Key To His Heart (Gay Romance)

by Trina Solet

  "Your father didn't know about this?" Phillip asked, his voice a hoarse whisper.

  "It was hard to reach my dad on the phone. He moved a lot. Half the time he was running and hiding from someone he owed money to. But even when I did reach him and asked him to come, he told me he couldn't come to get me. I asked just to see him at least. He said, 'If I come by, all your mother will do is ask me for money.' So he didn't come to see me, to check on me, to make sure I was OK because my mom might ask him for money." Leon smiled bitterly and shook his head. "And I still pinned all my hopes on him. He was going to come and save me and take me away. I knew better than to hope that my mom would help me. She was right there and she didn't do a thing. It was easier to believe in my dad. He was less real to me. I could make up any story I wanted about him and why he stayed away while I suffered."

  "Both your parents failed you." As Phillip spoke, Leon could hear the tightness in his voice and the anger in his words.

  "It doesn't do any good to blame them now. I haven't seen my dad for years. I only see my mom sometimes. She's married now. Her husband hates me for being gay, but he treats her OK."

  "I'll make a wild guess that she still doesn't stand up for you," Phillip said, sounding as bitter as Leon felt.

  "I don't expect it any more," Leon said then he reconsidered. "Or maybe I do. There's always some small part of me that's listening for her to speak up, raise her voice to say, 'You leave my boy alone, you son of a bitch.' Maybe throw in a threat or two. But that's not her."

  Phillip reached out and barely touched his arm when Ant ran out of Lilly's room, carrying Phillip's phone.

  "Uncle Phillip, I touched the blue thing on your phone. Me and Gran-gran were Skyping," he announced.

  "Just now?" Phillip asked.

  Ant nodded.

  "While you were in the same room?"

  Ant nodded again. "Gran-gran is good at Skyping. And we had Jell-O, but Gran-gran has to take a nap now."

  "That means we should go back to work," Phillip told him as he took his phone back.

  Looking at him and Ant, Leon saw an antidote to all dark thoughts that crowded his mind. It felt good to know that such a little guy was in good hands. He had no doubt that Phillip would keep him safe.

  *

  Once they got back, Ant had a good time at the office, but Phillip was preoccupied with what Leon had told him about his childhood. Leon's sorrow was different from his own. It was more insidious. Phillip hadn't known betrayal from the people he loved. His parents were kind and loving then they were gone. Tony... he couldn't really come to terms with how he left, how he lived or why he died. He only knew that Tony should have valued his life more and valued that child he would never meet.

  Phillip wondered if that's what he was seeing in Leon – a man who valued something he never got to have, and he now gave Ant the care and attention that was denied to him. He could hear him in the outer office with Ant. He was letting Ant help him. Ant's favorite thing was to staple things. By the sound of it, a lot of things were getting stapled, a lot more than could possibly need stapling.

  Phillip was amazed that Leon could be so cheerful and easygoing considering what he went through. Phillip admired him for it. He was thinking of inviting him to dinner again when he heard him telling Ant about his dinner plans.

  "First, I'm going to meet my friend Pavel for pizza. Pavel loves pizza."

  "Me too," Ant said.

  "Then we're going to meet Lenny and Mike for drinks so we can listen to them argue."

  "Make them up," Ant told him.

  "Huh?"

  "So they don't fight," Ant said.

  "Make them make up? I'll try but with Lenny and Mike, it's usually better to duck and cover."

  "A duck?" Ant said just as a call came in and Leon answered it.

  Phillip was sorry to hear that Leon had plans. Possibly he was even jealous of his "friend" Pavel. He pictured some strapping, blond Russian and gritted his teeth together. But for all he knew friend meant friend just as assistant meant off limits, keep your hands off and stop being jealous that the man has a social life.

  Phillip had his hands full anyway. That small boy with his love and worry for his Gran-gran was now Phillip's whole world, his whole heart. His last few years of existence before Ant seemed to him like some dim, murky thing, like waking up from a dream he couldn't quite remember.

