IMPULSE: Companion to The PULSE Series

by Deborah Bladon

  I stare at his smug face. He's got me by the balls and he knows it. He didn't waltz in here to ask me if Jessica broke the confidentiality agreement that he made her sign. He came here specifically to throw their past relationship in my face. "You can leave." I motion towards the door of my office.

  "You're a lucky man, Moore." He slowly pulls himself from the chair.

  I don't respond. I don't move an inch. I refuse to give him the satisfaction.

  "I've yet to meet a woman who knew how to blow me the way she did." The words are clear, cold and meant to rile me.

  I rush to my feet. My hands knot into fists at my sides. "Get the fuck out," I hiss through clenched teeth.

  He raises a hand. "When you see her, tell her I miss her."

  "Shut the hell up you bastard," I call after him as he opens the door and steps through it without looking back.

  Chapter 14

  "Jessica," I call her name before I've even got the door to the apartment open. "Jessica."

  I step through into the entryway and realize immediately that she's already here. Her black flats rest near the doorway, her coat is tossed recklessly over the back of the couch and her purse is sitting on the small table next to the door.

  My intention was to come home immediately after that fucking asshole, Thomas, left my office. I wanted to come here and decompress before I went to the restaurant. In my mind, I saw myself confronting her there, at work. It was a plan with no merit. Thankfully, I was called into a meeting about the Wilkinson case. I've spent the past three hours listening to numbers being tossed around, along with terms. I'm getting close to a settlement. I should be happy but the only thought that has been running through my mind is what Jessica agreed to be quiet about. What the fuck happened between her and the Governor?

  I slide my suit jacket off before I call her name once more. I'm greeted with nothing but dead silence. She's somewhere in this apartment ignoring me. I bet that asshole called her after leaving my office to give her a heads-up. She knows I know about their agreement. She's going to be ready, with emotional guns blazing, to counter everything I say.

  I head down the hallway, stopping first at the master bedroom. The bed is made. She pulled the linens back into place this morning after we'd gotten up. I wanted to fuck her the moment she opened her eyes, but she had lazily rolled out of the bed to make coffee. I didn't want to believe that she was avoiding sex on purpose, but it was feeling more and more like that every day.

  I turn on my heel and dart my eyes into my office. She's not there either. It doubles as a guest room and that bed looks untouched too. I stand in place, listening intently. I hear the faint sound of water running. I bolt down the hallway towards the guest bathroom. I swing open the door to a haze of steam.

  "Jessica," I say her name blindly into the space. "Jessica, I'm here."

  The only response is the veiled sound of sobbing. She's crying. I can hear her labored breaths. Christ, what the fuck has got her so torn up? What is Thomas holding over her head?

  I step closer to the marble shower stall. I look down to where her chef's jacket and black pants are tossed on the floor. Her bra and panties are settled on the floor nearby. "Jessica," I whisper her name into the space. I don't want to alarm her. I don't want to scare her back into herself. She's vulnerable right now. She's open and raw. I need to get her to trust me. I want an explanation for what's going on with her and that fucking Governor.

  "I'm home," I call into the stall. I can see the outline of her body through the fogged glass of the door. "Jessica, I'm here."

  The sobbing stops abruptly. "I'm just having a shower." Her voice is muted. I can tell she's covering her mouth with her hand, trying to curb her emotions.

  I swing open the door. She's not facing me. Her hands are gathered over her face. She's pressing her body into the damp wall, the water beating a path down her bareback.

  "Jessica," I reach through the spray to touch her skin, not caring that the arm of my shirt is now drenched. "Please, Jessica, tell me what's going on."

  She recoils when my fingers brush over her skin. She steps to the side knowing that she's out of my reach. "I just need a few more minutes." The words are soft and steady.

  "No." I step into the shower, the water barreling down on me, soaking all my clothes instantly. My hands are on her back, pulling her into my chest. "You're falling apart inside, Jessica. Let me help you."

  Any resistance she may have felt washes down the drain with the water. She falls into my body, her hands grasping tightly to mine as they circle her waist.

  "Tell me, Jessica," I whisper into her ear. "Tell me what's happening."

  She turns instantly and her hands are on my shirt. She's pulling at the buttons, trying desperately to rid me of my clothes. I try to catch her hands. I need her to stop. I can't want her right now. My cock can't respond the way it is. I'm hard just from staring at her nude, wet body.

  "Don't." I grip tightly to her wrists. "Don't make this about sex."

  Her eyes catch mine with a heated gaze. "You want me," she whispers against my lips. "You want me, Nathan."

  I do. I can't deny that. It would be an obvious lie. My cock is straining against my pants. I want to push her against the shower wall, pull her thighs around my waist and drill my cock into her until she's screaming my name. I want that more than anything in this moment.

  Her lips are on mine before I have time to think. She slides her tongue over my bottom lip, forcing its way into my mouth. I grip her hair, tilting her head so I can claim more of her with the kiss. She melts into my touch.

  "Please, fuck me, Nathan." The words fall from her lips into mine. "I need to feel you inside of me."

