I'll Show You Mine

by Lauren Gallagher

  “Will do.”

  Wide awake now, with “oh shit, no time!” pumping through his veins while the Five-Hour took its sweet time, he pulled the shop’s books out of the drawer. He skimmed over them quickly, making sure everything was where it belonged. Like Jake, Shane was meticulous about these things, but given his compromised state of mind lately, it didn’t hurt to double check before it all went to the bookkeeper.

  Everything was in order, of course, so he opened his door and gestured for Renee to come in. She offered a thin smile, and got up from one of the chairs in the lobby, where a couple of customers waited to pick up vehicles or discuss estimates.

  Renee stepped in and glanced at Jake’s empty desk. “Oh. Is he still on his honeymoon?”

  “No, no. He’s in Atlanta for a trade show. On the road for a few in a row, actually. He’ll be back the week after next.”

  “Oh.”

  “Anyway, sorry to hold you up for a few minutes.” He handed her the books. “Time got away from me, and I wasn’t quite done entering a few things.”

  She took the books and tucked them under her arm. “So, you’re handling them while Jake’s gone?”

  “Yeah. I promise I won’t keep you waiting next month.”

  She gave a watery smile. “Oh, that’s okay. But, um, if you want to wait until he’s back, I can just pick them all up at once.”

  He shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. I can handle it.”

  She shifted her weight. “Well, I’d…” She hesitated, dropping her gaze. “I would like to have Jake look over the invoices and payments, just to double-check everything.”

  Shane gritted his teeth. “I triple-checked it myself.”

  Renee pursed her lips but didn’t look at him.

  Barely stopping himself from rolling his eyes, he said, “You want my parole officer to sign off on it too?”

  Her cheeks darkened, confirming his suspicion. She shuffled the books under her arm and, with a hell of a lot of effort by the looks of it, met his eyes. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of them.”

  “Thank you,” he said through his teeth.

  She left his office, and when the cowbells on the front door jingled to announce her departure, he released a sharp breath. What the fuck did she expect, anyway? That he’d rob his own business blind? He’d done some stupid shit in the past, but he wasn’t going to shoot himself in the foot.

  Though he was wide awake now, his focus was trashed. He stared at the blinking cursor on his screen, but hell if he could remember what he’d been doing. His mind wandered out of the office, out of the shop, right back into his bedroom and the woman who’d shared it with him the last couple of nights. The exchange with Renee just made him feel that much guiltier about the cards he was keeping from Alyssa. Alyssa had insisted she didn’t want to get into their past lives. There was something in her past that she didn’t want to talk about, and she wasn’t interested in his.

  But what did she think he was hiding? She couldn’t have had a clue what the truth was—the only way she would’ve known was if Hannah had told her, and if that had happened, Alyssa probably wouldn’t have come near him if her life had depended on it, especially since her sister wouldn’t have been terribly diplomatic about it. And Alyssa wouldn’t have had sex with him, never mind let him tie her hands and raise welts on her back.

  Which made him feel that much guiltier for not telling her. If this reality would scare her away, then maybe she deserved to know. To decide, with all the information instead of partial truths, if she was okay with all of this. He was asking her for far too much trust to keep this up his sleeve.

  Except she had a past too. One she’d alluded to. And she was adamant that she wanted nothing to matter except the here and now.

  Maybe she was right. Maybe the past was the past, and she was sincere about not giving a damn what he’d left behind as long as he didn’t give a damn what she’d left behind. After all, they were just having sex. Hot, kinky sex with no strings attached.

  But was he lying to her by omission? Would she have been so insistent about not discussing the past if she knew what kind of past he wasn’t discussing?

  And was he going to be able to sleep at night between now and when he finally came clean?

  He stared at his phone beside the keyboard and debated calling her.

  No, if he was going to tell her, it would be face-to-face.

  And maybe not quite yet. If this thing took a serious turn, then it would be time for confessions and hard truths. For now, though, it was sex. Fun sex with no pressure, no strings, no judgment.