  He was awake now and filled with anxiety for this small child and everyone dear to him. That's why he was relieved that Lilly agreed to move to a nursing home, though maybe not the right one. And with her friend there, the adjustment would be easier for her. Plus Ant would be visiting often. Phillip planned to take him every day if he could manage it. He didn't want Ant to get lonely for his Gran-gran or vice versa.

  But for now all he needed to do was take the little guy home and feed him. As they went down in the elevator, Phillip started to make dinner plans.

  "Is there anything special you would like for dinner tonight?" Phillip asked him.

  "Macaroni and cheese," Ant said right away.

  That was hardly a balanced diet, but Phillip wasn't sure how to entice him away from macaroni and cheese to something healthier. Then he had an idea. "Let's stop at the store and see what catches our eye." When they got to the car and he buckled him into his car seat, Phillip told Ant, "You know there are foods other than macaroni and cheese."

  "I know." To prove it, Ant named one, "Fries."

  "Yes, and a few others."

  As Phillip got behind the wheel he couldn't believe how much he wished that Leon was joining them. He should have never given himself a taste of his company. Now Leon's voice was in his ears, but some other man would be hearing it tonight.

  Maybe that man would be able to make him laugh. While they were having dinner, he might reach under the table and squeeze Leon's thigh, the same lean, muscular thigh Phillip found so enticing whenever Leon sat next to him during a drive.

  The difference was that the other man could reach for Leon freely. He was allowed, and Phillip wasn't. He couldn't brush his fingers over the stubble at Leon's jaw line then lean in for a kiss. Phillip could only imagine what Leon's kiss tasted like and desperately yearn to taste him for himself.

  Chapter 15

  As he got ready to go out, Leon felt off balance. The feeling stayed with him as he took off his suit and jumped in the shower. Instead of going out, he would have rather crawled under the covers. As he pulled on his casual clothes, he looked at his reflection in the mirror as if to ask, "What's bothering you, buddy?"

  Thinking back, he knew what it was. Earlier that day, Leon had spoken about his childhood. He hadn't done that since he had been roommates with Pavel and he needed to explain his nightmares to him. Even then he hadn't said as much as he told Phillip today.

  Years ago Leon realized that it wasn't something he needed to be ashamed of. The shame was on the men who abused him. Still he was surprised at himself for being such a blabbermouth about his childhood and to his boss no less. But Phillip was easy to open up to, the kind of guy you know you can trust. That's why Leon's mind went back to his childhood. Thinking of Ant and Phillip he compared them to his own younger self and all the people he couldn't trust.

  Phillip was the perfect guy in his eyes – gorgeous but unwavering, principled, sexy, and upstanding. Damn, his admiration for his boss was getting way out of hand. Not to mention that it was all over the place – body and soul. But Phillip was just that kind of guy. Physically and in every other way, he was the dream that was born in Leon's heart, molded out of his childhood longing for security. In later years, his desires shaped the ideal man's body, but the heart of his ideal man stayed the same.

  That's why today wasn't just about sharing some bad memories. Telling Phillip about himself, he was saying, "Know me, understand me, accept me." Only he was saying it to a man he hardly knew and his boss on top of that.

  He couldn't just ignore Phillip's appeal. Everything that was missing from Leon's
years growing up highlighted what mattered. A hot body was an empty fantasy. Sex was a minefield Leon could barely navigate without triggering nasty flashbacks. He wanted someone he could reach out to in the dark, someone who would take his hand, and then Leon would know without a doubt that he was safe and loved.

  With crazy stuff like that swirling in his mind, it was a good thing Leon was going out tonight. A dose of Pavel and his pizza obsession, followed by listening to Lenny and Mike bicker lovingly – that was just the thing. God forbid he had been stuck at home flipping channels and brooding over his miserable childhood and how Phillip was just the man to fix it all.

  While putting on his shoes, Leon smiled thinking of Ant and Phillip puttering around that bipolar apartment of Phillip's. He could just see Ant's big, blue eyes staring up at his new uncle with curiosity and wonder. It made Leon happy to think of them together and to know that Ant had someone like Phillip to care for him and watch over him. If he kept that thought in mind, maybe he could actually enjoy tonight.

