Behind his Lens

by Beth Michele

Maybe that’s what I was afraid of.

  My pulse might have been racing, but uncertainty plagued me as I stood in front of Sean’s door. I checked the time again then scrolled through my emails, figuring I’d give him another few minutes. After all, I’d already been waiting twenty, what was another ten or so?

  “What are you doing here?” The raspy sound of his voice lured my eyes up and I slid my phone back into my pocket. My gaze was everywhere. From the black pants that hugged his waist, to the white dress shirt open at the neck, then further up to his square jaw darkened with stubble. It was obvious I was checking him out, but instead of his usual smart mouth, his words were bland. “I asked what you’re doing here.”

  “I wanted to see you.”

  He averted my stare, fiddling with the key in the lock. “Well, you’ve seen me. Now you can go.”

  “Whoa.” I reached out to place my hand on his arm and he flinched. “I thought you’d be happier to see me.”

  He looked up then, his mouth a tight line. “Listen. I’ve had a long day. Can we do this some other time?”

  The chill in his tone stung but I brushed it off. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.” I walked away as the door clicked open and the sound of his muttered curse filled my ears.

  “Shit. Colt, wait a second.” I stopped and turned slightly to my right, meeting his gaze. “Do you want to come in?”

  A nervous smile tugged at the corner of my lips. “Yeah.”

  He waited for me to walk in first. The distance between us still seemed vast, but at least I made it in the door. I wanted to take off my coat, but since I didn’t know how long I’d be welcome, I decided to leave it on.

  Sean dropped his briefcase and suit jacket on the sofa before crossing through the living room and into the kitchen without another word. His shoulders were rigid when he returned with two beers, setting them on the coffee table.

  “You hungry?” He looked at his watch. “Although it’s late and I’m sure you’ve eaten already. But my day was so crazy today I didn’t even have time for lunch.”

  “Sean?” He hesitated a beat before glancing up at me. “What’s wrong?” I asked, and he leaned back against the sofa, one hand tucked in his pocket, legs crossed at the ankles.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Look. I may not know you that well, but I do know you well enough to know that something’s up. Correct me if I’m wrong, but are you the same guy who was practically begging me to come home with him last week?” A flush spread across his neck as he worked his jaw from left to right. “I’m kind of wondering where that guy is?” I admitted, and his only response was a long, uneven sigh. “Because,” I shrugged, “I kind of like that guy.”

  “Listen, Colt.” He dragged a hand through his hair and I was coming to understand this was a nervous habit. “I like you. I think I’ve proved that.” He breathed out what appeared to be exasperation and then seemed to change direction. “You know, I wasn’t going to tell you this, but…for a while now, I’ve kind of been going through the motions. Those videos I was doing, they gave me an out. They allowed me not to feel. And for the longest time, after Lily died, I didn’t want to feel. But now…something’s changed. And for whatever reason, you’ve changed that in me. But I can’t do this.” His eyes hardened. “I won’t do this. Because I realized that this is some sort of an experiment for you, like I’m a shiny new toy, and that’s not what this is for me. I already know I’m attracted to guys. Specifically, you, and—”

  I lifted my hand to cut him off. “Hold up a second. Okay, so I’ll admit, the reason that initially brought me here was…for lack of anything better, a certain pretense. But that’s not why I’m here now.” He glanced away, shaking his head in disbelief and I paused, trying to find the right words. “You’re not an experiment to me. I genuinely like you and want to spend more time with you. So much so, that I talked to Willow about it,” I admitted, and his gaze flew to mine. “I’d like to get to know you better and have a chance to explore…whatever this is.”

  Skepticism flickered in his eyes, but the first makings of a smile cleared the corner of his lips. “Are you being serious?”

  “I am.” I took a hesitant step closer, gauging his body language. “And I’m just as surprised as you are.”

  He inched forward, fisting his hands at his sides. “Yeah?”

  My eyes fell to his lips. “Yeah.”

  Soaking up the distance between us, he got as close as he could without touching me. But, God, did I want him to touch me.

  He leaned in, his woodsy scent filling my nostrils. “What else?” Energy buzzed between us as his eyes trailed over my hair, my brow, my jaw, my lips—like he wanted to devour me. I was hoping he would. An ache flared up in my chest and worked its way lower.