  And he just couldn’t bring himself to ruin that.

  Not yet.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Alyssa was knee-deep in e-mails and paperwork when Janice came in through her open office door with a stack of folders under her arm.

  Alyssa groaned and sat back. “Please tell me you’re just stopping in to say hello on your way to set those on fire.”

  Her colleague laughed. “I’m afraid not.” She handed over the folders. “Southern Expediters said they can wait until Friday morning for these.”

  “Yeah, right,” Alyssa muttered. “They always say they can wait until Friday, then call screaming for them on Wednesday afternoon.”

  “At least they’re consistent.”

  Alyssa laughed. “Good point. Okay, I’ll get on them today. And while I do that…” She picked up another stack and held them up. “Have fun.”

  Janice scowled. “These aren’t for ExMax, are they?”

  “The one and only.”

  “Bitch,” Janice muttered.

  They both laughed, and Alyssa put the folders aside so she could still get to her keyboard. “Well, it keeps us employed.”

  “Yeah, it does.” Janice tucked her papers under her arm. “Do you have lunch plans today, by the way?”

  “Actually, no. Is it—” Alyssa checked the clock on her computer screen. “Damn, it’s already that time?”

  “Time flies.” Janice gestured over her shoulder. “You want to give that new sandwich place a try?”

  “That sounds great, actually. Let’s go before I get caught in a time warp again.” Alyssa pulled her purse out of the bottom drawer of her desk.

  “Good idea. Let me just drop all this debris in my office.”

  Alyssa locked her own office, and they left for a leisurely lunch at the restaurant that had just opened up a few blocks away.

  When she returned almost an hour later, Alyssa realized she’d left her phone sitting beside her keyboard. She hadn’t even noticed—she and Janice had taken a couple of other coworkers with them, and between the conversation and the absolutely amazing chicken panini, she hadn’t had any inclination to check her phone.

  As she settled back at her desk, she checked the screen and found a text from Shane. Only one. It was a benign response to her earlier text, and no nagging Are you there? follow-up. That was a refreshing switch.

  Her stomach sank a little. Of course he didn’t feel the need to chase her down. He had no reason to make her account for every minute of every day, because he wasn’t aware of her track record.

  Best not to think about that. Shane knew she had a past, and he’d accepted the fact that she didn’t want to talk about it, so there was no need to feel guilty for keeping it to herself.

  We’ll cross that bridge if we get there. For now, we’re having fun.

  Nothing more.

  She sent back another benign response to his text, set the phone aside and resumed working her way through the stack of reports and analyses.

  That evening, Alyssa held Nate’s hand and let him negotiate the steps leading up to his father’s front door. It was hard to believe he was growing so fast—another few months, and he’d be trotting up those steps with ease. Give him a year or so, and he’d be taki
ng them two at a time.

  He made it to the top, and she let go of his hand so he could open the door.

  Grant was waiting on the other side. “Hey, kiddo!” He knelt and opened his arms, and Nate hugged him. “You ready to watch Cars again?”

  “Yeah!”

  Grant patted the boy’s shoulder. “Okay. Go put your stuff away and wait for me in the living room.”

  “’Kay.” Nate disappeared down the hallway to his room, which was across the hall from Grant’s. It still blew Alyssa’s mind that he was getting this independent—as little as he was, he could be trusted to handle things like putting his backpack in his room and waiting for his dad to join him in front of the TV. Her niece was the same age and had to be watched almost constantly to keep her from dismantling electronics and furniture—she was going to be a tech guru someday, they were sure of it, but it was a bit harrowing at this age. Nate? He was easygoing, easily entertained, and rarely got into anything he wasn’t supposed to.

  The gods favor no one—we’ll pay for this when he’s a teenager, I just know it.

  She glanced up and saw that Grant was watching her. “What?”

  He cocked his head. “You’re in a good mood tonight.”

