Laced Steel: An Enemies to Lovers Romance (Steel Crew Book 3)

by Mj Fields

  And I tell her I’m not sure what love is, but what I feel for her is the closest thing to it that I’ve ever felt, and that, because of all the other stuff, I can’t be what she deserves, that I can’t see myself ever fucking her, let alone making love to her, no matter how much I want to, because the father I wished I never had known tried to sell her mom’s virginity to benefit himself.

  She sits up then and tells me that she’ll never accept any of it, that she’ll wait as long as it takes.

  “No,” I tell her.

  Then she looks at me and says, “Fine. I’ll get rid of it then.” She grabs her phone. “What’s Harrison’s number?”

  Hits me real quick what she’s saying.

  “Over my dead fucking body.”

  “Then Miles?”

  “Cut the shit, Truth.”

  “Kai then?”

  “You’re doing this to piss me off.”

  “And you’re crushing me! I’d rather choose you a hundred times over, but I’ll gladly remedy the situation, be with someone who I know I’ll never love, just lay there and take it to get rid of my damn virginity, because I have a choice—you. But apparently, you think that’s what matters—taking my virginity? Seriously, there’s really no such thing as busting a cherry anyway. False news, big guy; it stretches with intercourse, maybe it tears the first time, but it’s not that big of a deal unless you make it that way.”

  She starts to slide off the bed, and I grab her, pulling her pajama top and holding her in place like our lives depend on it. “I’m being real with you.”

  “You think this is a joke to me? I’m not joking. You’re so worried about that thin membrane in my vag? Well, I’m more worried about our hearts, Tobias, and I’m telling you mine hurts! So, let me go fuck some rando, and I’ll get back to you so you can see how senseless it is to be feeling like we have been for months now—”

  “Try five months and tell me how badly it hurts!”

  “If that’s what you need, fine!” she says, pulling away again.

  “Less than three months and I’m gone, Truth. Do you get that?”

  “Yeah.” She sniffs and yanks away. “I get that we’re wasting time.”

  “And what if it’s just a phase?” The words bring realization that I’m terrified it is for her.

  “Well, we’ll never know, will we?”

  “Goddammit, Truth!” I say as she walks out my bedroom door. “I don’t know how to make this go away!”

  She turns back and looks at me. “You’ve fought for everything your whole life, and you’re still not happy.”

  “No shit. And you don’t deserve that kind of life, Truth.”

  “Fight for me then. Fight for you. Then fight for us, if that’s what you want. Until then, you’re hurting both of us, and me the most, because I’ve never fought so hard for anything in my life, and guess what? I can’t seem to win.”

  She walks toward the door, and I jump off the bed. “Your parents are coming to get you.”

  She doesn’t stop.

  I quickly move to her and grab her hand. “You can’t drive like this.”

  She turns and looks up at me. “And I can’t stay where I’m not wanted, Tobias. It hurts.”

  Without thinking, I pull her into a hug. Without caring, I lift her, walk to the couch, sit down, and hold her like a treasure.

  “It’s not about sex, Tobias; it’s about love, friendship, and loyalty.”

  “If I were your friend, I’d tell you to run.”

  “And if I were yours, I wouldn’t let you until you were ready.”

  “Never been more ready in my life, yet here I sit.”

  “Then ask yourself why. And don’t say less than three months, Tobias. Don’t you dare.” She grasps my shirt and looks up at me. “I’m not gonna be okay until I know you are. And you’re not gonna be okay until you let someone in. If it can’t be me, then let it be someone.”

  I huff.

  “I get you haven’t had that, but—”

  “I don’t trust anyone, Truth.”

  She pushes off my chest and slides back, ass on my couch, legs bridging my lap. She takes my hand, one then the other, and links our fingers, studying them intently. Then she closes her eyes and holds them to her heart. Bowing her head, she slides her lips across our linked fingers, mouth closed, one hand then the other. “I think you should open up to the idea of letting someone in,” she finally whispers.

  “And risk hurting you worse?”

  She shakes her head. “I think it should be my mom.”

