time. Claire saw how fit she was. She had some serious abs, and her arms were cut, as well.

  “I thought you could use the extra rest.”

  “I don’t need extra rest!” Sophie snapped at Claire. Instead of a rebuttal, she just turned around and stormed out of the room. “Claire! Shit…” Sophie finished grabbing all of her possessions and quickly walked down the hallway.

  “Claire.” She was a little out of breath. “I’m sorry.” Claire just looked at her with disdain. “I’m sorry.”

  “Whatever, Sophie. I thought I was doing you a favor, but I see now how silly I was.” She was irritated. She thought they had bonded the day before so to get attitude from Sophie wasn’t what she expected. “Anyway, what should we pack from Henry’s room?” While waiting for a response, she searched the hall closet for a couple more pieces of luggage and duffels.

  “I’ll help you.” Sophie felt horribly guilty. She wasn’t sure if Claire was her friend, or if she even wanted to be. She never really had a friend before. Henry was the closest she had to a friend, and that was compromised years ago when they moved into a relationship.

  Claire followed her down the hallway. Sophie stood in the middle of Henry’s room, looking around for a minute.

  “Let’s start with his dresser.” She opened the top drawer, and saw the wrinkled picture of Henry and his mom.

  She held it up, wondering if she should bring it after what Kellan said. Then she tucked the picture in her bra right next to the picture of her alleged babies.

  Sophie went through the rest of his drawers, pulling out clothing that she thought he would want, handing them to Claire. Her hands lingered over his low cut micro-fiber boxers. They were all Calvin’s, D&G, or Under Armour in white, black, gray, or navy blue. She laughed to herself. Typical Henry. She missed that side of the relationship with him. She always enjoyed looking at his body.

  They moved on to the closet. When she opened the doors, Claire inhaled with a loud gasp. On the floor of Henry’s closet were his tuxedo, Elaina’s destroyed wedding gown, and her bridesmaid dress. All three were torn, with dried blood all over them. Sophie slammed the door shut.

  “I can do this if you want to go.” She was offering Claire an out so she didn’t have to
face one of the worst days of her life.

  “No, I have to do this. I have to be able to face it.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t want you to get upset.” Sophie touched Claire’s arm, then guided her to Henry’s bed. “You sit here, and I’ll toss stuff out to you to pack.”

  Sophie went through Henry’s extensive wardrobe, none of it ostentatious. Again, typical Henry, she thought. He always wanted to blend into the crowd, to be unnoticed and elusive. Everything was navy, white, black, or a shade of gray.

  Once she pulled out everything, she noticed a stack of journals hidden in the back on the shelf. Claire saw her stop, and was curious as to what she was looking at.

  “What? What do you see?” Claire stood up. Sophie picked up the journal on the top. Against her better judgment, she opened it and began to read the entry out loud.

  October 24th, 2012

  Dear Mum,

  I met the most amazing woman tonight. My intensions were not good at first, but she took my breath away. Her hair is as black as night. Her eyes bring me to my knees. They are the color of the sky. I feel alive for the first time in a very long time. She is just absolutely the most fantastic woman. She was parked on the street in front of a bookstore that I visited. Her entire physical self was frustrated. Then I saw her dump her handbag out on the ground, looking through everything. I squatted down and asked her if she needed some help. We locked eyes momentarily. She gazed into my chemical-laden eyes, looking just as mesmerized as I was with hers. Mum, I fell in love at that moment. I knew then that she was who I was looking for. I invited her to have coffee with me at a café near my flat. I was so pleased that she accepted. It was such fun chatting with her. I gave her my number so I hope she calls. If she doesn’t, I will find her. I do fear the moment when she finds out about me, my true self. It is such a burden, and makes me feel alone and lost. I don’t even want to tell you what I did. I’m ashamed of my behaviour.

  I love you. I wish you could meet her.

  Luke.

  Sophie and Claire stood silent for a moment. Sophie had no idea that Henry kept journals, let alone journals that were letters to his mom. Claire saw a tear fall from Sophie’s eye and hit the page.

  Sophie began flipping through the books. Written in every single entry was Dear Mum… I love you, Luke. It was a painful reminder of what he needed. He wanted acceptance, and he needed the unconditional love that a mother gives her son.

  Sophie wished she had a mother to guide her, too. She grew up in cold and sterile environments, and had no idea of how to behave properly without the use of all the skills she was forced to learn at the complex. His entries hit home for her.

  “I had no idea,” Sophie whispered as she wiped her tears away. “He never told me about this. It looks like he has been journaling for years. So many entries. Wait, listen to this one.”

  March 7th, 2010

  Dear Mum,

  I’ve left for the States, and am on the plane as I write this. I have a job to do. It was difficult leaving Sophie. I fear for her safety. I think she is in much danger there. I am hoping another recruit will protect her like I have. She’s the only friend I have. I ask you to watch over her. I’ll be fine. She needs the strength more than I do. Wish me luck. This job will be dangerous.

  I love you,

  Luke.

  Sophie and Claire looked at each other. Claire looked suspicious. “Did he know about the release?” Sophie just looked at her. “Sophie, please tell me he didn’t. Tell me it wasn’t him.” The silence was long and heavy while Sophie contemplated the response that she wanted to give.

