Behind his Lens

by Beth Michele

  He tossed me a mischievous look over his shoulder, eyes shining. “Video. What video?”

  Once we crossed the threshold to his room, he released my hand and walked over to a small desk in the corner, flipping on a light. He stalked back over, hunger not only in his eyes, but in his gait. Stopping in front of me, his ragged breaths whipped across my chin. “Don’t move.”

  “Um…okay.”

  He raked a hand through his messy hair. “Jesus, Colt, you’re killing me.”

  His sudden frustration was confusing. “What do you mean?”

  Jake’s tongue came out to dampen his lips as his eyes scrolled over my face. “I usually just take what I want. And,” a thick pause, “I want you.” He glanced away, seeming to gather his thoughts. When his gaze returned to mine, determination sparked in his eyes. “I want to know that you want this, that you want me.” He stared down at my erection. There was nothing to hide it. “Aside from the obvious.”

  “Look, Jake—”

  “It’s Sean,” he growled.

  My brows drew together. What the fuck was he talking about? “What?”

  “My name.” He sighed, hard. “It’s Sean Sterling. Jake Donovan is the name I use online so I can maintain privacy.”

  My head was starting to spin. “Okay, Sean, as I was saying, I’m kind of a fish out of water here. I know it’s a shitty analogy, but…” I huffed out my frustration, rubbing two fingers against my temple. “I’m seriously confused right now. We’re not even making a video…and yet, I’m still here. I don’t know what I’m doing here. What we’re doing here.”

  His expression fell, then hardened. The teasing in his eyes was gone, replaced with something I couldn’t make out. “You know what?” He turned away so I could no longer see his face. “This is probably a bad idea. Maybe you should just go.”

  My chest tightened with some kind of strange emotional whiplash. “What? Why?”

  “Yeah,” he answered, evading my questions. He scratched the back of his head. “I just…don’t think this is going to work.” Shifting back around, he looked at me. His gaze was empty. “If you still want to do a video, I can recommend someone else.”

  Someone else? What the fuck just happened?

  I squared my shoulders, toughening my stance. Of course I felt like an ass doing it naked. Still, I maintained a calm exterior, even if it was only for show. “You’re probably right.” My voice was casual, when I was feeling anything but. I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry that I wasted your time.” As I shouldered past him, my arm bumped against his and I tried to ignore the heat trailing across my skin. Instead, I focused on finding my damn jeans so I could get the hell out of here.

  “Colt, wait.”

  But I didn’t.

  Without so much as a second glance, I rushed out to the living room to find my clothes. I snatched them from the carpet, sliding them on as quickly as possible. “No, it’s cool,” I threw back over my shoulder, jamming my feet into my Chucks. “I’ll see you around.” My focus on the door, I headed straight for it without looking back.

  This whole situation was fucked anyway.

  “Hey, Colt,” Willow purred when she opened the door. Her hair was pulled back in a slick ponytail highlighting the smooth expanse of her neck, her mile-long legs accented by a pair of cutoff jean shorts. And her shirt, well, she wasn’t wearing one. Her tits spilled out of a lacy red bra.

  “Willow,” I scolded, “what if it hadn’t been me at the door?”

  She smiled. “Then I wouldn’t have answered it.” I growled at her response before grabbing her by the waist and tugging her close, burying my face in her neck. My tongue went to work on her nape, sliding along all that smooth skin, sucking and biting her flesh. Suddenly, I wanted to leave a mark. Her breathing sped up and she moaned, “Mmm.”

  “I need to fuck you,” I whispered. “I want to be buried so deep inside your pussy that I can’t remember my own name.”

  Or anyone else’s name.

  Guilt stepped in, heavy and weighted around my chest, an anchor pulling me down. I needed to tell Willow about Sean, but I didn’t know what to say. How to explain it. Especially when I couldn’t make sense of it myself.

  “I want that, too.”

  The desire in her voice snapped me from my thoughts and I pulled back, inches from her face. “Are you wet for me?”

