Jesse tipped his head forward. “No, but I am.”
***
A few hours passed and I almost forgot about Jesse’s little task. Almost.
About a quarter to eleven, a cute looking girl in her early twenties strolled up lugging a bag of penis shaped whistles. I gaped when she threw the bag onto my counter.
“Thank God! I was having trouble finding a store that carried these,” she mumbled, texting away on her phone.
I swallowed. “You…um…you were looking for penis whistles?”
She took her eyes away from her phone and nodded as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “My friend is having a ‘fuck you’ party celebrating the departure of her douche ex-boyfriend. The girls are all getting together and having fun. You know, helping her rebound and objectify men.”
“With penis whistles,” I repeated feeling dumbfounded.
She shrugged. “It’s a girls’ night out.”
I shook my head, still not fully comprehending her frame of thought. I reached out to grab the bag of peach colored phallic-ness and could have sworn I felt my fingertips burn. I cleared my throat. “That will be five fifty-eight.”
As the girl swiped her card and began punching in her pin number, she pushed her hair back and smiled. “You know, I would never have found these if it weren’t for your signs. I had just about given up on looking before I noticed them.”
Signs? As in plural?
My face paled. “What signs?”
“Oh, the big purple one towards the middle of the store.” She paused and threw me a wink. “Loved the footprints leading to them too.”
“WHAT?”
Faster than I had ever moved before, I finished ringing her up and tore the receipt off the printer. I practically threw the plastic bag at her and with a hurried “Thank you!” I ran towards the middle of the store. My boots thumped across the cement floor, but screeched to a stop when I saw it. “Oh my God!”
A giant purple sign, courtesy of our overstock poster board, was hung right above the plumbing section.
Rossi’s Novelties now selling
ADULT Novelties.
Aisle 8
It wasn’t so much the wording, but the phallic symbols sketched along the edges to create a border of penises! Penises!
I stood there trembling with shock and pure outrage, but I did not blow my gasket until I saw the glittered footprints on the floor. It looked as if a purple alien had landed on earth and somehow wandered its way to our store in search of plastic penis toys.
I stood there trembling when I heard the most irritating sound in the world.
“Well, seeing as I’m an overachiever, I thought I’d one up you and make sure those toys garnered the attention the deserved.” The cockiness in his tone was easy to pick up on. He thought he had won something over me. He was wrong.
Taking a deep breath, I tried my hardest to slow my beating heart. I turned around slowly and in the calmest voice I could muster I said, “As much as I do appreciate your…uh, artistic flare, it’s against company policy to have anything on the floor like this. You know, health risk.”
“Health risk,” he repeated doubtfully.
“Fire hazard?” I shook my head and turned to walk away. “Clean this up and get back to The Dungeon.”
“Really?”
I glanced over my shoulder. “Really what?”
“You’re not pissed, angry, horrified?”
I was all those things and more, but I merely shrugged. “Why? I made a sale, didn’t I? Thanks for that.”
He scratched his head in confusion. “Um, what about the sign?”
As much as it pained me to leaving it hanging up, I waved it off. “Aw, keep it. Looked like your doodling skills got better anyhow. Might as well show it off.”
“Males learn how to draw genitalia from the moment they are taught to hold a pencil,” he shot back.
“Good to know.”
***
Stephanie squealed and shoved her smart phone in my face. “Look what I got!”
“Dude! Get that shit away from me!” I pushed the overpriced gadget away from my face and grimaced. “Trust me, I have seen enough dicks today to last me a lifetime.”
Stephanie lowered her phone and began texting with a shrug of her shoulders. “I somehow doubt that.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whose wang is that, anyway?”
“Daniel’s.”
I nearly threw up in my mouth. I didn’t know who I expected it to be, but it was most traumatizing to find out it belonged to someone I knew too well.
“Next time warn me before shoving pictures of random body parts in my face, okay?”
Stephanie laughed and snapped a picture of her smiling face.
I frowned. “What? No boob shot in return?”
“Hell no! He might be all about sending me naked pictures, but I have class!” She paused and grinned mischievously. “He needs to win my heart before he sees this ass.”
I snorted. “Nice.”
“Thought you’d enjoy it.” She bowed and threw her phone to the side. “Okay, now that that’s done, finish telling me about Jesse.”
“What’s there to tell? My plan backfired.”
“What did you expect? Jesse’s been in a class all his own since we were younger. It’s going to take a lot to shock him or shake him.”
“True.”
“If it’s any consolation, I’m sure you did rock his boat just a teeny bit.”
It did make me feel better. With a small smile I asked, “How?”
“You didn’t react to his retaliation. Even when we were younger you’d be the first to freak out about something he said or did. This time you handled it rather adult, actually.”
“Well, I did grow up,” I reminded her.
“So is this done? All this stupid proving yourself by shoving dildos in each other’s faces is done?” Stephanie shook her head in disgust. “Honestly, you both are acting a bit juvenile. This is like the adult version of punching the kid you like during recess. You guys really need to relieve this sexual tension.”
I shifted uncomfortably. “Sexual tension? Please.”
Stephanie lifted an eyebrow. “Really, you can say that to me right now?”
