Broken Dreams

by Rissa Blakeley

  “Oh, God, babe. I’m close. Fuck!” he barked out. “You drive me crazy.” She pulled him close to her, and shifted her hips, instantly hitting her spot. Within seconds, she shattered beneath him.

  He tried like hell not to pound into her, but he couldn’t control himself as her body gripped on to him. She grabbed his face so she could watch him come. His face twisted, and then his jaw fell open as he hit his peak. Nick moaned out her name, and she smiled. After he collapsed on the bed next to her, breathless, she rolled over on her side, still smiling. She interlaced her fingers with his.

  “I love you,” she said in her soft voice.

  “I love you, and Willow, so much, Claire.” He ran his palm along her jaw. He was so in love with her and the baby, and when he saw her eyes fill with tears, he knew she felt it, as well. He kissed her once more. “As much as I want to chat, babe, I need some sleep. I’m spent.”

  “You can go to sleep, as long as you cuddle with me.” He pulled the blankets up over them and snuggled up against her body. He sighed happily, and fell asleep.

  She laid there for a moment, thinking about holding his child for the first time. She rubbed her belly as the baby danced around. Claire’s eyelids began to feel heavy and she drifted off to sleep, smiling, with her heart full of joy.

  ***

  “Well, looks like three bedrooms, Thomas,” I said. “Lucky for you, you get a bed tonight.” He smiled and shuffled his feet into his temporary bedroom.

  I sighed when I heard noises from Claire’s room. Gross, I thought. I hurried away from the hallway, but dragged my feet as I went back out to the living room. It was time for the hardest part of the night.

  Dragging Henry’s drunk ass into bed.

  He was passed out against the wall with a bottle in his hand. My heart broke for him. My poor Henry was such a beautiful wreck.

  I missed Henry so much. Sometimes I wondered if I was ever going to get him back. I stood there staring at him, listening to him quietly snoring. I put my hands over my face to try to push back the emotion that I was being flooded with. I choked out a few cries.

  I needed to gather myself. I needed to help my beautiful lover who, seemingly, was trying to make himself forget everything that had ever happened to him. I knelt down in front of him and pried the bottle from his death grip.

  “Lover…” I took his cold hands. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought he was dead. How ironic does that sound? “Hey…” I touched his face. He moaned and swatted at my hand. “Henry. Come on. Let’s go to bed.” He moaned again. His eyes flickered opened. The brilliant green sparkled, even in his half-lidded, drunken state.

  “Come on. You have to help me. I can’t carry your butt all the way in there.” He chuckled a little. At least he wasn’t always angry when he was drunk. He started to get up, but decided he wasn’t ready yet.

  “Whoa…” He fell back down to a sitting position. I sighed with great irritation.

  “What’s wrong?” I was afraid to ask, but I had a feeling I knew what was coming.

  “I’ve got a…serious case of…the spins.” That was just what I wanted to deal with. I was so tired and just wanted to get to bed. Every time Henry got the spins, it was usually followed up by a round, or twelve, of puking.

  “Perfect. Are you going to be sick?” He laughed again, and I rolled my eyes. “I mean puke, Henry, puke. Are you going to fucking puke?” I was quickly becoming angry, as opposed to feeling sorry for him.

  “Quite possibly.” He hiccupped.

  “Great. Come on. You can’t puke in here. Let’s go outside.” I dragged him up, and we stumbled out the front door. He fell to his knees in the front yard. He retched for what seemed like hours, while I sat on the front steps, watching the area with a Sig in my hand.

  I heard the familiar snarling close by. My eyes darted around, looking for the source, but it was pitch black.

  “Henry, hurry up!” I said in a loud whisper. “There’s one around. I can hear it!” He stood up, trying to balance himself, then staggered toward me. “Oh, god, you stink now.” He was still ten feet away, but I could smell the regurgitated wine/pretzel/peanut butter stench.

  “Sorry,” he said, full of shame as he rushed toward me. I grabbed him and pulled him inside before we were a midnight snack. I slammed the front door closed, locking it. I dragged his ass down the hall and pushed him into our room, closing and locking the door behind us. He staggered to the bed and fell on it, passing out.

