The Practitioner

by Ronica Black

  Her head began to spin with a cracking headache from stress. Her stomach was clenched, but it still growled. She had eight hundred bucks. That was it. The rest had gone to the business to pay off the bills.

  Why had she trusted him when others had warned her? Because she’d wanted to believe in him. Believe in his integrity, the integrity he always talked about and bragged about. Johnnie struggled to make sense of it. Gail had been in business with her. Could it have something to do with her? She’d kicked her out three weeks before, claiming a new lover. Johnnie had been staying at her folks’, hoping to work it out with her.

  But nothing was working for her. She was panicked and beyond terrified. She pulled into Gail’s neighborhood, where she lived off alimony from her ex-husband. The library sat off to the right in the desert. Johnnie eased her vehicle in and parked near the back. A No Dumping sign sat next to the Dumpster. A hump, a form, moved. It stretched upward. It was a person. The night was chilly so the form drug a blanket over its shoulders. It moved toward the car.

  Johnnie cranked the car and locked the doors. But the figure held out a blanket. A beautiful hand-woven one. Johnnie squinted and saw her wide face, and long braid. Johnnie powered down her window.

  “It’s cold,” she said. “Even in the car.” She pushed the blanket forward.

  Johnnie struggled for voice. “Thanks, but I’m okay.”

  The form lowered the blanket and turned to walk away.

  “Wait,” Johnnie said. “What are you doing out here?”

  The woman pointed at another sign that said No Urban Camping.

  “I’m camping out.”

  Johnnie rubbed her temple.

  “You’ve got nowhere to go,” the woman said.

  Johnnie nodded.

  “You’ve been crying.”

  Johnnie wiped her face, embarrassed.

  “This place is safe. Only the cops come to run you out. I just hide at the dog park till they’re gone.”

  “How long have you—been out here?”

  The woman shrugged. “Two weeks.”

  “Where is your home?”

  “Ain’t got one. Can’t keep a job so I got evicted.”

  Johnnie clenched the steering wheel. Anger rose within her. “Get in the car,” she said.

  The woman just looked at her.

  “We’ll find a place to stay.”

  The woman came close, then reached out and touched her hand. They felt one another in silence. A calm came over Johnnie. A kindred feeling, an understanding. She knew the woman was a recluse. That she had suffered abuse. She also sensed her goodness. She also sensed fear.

  “I’m Johnnie.”

  The woman nodded and removed her hand. “Jolene.”

  She walked around the car with a few more blankets and climbed in. Though she’d been on the street for a couple of weeks, she looked decent. She appeared to be fed and clean. When she spoke, it was with purpose and monotone in pitch.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Home.” Johnnie put the car in reverse and headed toward Gail’s. A strange car was in the driveway. Johnnie pulled up next to the house. “I’ll be right back.” She walked up the front walk, staring at the paint she’d chosen. She looked at the neglected rose bushes she’d planted and saw the sun pot she’d chosen for the front porch.

  She rang the doorbell. It was midnight. She didn’t care. A light came on over the stairway. The door cracked open a few seconds later.

  “Johnnie,” Gail whispered. “What do you want?”

  “I want to come home.”

  Gail looked behind her, panicked. “You can’t.”

  “Tell her to go. I belong here. This is our home. We made it together.”

  “Johnnie…you have to go.”

  “I have nowhere to go. Dad, he ran me out of the business. It’s over. The whole thing. He took it all. All that we built, they gave it to someone else.”

  She sighed.

  “Did you say something, do something?” Johnnie asked.

  “I just talked to Dean, like always.”

  “Gossiped with him? Did you say something about me? About my father?”

  “Look, Johnnie, I can’t do this. You can’t stay.”

  Johnnie tried to see past her. “Is this the woman you’ve been having lunch with? Telling me I can’t meet her? Let me guess, you’re telling her I’m treating you like shit, right?”

  Gail sighed. “I’m closing the door now, Johnnie.”

  “Gail, don’t do this.”

  “Gail?” A voice came from behind. A woman appeared and pushed open the door.

