The Abandoned Trilogy (Book 1): Twice Dead (Contagion)

by Suchitra Chatterjee

  I was now struggling to pull free from him, his words were tearing ragged holes in my heart. I tried to bite him, scratch his face, but he was far stronger than me and he wasn’t finished speaking yet, “Paul was dying Lucia, you knew it, I knew it, and he sure as hell knew it,” Wolf said and my heart began to explode all over again, “Nat said he had days left, not months, and those final days would be spent in agony because even the drugs we had would not have touched the pain he would have been in, he didn’t only have Leukemia, he had liver cancer too, end stage, how he lived as long as he did, God only knows, but I suspect at some point you gave him a reason to live, you let him use his brain and mind to go beyond the boundaries of his human frailty, without meaning too, you inspired him. As for Adag she made her choice to be with him at the end, all the way, you might hate her for that, but that was what she wanted to do, just as you were willing to try to give the others their chance at life, she did the same for us and YOU!”

  I was crying again, great gulping sobs shaking my body, the pain was greater than it had been when I had run into the woods, I hadn’t thought that was possible, how could I hurt so much inside all over again?

  “I wanted to be with them!” I screamed at Wolf as I finally wrenched free from his grip and struck him in the chest with my clenched fists, “I survived the last time, but I could have gone with them, you didn’t let me go with them, why didn’t you let me go with them? I messed it up before, I wanted to be with them, you didn’t let me go to them! I should have been with them! We had a deal, it wasn’t supposed to end like this! I was going to be with them! This time I was going to get it bloody right!”

  The palour of Wolf’s face took on a ghostly hue. He grabbed me by the arms again, only he didn't shake me as he did before, instead he slammed me onto my back on the moss and lavender leaving me momentarily winded. He looked down at me as he pinned me under him with the weight of his body, “Don't you ever say that again!” He shouted in my face, “Don't you even fucking think like that…do you know how much you mean to me…us…Jesus Christ, I…we need you, this isn’t just about you, stop feeling fucking sorry for yourself! You’re not the only one who has lost everything!” Anger surged through me. I clawed at his face, but he grabbed my hands and yanked them over my head.

  “Stop it!” he shouted at me, “Stop it!”

  But I couldn’t stop. I needed a release, I needed a vent, a release to give me back my humanity, my desire to live, rather than die. I needed to touch that place inside of me that I had let wither away when Theresa and Jack had died but had come back to life with the dawning of the Twice Dead. I managed to free one of my hands and I slapped Wolf’s face, it was a hard slap, it made his face jerk and he swore.

  “You little…” he never got to finish his words because I managed to free my other hand and I grabbed his hair, short and fine in my fingers, I dragged his face to mine, my mouth found his, I tasted sweat, and coffee, felt the scrape of his roughly shaven skin against mine.

  I thrust my body upward, grinding hard into his pelvis, I felt his groin stir, violently, his eyes went huge, he tried to pull away but I pressed my face to his and my tears ran down his chin and in a voice filled with desperation I whispered, “Help me Wolf…help me, don’t leave me in my darkness alone…I can’t…help me…please…” my hands moved spasmodically over his head, clutching at his hair, my knuckles pressing into his scalp.

  “Christ…” he muttered and then this mouth was crushing mine, his tongue filled my mouth, it felt good, I could already feel him swelling, and then his hands were tearing at my clothes, pulling my shirt out of my pants, dragging them open, and I was doing the same to him.

  When he pushed his fingers inside of me, I bucked, crying out, his thumb stroked a part of me that I was only briefly aware of from whenever I showered and my hand slid between my legs and I felt that brief tremor run through me as I made contact with the part that proved my womanhood.

  His thumb was like silk on a velvet peach surface, moving back and forth, making me cry out, begging him not to stop. He drew my good leg up so it hooked over his hip, and his fingers moved in deeper. I was wet, the sensation was like nothing I expected, and I thought of Jasmine’s dreamy words not so long ago, “Sex is nice,” well this part was, that was damn sure!

