Stone Cold Cowboy

by Jennifer Ryan

  Sadie knelt and looked more closely, unable to make much out in the dark night. “Rory, can you hold on to him, please. Dad, lift your foot for me.” He’d walked quite a distance over the rough, rocky terrain. “You’ve got a couple small cuts and scrapes.”

  “I can carry him to the truck,” Rory volunteered.

  Sadie stared across the field. Quite a distance to the truck, but Rory was a big, strong cowboy more than capable of carrying her thinning father, who was a good six inches shorter than Rory’s six-four frame.

  Rory didn’t wait for an answer, just dipped, put his arm at her father’s back and knees, and picked him right up.

  “Hey, I can walk.”

  “I got you, Mr. Higgins. You don’t want to upset your daughter. Let’s get you home.”

  “Sadie, honey, I’m sorry.”

  Sadie trotted after Rory, trying to keep up with his long strides and still carry the heavy weight of guilt knotted in her gut. “It’s okay, Dad.”

  Rory lifted her father over the wire fencing and set him on the grass on the other side without breaking a sweat or grunting with the effort. He ducked through the wire and held it open for her to climb through. He gave her a soft smile and rubbed her back as they stood outside his truck. Her father climbed up into the seat. The overhead light made it easier for her to see his poor feet.

  “We’ll clean your feet and put something on those cuts when we get home.”

  Her father stared past her at Rory with his hands on her shoulders. “I’m glad she’s got you looking out for her.”

  “I won’t let anything happen to her, sir.” Promise filled his deep voice.

  It touched Sadie. Her heart swelled, and all those thoughts about how much she liked him coalesced into one wondrous and yet not so surprising thought. This thing they shared was something more, deeper, special.

  His hand brushed down her hair and closed around a chunk. “Come on, sweetheart, let’s get you both home.”

  For the first time, she let her mind go to that dark place she’d avoided these last months. Soon, she’d be living in that house alone. Her father would be gone, her brother out of reach, and she’d be alone.

  Overwhelmed with sadness, she turned to Rory and hugged him close, her face buried in his chest.

  He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “I’m here,” and held her close, his fingers rubbing back and forth on her back.

  Yes, Rory was there for her. He saved her. He wanted to be with her. But for how long? Would it last? Was it real or just her need to find something good to hold on to when everything else in her life seemed to be slipping through her fingers, no matter how hard she held on?

  His hands rubbed up and down her arms. “It’s okay.”

  Lost in her own swirling thoughts about how not okay this situation with her father was, she released Rory and climbed into the truck beside her dad.

  Rory closed the door and walked around the front of the truck.

  “You two are right together,” her father said, patting her leg as Rory climbed in and drove them to the house.

  Were they? Did Rory think so, too? How could she ask him something like that? They’d only started seeing each other. Of course, she saw him every day.

  Rory pulled up in her driveway. She got out, and Rory helped her father up the porch steps, his arm braced around her father’s shoulders.

  “Take him back to his room. I’ll gather what I need to fix his feet.”

  Sadie grabbed a large metal bowl out of the cupboard and ran the water in the sink until it warmed. She filled the bowl, grabbed some paper towels, and took both down the hall to her father’s room.

  She stopped short and took in her father’s soft words.

  “She needs someone like you.”

  “I need someone like her, sir. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of her.”

  Sadie remained stuck in place outside the room out of their sight. She didn’t know if Rory was only trying to appease her father, or if he meant those seemingly sincere words.

  “It won’t be long now,” her father said, tearing another hole in her broken heart.

  “She won’t be alone.”

  As much as Sadie relished these moments when her father was lucid and alert, Sadie couldn’t take much more. She stepped into the room, trying her best to put on a brave face and not cry out all her sorrow and anger that her father was dying, that he was going to leave her. Stupid. Unreasonable. But that’s how she felt and it made her mad, because she didn’t want to feel this way. She wanted her father to be okay, but it was long past wishing.