  “Are you fucking insane?”

  She looks away from our hands and up at me. “I don’t know anymore, but I know she may be the only one who can make you see—”

  “My father tried to—” I snap my mouth shut.

  “He’s not your father, Tobias. And if she can accept us, then—”

  “She will never.” I shake my head. “I wouldn’t ever expect her to. I’d certainly never ask. No, Truth, not happening.”

  When she looks down at our hands and a slight smile ghosts her lips, I realize I’m rubbing my thumb across the back of her hand. I want to stop, but I can’t.

  She looks back up at me. “A lot of what I overheard made me feel the same as you do, Tobias—like we’re doomed. But when I heard Mom say that, regardless of DNA, the man he showed you he was today, he has my vote, hope came back. And then Dad asked her again, and she said something about being one hundred and ten percent positive on this because—and I remember this exactly, Tobias, because I was ready to bust into that room and tackle-hug them—I’m not taking away her chance with someone who may love her like you love me. So, I’ll wait for you to figure out what you need to do to be happy, even if it’s not being with me. And I’m not talking about sex, Tobias; that’s just like the busted cherry on top of the love sundae.” She lets go of my hand and covers her yawn.

  I put my hand behind her and pull her into a hug, and she looks up at me with hope.

  “I’m not promising you we can get through this.”

  “Just promise me you’ll try.”

  I let my head drop back so it’s resting on the couch as I stare at the ceiling, trying to find a way to not hurt her, make her cry, or put any sort of spark to her short-ass fuse. Nothing, not anything, comes to mind.

  I thought her folks would put an end to it, but her father is calling and stopping by to leave food, that may or may not be trying to poison me, and her mom has apparently forgiven me, and I have no reason to doubt it, because the little t to my big T doesn’t seem to be able to filter her mouth, her feelings, her temper, or her truths, no matter how hard they are to hear.

  I look back down as she fights to keep her eyes open and whisper, “Yeah, I promise, as long as you promise me some things.”

  Smiling cautiously, she nods.

  “You’re never going to tell me you’re going to fuck another man again, even if it’s twenty years down the road and we run into each other while you’re pushing a baby carriage with twins in it, have a toddler on your hip, and another one walking beside you. And if I ask you if you’re a virgin, I’m not wanting you to tell me the truth.”

  She smirks, and her nose scrunches up.

  “I’m serious, Truth. The thought of anyone touching you pisses me off more than someone busting my rib in a fight.”

  “So, I should say my lesbian partner and I adopted kids?”

  I think about it for a moment then look back at her. “I’ve never wanted to hit a woman before, and I just kicked the ass of a figment of your imagination, so that’s a no.”

  She pulls our linked hands up to her lips and presses them against my hand. “Fine, but you better not even bang a sheep.”

  I find myself smiling for the first time in days. “Fine. I need you to promise that you’ll be chill, give me space, and we take shit slow, like grade three slow.”

  She laughs.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing.” She shakes her head.r />
  I squeeze her hand. “What’s your name?”

  “Fine, I got my first kiss on the monkey bars in third grade.”

  “No, you didn’t.”

  She shakes her head. “Yes, I did. His bubble gum got stuck in my—”

  “You’re not hearing me, Tiny T. No, you didn’t.”

  “So I’m lying now?”

  “Just about shit like that.”

  “Well, then don’t ever ask me about seventh grade.”

  “Truth …” I shake my head.

  “Totally avoid my entire freshmen year, too.”

  “How about you stop instigating me and—”

  “I think you’re incredibly hot when you’re pissed.”

  I lean forward and press my forehead to hers. “And I’m not joking when I tell you there is no one as beautiful as you.”

  She leans back and looks me in the eyes, narrowing hers then looking away.

  “You good?”

  She shrugs.

  “You don’t think I see you?”

  She nods. “Yeah, of course.”

  When I get that she’s insecure, and get that I probably made her that way, I want to take it away.