  “I missed your cocky mouth.”

  His eyes lifted then dropped back down. “Funny thing about my mouth,” he murmured, “it hasn’t touched yours in exactly five days. How do I know that? Because I’ve been thinking about your lips…and you, nonstop. I can’t seem to focus on anything else.” He reached up with his thumb, dragging it along my lower lip. “In fact, it was so noticeable that a colleague of mine told me to go home and get whatever it is out of my system.” His chuckle was low and deep. “But that’s the thing. I can’t even get you out of my head.”

  “Sean?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Stop talking and fucking kiss me already.”

  I expected him to grab me, crash his lips to mine in a frenzy. But he didn’t. He lowered his mouth, slow and deliberate, sliding his lips over mine. Teasing. Making me want him more than I already did. My fingers drifted up in a silent plea, latching onto his shirt to drag him closer.

  And he rewarded me.

  Strong hands came around my back and pressed into my spine, letting me know just how much he missed me. A groan escaped my chest at the feel of his hard cock pushing against my hip, while my tongue pushed inside his mouth. Kissing him deeper. Swallowing his moans. Tasting him everywhere.

  He backed away, his breathing harsh. “Colt.”

  Emotion flashed behind his eyes and it not only stirred my cock, but forced me to fall to my knees. His lips parted as if to say something, but all that left his mouth were more of the same. Heavy breaths that made his chest rise and fall beneath the light fabric of his shirt. His stare was on me, anticipation clear in his gaze. And I didn’t want to disappoint him. With anxious fingers I reached out to drag down his zipper, digging my fingers into his waistband and sliding his pants and boxer briefs lower on his legs. His cock was throbbing, long and thick in front of me. A tiny bead of pre-come leaked from the tip and my mouth watered. I looked up at him before wrapping my lips around the smooth head.

  “Oh, fuck.” His head fell back as he arched his body toward me. I grabbed onto his hips, sliding him in then out, using my tongue to lick up and down his shaft. It caught me off guard how much I loved the way he tasted, how he smelled. As I reached down to frame his balls with my fingers, a loud moan rumbled from his chest and he braced a hand against the couch. “So good, Colt.”

  His words fired me up, and I sucked him faster, harder, getting off on the way he wanted to fuck my mouth, how turned on he was, the way his cock swelled in my throat. His moans became fevered and frequent, and I could tell he was close. I licked around the head of his cock then bobbed my head. His hand moved to my neck, gently guiding me to the pace he wanted, then speeding up as his orgasm approached.

  “Fuck, I’m gonna blow…”

  Curling my fingers around his cock, I pumped him as he let go and came down the back of my throat on a growl of pleasure. My mouth full of his come, I swallowed several times and released him before he yanked on my jacket, lifting me to meet his hungry lips. He plunged his tongue deep inside my mouth. Everything about his taste appealed to me, intoxicating in an entirely different way. Until I wanted to be surrounded by him. Buried in him.

  He grinned into our kiss before inching back. “That was better than m
y dream last night.”

  “You dreamt about me?”

  “Oh, you have no idea.” He stepped back, bending down to tug on his slacks and boxers. I frowned.

  “You’re getting dressed?”

  “I’m quite hungry. I’m going to make us some dinner,” he added, smirking on his way to the kitchen. “You might want to eat now. You’ll need the energy.”

  There he is.

  My cock stood at attention in response to his commanding tone, well, as much as it could trapped by denim. I flattened my hand over my bulge to soothe the building ache.

  “Don’t worry.” Sean shot me a look over his shoulder as I shrugged out of my coat. “I fully intend to take care of that for you after dinner. And I promise, it’ll be worth waiting for.”

  Even though I didn’t mean to, I groaned out loud and he chuckled. “So I guess you like me, huh?” I remarked, leaning against the table so I could watch him move around the kitchen.

  His eyes were filled with promise as they met mine. “I do.”

  I headed over to where he was standing by the sink. “Just out of curiosity, when was the last time you were involved with anyone?” Remembering what he said earlier, my jaw tensed as I waited for him to answer.