I fidgeted. “Well, it’s one-sided. He doesn’t look at me like that.” I looked down at my feet. “Besides, he’s always liked teasing me like this. It kind of feels nice to joke on each other again.”
My friend nodded her head in thought. “Yeah, he always did drag you around on his stupid outings to get a rise out of you.” She looked into my eyes and smiled. “Looks like he’s doing that again.”
“Yeah, looks like he’s doing something again,” I muttered. I glanced at Stephanie’s mirror and sighed at the perplexed reflection on my face.
It was good that he was joking around with me again, right? It was good that he was finally opening up as opposed to flat out ignoring me. So why did I feel like this?
I felt Stephanie squeeze my shoulder. Glancing up, I threw her a scowl. “Maybe you should stop playing shrink with me.”
“I just wanted to remind you that this plan of yours is a really bad idea.” She turned to her kitchen and grabbed a plate of cannolis from the counter. Stuffing one into her mouth, she returned to the living room and placed the plate down onto the coffee table in front of me, almost as an offering for whatever tough love she was about to lay on me.
I shook my head and asked a question I already knew the answer to. “Why is that?”
With a full mouth she answered, “Because you’re bound to get hurt! I mean what’s the purpose of this? To prove you’re some badass chick because you’re not.”
“Hey, stop being mean.”
“It’s true. Or are you really doing this because you want him to realize how madly in love with you he is? Because he won’t.”
“Are you just trying to be a bitch? Because it’s working.”
She placed her cannoli down and dusted her hands off. “Jesse h
as always had a wall surrounding him. You were the only person who could penetrate it.”
Penetrate. Ugh, such an ugly word.
“You’re basically rebuilding the friendship you missed so much and now you’re going to ruin it by reenacting your rebellious stage. Why are you Sandra Deeing this? Didn’t we always say don’t change for a guy?”
“I’m not changing,” I protested. “I just want to prove a point.
“Well stop. It’s a stupid ploy to try to relive the past. Just be yourself—the Rocky now.”
“You mean the anxious girl who doesn’t even sketch anymore because—”
“Someone trashed her art exhibit?” she finished quietly.
I shut my eyes tightly and sighed. “Yeah, that girl.”
Stephanie shook her head and smiled weakly. “It’ll just take time. For you and him. For you both. Things will get better, I promise.”
“It didn’t take any amount of time for you and Daniel to hit it off again,” I reminded her.
“That’s because we didn’t share the same bond you two had.” She patted her heart and took a deep breath. “It doesn’t take a genius to know you hurt the ones you love the most. It also doesn’t take a genius to know it’s hard to be friends with your exes.”
I blinked in surprise. “We were never exes.”
Giving me a knowing grin, she replied, “Oh, yeah. He was definitely yours.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You tell me.” She stared into my eyes and for a moment I felt as if she were peering deep into the recesses of my brain.
“What?” I snapped, looking away. I rubbed my arms, suddenly feeling naked. “You’re being ridiculous. How can we be exes if we didn’t even go out?”
“I didn’t say you were his ex, did I?”
I shook my head and stared at her blankly.
“It’s all about that unrequited love bullshit and look, I get all the hoopla, I really do. What I don’t get is why you’re going about it the same way you always have. You’re basically throwing away your second chance.”
“And how am I doing that?” I asked with a sigh.
Frowning, she answered, “By trying to be like him. Changing yourself to fit his image.”
I folded my arms and scowled. “Stop playing shrink with me. What do you even know about stuff like this?”
“You’re forgetting I work with brains.”
“Yeah, neuroimaging, not psychology,” I pointed out.
She pointed her fingers and began to draw circles on either side of her head. “I know the goings on with synapses and neurons. I had to take a few psychology classes to get my degree, you know. Trust me when I say that I know what you’re thinking better than you do.”
“All right, Psychic Woman. Tell me what I’m thinking.”
“It’s what your subconscious is thinking, Rocky. There’s something about Jesse that reels you in. Maybe he’s a reflection of what you wish you could be, so subconsciously you try to emulate him in hopes of attracting him.”
Yeah, Steph was always the smart one. Of course I wouldn’t tell her that.
“Why would I want to be like him? That’s just weird.”
“Why would you?” she threw back at me.
For a moment I felt a need to lie down on her couch and stare at the ceiling. I imagined her grabbing a little notepad and scribbling her observations away a la Freud. I scratched my head and sighed. “Maybe…”
“Yes?” Stephanie prodded.
“Maybe it’s because I was always expected to be the good one, you know? Emily was always doing something wrong in my parents’ eyes and I was the angel. I guess it got boring and I don’t know…Jesse came along and…”
“Your sexual awakening happened,” Stephanie replied in all seriousness. She patted my arm. “I know, I know.”
I rolled my eyes. “But that still doesn’t back your theory up.”
“How so? You practically just gave me key evidence for another thesis.”
“Why would I want to be like Jesse to get him to like me? I want to be me to get him to like me.”
“What if the you you’re trying to be is actually the you that you’re supposed to be?”
“Wait, what?” I shook my head in confusion.
Stephanie pretended to push up a pair of non-existent glasses up her nose. “Why do you like art?”