  My better judgement falls to the wayside as I pull my soaked clothes from me. I'm on my knees in front of her, drawing her smooth legs apart. I hoist the left one over my shoulder. I don't waste a moment before I graze my tongue over her moist folds.

  She juts her hips out as her back presses into the shower wall. The warm water continues beating down on us both. I can't stop myself. I've been craving the taste of her for days. I need to give her this. I have to show her that I want her. I need her to feel that we're still connected on this very basic level.

  "Yes," she whispers into the heated space.

  I take my time, carefully twirling my tongue over her clit. I know that she likes it slow and steady. She loves when I build up the tension by drawing the orgasm slowly out of her. I pull my tongue down, darting into her entrance, scooping up the sweet desire that is already flowing out of her. She's wet. Even though we're in the shower, and the water is coursing over us both, I can tell that she's so wanting. She needs to come. I need to give that to her.

  "Please, like that." The words fall from her lips as her hands twist in my wet hair. She pulls sharply in an effort to guide my tongue back to her clit.

  I give her everything she wants. I lick my index finger slowly before pushing it into her slick channel. I stroke it in and out at an even pace as I twist her swollen bud around my tongue. I lick her harder and faster. Her sex clenches around my finger so I slide another in. She's so tight. Her body is involuntarily responsive to mine.

  Her hips buck slightly as she nears her release. "Nathan, please." Her voice gets lost in the beat of the water on my back.

  I pull her clit between my teeth while I pound my fingers in and out of her pussy. I sense her body tense. I feel the wetness around my hand as she throws her head back and a deep moan escapes from her as the orgasm washes slowly through her body.

  I don't move. I keep licking, probing and sucking. I need another. I want to hear her call my name again. She's giving me as much in this moment as I'm giving her. I feel close to her. We're connected in this small space in the most primal way.

  I hear her head hit the shower wall again as her entire body convulses in a long, slow orgasm. I hold tight to her waist, letting her come down from the edge with my lips still against her. I finally feel her leg go limp on my s
houlder. I carefully pull it down.

  "Fuck me, Nathan." It's a statement, not a request. There's no urgency behind it anymore. The need that was so apparent in her voice when I first stepped in the shower isn't there anymore. She's not yearning for my body to be in hers. Frankly, I'm not anymore either. Hearing her come and feeling the desire flow through her body is all the satisfaction I need right now. I just want to hold her. I want her to know she can trust me, with not only her body, but her secrets too.

  I stand and pull her into my chest. I hold her against me as her breathing finally levels. I skim my lips across her forehead. "Do you want to get out now?"

  She only nods against me in response. Her hands still cling tightly to my waist. I have to reach behind her to turn off the shower. I pull her with me. I can't let her go.

  I hear the whimper before I feel it run through her. She sobs briefly, her hands moving from my waist to my chest. She taps her hands against me. "I'm sorry."

  "For what?" I stroke her damp hair as we stand there, clinging to each other in the nude. "Tell me."

  "I can't." There's anger woven into the response. It's not directed at me. I can sense that immediately. She's fighting with herself.

  I open the door and we both recoil from the cool air that juts into the shower stall. I grab a large white towel. I wrap it around her, pulling her back into my body. "Let's get you dressed."

  She shakes her head. "No. I want to go to bed."

  I've lost track of time but I know it's no later than seven. She worked the lunch shift today, which means she got off at six. I left my office shortly after that. "You want to go to bed?"

  "I want you to hold me."

  I can't argue the point. It's exactly what I want to. I guide her out of the shower before I grab another towel. I dry every inch of her body carefully while she watches me in silence. I wrap the towel I used to soak the water from her around my own waist.

  "I love you, Nathan." Her voice cracks with the words.

  I pull her back into me. I rest her head against my chest. "I love you too, Jessica. I love you so much."

  Chapter 15

  She fell asleep almost instantly after I carried her to the bed. I've watched her sleep for more than three hours now. The only break I took was to scurry to the kitchen to grab an apple. I can't pull myself away from her. This beautiful woman that I adore more than anything on this earth is in a battle with herself. She's fighting her own demons and I've been so fucking worried that she's screwing someone else that I haven't noticed that.

  The shrill bite of a cell phone cuts through the dark silence. She pushes against me before her eyes pop open. It takes a moment for her to register where she is. I see it within her expression.

  "You fell asleep," I say quietly between the phone's rings. "I wanted you to sleep all night."

  "Is that my phone?" She's sitting now, her gaze flowing over the darkened space.

  I point towards the nightstand. "It's my phone."

  "You should get it." She leans over me, her full, round breasts brushing against my chest. "It might be important."

  "It's not important."

  "You don't know that." She inches her reach closer to the phone. "What if it's about work?"

  I grab her hand to stall it. "I don't care who it is. This is more important."

  She stops and stares at me. "I'm sorry I was crying in the shower."

  My hand jumps to my chest at the words. I feel an instant ache inside of me. "You're sorry for crying?" I ask. "You're sorry that you were upset? Why?"

  "You have such a high pressure job." She leans back and I let go of her hand. "I don't want to add to that."

  It's a weak excuse. Jessica has never been overly concerned with the stress of my work. It's not for lack of interest. She's always pressing me to work less and live more. Right now, she's using it as an excuse to hide behind her own wall of secrets. Seeing her body overcome with sadness when I got home pushed me to my breaking point. "We have to talk about what's going on."

