The Abandoned Trilogy (Book 1): Twice Dead (Contagion)

by Suchitra Chatterjee

  “Maybe we should feed them both to the Twice Dead,” I said eying the exuberant children. Jasmine punched me, luckily on my good leg.

  “Don’t say that!” she said.

  “OK, I won’t say it,” I said and I made her laugh by adding, “I will think it though!”

  “I wish Adag was here,” Eden said, she rested her head on her knees and looked down at her feet, wiggling her toes in her now rather grubby Mary Jane shoes.

  “Yeah, me too,” I stared into the distance, remembering Adag’s arms around me, holding me tight, calling me her daughter.

  Jasmine was trying to flick a strand of her blonde hair from out of her eyes, “I wish we could give her and Paul flower, you know, like we did for the Gorilla”

  Before I could respond Eden piped up, “We can do, we can share Gregory’s with them, can’t we Lucy?”

  My eyes burned as I nodded my head, “The Colonel’s friend is with Gregory now,” I said and I told them about the man that Gregory had bitten when he was Twice Dead.

  “Do you think they have gone to heaven?” Jasmine asked me.

  Heaven? What did I know about heaven? Or God. My biological father had been a Hindu but I knew next nothing about his faith, had my mother had any kind of faith? I didn’t know. Did I believe in God? I wasn’t even sure.

  “God isn’t real,” Eden said.

  “Curtis says he is,” Jasmine rolled the stubborn strand of hair around her index finger, pinching it tightly to try and make it pull up on her head, “What do you think Lucy?”

  “I honestly don’t know,” I replied, “I guess some people have a faith and others don’t.”

  “I think I believe in God,” Jasmine said slowly, “Because if there is God, then there will be a heaven and Gregory will be there, with Adag and Paul, and the Colonel’s friend, right?”

  Jasmine’s simple words reduced both me and Eden to silence. Neither of us had thought of that. The young woman rested her head on my thigh and I put my hand on her head. Eden fingered the hem soiled army coat I was wearing. She sniffed.

  “That’s Private Duke’s coat,” she said taking me by surprise. I had no idea whose coat it was; the name tag wasn’t on it. I wasn’t overly bothered; it was warm even though it was filthy. Like most of us where, some more than others.

  Jasmine got to her feet, the boys were edging closer toward the lake, understandable, it was a warm day and there is nothing like dangling your feet in cool water.

  She called their names as she walked toward them and Karma who I suspected would happily leap into the lake without being prompted.

  Private Bryson and Private Peters appeared from behind the coach; Bryson shouted Karma’s name and the dog bounded toward him. Dov chose that moment to take off at a gallop, his eyes on the lake but Peters moved to catch him, scooping him up and before he could wail out a protest, flung him in the air and caught him.

  Dov screamed with delight and Peters spun him around, then grabbed hold of Seth and did the same from him, spinning them together before putting them down and they tumbled over, giggling and shouting for more.

  Jasmine was laughing, she scooped Dov up and swung him onto her hip, he was a slightly built child, too thin I thought, and Peters hoisted Seth onto his back.

  Peters leaned over and kissed Jasmine, and she took hold of his hand and they headed toward the lake.

  “She’s lucky,” Eden said softly. I glanced at Eden.

  ‘I suppose she is,” well what else could I say?

  “I would like a boyfriend,” Eden said wistfully, “Would you like a boyfriend Lucy?”

  I her question some thought and then I said, “I’m not sure, perhaps, perhaps not.”

  “Do you think I will get a boyfriend?”

  “You know Eden,” I said, “When we go looking for something, we don’t usually find it, sometimes it’s best to let things happen when they happen.”

  Eden stretched her legs out and wiggled her feet again, “I’d like to be a mum,” she said throwing a complete curve ball in my direction, “Would it be bad if I had a baby without a boyfriend?”

  To say yes it would be wrong, would be hypocritical of me. Did it really matter if a child had a father? It hadn’t mattered when the world was as it was. Now there was no world at all, other than the one we carved out ourselves.

  I scratched my cheek before answering, “No, I don’t think so,” I said.

