“Um…” He let out a stale laugh and scratched his head. “I really don’t know how to ask you this.”
Too soon for a proposal!
“But did anything go on with you and Jesse?”
I blinked in surprise. “What?”
“Like do you two have a history?” His face was scrunched up in a way that made him look like a little boy. I would have felt sorry for him if I wasn’t so surprised by his question.
I swallowed the lump that was quickly forming inside my throat. “We’re friends.”
Well, it was the truth.
He rolled his jaw and shrugged his shoulders pathetically. “It just seems that there’s something there, you know?”
My eyes tightened and my lips straight. “No, I don’t.”
“The way he looks at you…I know that look because it’s the same way I look at you.”
I felt myself lean back into the uncomfortable couch cushions. Ethan had to be imagining it, right? Jesse could never think of me that way. Beside myself, I shook my head. “No, he doesn’t look at me in any way but a friend…if we’re even that anymore.”
“Oh yeah, you had a falling out.” He bowed his head and nodded it slowly as if he were thinking about his next words. “That doesn’t explain the way you look at him.”
Okay, he got me there.
I shifted and began to bounce my knee anxiously. When I realized I was shaking the couch with enough force to jerk Ethan forward, I calmed my restless leg. “If I look at him in any particular way it’s because I’m happy to have him back. He used to be my best friend.”
“Stephanie?”
“Another one of my best friends,” I corrected. I took a deep breath and pressed my lips together into a smile. “I can confidently say there is nothing going on between Jesse and me.”
Even if I wished there was.
“Phew.” He sighed and rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand. “Good. It’s hard to fight the ghost of an ex, especially when they’re standing right in front of you.”
“Well, he’s not my ex.” My tone was firm, but I didn’t know if I was being argumentative with him or with the thoughts Stephanie embedded in my head. Changing the subject, I lifted my fork. “This is some really great pasta. You did a great job.”
It was a blatant lie, we both knew it. Yet I could tell he was pleased with my effort.
Grinning, he reached out and squeezed my arm. “I’m glad you like it. I’ve been trying to impress you since I met you. Glad to know I finally did. You’re a hard girl to please.”
“I’m really not.”
***
After dinner, Ethan and I found ourselves watching a weird episode of Law and Order. Though I acted as if I were completely mesmerized with the NYPD, I really had no idea what was going on. All I could concentrate on was the way Ethan inched over methodically during each commercial break. By the time the gavel was pounded, Ethan was practically sitting in my lap.
“What are you doing?” I laughed half-heartedly.
“You know I don’t expect anything tonight, right?” he asked in all seriousness.
“What?”
Crap. Are we really having the sex talk right now?
“I won’t force you to do anything and if you feel uncomfortable, it’s fine.”
What the fuck was he getting at?
I bit my lip nervously. “What are you trying to say?”
“We’re alone in a house and I know that usually calls for some action.” He let out an awkward chuckle and winced a bit.
“Ethan…”
“What I’m trying to say is that I just want to kiss you. I want to hold you. We don’t have to have sex.”
I stared at him blankly. “What makes you think I wanted to have sex tonight?”
The blood instantly drained from his face. “I didn’t mean…I’m…uh…It’s after the third date and I thought…” He bowed his head and sighed. “That came out crass, didn’t it? I wanted you to feel comfortable around me, but I ended up making accusations.”
“Um, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. Really.” I didn’t know whether I was trying to convince him or myself. Oh, God, why was this so uncomfortable?
He nodded slowly. “Well, I was wondering if I could at least kiss you.”
“We’ve kissed before, Ethan,” I reminded him. “You really don’t have to ask.”
“You can’t just take kisses, Rocky. You have to be blessed with them.” His blue eyes sparkled with sincerity and looked like pools of calm water. My heart couldn’t help but melt as I stared into them.
He really was a nice guy. So why did he lack the passion I was craving? Why didn’t I feel the same electric shocks that shot up and down my core whenever Jesse walked into the room?
That’s just it. They’re electric shocks. Those aren’t supposed to be good.
I sat back and stared at Ethan. He was the kind of guy I should have been after all along. Sweet, smart, and extremely considerate—maybe it was time to put away childhood fallacies and grow up.
Grow up.
That’s what Jesse and I did, wasn’t it? We grew up and we grew apart. It was time to accept the inevitable fact and quit trying so hard to revert back to childish behavior just to connect with one another. Maybe there would never even be that same connection anymore…
Perhaps it was a way to silence the voices inside my head. Or maybe it was a way to prove something to myself that I so desperately wanted—needed—to believe. Whatever the reasoning, I reached out and wrapped my fingers around his neck and pulled him towards me. Though I caught him by surprise, he basically dove into my body, placing firm kisses along the side of my face—what the fuck?—leading a trail to my lips. Once his mouth planted against mine, he pried it open and stuck his tongue inside, yet still kept his hands propped chastely at the top of my back.
I rolled my eyes through closed lids and gently led his hands down to the arch of my back. I don’t know why I did so. In the back of my mind I was telling myself to stop, but I just couldn’t. I desperately wanted to fall out of Jesse’s spell and if it meant a hardcore make out session with a hot guy, so be it.
