Key To His Heart (Gay Romance)

by Trina Solet

  As things stood, his childhood had poisoned every chance he had of making a real physical connection with another man. Guys who were rough and too grabby got nothing. Even the guys who took it slow and easy were rewarded only with a halfhearted handjob. So far, Leon had managed a few blowjobs, but he couldn't throw himself into the experience with abandon the way he wanted to.

  Then Phillip Morton came along, and Leon wanted to forget all about his own past and soothe his boss's pain. He made Leon wish so hard that he was normal and not just walking scar tissue. Being only twenty, Leon figured he had time to learn to enjoy sex. Now he felt rushed, like there was no time to waste.

  His friends Lenny and Mike were pushing forty, and they had wisely told him, "Take it slow and don't sabotage yourself with more bad experiences."

  They were right. Plus Leon wasn't really into just hooking up. Getting to know a guy first didn't work for him either. It hardly seemed right to drag a guy on a whole bunch of dates only to freeze up when it was time to deliver the goods.

  That's why he was still like this. Since he turned eighteen, moved to Easton and started trying to get his sex life in gear, he had made very little progress and now that worried him. What if he somehow broke the barrier that now stood between him and Mr. Morton? Where would that leave him? Mr. Morton might pin him against a wall. Leon would feel his muscular body, his hard cock, start shaking and end up cowering in the corner. It was better never to get things started if that's how they were going to end – in humiliation and failure.

  Chapter 4

  Phillip arrived back at his office to find that Leon was already there. Unlike him, Leon looked bright eyed and blindingly handsome. Phillip hardly felt equipped to face him and pretend he was indifferent to his good looks. After thanking him for staying late and only a few quick words about business, Phillip retreated to his office.

  He sighed as he saw his uncharacteristically messy desk. It wasn't like him to leave it looking like that, but he was only gone from the office long enough to get ready for work and head right back. He hardly felt refreshed or ready to handle any business.

  Falling asleep at the office was the most sleep Phillip had gotten these last few days. It wasn't unusual for Phillip to stay late at the office and even spend all night there. No matter how tired he was, he had never slept slumped over his desk before.

  Usually when he immersed himself in work, he was in his element and he felt like he could keep going forever. Acquiring Summit Consulting was an achievement he thought was years away, but the money he inherited from his parents put it within his reach. As far as he was concerned, he was living his dream.

  When Phillip first joined the company, they had been efficiency consultants in name only. In reality their evaluations were designed to tell a company how many people they should fire and where to send their jobs overseas to maximize profits. Once Phillip got enough capital together and bought the company, he changed that as well as the name.

  Now that the company bore his family name, they did real efficiency consulting. Though they sometimes had to advise their clients to cut their workforce, they also maximized profits by maximizing productivity through reduced waste of every resource like time, energy, materials as well as human resources like ability and training. They often made it possible for companies to stay in business and keep their employees working.

  Now Phillip could be proud of the work they did, but these days work gave him little satisfaction. There was only one thing on his mind and he couldn't rest or focus on anything else until he found Tony's child.

  It was past noon and Phillip was waiting for a new private investigator to update him on the search. Meanwhile he tried to do his job, but he just couldn't keep his hands off that file that held no clues. As he set it aside and forced himself to attend to a potential new client, Phillip heard Leon addressing someone in the outer office. His clipped tone made Phillip raise his head. The sight of a familiar face out there told him that he was about to take a break for lunch.

  Ken arrived in his office unannounced, carrying a takeout bag, and his usual, insufferable attitude. Thin, blond, and impeccably dressed, he walked right past Leon at his desk.

  When Leon tried to stop him, Ken didn't even pause. "I can see him in there and I'm here to feed him. You just sit there and look pretty."

  Leon leaned over to give Phillip a questioning look. He nodded that it was OK for Ken to barge in.

  "Hello, Ken. I guess it's lunchtime," Phillip said in greeting.

  Ken was a good friend. They went from briefly being boyfriends to being exes to being best friends.