  She answered by reaching a hand inside her shorts and slipping it underneath her panties. A second later, she showed me her glistening finger before sucking it into her mouth, a wicked gleam in her eyes. “So wet.”

  “Christ, Willow,” I gritted out, the scent of her pussy amping up my need to taste it.

  “Come on.” She took my hand and directed us toward the bedroom. Inside, she steered me gently to her bed and I perched on the edge of the mattress. Her smell surrounded me and I wanted to get lost in it. That wasn’t the only thing I wanted to get lost in as she reached around to unclasp her bra, slipping the red fabric down her arms until her full tits were on display. Her soft pink nipples were tight, begging for my tongue.

  I continued to watch as she slid her palm between the dip of her breasts, gliding it over her belly. Teasing fingers eased lower to flick the button on those hot little shorts, music to my ears in the silence of her room. As I leaned back on my elbows, still glued to her every move, she shimmied the denim and lace down her smooth legs and stepped out of them. She stalked closer and I breathed in, inhaling the scent of her pussy, seeing the dampness already clinging to her thighs. At least I knew she wanted me.

  Whoa. Where the fuck did that come from?

  Dizzy with that last thought and wanting to turn my brain off, I reached for Willow and pulled her on top of me. “You’re fucking soaked, aren’t you? Dripping for me.”

  “Yes,” she whimpered, rubbing her pussy against my zipper. “I want you to lick me, then fuck me.” She pushed her hand between us, gently grasping my dick through my jeans.

  “Harder, Willow,” I found myself saying. Her touch was too soft now. It wasn’t enough. “Press harder, babe.”

  “Like this?” she asked, flattening her small palm against the shape of my dick.

  “Yeah,” I breathed out harshly, that sudden knot of guilt returning and tightening my stomach. My cell vibrated in my back pocket, startling us both.

  “Don’t answer that,” she whispered, sitting herself up, legs spread wide for me to view her drenched pussy. I love her pussy, I thought to myself as my phone vibrated again.

  “Shit,” I muttered, placing my hands on her arms and coaxing her off my lap. “Let me just make sure it’s nothing urgent.” I hopped off the bed, yanking the phone from my back pocket. A few feet away, I slid my finger across the screen, a tingle shooting up my spine when I saw the text from Sean.

  I’m sorry that I got so upset. I’d like to explain. Come back?

  I cast a look over my shoulder. Willow was lying flat on her back now, fingers playing with her pussy. She glared at me with heat in her eyes.

  Fuck.

  My fingers hovered over the keypad before I quickly typed back.

  I can’t

  Almost a minute went by as I waited, wondering why I was standing there as Willow whimpered my name. But then my screen lit up.

  You have to. My dick fucking aches for you

  Jesus.

  My own dick jumped in my pants. What the fuck was wrong with me?

  Another text.

  It’s not just that. I…

  I stared at those three dots. What was he thinking? What did he want to say? I barely knew the guy, yet there was a weight in the pit of my stomach. It almost felt like…longing. But it couldn’t be.

  Could it?

  Impatient fingers curled around the phone, squeezing it too tightly in my hand. My chin breached my shoulder and I glanced back at Willow moaning as she fingered herself, ready for me to fuck her. It was then that I realized I was aching for him, too.

  So now what?

  “Colt,”
Willow whimpered. “Hurry up. I need you inside of me.” She withdrew a finger from her pussy and dragged it along her toned stomach. Circled her stiff nipple. I tipped my head back and released a groan.

  Fuck it.

  In rapid succession, I powered down my phone then proceeded to strip off my clothes. More sounds left Willow’s mouth as she watched me undress. She slid further up the bed and waited for me to join her.

  There was a moment of hesitation on my part before I put everything, or should I say everyone, out of my head to focus on the gorgeous girl in front of me—all soft curves and creamy skin. Letting out a breath, I prowled after her, crawling onto the mattress and anchoring my hands on her thighs. “Tell me what you want.”

  “I want,” she panted, “your tongue in my pussy. Please, Colt.”