  It was Pavel's goal to try out every single pizza joint in Easton. With new places always popping up, it was a never-ending quest. Tonight it was Bobby Q's.

  "It was a wood fired pizza. What more do you want?" Leon asked him as they left the restaurant. Pavel had grumbled over every mouthful.

  "When a place boasts about wood fired and hand tossed, expectations are high," Pavel told him.

  Leon would swear that he enjoyed finding fault with a pizza more than eating it, but he was used to him. While Leon drove, Pavel posted his latest pizza rant on his Pizza Assassin blog. They were on their way to Swan Dive to meet Mike and Lenny.

  Leon had known them since he was an eighteen-year-old newly arrived in Easton, in desperate need of a job and a place to stay. While eating lunch at a restaurant where Leon was looking for a job, they had overheard him begging for any kind of work. They called him over, bickered, took him under their wing, and then they bickered some more. Lenny gave him a job while Mike found him a place to live with Pavel as his roommate. Now they were more than his benefactors. They were his friends.

  The two of them had already grabbed a table and were arguing when Leon and Pavel arrived.

  "I was doomed since the moment I was born. To pay me back for the agonizing hours of labor, my mother named me Leonard. Leonard!" Lenny was saying as they took their seats.

  "What's this about?" Leon asked.

  "Mike was saying it's not too late for me to pretend to be cool," Lenny said and eyed his husband accusingly. "It's too late. It's way too late."

  "Is this about the way you dressed?" Pavel said and looked him up and down.

  "You want a piece of me?" Lenny asked and leaning across the table threateningly.

  Pavel didn't take him up on it. "Maybe after I've had a few. I'm so full of fire-singed pizza, I can hardly move."

  Since no one wanted to risk Pavel going on and on about pizza, Lenny and Mike shifted the focus to Leon.

  "I remember hearing that your new job came with a perk. A good-looking boss, right? How is that going?"

  Over drinks and a Coke for Leon, he told them what he had been up to. He finished off with how he helped out with Ant when he was at the office, and that gave them pause.

  "So he had you babysitting. That's not exactly in your job description," Mike said with a raised eyebrow. He and Lenny were used to looking out for him and worried if they thought anyone might be taking advantage of him.

  "I don't mind." Leon didn't spend time with Ant because he thought it was his job.

  "Aha," Lenny said and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "How good looking is this boss of yours?"

  "Very. Too bad he's the kind of guy who would never go after someone who works for him. He's all scruples and propriety, and a rock hard body under a conservative suit," Leon told them.

  "As I listen to you describe him, I feel like I should be fanning myself with a coaster," Lenny said.

  Leon confirmed it. "Oh, you definitely should be fanning yourself. But he isn't just a hot body in a suit. He's a really great guy. You should see him with his little nephew. It's like he handed that kid his whole heart to carry around in his pocket."

  "Listen to you. You are ready to marry the guy," Mike accused him.

  "Me? If I got into a relationship, I would need training wheels and an instruction manual."

  "Haven't the two of us taught you everything you need to know about relationships?" Mike asked.

  "How to fight about napkins?" Leon said. While they were talking, he had seen Lenny start to shred his napkin. Then Mike took it away from him. Lenny tried to grab it back. There was a short, silent scuffle that might have involved some kicking under the table. Mike won, but Lenny was already eying Pavel's napkin.

  "We don't just fight about napkins. We fight about a lot more stuff," Mike claimed.

  "I'll make a note of that," Leon said. "But I think it's pretty hopeless with Phillip."

  "First name basis, that doesn't sound hopeless," Pavel told him then he raised his beer mug to him. "Here's to you bagging your boss."

  Chapter 16

  On the day Lilly was being discharged from the hospital, Phillip went with Ant to pick her up. When they arrived she was ready and waiting in her hospital room. Ant was happy to see her dressed and out of bed. As they waited for the orderly with the wheelchair to come and wheel her out, Lilly wanted to tell Ant what was going to happen.