  I think my answer surprised her. She pushed herself to her knees and stood up. Someone shouted her name, Cassidy, I was glad for the distraction and when she walked away I exhaled, long and slowly.

  I felt itchy, dirty and sticky. I was also bloody sore, all over, inside and out.

  Where the bloody hell was Seb? I shaded my eyes and scanned the horizon. One large coach, a van, a lake, children cooling off in shallow part of the water with adults, and now dogs.

  Soldiers, civilians and a whole head of Twice Dead shit to sort through.

  I felt weary just then. I stood up and walked slowly across the grass, needing a bit of time to myself despite the urgency of us needing to leave.

  There was a nice copse of trees around the corner from the hub and noise of the camp, I thought I would go and look at the lake from there for a bit. I thought of Lake Monocot, I would be spending any spare time there once we got back that was for sure.

  I didn’t get very far.

  “Ma’am!” the shouting didn’t mean anything to me, so of course I took no notice of it.

  The hands that grabbed my arms were like vices and I was hauled to a stop.

  “What the fuck!” I exclaimed. Private Bryson was on one side of me and on the other was a soldier I was to get to know as Private Isaacs.

  “Colonel’s orders Ma’am,” Bryson said, “You are not to be let out of our sight”

  “What?” I tried to shake their hands off me but neither let go, “I’m just going for a bloody walk!”

  “With all due respect, Ma’am,” Bryson said and he increased his grip on my arm, “You’ve done that already and almost caused a riot.”

  “Please keep in our sight,” Private Isaacs spoke, he had been one of the soldiers on the pack run with Salter.

  “Wolf is going to my good foot up his arse,” I said and then I added, “Once my bad one is strong enough to bloody hold me up!”

  They let go of my arms but they followed me back to the camp.

  I caught sight of Seb, he was back in his wheelchair, dirty and crumpled like we all were. I followed his gaze, he was watching Elise who was supervising the transport of the Twice Dead samples. They were to travel in the back of the van with Professor Zimmerman and the now sedated Duke.

  “Hey Seb,” I called out to him, Isaacs and Bryson moved away from me but I was aware that I was being watched.

  “Hi Lucia,” he said, he sounded despondent.

  “I see you have got your chair back,” I said.

  Seb’s gaze moved from Elise to where Private Bryson was standing, he curled his lip and said disdainfully, “No thanks to him!”

  “He just ‘helped me walk back here,” I said with equal distain.

  Seb scrutinized me, “You look like shit,” he said.

  “I feel like it,” I said, “You look worse though,” he did, his face was pale, his eyes red and I suspected he was in pain.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Like the world just ended.”

  “It did,” Seb said.

  “Bugger, so that was what that loud bang was, or was that you and the Captain rocking Mitch’s van into the middle of next week?”

  “Let’s not go there,” he said tightly.

  “What’s up?”

  “What do you think is up?”

  “Elise?”

  “Yep, I mean she banged a guy who lives in a wheelchair, and it has just sunk home. She told me to forget it happened, what a surprise, she isn't going to live it down if anyone guesses she put out for a fucking cripple!” his hurt was more than just hurt pr
ide. I heard the pain of rejection in every single word, “She must be revolted by what we did.”

  “Don't judge her by the weight of history,” I responded, and he gripped his wheelchair steering stick tightly.

  “The past will always fucking define disabled people, even when the world has ended!” he said bitterly, and he rubbed his face with his hands.

  He had been crying. It hit me right at that moment. Of course he would never admit to me he had cried.

  What could I say to him? Nothing that would make him feel better.

  Instead I leaned over and kissed his cheek. He was startled, and I said, “Of course hostilities will commence between us upon our return to Thorncroft, some things should never change, should they?

  He smiled. He took my hand and held it and we said nothing else for we both knew how we felt about Adag and Paul and we both knew that even with the end of the world things for us would only change if forced them to change.

  As I left Seb to mull over his feelings I thought briefly about Wolf. I was extremely philosophical about what had happened between me and Wolf. It had helped both of us. Perhaps later on I would succumb to other feelings, but until then I was just going to get on with my life as best I could.