  He paused, turning off the faucet and letting out a deep breath. “It’s been a while.”

  As he milled around the kitchen, I reached up to grab two dishes from the cabinet. A minute later, I felt his back pressed against mine, cock lined up perfectly with my ass. My only coherent thought—I wanted our clothes gone.

  “I told you. I haven’t been available to it, or found anyone that really interested me all that much.” His mouth scraped the shell of my ear. “Until now.” He placed an open-mouthed kiss against my neck, whispering, “Until you.” There was something oddly tender about his kiss and his words, a sharp contrast to the hard-on pushing against me. I didn’t have much time to think about it before his lips left another mark on my skin and he added in a husky voice, “You have no idea all the things I want to do to you. I intend to do to you.” He gripped my chin, turning my face to plant a kiss at the corner of my lips. “I’m going to leave you breathless…and begging for more.” A rush of air left my lungs as he reached around with his other hand to cup my erection. “If and when you’re ready, I want to claim your ass…and then…I want you to claim mine.”

  “Jesus, Sean.” Another squeeze and a shiver rolled through me. “I think I…need to eat something.”

  He laughed softly, removing his hand and trailing his lips along my jaw. “I can’t wait much longer either,” he whispered, his breath fanning my chin. “I need to be inside you.” My body grew warm at his words, and I sank back against him.

  “Hey, Sean.” I caught his eyes over my shoulder, nothing jovial in my tone. “Let’s hurry up and eat.”

  We talked a lot through dinner, mostly about careers and family. I learned that Sean also grew up in Massachusetts and was the youngest of four brothers. His family was close, and his affection for them was obvious in the way he spoke. He, on the other hand, was surprised to discover my birth mother had given me up for adoption when I was two because, well, she didn’t want me, and my father couldn’t be bothered. Sean’s expression was the same one I received from anyone who heard my story. But I didn’t need sympathy. My life was great.

  “I find it interesting that everyone automatically assumes that’s a bad thing. My adoptive parents are amazing. You don’t need the same blood running through your veins to be loved with the same ferocity.”

  “Big word.” He nodded on a soft chuckle. “And you’re right,” he agreed, spearing a potato with his fork. “So no brothers or sisters?”

  “Nope. Just yours truly.”

  He considered this as he chewed. “Did you find that lonely?”

  “Not really.” I placed my knife down on the table. “I mean, it was all I knew. But, to tell you the truth, Nate is like a brother to me. He certainly knows me well enough. I can’t really remember a time when he wasn’t around.”

  “That’s great. I can tell you one thing, though. Having four brothers was insane. Can you imagine my poor mom? All that testosterone in one house. She’s actually a very strong woman, but then again, I suppose she had to be.” He gestured toward my plate with his chin. “You finished?”

  I grinned. “I am.”

  “Good.” He tossed his napkin onto the table and stood, taking my plate to pile it on top of his own.

  Pushing back from the table, I grabbed the glasses and brought them to the counter. “I’ll do the dishes since you cooked.”

  “We’re leaving the dishes.” Sean didn’t turn to look at me, but the suggestion in his tone was enough to make my dick take notice. He set the plates in the sink then reached out and folded his hand in mine. I could sense the urgency in his grip as we made our way down the hall. My skin blazed the closer we got to his bedroom, anticipation wrapping itself around us and charging the air.

  Inside, he let go of my hand and left me standing in the middle of the room. A shudder of nerves bumped along my spine as I watched him retrieve condoms plus a bottle of lube from the drawer and toss them on the bed. He caught me staring, and I brushed off any apprehension because I didn’t want to give him mixed signals. I needed to show him that I wanted this.

  That I wanted him.

  “You okay?” he asked on his way back over, and I nodded. He tugged on the sleeve of my shirt, green eyes probing. “You sure?”

  I shot him an easy smile. “I am.”

  His responding grin took my freaking breath away and he hadn’t even touched me yet. He edged closer, skimming his nose along the length of my neck. Gently biting on the soft flesh of my ear. His nearness and that familiar scent, coupled with his next words sent a shiver over my skin. “I finally get to undress you.”

  My breathing picked up and I choked out, “Please.”