  Alyssa couldn’t help smiling. Especially since she already was smiling and hadn’t even realized it. “Is that unusual?”

  “Uh, actually, it kind of is.”

  All right, so he had a point. She shrugged. “Okay, busted.”

  “So what’s his name?”

  Alyssa laughed. “You’re automatically assuming I’m in a good mood because of a guy?”

  “I wouldn’t call it an assumption.” He smirked. “More like a conclusion based on previous observations.”

  She shifted, struggling not to let her smile get any bigger. “Oh come on. You don’t know if there’s—”

  “Don’t even try it, Lyss. I know you.” He rolled his eyes. “Anyway, as long as you’re here, do you want a cup of coffee?”

  “So you can interrogate me?”

  He shrugged. “Maybe.”

  She laughed. “Sure. Thanks.” She followed him into the kitchen, and he poured them each a cup of coffee. After they’d each stirred in their usual cream and sugar—just a little for her, a ridiculous amount for him—they pulled up chairs at his kitchen table.

  He sipped his coffee, then sat back, slinging his arm across the back of the chair next to him. “So how are things going with this guy?”

  “Good.” She thumbed the handle on her mug. “We’ve been burning the midnight oil, if that tells you anything. Which is all we’re doing.” Bringing her coffee cup to her lips, she added, “It’s a nice switch, actually. No pressure. No strings.”

  His eyebrows quirked. “Which means this good mood of yours, it’s just because you’re getting some action for a change, and not because there’s anything else going on with this guy?”

  “There’s nothing else going on with—”

  “Alyssa.” He inclined his head the way he always did when he saw right through her. “I know you. And it’s really good to see you this upbeat again for once. You’ll sell me oceanfront property in Arizona before you convince me there’s nothing going on, though.”

  “I mean it, Grant.” She held on to her cup with both hands, trying not to fold her arms and look defensive. “He doesn’t know anything about me except…” Her cheeks burned.

  Grant’s amusement faded. “So he doesn’t know…”

  “Of course he doesn’t.” She brought her coffee cup toward her lips again. “He’s still seeing me.”

  Grant grunted softly in agreement and then sipped his own coffee. “Have you thought about bringing it up to him?”

  “I have. But we’ve agreed to leave the past in the past and just focus on right now.”

  “Mmhmm. And how long is that going to last?”

  “I don’t know.” She leaned her elbows on the table. “Part of me thinks I’m being stupid and deluding myself that this will end well. Part of me just wants to enjoy not being judged, even if it doesn’t last.”

  “I can understand that. Just be careful, okay?” His forehead creased with genuine concern. “You and I both know what kind of minefield it is, introducing people to our pasts.”

  She nodded. “I know. But, I mean, if things did go further with him…when do I tell him?”

  Grant sighed. “No idea. If I had the answer to that, I wouldn’t be single.”

  “How encouraging.”

  “No kidding. But you know how people are. They assume once a cheater, always a cheater. In theory, we could just not tell anyone about it, but when it comes to you and me…” He gestured into the living room, where Nate had quietly taken a seat on the sofa. “We can’t exactly hide it.”

  Alyssa sighed, glancing at their son. “I know. God, I swear, if anyone gives him shit for it when he’s older…”

  “They’d better not,” he growled into his coffee. “Wasn’t his fault.”

  “No, it wasn’t.” She cradled her cup between her hands. “What do you tell women, anyway?”

  “You really want my advice? I haven’t done any better at keeping girls around than you have with men.”

  “That isn’t why Karla left, is it?”

  “She says no, but I have to wonder.”

  “Either way, humor me,” she said. “Do you ever tell girls up front?”

  “Depends. If I just want to fuck her, I don’t tell her at all. If I want to pursue something with her, I’ll kind of ease her into it.”

  “Ease her into it?”