  Johnnie inhaled sharply. “Are those my pajamas?”

  The woman said something, but Johnnie turned and walked away. She punched the stuccoed wall as she walked into the gravel. It hurt so bad she had to stop and bend in pain. She wretched. Something crunched when she tried to move her hand, bones. She made it to the car. Jolene had climbed out, concern on her face.

  “Are you all right?”

  Johnnie couldn’t answer. She crawled behind the wheel, hand throbbing, tears and anger biting her throat. She put the car in gear and sped away.

  Johnnie drove to the only dive available for rent, the one she’d been avoiding. She squealed into a parking space.

  “I know you don’t know me. But I’m a good person. I’m really fucking lost right now and I’m—I can’t handle being out in public. I’m going to get a room here. If you like you can stay with me. I hope you do, because I think I’ll die inside if I’m alone.”

  Jolene stared at her for a long moment. “I am sorry, Johnnie, for your troubles. I will stay with you.”

  Johnnie nodded and then broke down in tears. She didn’t let them flow easily because she was angry, embarrassed. She fought them tooth and nail, and they tore through her like daggers, stabbing her everywhere on their way out. Jolene held her shoulder and whispered something in a different language. A chant of some sort. She took her limp hand and did the same. Her hands grew very hot, and soon Johnnie’s pain was a dull roar.

  “Now let’s go get our room,” Jolene said. “Tomorrow will be better.”

  Johnnie laughed. “You’re crazy.”

  “I’ve been called worse.”

  They exited the vehicle, paid forty bucks for a room, and walked in to a dusty, dank smelling, cave-like dwelling. Johnnie pulled off the paper thin comforters and turned them and spread them on the floor. She checked the sheets to make sure they were clean. She did the same with the towels. Next door, the television screamed and someone called out in sexual ecstasy.

  On the other side, there was moaning, but it sounded painful. Jolene turned on the television to help drown it out. Then she stood on a chair and disabled the smoke alarm.

  “I’m going across the street to Walgreens. Candles will help with the smell.”

  Johnnie nodded.

  “Ice your hand. You’ve broken it.”

  She returned with a small bucket of ice and wrapped Johnnie’s hand with a bath towel.

  “Sit and prop it up.”

  Johnnie felt dizzy and fought her way to the bed. She sat and eased up against the headboard. She elevated her hand and closed her eyes. Darkness overtook her. Warm, deep, soothing.

  Chapter Forty-one

  Johnnie opened her eyes and jerked. The room was unfamiliar. She blinked. Snoring came from next to her.

  “Jolene?”

  Gail turned and tried to spoon her. Johnnie, recalling her dream and the past, shoved her away and rose. She walked to the fridge where she found a Naked Juice and took a few cold sweet swigs before she collapsed on the couch. She looked down at her panties and her thin tank. She hadn’t been able to wear pajamas since the night she’d seen the other woman in them. Gail had just let her take over everything, including everything that was Johnnie’s.

  She held out her hand, opened and closed it. It still popped, but thankfully, Jolene knew someone on the street who knew an underground doctor. He serviced patie
nts with no questions, cash only. He’d taken care of her hand as best he could.

  Johnnie had had to spend months rehabilitating it on her own. Learning how to write, turn keys, everything. And she’d never thought it would lead to a career in art. Who knew she could draw? Paint? Maybe in some strange way she wouldn’t have been able to had she not injured it and had to do it all over again.

  She lay down and covered herself with a throw blanket. Gail snored on, and Johnnie had half a mind to wake her and kick her out, but she didn’t want to fight. She just didn’t have the strength. And she knew what it was like to be on the street and she couldn’t do it to her. Not even Gail.

  She closed her eyes and was just about to sleep when she heard her phone ding with a message. Normally, she’d ignore it or silence it, but something told her to rise and check it. The light illuminated her skin as she checked it. Her heart jumped to her throat when she saw it was from Elaine.

  She called her. Elaine answered quickly.

  “Are you okay?” Johnnie asked, worried about her heart.