  The cool air of the late morning rippled across my now bare breasts, Wolf’s hard kisses made me gasp, I pushed my hands under his shirt, feeling his flesh on my palms, warm and smooth, he was fit, his body was a mass of toned muscles, I followed my instincts, kissing his throat, moving downwards, letting my tongue snake over skin. I tasted salt, warm, sweet, the bitter tang of the river water we had all been doused in; I rolled my tongue over one of his paps and I felt it mottle, that was nice, and he liked it. He moaned and I marveled at his rippling chest, whilst running my tongue over his heated skin. I rubbed himself against me and then his mouth curved around my nipple and my world went white.

  I cried out, pushing myself into his mouth, his hand so big and strong cupped my breast, squeezing it so he could take more into his mouth, dear God, no wonder Jasmine had been banging Corporal Peters like a rabbit if she felt anything like I was feeling now!

  We kissed, our bodies twisting on the lavender bed underneath us. The heat, the sweat, the sound of ragged breathing, it was if a door inside of me was being slowly pushed open. All that I kept deep inside of me began to swell, surge through me.

  Who was I? A child of a now defunct state? A daughter briefly to the troubled Theresa, sister to Jack, the boy who so wanted to be a soldier, or had Adag given me a part of her daughter Pia, now either Twice Dead or devoured by them, and Paul another brother, wise beyond his years, wanting to find infinity though the stars.

  What had he said to me that time we had played chess, “All that you touch you change, all that you change changes you, the only lasting truth is change,” that quote had stayed with me. I had thought Paul was talking about the change going on around us, but now as I shed the skin of my former existence I wondered if he had been talking about me?

  The bulge in Wolf’s pants was huge now. I might not have been experienced sexually but I knew the facts of life. And what was in those pants needed to go somewhere soon. Very soon. I think Wolf realised this too.

  “Need to stop!” he gasped, and he tried to pull away, but my leg was still hooked over his hip so I gripped him with the back of my knee, stopping him from moving too far.

  “No!” I said into his mouth which was hovering over me, his brow was dripping with sweat, running down his sun burnished face and I flicked out my tongue, catching the salt from his face, “More.”

  “Lucia…” Wolf said hoarsely, “I can’t…won’t be able to stop…need to get rid of…” my hand snaked swiftly between us, the buttons of his combat trousers had all but popped open under the pressure of his erection and I drew him fully out.

  He felt my hand on his member, I let my palm slide up and down it, taking in the heat, marveling at its girth, he sucked in his breath, shook his head but it was too late for I was pushing upward with my body whilst guiding him inside of me. He was so warm, a pulsating hardness engorged with blood and passion.

  “Lucia!” he spluttered, trying to pull way, “No! Don’t!” I thrust hard before he could do just that, it hurt, the man was big as I said but he was now inside of me.

  “No!” he cried out in shock and I rolled my body slightly, catching him off balance and he pushed further inside of me instinctively.

  I thrust again, even harder, I felt pain and pleasure and then he was all the way inside of me.

  “No! We have to stop…” I smiled up at him and I drew his head downwards to my breast.

  “Yes,” I whispered into his ear, my breath warm, moist against his salted flesh, “Oh yes…” I felt the pleasure of his mouth on my mound, he gave in then, I was moving my body, my hands were like butterfly wings, they fluttered over him and I kissed his forehead and then his eyes. He let out a moan and crushed himself ha
rd on me, grinding his knees into the dirt we were lying on, wanting all of himself deep inside of me.

  The strokes of his undulating body, unwilling before, became harder, stronger, and he rose and fell on top of me like the waves rushing back and forth on a beach and I rose to meet him, I didn’t scream, I didn’t cry out, I just moved with him. We were looking at each other now, no words, just our bodies locked together.

  It had to end, for both of us but it was worth it. Our release when it came was shared. We were inside each other, and our needs I realised were equal to the other. The beginning rush of our shared pleasure flooded through us both. It was gloriously hot, sweaty and intense.