  “I tell her about Nate,” he said. “After a while, explain Nate isn’t my ex-wife’s son. When I get to the point I think she knows me enough to understand that I’m not the same man I was back then, I tell her the whole truth.” He sighed, his shoulders sinking a little. “Tricky part is knowing when I can trust her enough to tell her, and when she trusts me too much to accept I waited that long to tell her.”

  “How do you figure that out?”

  “Haven’t yet.”

  “Good luck.”

  “Yeah, you too.”

  They drank in silence for a little while.

  “I should let you get to Nate. He’s been itching to watch Cars with you.” Alyssa drained her coffee and got up to put it in the sink.

  “Yeah.” Grant got up too. As he set his cup next to hers, he put a hand on her shoulder. “Sorry to kill your good mood.”

  “No, it’s okay.” She gazed up at him. “Reality checks are good for me.”

  “True.” They both laughed, and then he hugged her gently. “Take care, all right?”

  “You too.”

  Alyssa said good-bye to Nate, then left them to watch the movie together. On the way down the road, she tried to ignore the heavy feeling in her gut but didn’t have much luck. Sometimes she wondered if she and Grant should’ve just bitten the bullet and tried one more time to make a relationship work. At least they both knew about each other’s sins, and couldn’t exactly judge without being massive hypocrites. On the other hand, there was something to that saying “if he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you,” and she doubted they could ever fully trust each other. But could anyone ever fully trust either of them?

  She rested her elbow beneath the window and rubbed her neck.

  So far, everything between her and Shane was great. He didn’t know about her past, and he didn’t need to. But what if things got more intense with him? After all, they did trust each other to a certain extent. If he could get her into subspace, she trusted him. And he didn’t seem to have any reservations about her either. Because he didn’t know. But…should he?

  She shook her head and banished the thought. Their relationship was simple—sex, kink, nothing else. Shane had said he had a past too.

  At a stoplight, her phon
e buzzed, startling her.

  She pulled it out of her purse. A text appeared under Shane’s name: Just got off work. See you soon?

  All the apprehension melted away, and she smiled as she wrote back, As soon as possible.

  Well, maybe not all the apprehension. The conversation with Grant still echoed in her mind, and all the “what ifs?” were still alive and well, but they were hard to hear over the excitement about seeing Shane for the first time in a week.

  If things did get more intense between them, she’d cross that bridge when they got there. For now, she liked the way things were. Shane didn’t know a thing about her except what she liked in bed.

  And for now, that was all he needed to know.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “My God.” Alyssa dropped onto her mattress beside him, panting and trembling. “You never do anything halfway, do you?”

  Shane laughed. “Not when it involves pleasing a woman, no.”

  “Good.” She gave him a thumbs-up. “Keep doing that.”

  He chuckled and kissed her cheek. “Be right back.” He got up and went into her bathroom to get rid of the condom. Behind the safety of the closed door, he paused with his hands on the sink and stared at himself in the mirror.

  How long do you think this is going to last, man?

  Alyssa didn’t hold back at all. She was an amazing submissive when she wanted to be, but she also could get on top and rock his world. And they could fuck as equals, whether it was rough and wild or slow and steady. She liked pain. She sucked his cock enthusiastically, and loved when he went down on her. And when they were fucking? Jesus Christ. In the bedroom, she was his match in every way. They complemented each other better than he’d ever dared imagine. When the time came for them to move on, the bar would be irreversibly raised.

  God, he loved everything about the sex they had, but his guilty conscience had been eating at him lately and refused to let up. Now that he was here in Alyssa’s house, both of their sweat on his skin and that beautiful woman waiting for him in the other room, the guilt was relentless.

  Still staring at his reflection, Shane chewed his lip. The time for difficult discussions would come, wouldn’t it? He’d known from the start that this was meant to be a casual arrangement, but he hadn’t banked on enjoying his time with her this much. And, worse, the more they did this, the more the nagging doubt burrowed its way to the front of his mind: Would she still be so passionate and enthusiastic with him if she knew anything about him?