Diving head first in what was soon to be a pool of regret, I coaxed him to the floor and pulled off my sweater, leaving him staring at my chest in awe. I fought an urge to ask if he’d ever seen boobs before and was glad when he stopped gawking and pulled off his own t-shirt to reveal his own chiseled goodness.
Wow. I did not know clean cut Ethan had the body of Kellan Lutz hidden under his stuffy clothes. He really was the perfect guy, wasn’t he?
Ethan took his time, trailing soft kisses down from my cleavage to my stomach. My skin felt warm, heating up each time his soft lips landed on my body. I was definitely turned on, but any wetness I had immediately dried up as soon as he reached my crotch.
When he thumbed the waistband of my sweats he paused, running his fingertips along the ruffled inside of the elastic. He was waiting for me to say go ahead, but I couldn’t. The words “just the tip” flooded my brain and I knew there was no way I could go any further. I didn’t want to lose my ‘technical’ virginity. At least not this way.
“No.” I pushed his hand away.
Ethan immediately pulled back and sat on his haunches. His breaths were fast and his face was shiny with sweat. My gaze trailed after a glistening drop, which slid slowly down his pectoral muscles before landing on the floor.
“Are you okay?” He pushed himself up and held out his hand to stand me up.
“Yes.” My palms were sweaty, but he didn’t seem to care. Once I was on my feet, he reached out to grab my sweater, which I took gratefully. “Thanks.”
He nodded once and smiled softly. “Like I said, I’ll never make you do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I never break my promises.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard those words before.”
Chapter 17
Jesse and I watched Stephanie retreat back to the gym. Her blue dress swished behind her
looking like a bundle of peacock feathers fluttering in the wind.
Resting his elbow on the bleacher behind my head, he leaned over and whispered, “Where do you think we’ll be when we grow up?”
His breath tickled my ear, causing me to shiver. Chuckling, he threw his arm over my shoulder. It was quite innocent and even playful, yet I’d like to pretend it was his way of telling me he loved me.
Feeling myself blush, I turned away before answering in a breathy tone, “I don’t know. Working, I guess?”
“As what?”
I took a deep breath and clasped my hands together. The long tips of my French manicured nails dug into the skin, bringing me back down to earth. “I’m going to be an artist, of course. I’m going to open up my own gallery and just be happy.”
From my periphery I could make out Jesse nodding. When I felt a slight movement at the bottom of my dress, I noticed him picking at the satin material. Was it wrong to wish he’d rip it off me?
“You always had a penchant for color,” he mused. “Did I tell you this is a really nice shade on you?”
“Just once,” I whispered. Taking slow breaths to steady my heart, I asked, “What about you? Where will you be? What will you be doing?”
“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully. “I just know I’ll be out of this town.”
My heart plummeted. I couldn’t imagine being anywhere without Jesse near me. My nose prickled as unjustified tears worked their way through me.
Jesse frowned. “Are you okay?”
“Uh, yeah.” I pretended to scratch my nose and blinked quickly. “Oh you know, allergies.”
“Allergies,” he repeated with a slight grunt. He faced forward, but kept his eyes on me. “You trust me, right?”
“Of course I do,” I answered, never more confident of anything else in my life.
He nodded his head slowly. “I’ll get us out of here.”
I turned my head in alarm. Sure, Bethel Falls didn’t have too much going for it, but it was home. I couldn’t imagine leaving it. My frown deepening, I asked, “Why would I want to leave this place?”
“Really? You can actually ask me that?” He let out a puff of air from his nostrils and shook his head.
“I didn’t ask why you would leave. I was talking about me. My whole family is here. Why would I want to go?”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. Your aunts, uncles, cousins, and about eighteen grandparents.”
I elbowed him right where I’d imagine his nipple to be. “Be nice.”
“Don’t you want to see what else is out there?” His voice sounded so distant, as if he were already enjoying lands beyond our high school football field.
I shrugged, “Yeah, I guess so…”
“Imagining how great your paintings would be if you could actually see these places away from your computer screen.”
“I mean, of course I want to see the world. It’s scary, but it’s an exciting thought.” I nodded, not knowing how else to respond. My hair flopped back and forth, finally loosening from its bobby pin prison and falling around my shoulders.
“If I leave, you will too.” Jesse nodded his head in affirmation.
“You really think so?” There was no mistaking my disbelief.
He threw me my favorite lopsided grin. “I never break my promises. I’d never leave you behind.
***
“Have you seen Jesse around?” It was a question I asked about a hundred times that day. It was nearing eleven o’clock and there was still no sign of my friend. Though I knew we had left things kind of weird after our previous shift, I didn’t think it warranted a no show at work. At first I thought it odd that he didn’t show up early for his shift and even felt a bit angry about it. Now about a third of the way into our shifts, that anger turned into worry and fear.
When another one of my employees shook their head, I knew it was time to find him. Since I didn’t have his phone number, I decided to go through my dad’s files to get it. It wasn’t a breach of privacy to go through private files if I was technically the boss, right? Besides, this could be a life or death situation.