  Wolf tilted my head back with his hand so my throat was stretched. He kissed and lapped at the damp, salty flesh and I found myself firmly moving his head and guiding his mouth to my nipple.

  “Oh yes,” he moaned as he latched on, his thrusting getting faster inside of me and I kissed the top of his glistening head and then the powerful wave of sexual pleasure reached its peak.

  Wolf didn't withdraw, I think he knew that wasn’t going to happen. So he went along with it. He caught my face in his hands and we kissed. A glorious kiss, full of the flavours of our pumping bodies. My orgasm was like nothing I can even begin to describe, the juices inside of me simply exploded and Wolf let out a gut wrenching roar as he gave one final and powerful thrust, arching his body like a perfectly curved bow. I felt him fill every part of me, I crossed my legs around his back, wanting every single bit of him inside of me for as long as possible. He shuddered on top of me, his forehead met mine, I was gasping for breath, my chest heaving under his chest. Before it ended we kissed. Soft, gentle, silently. Wolf had set me free.

  Yes, I was still hurting over the loss of Adag and Paul, that would be with me forever, just as Jack and Theresa would be with me more forever but I would, no could not let their deaths define me. I would embrace their sacrifices, for love, for friendship, for family and finally, for me.

  As our bodies slowly became our own again, we said nothing for a moment or two for we were breathing heavily, slick with our shared body fluids and sweat.

  Wolf slid out of me, I felt a rush of hot liquid between my legs, seeping into the lavender that I was lying on. I slowly sat up. My skin tingled, my body throbbed, but I felt surprisingly calm inside. That was novel.

  “Christ,” Wolf said in a stunned voice, “Jesus Christ!”

  “Wrong continent, “I said and then I added, “I don’t think he had much to do with what we have just done.”

  Wolf put his head in his hands, groaning out, “I’m sorry…” he started to say but I interrupted him.

  “No, don’t you dare say sorry!” he turned to look at me and I began to fumble with my clothes, as they were pretty much all over the place, partly on and off me.

  “You are something else Lucia,” Wolf finally said.

  I smiled, and then I said, “Thank you,” he went still and I added, “For being a friend.”

  “Friends don’t do what we have just done.”

  “They do if they are one shovel short of a treasure hunt and live in a residential home,” I said and I saw his lips twitch as he tried desperately not to laugh, “I won’t say anything if you don’t.”

  “Like with Corporal Peters and Jasmine?” Wolf said wryly.

  “You knew?” I was surprised.

  “I guessed, I spoke to Captain Lacks-Renton, she told me she had it sorted.”

  “You were good,” I said and I had the pleasure of seeing his cheeks redden.

  “You weren’t too bad yourself,” he said which made me laugh.

  “Yeah, for my first time, not bad,” I said. He went still.

  “You were…” his face was a picture.

  “Yes,” I said, “Up until a few minutes I was unsullied, as pure as the driven snow, the last English virgin.”

  I had managed to shock him yet again, “We better head back to the site,” he said abruptly, “Or someone will come looking for us.”

  “Shit!” I said, and I began to scramble around, getting myself tidied and cleaned up, there were some moist wipes in the coat I had on, and they were lemon scented, boy did I need those.

  Wolf got up off the ground first after he had tidied himself up, accepting the offer of a lemon wipe and then he held out his hand to me. I let him pull me up from the ground. It took a few minutes for me too steady myself and he waited patiently.

  “Are you OK?” he said.

  “Yes,” I said. We walked slowly, mainly because I wasn’t able to move all that quickly and not just because my leg hurt.

  “What did you mean you wanted to get it right this time?” Wolf asked me as we trudged through the woods.

  I didn’t speak for a couple of minutes. It was time to live the life I needed to live. So I told him. I told him everything. It didn’t hurt to speak to of it now. Yes, there was pain, a lot of pain, but that pain was the pain of losing Theresa and Jack, not what I had done.

  I also told him what Adag had asked of me not so long ago and how I had agreed to help her if and when the time came.

  “I would have done it,” I said simply to Wolf, “But you understand I think, better than anyone, you had to do the same for your Sergeant.”