  “He did know it was going to happen, but he didn’t know when. He had the virus in his refrigerator the entire time he lived in this flat. That was one of the main reasons why he wouldn’t allow Elaina to come here. He was to establish an army, so to speak. Every recruit was to become established within their community. A pillar, of sorts. They were to make friends, acquaintances, and lovers. Then when the release happened, the community would fight alongside him to keep it at bay.” Claire was about to interrupt when Sophie held up her finger. “When Henry met Elaina, he was doing his job.”

  “Holy shit. So he was with her so she could help do his job?”

  “No! No. Absolutely not. Elaina showed Henry such love, compassion, and devotion. She made him feel things he had never felt before. He spent the first year of their relationship fighting with himself. Henry fears Roger and the power he has, but he loves her so much. Can you not see that?”

  “I don’t know anymore.” Claire was very concerned for Elaina.

  “I corresponded with him quite regularly. The night before he bought her ring, he told me that he was going rogue if she said yes. But he was still going to make it look like he was doing his job. I secretly hoped they would break up and he would get back into the program. I needed him to protect me again. But he had made a decision that could have gotten himself and others killed.

  “He didn’t want to drag Elaina into it. Because of the program, he feared committing to her. But once he decided that he couldn’t picture his future without her by his side, he asked her to marry him. He’s completely smitten. He would do anything to protect her. He would fight to the death for her. He would slit his own throat for her, if need be. Elaina is everything Henry has wanted in his life.”

  “Does she know?” Claire softly asked.

  “No. She thinks it was happenstance.”

  “Wait…”

  “He had seen her in his area. He felt she looked strong, physically, and she was strong-willed.” Claire’s jaw hit the floor. “He did whatever it took to establish a connection between the two of them.”

  “You have got to be kidding me.” Then it dawned on her. “He slashed her tire. Oh, my god! He stole her cell phone!”

  “Listen to me.” Sophie grabbed Claire by the arms. “Henry’s initial intention was to recruit Elaina. But the moment he looked into her eyes, he knew that he didn’t want to do this kind of work anymore.

  “The next day, he talked to me. He told me he was seriously considering going rogue. Over the next year, he saw the beauty in things. He saw the beauty in living a true life. It was secured in his mind that the program was unethical and disturbing. When Elaina accepted his proposal, he was done. He was desperate for a proper life, and he felt Elaina could give that to him.

  “He misstepped several times. Missed calls, didn’t turn in reports, and he refused to give the injection. Roger made Gunther fly up and try to intimidate him. He stalked him for ages, then he eventually had enough of his threats and Henry physically fought him.”

  “The bar fight…” Everything was falling into place. “He got into a bar fight with some built, older guy. Elaina and I were there. Henry had taken us out for some fun. Marc was out of town on business. Was that him?”

  “Yes.”

  “The bartender just threw them out.” Claire filled in the missing details. “He begged her not to call the police. She made him stay at her place that night.”

  “The next day,” Sophie continued, “Henry came back here. Someone, probably Gunther, broke in. The only thing that was gone was the virus. Gunther stuck around and tracked Henry. He followed his every move. And then, on their wedding day, he injected someone.” Claire’s hands were shaking over her mouth, tears streaming down her face.

  “That sick son of a bitch! He killed Marc!” Claire felt a rage that she had never experienced before.

  “That’s why he wants to find Gunther. And when he does, Gunther will be begging Henry for his life. You can count on it.”

  Claire was in shock…and fuming. “If Henry doesn’t kill that fucker, I will. And you can count on that!” Claire stormed out of Henry’s room, and Sophie was left in her wake. She finished packing up in silence, and headed out to the living room where Claire and Thomas sat waiting for her.

  “Alright then. Do we have everything?” Sophie looked around the living room, dropping the journals in a box. There were
a lot of bags and small boxes full of supplies. Luckily, they were able to put all the weapons and ammunition in one trunk. It was a little unorganized and was a tight fit, but they got it to work.

  “I wish we could go back to mine, Nick’s, and Elaina’s apartments. There are a few things I would love to get for the three of us.”

  “Well, let’s get loaded up.” Sophie wasn’t ignoring Claire’s request, but she also wasn’t going to say yes yet. She didn’t know the area, and wasn’t sure if they would be able to find the gas they needed.

  Claire stared at her for a few seconds, wondering if she was going to give her a response.

  “I’ll stand guard. I want you and Thomas to bring the stuff down. We’ll put the trunk in first so we have access to it, if need be.” They grabbed the interior trunk and followed Sophie out the door. She made sure to lock it just in case.

  About a half-hour later, they were all ready to go. Sophie stood looking at the back of the truck. It wasn’t completely full so they could definitely squeeze in more stuff. “Claire?”

  “Yeah?”

  “How far is it to the three flats?”

  “Nick’s and Elaina’s are in the same building less than ten miles from here. Mine is a few miles from that.” Claire was getting excited, but she didn’t want to show it.

  “On a normal day, how long would it take to get there?” Sophie was contemplating the drive.

  “Well, in crazy traffic, it took about twenty or so to get to Elaina’s, and another fifteen to get to mine.”

  “Oh fuck it. Let’s try it.”

  Claire grabbed Sophie and hugged her. “Thank you! Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me.” Sophie smiled. Thomas wasn’t thrilled, but he had no choice.