  Something hit me square in the chest then. Maybe it was the vulnerability in her voice. Maybe it was the constant guilt pressing on my back. Whatever it was, I knew I couldn’t do this. Because regardless of the casual nature of our relationship, I still cared about her.

  “This better be good,” Nate hissed as he hopped up on the stool beside me. “Marissa and I were…indisposed. She wasn’t happy that I had to leave.”

  “She’s not the only one,” I mumbled under my breath, staring into my beer.

  “Okay, stop talking to yourself and tell me what’s going on.” He tapped on the counter and the bartender stepped over. “One Corona please.” The bartender walked away and he turned to me. “Now spill it, Colt.”

  Still facing forward, I muttered, “I have a problem.”

  Sarcasm rang out in his tone. “I gathered that. And the problem is…”

  I shifted in my seat and was met by irritation in his gaze. Not that I could blame him. “I don’t know what the fuck is happening.”

  “Meaning?”

  My breaths were suddenly too weighted. “I find myself thinking a lot about…that guy, Ja—Sean.”

  He rubbed at his forehead as if this was the last thing he wanted to be talking about with me. But then he sighed, his tone more accepting. “Go on.”

  “So I was over there…” I paused for a dose of liquid courage, needing something cool to replace the heat blanketing my skin. “And we were…”

  He raised a hand, his mouth lifting in a smirk. “No need for details. Get to the point.”

  I chuckled. “I don’t know, he started acting strange. Said he wanted to make sure I wanted him or some shit like that. Then he told me to leave. He’s fucking confusing,” I snarled, taking another deep pull of my beer.

  “Oh, shit.”

  I looked his way. “What?”

  “You really like the guy.”

  I chugged the rest of my beer then set it down on the bar. “I didn’t say that.”

  “You didn’t have to.” He clapped me on the back. “This is the way you get when you’re into someone. Everything about you screams it. You started out this way with Willow, too.”

  Willow.

  My shoulders wilted at the mention of her name. “But I barely know the guy, and then there’s Willow.” The bartender returned with Nate’s beer and gave me a much-needed pause. My gaze grew distant as I stared at the bottles behind the bar.

  “So what?” He squeezed my shoulder. “You don’t have to know someone well to have an attraction.” He hesitated, his gaze heavy on the side of my face. “Is it the fact that he’s a guy? Is that what’s bothering you?”

  I looked over at him, the certainty in my voice startling even me. “Actually, no. That part doesn’t bother me at all. Aside from the fact that when I was with Willow tonight, I was thinking about him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still very much into her.” I blew out a breath. “But tonight I told her I had to go. That I wasn’t up for doing anything, after she pretty much begged me. So now I feel like an asshole.” My laugh was bitter but remorseful. “Especially when this whole thing started as a way to make her happy. I don’t think she’d be too happy right now if she knew what I was thinking.”

  Nate gulped his beer before circling his bottle on the counter. “You want to know what I think? Just be honest. Talk it out with Sean and then tell Willow. You and she have kind of an open relationship anyway.” He laughed, trying to make light of a situation I couldn’t seem to find humor in. “This was her idea to begin with, and now she’s created a monster.”

  My gaze narrowed. “Very funny.” Someone coughed at the end of the bar, dragging my eyes up. I nearly fell off the stool when it turned out to be Sean. “Oh, fuck.”

  “What?”

  I knew he spotted me, because even from this distance, his attention prickled the hairs at the back of my neck. “Sean is here.”

  Nate’s head whipped around. “Where?”

  I whacked him on the arm. “Shit, Nate, could you be any more obvious?” My eyes flew to the end of the bar but he was gone. Disappointment festered in the pit of my stomach and I flicked it away.

  “Colt.” The deep timbre of Sean’s voice sunk into me like a hook. I casually glanced over my shoulder and tried to act more unaffected than I felt.

  “Hey, Sean.”

  Nate twisted in his seat, then stood, looking to me with a subtle smirk as he waited for an introduction. When he didn’t get one fast enough, he took matters into his own hands. He nodded at Sean. “Hey, man. I’m Nate.”

  “Oh, sorry. Sean, this is a good friend of mine, Nate Tomlinson. Nate, Sean Sterling.”