  “I love it when you beg.” I felt his smile against my neck as he reached down for the hem of my shirt, bringing it up and over my head. “God, you smell good.” He bent, sucking on the skin near my collarbone and drawing a low moan from my chest. When he pulled back, he watched me, gauging my every reaction as he dragged a finger down my throat, then lower, over and around my nipple. My lips parted on another moan. His touch, it was like a drug. So. Fucking. Good.

  “Sean…”

  Words escaped me as he leaned forward, his hot, wet tongue circling my nipple. The pleasure shot straight to my dick and I wanted him to suck me off, wanted my cock inside the familiar warmth of his mouth. My mind flashed to Tyler, to me, to the memory of the little boy who was too afraid of the world to act on his feelings. But I wasn’t afraid anymore.

  The touch of his tongue brought me back as it traveled down, while his fingertips trailed over every curve and indent of muscle. I couldn’t stand still, buzzing with the need to have his mouth all over me. Sean knew what he was doing, his expert hands wandering, tongue brushing every inch of my skin. It shouldn’t have been this good. Shouldn’t have felt so easy. But there was no denying it did.

  “Stop thinking,” he whispered against my flesh, and I smiled, doing exactly that the moment his tongue traced around my navel then dipped inside. I could hardly stand it, needing him to stop teasing me and whip off my jeans, seal his lips around my cock. “Do you want me to blow you?” His words were a thick rasp as he pressed his mouth to my groin, using his hand to squeeze my growing erection. He didn’t wait for an answer as two fingers tugged on my zipper and slid it down. I heard him take a jagged inhale of breath through his nose. “Christ, you’re hard.”

  By the time he managed to scrape my jeans and boxers off, my dick was pulsing, begging for his mouth, his tongue, his hand… He leaned in, hot breath blowing against my tip before he sucked on my swollen head. I angled my hips, pushing forward, and he opened wider and took me deep, doing fucking amazing things with his tongue that made me want to come down his throat that very second. I felt hot all over as he guided me
in and out of his mouth, fingers digging into the skin on my thighs. He moaned against my dick and I groaned, throwing my head back, needing him to take even more of me. But then he tongued my slit and cool air hit my cock as it left his mouth. He got to his feet and claimed my lips in a rough kiss before stepping back.

  “Get on the bed, Colt.” His voice was hoarse and filled with a different kind of arousal. A shudder barreled through me as I quickly crawled onto the mattress, my heart banging against my ribcage. I’m not sure I remembered a time when I was this turned on, and the fact that it was another guy still managed to blow my mind.

  His heated breath hit my back then as he hovered above me, pressing his lips to the curve of my shoulder. His hand drifted lower, fingers searching. I arched up, silently urging him closer to where I needed him and what he was looking for. But when I felt his lubed finger circle my hole for the first time, I flinched.

  “Relax. I’ve got you.” His tone was soothing and I exhaled a long, shaky breath as he pushed inside. There was a hard sting and then more pressure as he went deeper. “It gets better, I promise,” he whispered, and he was right. As the initial burn subsided, he slipped another digit in, spreading me open. I clenched around his fingers.

  “Holy shit.”

  “Okay?” he asked, and the concern in that one word made me smile. I knew he wanted this to be good for me.

  “Yeah.” And while it felt foreign, I found myself wanting more. Groaning, I pushed back against his fingers.

  “That’s it, baby.” He increased the pressure as I rocked back against his hand. He moaned low in his chest. “Does that feel good?”

  “Yes,” I panted, “don’t stop.”

  But he did stop. Sliding his fingers out, he tore open the condom package and flicked the cap on the bottle of lube. A moment later, his thick cock slid between my cheeks, teasing the pucker of my ass. Any fear I had seemed to disintegrate, replaced by a feral desire coursing through my veins.

  “Sean, I want you in me.”

  “God, do I want inside you,” he murmured, before he eased in then pulled back a few times, letting me get used to him. He was on the verge of losing complete control. Breathless noises left his chest and his fingers curled into my hip as his engorged cock moved further inside of me, pushing past the ring of muscle. There was pain at first, which I expected, but what I didn’t expect was the pleasure that came after. I let out a long, deep groan, wanting him all the way in.