  Rory sat beside her father, a look of sorrow drawing his features into lines on his forehead and around his mouth. The grim look made the smiles and laughs they shared earlier seem so far away.

  Rory stood and came to her. He placed his hand on the side of her head and tilted it toward him. He kissed her on top of the head and left the room without a word.

  Sadie mustered up her resolve and got down to business. She didn’t want to dwell on their exchange or the rioting feelings inside her.

  She set the bowl of warm water on the floor and placed one of her father’s feet inside. She gently washed away the grime, then dried it with the paper towels. Rory walked back in with the first aid kit he must have found in the bathroom next to her bedroom.

  “Thanks.”

  He left again in his quiet, intense way without saying anything. She washed and dried her father’s other foot and helped him scoot back on the bed. She dropped a pillow behind his back at the headboard and set his feet on the mattress.

  She stared into his familiar eyes, so filled with pain and regret now her heart ached. “Dad, what’s really going on with you?”

  “You know what’s happening. Is the why and how so important when the outcome is still the same?”

  “Maybe a doctor could . . .”

  Her father shook his head, his eyes filled with a deep resignation that nothing could or would change the inevitable.

  “I like Rory. He’s a family man, the kind who works hard and sticks.”

  Knowing time was running out, she thought of all her father would miss in her life, and it made her heart ache even more. “He’s a good man.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “We’ve only just started seeing each other, but what I feel for him is so deep and overwhelming.”

  “I’m happy for you, Sadie. I’m glad I got to meet him.”

  “Dad . . .” She didn’t know what to say.

  “You can’t change what is, honey. Not with me. Not with life. Not with love. Accept. It makes things a lot easier.”

  “Are you scared?” she asked, because her fear for him grew each and every time something like tonight happened.

  “Sometimes. But not for you. I know you’ll be okay. You’re strong.”

  “I don’t feel that way sometimes.”

  “But you always pull through. We can’t always be at our best. Sometimes we need to lean on those closest to us. I lean on you. You lean on me. If you truly care about Rory, let him in. Lean on him when you need him. Relationships are built on the good times and the bad. Working through the bad draws you closer together and makes the good times you share so much richer and better.”

  If she and Rory could get through her brother stealing him blind, maybe they had a chance of having something more.

  She quickly spread ointment on the small nicks and put bandages on the deeper cuts.

  “My feet look a little like you did when you came home. We’re a pair, aren’t we, honey?”

  Choked up, she whispered, “Yes, we are.”

  His mouth tipped down into a regretful frown. “Connor’s in trouble, isn’t he?”

  “Yes. He stole from the Kendricks. He’s working with some really bad people.”

  Her father laid his hand on her scarred wrist. “I’m sorry he hurt you.”

  “Dad, I’m okay.”

  “Unless Connor changes his ways, I fear his life will be
fraught with pain and unhappiness. Don’t let his life, his choices ruin yours. You are not responsible for his happiness. Don’t give up what you want, trying to help him. You cannot make him see things your way because he doesn’t have your kindness, your thoughtfulness, your heart.” Her father placed his hand on her cheek. She leaned into his comfort and warmth. “Please, honey, promise me you’ll choose happiness, you’ll choose you before him. If you always put others first, you’ll always come in last.”

  “Dad, Connor has lost his way, but I can’t believe he’s hopeless.”

  “No, Sadie, he chooses the wrong path even when he has other options available to him. If you have a chance for something more, something good, take it. Don’t let him keep taking pieces of you and what is yours. Don’t sacrifice what you have and what you want for someone who won’t do the same for you.” Her father’s fingers traced the scars on her wrists again.

  “Since your mother died, you’ve had to do what needs to be done. You got through school. You worked to earn money that we needed here, but mostly to keep your brother from spending the rest of his life in jail. There’s little left here for you. I’m sorry about that. I wish these last years had been different for you, less struggle and more living your dreams. Everything I have will go to you, Sadie. Not because I don’t want to leave your brother a piece of what I worked so hard to hold on to, but because I leave it to you to decide how best to help your brother.