  “Good to meet you,” Sean offered before his gaze found mine, the sincerity in his expression making it difficult to look away. “Can we talk?”

  Nate cleared his throat, interrupting our staring match. “I was just leaving, actually. Marissa’s waiting for me. Nice meeting you, Sean. Colt,” he shot me a wink, “I’ll catch you tomorrow.”

  “Later, Nate.”

  Sean waited for Nate to walk away before gesturing to the bar stool. “May I?”

  I shrugged. “Sure.”

  He ordered two more beers before turning to me. “So you didn’t respond to my texts.”

  “I was busy.”

  “With Nate?”

  I’m not sure why the sound of jealousy in his otherwise cocky tone pleased me. I held back my smile. “No, not in the way you think. Nate is my best friend and also my roommate. So no. Earlier I was with my…girl—Willow.”

  “I see.”

  Right then, I couldn’t read him at all. My mind spun trying to figure him out. “What are you doing here, anyway? I’ve never seen you in here before.”

  “That’s because I’m only here on Friday nights to play pool. But tonight,” he paused for a beat, “I needed to get out. I needed a distraction.” He looked away for a moment before bringing his focus back to me. “I’m glad you turned up here because I wanted to apologize.” He grinned and his confidence returned. “It’s something I don’t do often. So relish it.”

  “Good to know. And you’re apologizing for…”

  The bartender arrived with our beers. Sean held up a finger then drained half the bottle. “For driving you away earlier. That’s not what I wanted.”

  “No?” I responded with too much haste. “What did you want?”

  “It’s pretty simple actually.” His gaze, serious then, roved my features, skimming down my chest before climbing to my face. “I want…you.” He leaned his body closer until our shoulders were touching and that familiar heat burned through the fabric of my shirt. In a hushed voice, he added, “In fact, you’re pretty much all I want right now. Which…is unusual for me and I’m not sure what to make of it. So it might explain my behavior earlier.”

  He returned to his beer and I took a minute to think on that before voicing something that was on my mind. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure, shoot.”

  From the side, I stared at the sharp contour of his profile. “Are you gay?”

  The Adam’s apple in his throat bobbed hard before he spoke. “Gay, no. Bi, yes.” I nodded, digesting that information a
nd wondering about his past. Silence stretched out between us until his quiet words interrupted it. “I was married…years ago.” Since he was only in his mid-twenties, that confused me. He thumbed over the condensation on his bottle and I remained still, hoping he’d continue.

  “Lily and I were young, and we were in crazy love.” He let out a breathless laugh that had an air of sadness to it. “You know, the kind that defies all reason, that ignores logic. That makes you feel like you can soar, causes you to fly by the seat of your pants.” He glanced my way before eyeing his beer. “That kind,” he added, sighing. “Anyway, we got married when we turned eighteen, much to the dismay of everyone around us.” His head lowered, throat working on another hard swallow. “She died in a boating accident a year later.”

  I sucked in a stunned breath. “Jesus, Sean. I’m sorry.”

  “Thanks. It messed me up pretty bad for a while when I was in college, but my father helped me get back on the straight and narrow…thankfully.” He turned to face me then, eyes creased with pain that in this moment aged him. “I loved her like crazy. I mean, looking back, I don’t know if we had the kind of love that would’ve lasted a lifetime. We were so young and had so much living to do…but, we’d been friends since we were kids. She was such a firecracker, feisty as hell. I miss her…a lot.”

  My hand ended up on his shoulder. “I can’t imagine how hard that was for you. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

  He stared at my hand, then my face, before a small smile poked at the corner of his lips. “Life happens, you know? We just have to roll with it.”

  I let my hand drop and picked at the label on my bottle, unsure as to what I was, and why it mattered enough to ask him in the first place. “You know, until recently,” I tossed him a quick look, “I would’ve said I was straight. But now,” another glance over, “I don’t know. It’s not true anymore, I guess. I mean, you’re the second guy I’ve been attracted to, but the first one I’ve acted on.”