  As Ken breezed in, he shut the door and marched up to Phillip's desk. "Since when don't you answer your phone at least to say you're busy?" he asked and glared at Phillip with his piercing blue eyes.

  "I'm sorry, but I am busy."

  "Don't tell me you're still trying to bury your grief in work," Ken scolded him, his pale eyebrows furrowing. He wasn't exactly tactful.

  "That and a few other things," Phillip told him, not sure how to broach the subject of Tony's child.

  "I see that you got yourself a cute assistant? That's so very unlike you. So what else aren't you telling me?"

  Now that he had asked, Phillip had to tell him about Tony's possible child. The search for that child consumed him, but it wasn't easy to talk about, especially to a born skeptic like Ken. He managed to tell him about it though. Cue Ken, the perpetual naysayer.

  "I understand why you're so determined to find this kid. Just remember you might be searching for a kid that doesn't exist. If this girl was even pregnant, she might have aborted or miscarried. Or she might have simply lied to make your brother chase after her."

  "Your faith in human nature always lifts my spirits," Phillip said though he had wondered about some of the same things. He was driven by pure, blind hope but he held on to it for all he was worth.

  "Sorry. I know this isn't what you want to hear." Ken did sound genuinely sorry as he tried to dash Phillip's hopes.

  "I want to find this kid. I want him or her to be real," he stated simply. He wanted Ken to understand why he couldn't be more coolheaded and realistic about this.

  "I want that for you too. You know I do. So what do you have so far?" Ken asked and set up the food he brought on Phillip's desk.

  As Ken pulled a chair closer so he could eat, Phillip was reminded of Leon sitting across from him and listening to him when he most needed it. Remembering Leon's hazel eyes, Phillip had to take a moment to force himself to refocus on Ken – the man who was sitting across from him at the moment and waiting for Phillip to tell him what little he had to go on in his search.

  "I contacted both of the private investigators Tony had hired. I have their reports, but I wanted to hear from them directly. Tony didn't have much money so they weren't very motivated."

  "And your guy, I bet he's highly motivated," Ken said.

  "She is. Asif recommended her. June Ackerman, she handled some challenging cases for his law firm. The private investigator who helped me look for Tony retired recently."

  "Of course he did. He's probably living in Tahiti on all the money you paid him," Ken said. He always thought that Phillip searched for Tony too obsessively.

  "When I spoke to Ackerman, she told me she's only taking this case for the sake of the child. She doesn't usually chase down missing exes," Phillip told him.

  "She sounds sweet," Ken said as he speared his pasta a la vodka and bits of prosciutto with his fork.

  "She sounds exactly the way I'd want an investigator to sound – tough and determined."

  "Has she gotten anywhere?" Ken said. From his challenging tone, Phillip could tell how skeptical he was of the whole thing.

  "She barely had time to get started, but Tara West's phone was on Tony's account during the time they were together so getting the phone records wasn't a problem. They are part of the file the lawyer gave me. There was only a few months worth of calls, but there was one phone call that
stood out. It only lasted a few seconds as if she hung up just as it connected. The other investigator dismissed it as a misdial since there was another number dialed soon after. They never followed up."

  "Phillip, that doesn't sound very promising," Ken said, worried that Phillip was hanging his hopes on so little.

  "We'll see. Ackerman is going to update me later today."

  Ken made an unhappy noise then took a big bite of his pasta.

  "I wish Tony would have come to me. I could have helped him find her. He searched for three years without a word to me." Phillip shook his head. He had always been so harsh with Tony when he asked him for money, telling him he had to pay his own way. "If you want it that bad, earn the money yourself," he would tell him. Phillip wanted him to be responsible and self-reliant, but this was different. This was about family. Didn't Tony know that? Maybe he didn't. Phillip's stubbornness had cost him his brother and now might cost him a niece or nephew too.