  Wolf looked ahead, not at me, and then said, “I could have ordered one of my people to do it.”

  “No,” I shook my head, “I don’t think s.”

  “He was my friend, we joined together, he didn’t want to be an officer, he liked being a grunt he said, he asked me to do it before he fully changed into a Twice Dead.”

  “Some things we do out of love,” I said reflectively, “Are harder to do than something done out of hatred.”

  “I did as he asked, I had a duty to him,” Wolf said stiffly. He was hurting, I hadn’t realised how much he was hurting until now.

  “You loved him,” I said simply, “Like I loved Jack and Theresa, I used to think I had murdered them, but I hadn’t, and you didn’t murder your friend, you set him free, he died a human being, just as Theresa died as Jack’s mother and he as her son, they died the way they lived, nothing more, nothing less.”

  We didn’t speak until we were almost in the clearing. I was tired, but I had found an inner peace inside of me for the moment. How long it would last, I had no idea, but for the moment, I would embrace it.

  “We buried Beau with Gregory,” Wolf said.

  “Oh.” I wondered when they had done that. Probably at night when we were asleep.

  “You don’t mind do you?”

  “No,” I reached out and squeezed his hand briefly, “It’s only fitting they should be together.”

  “Yes,” Wolf said and we stepped out of the woods into the copse. I didn’t get a chance to respond for I heard Jasmine’s voice. Or rather her shriek, loud, clear and filled with happiness.

  “Lucy! It’s Lucy.” And for the next hour after that it was total chaos, but I didn't mind. Yes, I was still hurting, but so was everyone else, but I had to deal with it. We all did.

  I made the decision to speak to everyone before we left to return to Thorncroft. Wolf agreed it was a good idea to clear the air before we were all crammed in the coach together.

  I wasn’t looking forward to certain conversations that I was about to have but it had to be done.

  Phoenix was first. We were allowed the privacy of the coach whilst everyone milled about outside, getting ready to pack up and “bug out” as Wolf said.

  Bug out? Army speak, I was not going to learn another fucking language. I already spoke English, Irish Gaelic and Adapted Makaton, Army speak could piss right off.

  Phoenix was rocking back and forth in his seat, his laptop was on the seat beside him, its solar battery trickling power into it. When I had got into the coach, he had not acknowledged me.

  I looked out of the window of the coach window. Cassidy was still sleepy from his sedation, but he was sitting on the ground next to Stevie who was feeding him crisps from
our food stash. Karma was bouncing happily by the side of Private Bryson and Gabe was holding baby Poppy and giving her a bottle.

  Luckily Rachel had given Nat her baby bag when they were at her house and it had managed to survive the Twice Dead rampage. Water from the river had been boiled in one of the soldier’s jerry cans and milk formula added.

  The door to the coach was open and I could hear everyone’s voices. I smiled when I heard Percy shout to Gabe he was on nappy changing duty from now on.

  “You’d think you’d be able to change a bloody nappy.” I heard Gabe shout back to his husband, “You’ve picked up enough dog poop in your time!” This caused much hilarity with Bubba and Rodriquez and the other soldiers who were nearby.

  “Dog poop, baby poop, very different!” was Percy’s swift response.

  Jasmine and Corporal Peters were with Dov and Seth by the river. Jasmine was washing Seth’s face and he was grumbling about it, but she took no notice of him. Corporal Peters was putting Dov’s shoes on his feet. I had a feeling that the two boys would be spending a lot of time with Jasmine and Corporal Peters and I suspected that Rachel would be fine with that.

  Eden was sitting next to Private Topaz who was showing her the shee-wee, Eden was giggling and Topaz was smiling as well.

  Mitch was looking at Lewis. The two men were I guessed discussing how it possibly could be repaired.

  “You’re going to need new tires,” Mitch was saying.

  Nat, I knew was in the back of the van with Zimmerman and Duke. Apparently Duke’s head injury was more severe than was realised. He was unconscious. No one much cared, but he was being looked after. As Stevie had pointed out, we had to be good because others were bad.