  I see her shut down right before my eyes. She's not about to start a confessional about her and the Governor. I'm going to have to rip every detail out of her with pointed questions. I get that. I see it.

  "I was just having a bad day."

  "You're lying." I don't see any reason to mince words. I'm not going to let her waste my time by leading down a path that has no eventual destination. She's better at diverting than I am which says a lot considering my career path.

  Her reaction isn't instantaneous. She stalls before she finally speaks. "You have no right calling me a liar."

  It's a weak defense. "I call it like I see it, Jessica. Don't bullshit me anymore."

  Her brow pops up and in the dim light of the room I can't register anything more in her expression. "You're still hung up on Thomas talking to me, aren't you?"

  If the woman knew how to shoot a gun, she'd be an expert marksman. That hit and it hurt. Her intended target, namely me, didn't even see that coming. "No. I saw him."

  I wait for her reaction. It's going to tell me a lot about whether she's talked to him since this afternoon. She's horrible at disguising her true feelings. "When?"

  I arch my brow. "You didn't know?"

  "Know what?" She leans back on her elbows creating distance between us on the bed.

  "Christ," I say under my breath. "Let's not play games."

  "I'm not playing any games."

  "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Jessica." I push on her forearm. "I saw Thomas. I saw him today."

  She's up on her ass in an instant, the sheet falling to reveal her plump tits. "I told you I handled that. Why did you go see him?"

  I level my eyes on her face. I can't stare at her ripe, beautiful body if I'm going to make any headway with this. "He came to see me."

  "Why?"

  I need to be at eye level with her when I discuss this so I sit up and lean my back into the heavy, wooden headboard. "He wanted me to give you a message."

  Her hand bolts to pull the sheet up over her chest. She feels exposed. I can see it not only in the movement of her body, but I can hear it in how labored her breathing has suddenly become. "What message?"

  I want to touch her. If I touch her, she'll know that we're connected regardless of what her asshole of an ex-lover said to me. I skim my hand along her leg. "He told me you signed an agreement."

  Her head darts to the side. She stares directly at me. "That's all he said?"

  I spare her the juvenile details of the Governor's need to talk about her oral skills. My skin is still on fire from that comment. "He wanted me to remind you that you signed a confidentiality agreement."

  "He didn't tell you more than that?" There's a hopeful lilt to her voice that wasn't there before. I can sense the relief washing off her shoulders. She's suddenly less tense. She leans forward, letting her arms relax at her sides.

  "He didn't." I lean forward too trying desperately to catch her gaze. "You're going to tell me more."

  Her breathing stalls. I hear her swallow. "I'm going to tell you more?"

  "You are," I say, trying not to sounds as completely impatient as I feel. "You're going to tell me exactly what he's holding over your head."

  She pulls her fingers through her hair before settling them on her lap. "I can't do that." There's no defiance at all in her tone. It's a simple, stated fact.

  "Why not?"

  "I signed that agreement, Nathan." She tosses her legs over the side of the bed. "If I break it, he can sue me."

  "I'm a fucking lawyer, Jessica." I pull on her arm stopping her in place. "You can tell me."

  "I can't." She tries in vain to break free of my grasp. "I can't tell anyone."

  I tug harder on her, willing her to turn and face me. "You know you can tell me. I understand the ramifications."

  She only shakes her head from side-to-side with her back still turned to me. "He'll find out I told you."

  "He can't." I push. "There's no fucking way he'll ever
know."

  She jerks her arm free of my hand. "I'm not going to tell you. I can't risk it."

  I don't register the words. They only hold one meaning to me. "You don't trust me."

  "It's not that." Her back is to me. "It's not about you."

  The words are empty. It's the actions that are screaming at me. "If you trusted me you would fucking tell me what that asshole is holding over your head."

  "I'm not talking about this." She's on her feet reaching for her robe. "You can't make me talk about this."

  I pull my hand across my brow in exaggerated frustration. "I shouldn't have to make you talk about anything, Jessica. Christ, I fucking love you. I want to help you. Can't you see that?"

  "You're asking me to break a promise I made." Her voice cracks as she says the words. "I can't do that."

  The unspoken reference to Thomas bites into me. Is she fucking serious? Did she just say that she can't break a promise to that douchebag? "You're worried about breaking a promise you made to that son-of –a-bitch?"

  "Not him." She spins around on her heel, her hair catching on the side of her face. "To myself. I promised myself I wouldn't talk about it ever."

  I know I should understand. I get that I'm supposed to be the more mature one based on the fact that I'm eight years older than she is, but I can't get there. I can't wrap my brain around the fact that the woman I would give anything to won't share this secret with me. "This is killing me inside, Jessica." I bolt to my feet now too. "You're shutting me out."

  "Don’t make this about you." Her finger waves through the air at me. "You have secrets too."

  I don't. I've laid myself bare before her. I've given her everything she's ever asked of me. I haven't held anything back. "You know everything about me, Jessica. Everything."

  She shakes her head in frustration. "I don't. I don't know everything."