Instructing one of my cousins to man the register, I snuck into my dad’s office, which was located right beside The Dungeon. I gripped the cool metal of the master keys, shaking slightly as I placed the one marked with a red rubber top into the lock. I was tempted to make sure the coast was clear before I barged into the room, but figuring I’d look more suspicious doing so, I kept my chin raised and entered the office with a sense of authority. Of course that didn’t mean I wasn’t about to freak out once I got inside.
Slamming the door shut, I leaned against the cool wood and took a few deep breaths to calm down. My heartbeat was erratic, and though I knew I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I still felt as if I were breaking some rule by being in my parents’ office when they weren’t around. There is something about working for your parents that still makes you feel about twelve years old regardless of how old you are.
When I calmed down enough to see straight, I made it over to the huge oak desk, which was placed smack in the middle of the tiny room. The surface drowned in piles of paper, binders, and other office supplies. My parents always preferred being on the sales floor to being cooped up in the office. By the looks of the hoarder type mess, they sure hadn’t been inside for quite some time.
Grabbing the nearby chair, I plopped down and began wheeling myself to the nearest cabinet. Using my feet as oars, I slid across the room to an accompaniment of squeaking wheels and scuffed boots. There were three gigantic filing cabinets in front of me and one of them housed Jesse’s employee file. All I had to do was pick the correct one.
“Now, which could it be?” My eyes perused my choices before landing on a drawer that was ajar. There was a smudged fingerprint on the handle, which looked pretty fresh. Given that Jesse had just started working, I figured there was a good chance this drawer contained all his secrets.
“Open sesame,” I muttered, yanking it open.
As expected, my dad’s filing system wasn’t a system at all and looked more like an office supply store exploded inside. Figuring I needed to look for the cleanest, crispest manila folder, I kept my eyes peeled for anything that screamed ‘new.’ As luck would have it, I found it without even trying.
“Right on top,” I mumbled with a pop of the p.
Jesse Michael Tyler
I ran my fingertip over his name, which was scrawled on the label with a thick black marker. I didn’t know why I was so nervous to open up the thin file. It probably only held his W-9 and two forms of identification. It wasn’t as if it was his prison records—which I didn’t know if he had any or not—nor his permanent record. Still, somehow I felt that it held all the secrets he’d been holding from me.
Stupid, huh?
Taking one deep breath, I pried the thin stock open and glanced inside. To my relief, and minor disappointment, there was only the usual tax stuff inside.
I scanned the paper and found his phone number. Though I felt like a creeper stealing it this way, I knew I had no other choice. Quickly programming it into my phone, I slammed the folder shut and shoved it back into the drawer before the other employees wondered what I was up to. I jumped up and jogged to the door, taking one more glance around before I exited.
***
“Are you eating with us today?” Aunt Belle, who was actually my Uncle Samuel’s third wife, and a bit too young for him if you asked me, questioned as it neared time for our break. Her voice had that certain raspiness that would have made her a great rock star, but as luck would have it she was resigned to working for us…a fact she reminded us every single day.
I shook my head and smiled. “Not today.”
“Ah, Ethan coming back? You know it won’t be long until you’re the sister with a bun in the oven.” She winked mischievously, knowing all the dirty details of Emily’s infamous descent into “bad daughter” territory.
I rolled my eyes. “No, I got some calls
to take care of. I’ll see you after lunch.”
“Calling those wedding vendors, right?”
Ignoring her, I threw on my winter coat and stepped out into the freezing weather. Though there were probably better places to do this, the privacy of my car seemed the most inviting. The blast of arctic air hit my face, feeling like a sledgehammer to my skin. Pulling my hood around my face, I blew air out of my mouth to test how cold it was. It was a habit I’d never grown out of from childhood and still felt a sheer amount of joy doing. There was just something fun about seeing the fog leave my mouth. Especially since it was the closest I’d ever get to smoking.
Shuddering, I ran towards my car and jumped inside, putting the heater on full blast. While I waited for my car to heat up, I peeled off my gloves and held my hands in front of the warm air vents. One by one, my fingers began to thaw out. It was a painful process and once it was done, I reached into my pocket and fished for the phone. “Here goes nothing.”
I swiped my phone on, going straight to favorites—yeah, I know. After one last thought of encouragement, I pressed Jesse’s name and leaned back into my seat. As each ring painfully passed, I couldn’t help but question myself.
Ring one: Would he be mad I called?
Ring two: Would he be mad I stole his number?
Ring three: Would he even answer the fucking phone?
Finally, after the umpteenth ring, Jesse’s voice finally filled my ear. It wasn’t his voicemail intro, either.
“Hello?”
As soon as I heard his familiar baritone, my heart began doing cartwheels.
“Jesse!” I screeched. “Where are you?”
He took a moment to respond. “Is this Rocky?”
“Who else would it be?” I snapped, growing more irritated by the second. “Where are you? I was worried! You could have at least called in to tell us you were missing work.”
In a calculated tone he asked, “How’d you get this number?”
Two Outta Three (Two Outta Three #1) Page 12