  ***

  I woke up as the sun was rising. It was normal for me. As soon as the sun thought about rising --bam-- my eyelids would pop open, no matter how late I went to bed. I turned over, and Henry was wide awake, smiling at me.

  “Hey, my black-haired beauty.” Could it be? Was he really not wasted for a change? And he smelled good. Even his hair was clean. I was so pleased that he cleaned himself up.

  “Hey, lover. You sleep at all?” I snuggled up to him, discovering that he was naked. Big shocker.

  “Maybe an hour or so. I don’t know exactly. I woke and cleaned up. Then I wanted to snuggle with you.” He reached out and started to play with my hair. He trailed his hands slowly down my spine, tickling me as he went. He chuckled as I squirmed a little. I didn’t find him very funny so a smacked him on the chest.

  We lay there, silent for a while, staring at one another. Then I decided to ask, “Do you miss it?”

  “Miss what?”

  “Being more sober than drunk.”

  He sighed. “Of course I do. I miss all the moments with you.” His voice was sad. I looked up at him. His eyes weren’t brilliant anymore. They were fading. “Most of my time is spent drunk or passed out. I’m already feeling the need come on. I hate it.”

  “Then stop. I hate it, too.”

  “I can’t. You don’t understand. I crave it, my body needs it, I feel sick without it.”

  “But you’re sick with it.”

  “I can’t explain it. I don’t want to argue about this again. I hate arguing with you. It makes my heart ache when we do because, more than likely, it’s my issues causing you such sadness.” He shook his head and covered his eyes. I ran the tips of my fingers down his chest. His body stiffened.

  He pulled himself up and rested up against the headboard. My head ended up being in his lap. I rolled over so I could look up at him. He was gazing down at me with a deep sadness. I reached up and touched his bearded face.

  “I love you so much, Henry. I just wish you would stop doing this to yourself.”

  “I know. I will. I need some time and a place with stability first.”

  “I feel like you’re making excuses.” My eyes filled with tears.

  “Love, stop crying over me. Come up here.” He pulled me up, and I straddled his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. His face was nuzzled into my ear.

  “I can’t help it. I love you so much. I’m so worried about you.”

  “I’m sorry to cause you such worry and sorrow,” he whispered. He gently kissed my ear, and then nuzzled his nose in the crook of my neck. He traced his tongue up my neck, nipping me as he went. I wondered if he would tear my throat out at some point. He kissed my jawline, working his way to my lips. My breath shuddered every time I exhaled.

  He deftly pulled off my tank top, exposing my breasts to the cool air. While he ran his hands down my sides, he kissed and touched me all over my upper body. My breathing grew quicker and heavier. I let out a slight moan as he continued to work his hands all over me. I wanted him so badly that my insides were aching.

  At that point, my hair was so long that it hit my elbows. He grabbed it, twisting it in his hand, and yanked my head back. He ran his tongue up my throat.

  “Henry…,” I whispered. He groaned as I adjusted my body over his hardness. He reached down into my panties and massaged me. In an instant, my insides screamed for him to be in me.

  “You are so wet and ready for me,” he whispered in a raspy voice. He tipped me back, lyi
ng on top of me. He ripped off my panties and tossed them to the floor. He held himself up, and I helped guide him. I moaned as he slowly filled me, inch by inch.

  No matter how deep his sickness ran, he still felt good to me, and I could never get enough of him. That was the only time we could connect like we used to. I needed to feel that again.

  Slowly, Henry pushed and pulled himself in and out. He was watching my face. I bit my lip while I locked eyes with him.

  He continued his slow torturous rhythm. I wanted more and more. He knew that I was craving more from him. He just wanted me to tell him.

  “More,” I moaned. He smirked and began a quicker pace. Each thrust was harder than the last. I was popping my hips up, trying to get every inch of him.

  “More,” I moaned again.