  She sat on the edge of her hospital bed and spoke to Ant. "Today you'll come home with me just for a little while. Then you'll be going to live with your Uncle Phillip."

  "And Gran-gran," Ant added automatically. It was unthinkable to him that he was going to be separated from Lilly. He had spent his whole childhood with her, his whole little life so far.

  Lilly shook her head to let him know that wasn't going to happen.

  "I would still like that as well," Phillip told her, echoing Ant's wishes. "If you would like to move in...."

  She shook her head again and thanked Phillip for his offer then spoke to Ant. "You know Bernie is over there at Morning Glen. She's real lonely there all by herself."

  "Poor Bernie," Ant said and made a sad face.

  "She won't be lonely if I go to live there too. And you'll be with your Uncle Phillip, so none of us will be alone. See how nice it all works out."

  Ant didn't look happy about her neat solution.

  "You'll come to see me all the time. Right?" she said, looking up at Phillip.

  "All the time," Phillip confirmed. He told Ant, "We'll bring your Gran-gran lots of presents when we visit."

  Ant's face brightened at Phillip's words, but Lilly cautioned him. "Not too many presents. You don't want to spoil me."

  Phillip wanted to sweeten the deal for Ant though. "What do you say, Ant, should we spoil your Gran-gran and get her lots of presents?"

  "Yes, lots and lots," Ant said with a mischievous smile and hugged Lilly.

  It wasn't easy to leave Ant in Lilly's care again though she was doing much better now and seemed more able to take care of him and herself. Phillip had already gotten hopelessly attached and used to having Ant around. He was worried that Lilly would change her mind.

  Seeing his anxiety, she made it clear that having Ant with her was temporary. The stay in the hospital and change of medication had made noticeable improvements, she was steadier on her feet and her color was better, but her decision to go into a nursing home was firm. Since Phillip still had misgivings about Morning Glen, he arranged to take Ant and Lilly to visit her friend early the next morning.

  Phillip couldn't believe how much anxiety he felt on Ant's behalf. He worried about Lilly like he would about a member of his own family. Realizing how his family had grown in such a short time, Phillip took a deep breath. It was both frightening and wonderful, and it made him determined to take good care of both Ant and his Gran-gran.

  The next day, on the way to the nursing home, they stopped to buy some treats for Bernie. Lilly tried to talk him o
ut of the shopping trip, but Phillip told her he couldn't visit Bernie empty handed. When they arrived at Morning Glen, Ant helped carry the basket of tangerines he had chosen for Lilly's friend.

  As they crossed the parking lot, neither the grounds nor the exterior of the building eased Phillip's worries. The building looked shabby and depressing while the grounds were bare and neglected. Ant was excited about their outing and ready to run ahead, but Phillip didn't like what he saw as they went inside the main building.

  The cleanliness of the place was not up to his standards. The smell was horrible. He saw residents sitting in a stupor, left unattended in hallways, not looking too clean and definitely unhappy. It was unthinkable for Lilly to stay in a place like this, but for now Phillip didn't say anything.

  They made their way through a long corridor to the back patio where Bernie was waiting. The whole time, Phillip saw only two staff members, and they looked so harried he wouldn't have dreamed of stopping either one of them to ask questions.

  Going out onto the patio, Phillip saw rows of residents, some in plastic chairs, some in wheelchairs, all of them looking downcast. There was no member of staff in sight. While Phillip stared around uncertainly, Ant spotted Lilly's friend right away.

  "Hi, Bernie!" Ant shouted as he ran up to a white-haired lady in a wheelchair. She was dressed in a flowery housedress and slippers. Her hair was short and wavy but not combed. Phillip noticed a large, ugly bruise under her knee. Her face drooped slightly on one side.

  She pit out one arm while the other one stayed motionless in her lap. Ant ran to her for a one armed hug, and Phillip set down the basket of tangerines on a table.

  "And who's this that you've brought to visit me?" she said as she looked up at Phillip.

  "It's my Uncle Phillip! He's new," Ant told her and smiled up at him.

  "Is he?" Bernie offered him her right hand. "I'm Bernie, and as you can see I'm only half the woman I used to be," she said.