  Noticing his dour mood, Ken leaned over his desk. "Look at you. You're in bad shape already, and you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Please be realistic about this," Ken begged him while he frowned at him sternly. "You let the search for Tony take over your life. Don't let that happen again, please. I know you blame yourself for your brother leaving, but even if there was a baby, a kid can't bring Tony back to life."

  "I know that. I'm not trying to resurrect Tony. I'm fulfilling his last request," Phillip stated as calmly as he could.

  Ken obviously didn't believe him. "I think Tony has found yet another way to break your heart."

  "Ken, don't," Phillip said. It was all stuff he had heard before. Ken blamed Tony for everything he didn't like about Phillip.

  Predictably, Ken opened his mouth to barrage him with more negativity.

  "Thank you for your advice," Phillip said, cutting him off. Then he added more mildly, "And thank you for listening to me and looking out for me. And for feeding me." He knew Ken meant well.

  "Does a humanitarian medal of the year come with this thank you speech?" Ken said archly.

  "I just want you to know I appreciate you."

  "But you don't listen to me," Ken complained then he gave Phillip a break and talked about himself for the rest of his visit.

  A little while later, Ken left but only after lecturing Phillip about finishing his lunch. Oscillating between hope and grief, he had barely touched the food Ken got him.

  What Ken said weighed on him. Leon had been much easier to talk to, less judgmental certainly. Catching himself comparing Leon and Ken. Phillip grumbled inwardly. Leon was his employee. Ken was his ex. There was no reason to compare them.

  Phillip was already full of misgivings, and his talk with Ken only intensified them. But Ken was right. He was trusting the word of a woman he didn't know, a drug user with a fake name. Phillip questioned whether there really was a child. He might be pinning his hopes on a lie. As his doubts threatened to crush him, he put in a call to Ackerman.

  "Sorry. I know you said you would call me," Phillip said as soon as she picked up.

  "That's because I wanted to have something more substantial to report."

  "Please tell me whatever you have so far."

  "I looked into that phone number, the possible misdial. It's a landline in Danning."

  "Danning? That's so close," Phillip said, his heart beating fast at the thought that his niece or nephew might be there. It was only a few hours drive.

  "The phone number is registered to an elderly woman, Lillian Margery Lasic. I have her address but I don't know much more than that. There was no answer when I called the number. I'll keep trying. I'm also looking into some background information on Lillian Lasic. Tomorrow I'll be going to Danning to track her down in person and hopefully interview her."

  Tomorrow was too far away. Phillip had to know as soon as possible. "I don't want to wait. I can go there today. I'll leave right now."

  "I don't recommend that," Ackerman said in a sharp voice.

  "I understand, but I can't wait until tomorrow when I can be in Danning in two hours."

  After getting the address from Ackerman, Phillip called Leon into his office.

  "Is it really OK that blond guy barging in here like that?" Leon asked.

  "His name is Ken. He's a good friend," Phillip said then he noticed that Leon looked displeased.

  "I'm sorry if his behavior bothered you. He can be a little abrasive. I'll ask him to apologize if you like," Phillip offered.

  "No, it's fine. He was very blond," Leon said sounding almost jealous.

  For some reason that pleased Phillip, but then he got serious and told Leon, "Clear my schedule for the rest of the day. Cancel everything."

  "Even your meeting with..."

  "Everything."

  "Delegate, reassign, reschedule, you mean," Leon said. At the moment he cared more about business than his boss.

  Phillip realized he was right. He had a meeting with an important client that couldn't be cancelled at the last minute. "Of course. Yes. Do the best you can with my schedule, use your judgment, please." Right now it was better than his own.

  Leon went back to his desk to make the changes to his schedule. In the meantime, Phillip was getting driving directions to the address in Danning. He stared at the map on his phone and tried his best to focus, but all he could think about was who might be waiting at that address. At the very least this Lillian Lasic might give him a lead to finding Tony's child.

  Coming back into his office, Leon informed him he had rescheduled his appointments and reassigned the one that had to be handled today. Then he asked, "Did I hear you mention Danning?"