  He began a punishing rhythm. His body pounded into mine, pushing us toward the end of the bed. He groaned, and topped it off with that sexy growl that I loved. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him down. He gripped onto the end of the mattress, and he pounded himself so hard into me that I cried out, not caring how loud I was. The pain felt so good. I felt like I was releasing some anger and frustration. I wondered if Henry felt like that at times. My body was trembling. Out of nowhere, he stopped and I opened my eyes.

  “No, I’m not done…” He slid off to the side of bed.

  “Turn over,” he demanded, and I paused. “I said, turn over.” That was not my sweet loving Henry. His eyes were vacant, but I did as instructed. He pulled my hips toward him. “You want more?” he growled in my ear as he leaned over my body.

  “Yes.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.” He pushed my back down with one hand, which tilted my hips just right, and slammed into me. I bit into the blankets, trying to stifle my cries.

  “More?” he asked with a quiet growl.

  “Yes.” He pulled out and slammed into me again.

  “More?” he asked with venom. I looked back at him, and saw the hollowness in his eyes and his jaw was clenched.

  “Yes! More. Please, give me more,” I said in frustration. I needed him. I needed to release. He held my hips firm in his hands and began repeatedly slamming into me.

  I groaned in pleasure. I wanted it to hurt. I wanted to feel the pain…his pain. I reached down and ran my fingers over myself, enjoying all the sensations that were brewing deeply within.

  “Oh, fuck…,” he growled.

  He continued his onslaught and my body began to buck wildly under him. I furiously pulsated around him as he continued slamming into me. My body was screaming in agony, but it felt so goddamn good. I grabbed at the blankets again to muffle my cries.

  “Fuuuuck…,” he groaned, and then he exploded in me. He stood there for a moment with his sweaty forehead resting on my back. His hands were on the mattress on either side of me with the blanket twisted in his fists as he was trying to catch his breath. Then he fell down on the bed, grabbing me and curling his body around mine.

  I lay there in his arms and started to cry.

  “Love…I’m sorry.” He tried to soothe me, but it wasn’t working. “I got carried away. I thought you wanted it like that.” His eyes were telling and his facial features had softened. He was baffled. He wiped the tears off my face. “Love, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  “I did. I wanted to feel some of your pain.” I buried my face into his chest and sobbed. He didn’t know what to say. “I wish I could take it away from you.”

  “Jesus Christ, Elaina.” He held me tight, trying to comfort me. I felt his body shake. “I love you so much for saying that, but I never want you to feel my pain. Never.” His voice shook. He grabbed my face and made me look at him. “Do you understand me? Never!” He was angry, and in disbelief that I would do something like that. He held me for a long time before we heard a knock on the door.

  “We’ll be out in a few,” I hollered. I sat up, and realized I was bleeding. His face went paler than normal.

  “Jesus. I hurt you.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “No, it’s not! I went too far. Shit!” His face shifted from concerned to panic in the snap of a finger. His hands trembled as he jammed them into his hair. He was looking around for something for me to clean up with. He dressed quickly, then ran out into the living room where the supplies were.

  When he came back in, his eyes were grayer than before. He handed me tissue and a selection of girly products.

  “I’m not sure if this is what you need.” He stood in front of me, and I could see that he was terrified.

  “It’s fine. Relax. Just sit and relax.” He sat down on the bed, but he was facing the wall and not me, for which I was thankful. Even though we had shared so much together, I didn’t want him watching me clean up.

  “No. I can’t relax,” he grumbled. He was starting to tweak out. “I’m feeling it.”

  “Go get your pack then.” He ran out again. I finished cleaning up, and was dressing as he came back in. I sat up against the headboard, and he began a draw for a bag. He was pacing back and forth, pulling at his hair, cussing himself out.

  “I’m sorry, Elaina. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I will never forgive myself if I hurt you.”

  “Henry, it’s fine. I’ll be fine. Sometimes stuff like that happens.” His pacing was growing quicker by the second. It was beginning to drive me batshit crazy.

  “No, I hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to hurt like me.”

  “Henry, you have to calm down. Yes, it hurt, but I wanted it to. It’s my fault for telling you to do it that way.”