  Elaine was silent. “Not really. Can you come over?”

  “Now?” She checked the clock. It was after midnight, but she didn’t mind.

  “Yes, is that okay?”

  “Of course. Do you need help? Should I call someone?”

  There was a pause.

  “You’re the only one who can help.”

  Johnnie swallowed with difficulty. When she spoke her voice was strained. “Okay. Give me your address and I’ll be right there.”

  “I’ll text it. See you soon. And, Johnnie?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks.”

  Johnnie ended the call, tossed her phone down, and dressed.

  Gail shifted and sat up. “What’s wrong? Where are you going?”

  Johnnie pulled on some lose jeans. “Out.”

  “Out where?”

  “It doesn’t concern you.”

  Gail threw off the covers to reveal her nude body. “The hell it doesn’t.”

  Johnnie pulled on a soft tee sans bra. She wanted to hurry. She was worried about Elaine. She’d sounded different. Soft, worried. She’d barely recognized her voice.

  She hurried to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, and ran watered down fingers through her hair. She sprayed on some cologne. Then she crossed to the counter, grabbed her keys, made sure she had her phone, and slid into her work boots.

  “When will you be back?” Gail asked with her hands on her hips.

  “I don’t know.”

  “You’re going to her aren’t you?”

  Johnnie hesitated. There’s was no telling what Gail might do to her place if she was ripe with jealousy.

  “A friend needs me. Go back to bed. I have to hurry.”

  She unlocked the door, looked back at an angry, crestfallen Gail, and then closed the door behind her. She didn’t give Gail a second thought as she hurried down the stairs.

  The only name in her mind was Elaine.

  Chapter Forty-two

  The house was quiet. Elaine had just turned off the stereo, unable to take the vocal jazz. Tonight it sounded too scratchy, too loud. It irritated her rather than soothed. She eyed the clock. It had been twenty minutes since she’d called Johnnie. She was anxious, confused, uncertain. Feelings she rarely experienced, especially in her own home. She sat on the edge of the couch. She was in her satin nightgown and matching robe. She hadn’t even thought about changing.

  That was one of the things she liked about Johnnie. She felt like home. Like she didn’t have to impress her.

  She wrung her hands together. She’d taken her pills hours ago, and they had relaxed her, but now she was wide awake and eyeing the wine. Barb had crawled into bed with her, whispering in her ear. She’d allowed it to happen, imagined it, felt it. Cried over it. But she felt like hell. Then she’d thought about Johnnie. How would she feel in her bed, in her home? Was Susan right? Should she try it?

  Having nothing else to lose and secretly wanting to see her, Elaine had called her. To her surprise, she’d answered right away. She seemed eager to come help. Trouble was, Elaine wasn’t sure how she could help. How she could even go about asking for something she was unsure of?

  The doorbell rang. It chimed beautifully. One that Barb had chosen and installed. It crept along behind her as she rose to answer the door. Johnnie stood beyond the security screen, hand in pocket, sexy casual as always, like she’d just stepped out of a photo session with James Dean and a bunch of artists.

  “Hi.”

  Elaine was breathless. She never thought she’d see Johnnie on her front stoop. “Hi.”

  She unlocked the screen door and allowed her entry. Johnnie studied her as she passed, face-to-face. Elaine inhaled her cologne and felt a rush of heat race to between her legs. She closed her eyes to get control and then closed and locked the doors.

  “Please, make yourself at home,” she said, offering Johnnie her choice of furniture.

  “You have a very nice home,” Johnnie said. She sat on the couch, taking in the room.

  Elaine sat too, in a chair across from her. She sat perched, unsure.

  “Would you like a drink?”

  Johnnie shook her head. “No, thanks.”

  “Are you hungry? I could heat up this soup Michael made—”

  “Elaine, are you okay? I mean, why am I here?”

  Elaine stood. “I’m sorry, I know it’s late, and I—”

  Johnnie stood too. “Are you sick?”

  Elaine pressed her lips together then breathed deeply. “No.”