  "Yes. Do you know it?"

  "Know it. Hate it. Lived there most of my life."

  "Oh. Hate it?" Phillip asked worriedly.

  "It's poor. It's ugly, and I don't mean just the way it looks."

  Phillip frowned. He didn't like the sound of it. Danning was one of a cluster of small communities along Tekeniohneka River. The communities grew around a handful of factories that closed down in the last few decades. It was an impoverished area now. Phillip couldn't help but worry about what kind of life Tony's child might have in a place like that, and Leon's attitude certainly didn't comfort him.

  He made a decision. "Since you know the place, I'd like you to come with me."

  "What will I be doing?"

  Phillip wasn't exactly sure, but he felt better having him along. "Helping me navigate," he said vaguely.

  Leon shrugged. "My time is your time."

  When Phillip was ready to go, Leon grabbed his suit jacket and followed him out. As they walked to his car, Phillip thought that maybe Leon could keep him grounded. Right now his hopes were soaring along with his anxieties. He was too wound up to think straight. All he could think about was Tony's child out there somewhere or maybe only a few hours away.

  Chapter 5

  Leon got into Mr. Morton's car and inhaled the scent of leather or was it money? This car was nothing like Leon's cheapo ride. It was the kind of car that purrs and hums, and when you really go for it, it roars. The BMW wasn't flashy but it had some muscle under the hood. Sitting in it was pure comfort, but Leon couldn't exactly enjoy the ride knowing that their destination was bound to shake loose a shitload of unpleasant memories.

  He set out on this road trip to his home town without knowing much about what was taking them there. During the car ride, Mr. Morton filled him in. He spoke haltingly, like he was afraid to say too much and dash his own hopes. Once again, Leon was seeing him in a different light. Strong emotions threatened to break through his composure as he drove and asked questions about the place where Leon grew up.

  Leon didn't like talking about his childhood, but he sketched in his own view of the place. Mr. Morton would be seeing it for himself soon enough. Just as they passed the sign that said Welcome to Danning, Mr. Morton told Leon, "You should really call me Phillip. At this stage, I think we're past formalities."

  Leon nodd
ed and smiled vaguely, but he was distracted by the well-known landmarks of his childhood.

  Danning was a grubby little town of nondescript storefronts and shabby apartment buildings, none of them more than half a dozen stories high. There was nothing much to look at, but to Leon it was plenty, too much even.

  He found being there oppressive, like the very air was stagnant and choking him. Familiar sights brought echoes of the past. When they turned at the next intersection, they would pass by an empty lot. It had been sitting empty since Leon was a child.

  One day when he was skipping school to avoid the bullies, Leon had discovered the gap in the row of houses. He had stared at it in confusion. Was he on the wrong street? It took him a while to realize that the house had been torn down.

  The ground had been freshly bulldozed, but this was the place where they once lived with the worst of his mother's boyfriends. Seeing the empty lot, Leon at age thirteen, stared at the imprint of the house in the dirt. It was an ugly scar, but then he raised his eyes from the ground and took in the clear view of the river and the sky, and he cheered up. If only all the houses and apartments where he and his mother lived could meet the same fate.

  He wished for that so hard, but now he knew that they would still live on in his memories like that old house did even now. It seemed to rise out of the ground, rebuild itself in front of his eyes. Its creaking screen door opened to invite him in to relive some of the darkest moments of his childhood.

  To shake off the feeling of the past encroaching on him, he focused on Mr. Morton's, Phillip's, quest and found himself desperately hoping that they would find his brother's kid. Clinging to that hope, he looked over and understood the white knuckled way that Phillip clutched the steering wheel as he drove down unfamiliar streets, each more depressing than the last.

  With Leon navigating they finally arrived at the address Phillip was looking for. They found themselves parked in front of a ramshackle, three story apartment building. It wasn't all that different from many of the places where Leon had lived throughout his childhood. The building showed all the signs of being low rent and poorly maintained.