  Private Salter was scraping mud out of the crevices of the tires of the coach with a broken tire iron when I found him. He was using his good hand to do the work. He saw me but he didn’t stop from scraping the rubber. He wouldn’t look or speak to me.

  “It’s a toss-up as to who is actually madder at me,” I said in a mild voice, “You or Stevie.”

  No response. Just steady scraping of the rubber with the metal.

  “You’re behaving like a child,” I said.

  That got a reaction. He stood up, turned and said furiously, “You’ve been treating me like a child! You made me leave, I wanted to stay and fight, but you made Private Jasper drag me away, and then you didn’t speak to me when we found you, then you fucked off, the Twice Dead could have got you, you didn’t think about that did you? And you didn’t care about me…us…selfish…you…” his hurt was like the salt in tears, bitter and painful and I held up my hand to end his furious tirade.

  “Stop it now please.”

  “Oh fuck off, you fucking bitch!” he snarled and it was then I slapped his face. A hard slap that made him rock on his heels. He wasn’t expecting that. His hand shot up to his cheek which was a scalded red colour.

  “Don’t you dare speak to me like that!” I spat at him, I was shaking with rage, “You can hate me all you want but I don’t regret making you go with Private Jasper, you’re alive because of that, I needed you to live, you had to live!”

  “Why?” he shouted at me, finding his voice as held his cheek with his palm as I had really hurt him, “Why?”

  “Because a long time ago I couldn’t save a little boy called Jack,” I shouted back at him, “If he had lived he would have been about the same age as you, perhaps a bit younger, he was the brother I wasn’t allowed to have and then you come along, a little shit with a big gob, no manners and a stinking attitude to boot, but you had the guts to admit when you were wrong, he was like that too, brave, a lot of courage, you’d look at him and think, what a weed, just like you, I couldn’t save him but I could save you!” there, I had said it. My chest was heaving, but I felt better for saying it. Let him hate me forever, he was alive and I was glad he was alive.

  Salter’s mouth dropped open, his hand fell from his bright red cheek and I pointed a trembling finger at him, “And if you EVER speak to me like you did just now, I will more than bloody well slap your face you little shit! And don’t speak to me until you apologize, you can be mad at me all you want but you WILL respect me!”

  I turned on my heels and walked away. I needed to catch my breath. I went over to the lake, needing to look at its silver serenity and calm down. Such beauty before me and such ugliness in a brand new world.

  I heard him before I saw him. He was behind me. I heard his breathing, ragged, soft and warm. I didn’t turn and then I felt his face on my neck and his arms curled around my waist. His tears were hot on my neck and I placed my hands over his. I didn’t push him away.

  His anger and hurt pride had dissolved. I let him cry, he needed to cry. Like me he needed to vent his emotions, get them out of his system. I turned my body so he could spoon into mine, like Jack used to do when he wanted to be comforted. I held him tightly and then when he was more composed, I kissed his hot and damp forehead.

  Our eyes met and I wiped his soaking wet cheeks, he winced as one side of his face was beginning to swell. I said nothing, waiting, he swallowed hard and croaked out, “I’m sorry I was rude to you Lucy, and I do respect you.”

  “Apology accepted,” I said gently, “And believe it or not, I respect you too,” I wasn’t sure if he believed that and I added, “I hear you told Colonel Wolf to kiss your ass? Brave words, REALLY brave words.”

  “He was pretty good about it,” the young soldier said and he winced at the memory.

  “Only ripped you another one?” I joked.

  “Yeah and one for luck,” I laughed and so did he.

  “Finish doing the tires,” I said to him, and I kissed his forehead again, “I now have to face Elise and Stevie,” I hugged him again and together we headed back to the coach.

  I could see that Elise didn’t want to speak to me, she looked away from me when I caught her eye as she gave out orders to various soldiers and civilians.

  So I went to look for Stevie. I found him with Private Bryson and Karma who was panting heavily after playing with the boys. Bryson looked at me with his bright eyes and I said, “Mind if I borrow Stevie for a moment, it’s really important.”