  “Maybe that means not helping him at all. Maybe instead of catching him, you need to let him fall. Maybe that’s the only way he’ll learn that it hurts and to make better decisions.

  “You’re a smart girl. You’ll know what to do. You can’t blame yourself for the things he’s done. His happiness and life are not your responsibility. His shortcomings are not your failures.

  “My grief over your mother’s death made me too lenient with him. I regret that now. I should have been tougher. I shouldn’t have let you pick up my slack and take the lead with him. I should have been a better parent. I taught you how to be strong and see things through, but I forgot to teach you that sometimes if you hold on too tight, all you get are rope burns.”

  “It’s hard to let go.” She sat beside him on the bed, leaned into him, and tilted her head to his.

  Her father took her hand and squeezed it. “Yes, it is.”

  CHAPTER 12

  Connor’s back slammed into the stone wall. He barely had enough strength and presence of mind to keep his head from cracking against the jagged rocks. Derek’s forearm pressed against his throat. The guy smelled like stale beer and sweat, making Connor want to gag. Scott and Tony tossed their cards on the folding table and scooted their chairs back enough to give them the ability to run for the cave entrance if things went to shit. Tony slowly reached for the glass pipe and the small baggy, fisting both in his hand and stuffing them into the pocket of his too-loose jeans. They’d been playing poker and riding their high. Scott and Tony hadn’t shut up for hours, but Derek showed up and they had nothing to say.

  “You fucking tell me where my drugs are or I’ll kill you.”

  “They’re safe, man. Swear.”

  “They’re supposed to be in that shack you call a lab.”

  Connor hadn’t slept in two days. He needed another hit and stared at Tony’s hand pressed deep into his pocket. Connor wanted to tell him to fucking give his drugs back. He needed them. His skin crawled with the need. Even now, with death looking him in the eye, he scratched at his leg and wished for one more fix. The high wore off and he needed sleep, but all he could think about was sucking on that pipe and flying.

  “You’ve been missing in action for days. We’re out here day in and day out cooking that shit. We take all the risks. What the hell do you do?”

  “I fucking get you what you need to make that shit you smoke day in and day out. I’m the one who sets up the buys. Where are my fucking drugs?” Derek’s voice rose until the last was said in a barely controlled roar.

  “We don’t deliver for two more days.”

  “Fucking junkies.” Derek shook his head. “I told you that three days ago. You dumbshits were supposed to be ready to move tonight.”

  Connor tried to think past the fear. His thrashing heart felt like a jackhammer in his chest. Sweat trickled down the side of his face and back, soaking his T-shirt. “Okay, I’ll go get them. I can get them. I’ll go. I’ll bring them back.”

  “Where are they?” Derek shouted, spittle hitting Connor in the face.

  “I hid them in the barn. They’re there. I’ll get them. I’ll bring them back.”

  “Stop rambling, you stupid fuck. Are you telling me you hid them at your house?”

  “Yes. Yeah. They’re there.”

  “At your fucking place? Where that bitch of a sister lives? The one who’s got the cops after us. The one who’d call the cops if she found those drugs.”

  “She won’t find them. She’s got no reason to go in the barn now that all the horses are gone. She won’t find them. Swear.”

  “Yeah, you fucking swear all the time, but you fuck up more than you deliver. This is all I need, your fucking sister finding my shit and fucking my life again. I can’t go back to my bar. The damn cops have it under surveillance. My house, too. I’m stuck sneaking around, and you three are here drinking, doing drugs, and not cooking my damn meth.”

  “We are. We did. We’re out. Until you can get the guys to make another run. We cooked it all. It’s done. Fine. Swear.”

  “You better be right about this.” Derek finally backed off, shoving Connor aside. “Let’s go.”

  Connor stumbled, but caught himself before he nosedived into his cot. “Go. No.” Connor shook his head side to side. “We can’t go. I’ll go. You don’t need to go.”