“I get to create things,” I responded blankly, wondering where the hell she was getting at.
“And how does that make you feel?”
“I don’t know…alive, I guess.” At least it used to.
“Elaborate.”
I took a full minute thinking before I answered. “When I put my graphite to my paper, I feel as if I’m creating life. Each line makes me feel a little buzz. Like I’m where I’m supposed to be.”
“Okay. How do you feel when you’re with Jesse?”
I clasped my hands together and shrugged my shoulders. “I used to feel excited.”
“What about now?”
“Confused is a good word.”
Stephanie smiled. “Well, given how he’s been acting it’s no wonder you’re confused. But let’s focus on the excitement factor. Did you know excitement is linked to dopamine? It’s the same hormone and neurotransmitter that motivates you and feeds addiction because it stimulates pleasure.”
“I’m not following.”
“Well, doing your artsy fartsy stuff feeds into your excitement, thus increasing the level of the hormone. Tell me, when you can’t draw, sketch, or paint, how do you feel?”
“Kinda blah. In fact, it’s how I’ve been kinda feeling for a while.”
“You still feel anxious, don’t you?” she asked sympathetically.
“You know the answer to that.” I looked away, unable to meet her eyes.
“Low dopamine can cause that too.”
I rolled my eyes. “Are you saying that you think I want Jesse’s attention because it’ll increase my hormone levels? Because that’s stupid! There’s so much more to a friendship than stupid hormones.”
Her face was expressionless. “How have you been feeling since he’s been back? Same level of excitement that you get when you draw?”
“It’s not the same kind of excitement,” I argued.
“But it’s excitement, nonetheless. Excitement that you haven’t felt since you last painted and sketched, right?”
I shrugged.
Stephanie smiled triumphantly. “Jesse awakened those synapses in your brain. He awakened those neurotransmitters and hormones. It’s why you’re addicted to his attention. He makes you feel alive again.”
“But I don’t want to be addicted to him.” I pouted slightly. “That’s so degrading. I want him to be addicted to me.”
“Okay, Miss Double Standard.”
“I’m serious. I mean, you make me feel good in a BFF sort of way. Does that mean I’m addicted to you?” Like a child throwing a tantrum, I crossed my hands across my chest and huffed. “No! You’re just feeding me a lot of bullshit.”
“You’re right.”
I lifted my head in surprise. Stephanie never let me win an argument that easily. “I am?”
She smiled. “Maybe you’re not addicted to excitement…did you know that dopamine is also linked to love?”
“What?”
With a knowing look she answered, “It was never just a crush with you, Rocky. You were in love with him. That’s why you’re trying to so hard to get his attention. You want him back. What did I say earlier about him being your ex?”
“Just some random crap.” I shot her a sarcastic grin.
“Believe me or not, just promise me one thing?”
“And what is that?”
“Stop being juvenile. Sometimes relationships need time to restart and recharge. I think you and Jesse are a prime example of that.” Taking another bite of her cannoli, she nodded her head. “Just be patient. It’ll happen.”
“Being friends again?” I offered.
She winked. “Something like that.”
Chapter 15
Pieces of frost and ice crunched under my feet as I dragged myself back to work the next day. My little therapy session with Stephanie ended up knocking me down a few rungs, leaving me feeling even more lost and confused than I started out. Was it possible to have a mid-life crisis at my age? If not, I think the convoluted feeling in my brain could prove the theory wrong.
“I can’t be addicted to Jesse, could I?” I mumbled under my breath.
I thought back to high school and all the times I joined him in his pursuit of unruliness. Somehow, despite my anxiety, I was able to push through and enjoy myself. Why? I knew it wasn’t because of an addiction.
I shook my head. “No, it’s more than that. Stephanie has no idea what she’s talking about. I’m not addicted to Jesse, I just think I’ve always been in love with him.”
I took a breath and felt the cold winter air stab me in the lungs. With a shake of my shoulders, I unlocked the store and turned off the alarm. The store was dimly lit with only one fluorescent light bulb buzzing above my head. Though some would find the whole atmosphere a bit eerie, I found it comforting. It was nice to get away and be alone with my thoughts.
Peeling off my coat, I walked up to the cash wrap and threw my purse on top of the counter. As I began turning on the computers, something caught my eye. One of the cabinets, which was located behind the register, was slightly ajar.
“I could have sworn I closed that when I closed last night,” I murmured, pushing it shut. Deciding I was probably imagining things, I went about my business.
My day went about as normally as one could. Jesse walked in for his shift around ten that morning and to my surprise he didn’t say one word about yesterday’s adult toy fiasco. Due to Stephanie’s urging, I was ready to put the games behind me, and seeing that Jesse didn’t mention it, I was confident that we both could find a way to move beyond my stolen kiss and the phallic toys.
My lips remained curled in a stationary smile all day as I worked. Things were looking up. Jesse even came out of The Dungeon a few times to chat with me. Maybe Stephanie was right after all. We didn’t need to resort to childish games to rekindle our friendship. All we needed was time and a mutual understanding. Things would return to normal. It just needed to naturally fall into place.
Two Outta Three (Two Outta Three #1) Page 10