  “Sure,” the soldier said, “Keep in my sight though.”

  “You’re not going to let me forget that, are you?” I said to Bryson and he smiled lazily at me as he rubbed Karma’s head.

  “No,” he said, “Just think of cuffs and being tied in a seat in the coach because that is how it will be if you try and do a disappearing act again.”

  “I would say you and who’s army, but I think that is obvious, as to which army,” Bryson laughed.

  Stevie was reluctant to speak to me but I had said it was important I speak to him and he followed me to the edge of the lake, still in sight of Bryson but far away enough for us to speak in private.

  “You were right you know,” I said to Stevie after the silence became almost painful. He was mad at me. Madder than anyone in the whole camp I realised.

  “Right about what?” he didn’t want to speak to me, but he was curious by my words.

  I smiled, “About the Colonel, he does seem to, well kind like me,”

  Stevie looked at me frankly, “Is he your boyfriend now?”

  “No, not really all that sure what we are actually,” I admitted, “But you were right.”

  “He kept looking at your bum,” Stevie said. I spluttered back a laugh.

  “Did he now?”

  “Yes,” Stevie nodded his head and then added, “Corporal Peters kept looking at Jasmine’s bum too and Seb, he looked at that Captain’s bum and she watched him, they like each other.” he frowned “I know they do, but they are always shouting at each other, why do they do that?”

  Stevie had a far greater insight into people’s desires than all of us put together I thought.

  “I guess they don’t want to admit they like each other,” I said.

  “That is stupid,” Stevie said in a disgusted voice.

  That made me smile, “So,” I said teasingly “Who else is looking at other people’s bums?”

  “That lady, Rachel,” he said taking me by surprise, “She keeps looking at Mitch’s bum.”

  My mouth dropped open, Stevie smirked, he wanted to remain angry at me, but the expression on my face started to thaw his anger, “Holy shit! Has Mitch noticed?”

  “Not yet,” Stevie said. I giggled. I couldn’t help it. Stevie pressed his lips together, t
rying not to laugh, but he was struggling.

  “You will have to keep me up to date at who is looking at whose bum from now on,” I said.

  “OK,” he said.

  I took a deep breath, “I’m sorry if I upset you again Stevie, really I am.”

  “I know,” he said.

  “I just…” I swallowed really hard, and clenched my fists at my side “I just wish I had got to say goodbye to them both.”

  “I didn’t get to say goodbye to Paul,” Stevie said and a single tear slid down his left cheek, “He was my friend, I liked him, he said I was clever.”

  I sucked in my breath. I hadn’t thought of that and guilt surged through me. Wolf was right, we were all hurting, every single one of us. No one had been without loss since the rise of the Twice Dead. Though Stevie had become good friends with Cassidy over the last few weeks, Stevie had also been friends with Paul. They had played draughts together and were comfortable with each other’s company.

  “I didn’t know him as well as you,” I said, “But I got to like him, he was a good chess player, I wish I could have got to know him better, and Adag…she became like a mum, she didn’t mean too, but she did,” my voice was filled with, grief, regret and sadness.

  “I miss my mum,” Stevie said and he reached out and took my hand. We stood together, side by side, and I knew I was forgiven. I didn’t deserve it, but I was glad. Stevie’s friendship meant a lot to me.

  “Are the soldiers going to live with us now?” Stevie asked me as we walked together to the coach and stood near the front bumper.

  “It’s up to them,” I said.

  “What’s up to who?” Wolf’s voice made me jump. He appeared from the side of the coach.

  “Are you going to live with us now?” Stevie asked Wolf.

  “I’m afraid so,” Wolf said.

  “I’m glad,” Stevie said simply.

  “What about you Lucia?” Wolf challenged me, “Are you glad?”

  “I’ll take your fifth on that,” I said and he laughed.

  “Your Magna Carta doesn’t have the right to silence in it,” was the dry response.

  “If we ever get to London, I will add it to both copies held in the British Library,” I quipped and this got another laugh.