  “One sentence is enough. You really need to lay off the product.”

  “I’m fine. Totally fine. Swear.”

  “You’re whacked out of your head. Let’s move.”

  “If we all go, we’ll get caught. I’ll go, get the stuff, and meet you back here.”

  “No. We’re meeting Trigger. Scott and Tony will take the bags from the sugar shack and drive down to Missoula.”

  Connor couldn’t help the goofy smile. He’d named the shack just outside the cave the sugar shack. They used that term when talking or texting about the operation and how many bags of “sugar” they produced.

  “I don’t know what the fuck you’re smiling about, man, this is serious shit. We don’t deliver and someone’s going to get their head blown off.”

  Connor hoped it wasn’t him. He’d done his best to keep up with Derek’s demands, but all he wanted to do now was get out. Not going to happen. He’d screwed up the first few batches after he swore he could deliver. Instead of slicing his head off, Derek put him back to work to pay off his debt. At this point, Connor knew one thing for sure; the only way he was getting out was dead. No way he ended up in a cell detoxing and hurting with a need for the one thing he couldn’t live without anymore. He’d gone down the rabbit hole and lost himself on the dark side.

  “Do you hear me, man? We need to go. Now.”

  Scott and Tony rushed out to the sugar shack to pick up the duffel bags, then headed to Scott’s car. Connor stared at Derek, wishing he could take the dude out. All he did was push, push, push. Connor just wanted to ride his high, forget about everything else, and feel that exhilaration. Derek’s presence only made him angry. He hated when he lost control. It really killed his buzz, like when he thought about Sadie and what happened to her. So he smoked some more and let it all go.

  “We go. We get it. We get out. You leave my sister alone.”

  “You do what you’re told for once, and we won’t have a problem.”

  “Right. I’m the problem.”

  Derek shoved him. “What does that mean?”

  “Keep your hands off my sister. She’s not a part of this.” Connor pressed the heel of his hand to his eye, then up over his sweaty forehead. �
�All those fucking cuts on her.”

  Derek’s eyes lit up with excitement. So much so that Connor might have thought he’d just used, but Connor knew better. Derek never touched the product. No, he liked something other than drugs. He liked to inflict pain. He’d caused Sadie plenty. So had Connor.

  He hoped he got away tonight with the drugs from his house without Sadie finding out.

  CHAPTER 13

  Sadie walked into the kitchen and found Rory sitting at her breakfast table.

  “How is your dad?”

  “Sleeping.” Sadie looked at the dark windows, then the clock. “It’s late. You didn’t have to stay.”

  “I wanted to.” Rory held his hand out to her.

  Sadie walked to him and took it. He gave her a soft tug. She sat on his lap, her legs between his, and leaned into him. He wrapped both arms around her. She leaned her head against his and sighed out her worry and frustration, feeling lighter just having someone here with her, having him here with her.

  “No more working at my place. You need to be here with your dad from now on.”

  “I appreciate it, Rory, but I’m not going to change my mind about doing what is right.”

  “Sadie.” He grumbled out her name like a warning.

  She pressed her fingers over his tight lips.

  Rory pulled them away and relented. “What can I do to make you feel better?” His deep, rich voice soothed her, but the sweet sentiment went right to her heart.

  “You’re doing it. I feel better already.”

  “I can do more than just sit here with you.”

  “You’re here, Rory. That’s all I need, just to be close to you.”

  His arms contracted around her. She settled into his big body, letting his warmth envelop her. The ripples of heat, the pulse of the pull between them, the way it felt right to sit in his arms resonated through her.

  “I can’t get much closer to you,” she teased, trying to keep things light as nerves sent butterflies fluttering in her belly.

  “You could.” He slid his hand up her thigh and squeezed her hip. A deep groan rumbled in his chest. “It’s never been easy for me to get to know people, especially women. Ford and Colt say I spend too much time alone on the ranch working. They’re probably right.”