  Johnnie waited. She came closer. “Has something happened?”

  Elaine took a step back. “No—yes.”

  She held up her palm to keep Johnnie at bay. She couldn’t handle her close proximity at the moment. She knew she would lose it. She would kiss her, fall into her arms and cry while begging her to make love to her.

  “I needed to know—” She grabbed her head in frustration.

  Johnnie looked worried. “What?”

  “I needed to know what you felt like in my home.”

  Johnnie stood in silence. She searched her face with wide, seeking eyes as if she couldn’t believe what she’d heard. “What—How does it feel?”

  Elaine felt for her necklace and toyed with her charm for comfort. It was a small shamrock, one Barb had given her for luck. “Like you’ve always belonged here.”

  Johnnie wanted to come to her. She took another step forward. But Elaine stopped her. “Please, can we just sit for a while?”

  Johnnie retreated back to the couch. “Sure.” She sat carefully on the edge, waiting for Elaine to sit again as well.

  “Please relax,” Elaine said. “Take off your shoes if you wish.”

  Johnnie reached down then hesitated.

  “Please, I would like for you to make yourself at home.”

  Johnnie removed her shoes and set them aside, then she sat back against the couch. Elaine stared at her white cotton socks and felt a warmth go through her. Seeing Johnnie so comfortable in her home made her heart sing. Like it was always supposed to be.

  “Can you not sleep?” Johnnie asked softly.

  Elaine leaned back and crossed her legs. “No.”

  “Have things been difficult?” Johnnie asked, appearing truly concerned. It was odd having the tables turned, but she liked having someone other than Michael care.

  “A little. You?”

  Johnnie laughed and shook her head. “You could say so.”

  “Why is that?”

  Johnnie looked away. “You have to ask? Isn’t my coming here past midnight at a last-minute request obvious enough?”

  “Because of me.”

  Johnnie met her gaze. “Mostly.”

  “What about your ex?”

  “She’s around.”

  “But it’s not what you want. Why?”

  “She treats me badly. Uses me. Toys with me.”

  “Why do you put up with it?”


  “I don’t know. Maybe you can tell me. Why am I here in the middle of the night just so you can decide how I feel in your home?”

  Elaine took a deep breath. Johnnie looked away in obvious pain.

  “I guess because I’m nice. I care about people more than they care about me.”

  Elaine felt her heart tighten, squeeze with tension. In no way whatsoever did she want Johnnie to think she didn’t care about her. But she was right. Her request was selfish, one-sided. She was using her to find out how she felt about things. It wasn’t fair.

  “I’m sorry, Johnnie,” Elaine breathed.

  “Yeah, you say that a lot. It never ends well for me.”

  Elaine nodded. “You’re right.”

  Silence fell over the room. Elaine thought back to late nights with Barb. How they’d sit and talk, and Barb would always fall asleep on her, head tilted toward a shoulder. Then an image of Kyle came, standing there all wet, while Elaine did things to her pretending she was Johnnie. None of it comforted her, made her okay inside. The only thing that did was to stare at Johnnie sitting and feeling on her couch in her socks.

  “Would you prefer to go?” Elaine asked. “I would understand.”

  Johnnie scoffed. “No, I don’t want to go, you impossible woman. I want to stay. I want you in my arms.” She leaned forward and dropped her head in her hands.

  Elaine heated at the strong words. What was she doing messing with this poor woman’s emotions? She either had to sink or swim. She couldn’t keep doing this to her.

  “I can’t make love to you, Johnnie.”

  “Of course not.”

  “Not yet.”

  “Because I don’t feel right in your bed.”

  Elaine blinked. “I—I don’t know. I just know I’m still working through pain, and I wanted to know how someone I cared about felt in my home. I haven’t had any—many—women here since Barb. It always felt wrong somehow. But you—I want it to feel right.”

  “You want me to wait while you work it out.”

  Elaine didn’t speak. Was that what she was asking? Was that fair?

  “Don’t bother answering,” Johnnie said, slipping into her shoes.

  “Johnnie, wait.”