  “I don’t want you to hurt because of me. I’ve caused you enough pain as it is.” He was still running his hands through his hair.

  “Henry.” He continued his pacing. “Henry Daniels!” I yelled. He stopped in his tracks. “You sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up!” I snapped at him.

  He cleared his throat, and slowly sat down at the end of the bed with his back to me. His head was in his hands.

  “Come up here.” I spoke gentler than before. He looked at me over his shoulder. His eyes were gray and watery. “Henry…please come here.” He got up and walked to the side of the bed and sat down. He slid up against the headboard next to me. He was so upset.

  “Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked while looking down, fiddling with the blankets.

  “Yes. I’m fine.” I kissed his cheek. He shyly smiled. “If you want to be upset, be upset with me.” He licked his lips and looked at me. I smiled at him.

  He leaned back and relaxed a little, while he waited for his fix. He drummed his fingers on his knees. I wanted to yell at him to stop, but he was emotionally weak, and any more yelling could set him off. So I decided to suck it up and deal with his quirkiness for the moment.

  Once Nick and Henry had their fix and had come down from their high, we packed up and hit the road. Henry drove until his body couldn’t go without a drink anymore. Nick and Claire took the front, and Henry sat with me and Thomas in the back. I snuggled up against him, while he drank himself into oblivion once more. The closer we got to our destination, the more anxious I became.

  Chapter 43

  I

  had nodded off with my head tucked into Henry’s chest. I have no idea how long I slept until I was rudely awakened by the sound of the truck tires screeching, and being thrown forward into the dash. Claire screamed, and Henry grabbed me by my waist before I flew out the windshield ass over tits.

  “Christ, Nick! What the fuck are you trying to do?” Henry yelled. Nick was sitting in the driver’s seat, breathing heavily. His eyes were bugged out. I crawled back next to Henry. I was shaken up and my forehead was burning like a motherfucker.

  “Holy shit,” was all Nick could manage.

  “Oh, love. You’re bleeding badly.” I put my hand up to my forehead, and the warm sticky wetness ran all over it.

  For a moment, he licked his lips and gazed at
the steady stream of blood coming out of my fresh wound. I saw his lips quiver. He wanted my blood.

  Then, without warning, Henry sat up and dug through the supplies, finding a couple gauze pads. “Here, press this on it for a moment. I’m going to get out and check out what the deal is.” My head was throbbing, and I cringed as I touched the gauze to it. Henry jumped out of the truck, walked to the front, and stood there for a minute. I saw him shake his head, yell something, and march back with fury. He yanked open the door.

  “What’s going on?” I asked wearily.

  “There is a fucking crater in the road. You could fit a double decker in the bloody thing.”

  “Sorry, it snuck up on me.” Nick was still in shock, and he looked at Claire, who was hugging her belly. “Are you alright?”

  “I think so. I’m having a few pains, though.”

  “Oh no.” Nick got out and grabbed a bottle of water from the back, then ran to Claire’s side of the truck. “Here, drink some water, and let’s lean the seat back. Just try to relax.” Her eyes were full of fear. “It’s going to be okay, babe.” He helped her lay the seat back. Thomas was sitting in silence, as usual, watching what was happening.

  Henry got back in the truck and pulled the gauze pad away. “Jesus, love. You need stitches. It’s a pretty nasty gash.”

  “Sorry,” I mumbled. He reached back and grabbed a bottle of vodka. “What are you doing?” I couldn’t believe he was going to drink while my head was split wide open. Hello! I needed some medical attention here.

  “I’m going to clean it.”

  “Oh, right.” I sagged back into the seat for a moment. Then it occurred to me. “Wait!” I jacked myself straight up. “No way. That will burn!”

  “It’s better than an infection!” He pulled a little kit out of his pack that had a tube of super glue in it.

  “Super glue?”

  “Yes. It’ll seal it. We just need it to stop bleeding first, and make sure it’s dry. Lay back.” He held a fresh gauze pad on my head for a few minutes.