  Lifting her chin, I look her in the eyes. “Saw you at Frank’s buying rings with your cousin, and I thought that I’d never seen someone so damn perfect.” I lean in and rub my lips across hers, then whisper against them, “Found out you were too good to be true. Found out who you were and why I couldn’t ever kiss the lips of that one girl whose green eyes would probably haunt me forever.”

  I brush my lips across hers again, slower this time, terrified I will fuck this up, knowing I have so much shit to figure out, but I leave them against hers and tell her, “When I saw you at my house, I swore you were sent as a way to show me what I’ll never have because of the shit I’ve done.”

  I rub them across her lips, her cheeks, against the soft, tender skin below her ear. “At the fight, I saw you looking at me like you owned me and was pissed at how cruel the Universe was for tempting me with forbidden fruit.” I suck the tiniest part of her earlobe into my mouth then release it. “Had to pull you out of the crowd, save you from busting your ass at school. Thought maybe this was my penance for the shit I’ve done, shit I am still involved in and need to see my way out of, to be who I need to be for me so that, hopefully, I can one day be who I need to be for someone like you.”

  She moves her head and gives me questioning eyes but doesn’t move her lips, now on mine, one bit.

  “Fuck,” I whisper against them then pull back.

  She grips my shirt to stop me then closes her eyes tightly.

  “What are you thinking, Truth?”

  “That I want you to be all the things you want to be so you never doubt who I already feel in my heart you are. That I want you to kiss me.”

  I cup her chin, lean in, and press my lips against hers as I feel hers quiver against mine. I use every ounce of restraint I have to give the only girl who has ever given me words as sweet and true as she just did the respect she deserves.

  I press lightly once, twice, three times, and then I force myself to pull back.

  Her eyes flutter open like the wings of the butterflies she said she wanted me to give her back, and I vow to myself to do whatever I can to make that happen.

  Chapter Twenty Six

  Tobias

  Her parents came in last night, and neither of us heard them. We had crashed from the stress of the emotional rollercoaster that we had been on for a month. Her legs bridged over my lap, head on my chest, my arm around her, apparently, we were out.

  When I hear my microwave beep, I open one eye and see Cyrus standing in my kitchen, pulling food out of the microwave. And when he starts opening and closing drawers, I hear Truth whisper, “Uh-oh.” I look down at her and blow out a breath.

  When I look back at Cyrus, he holds up the bowl of pasta that he had left on my doorstep. “You on a no carb thing or what?”

  The bathroom door opens, and Tara comes out. She smiles at me and says, “Sorry, I had to use the—”

  “It’s fine,” I say as I lift Truth’s legs up and slide out from under her. “No big deal.”

  “Very clean.” She smiles.

  She looks just like Truth. Well, Truth looks just like her, but curvier.

  “So?” Cyrus holds the fork up.

  “I eat pretty clean, just wasn’t hungry. But thank you for the food.”

  Tara walks past me and pats me on the back as she says, “Food in the Steel family is like a peace offering.”

  “Saw the barbecue in the trash.” He cocks an eyebrow at me. “Vegetarian?”

  “Dad,” Truth whispers as she stands up and stretches.

  “Little bird, what the fuck do you have on?”

  “PJs.”

  He nods. “Makes perfect fucking sense.” He rolls his eyes and looks back at me. “So, vegetarian?”

  “Does he look like a vegetarian?”

  “Actually, I—”

  “What?” they all say at once.

  I feel anxiety rise inside of me like it hasn’t before. These people are supposed to hate me.

  “I’m not. Just eat meat before—” I snap my mouth shut.

  “Fights?”

  “Cyrus,” Tara scolds.

  “Birdie, you think I’m gonna change who I am or start pussy-footing now? Too old for that shit.”

  “Or just too stubborn,” Truth says, peeking up at him through her thick as hell, jet-black lashes.

  “You wanna talk about stubborn? Miss I’m-Not-Gonna-Talk-To-Him-Until-He-Says-He’s-Sorry-Because-I’ve-Been-Fucking-Up-And-Not-Asking-For-Help? Hiding shit because you think we haven’t been through shit before? Newsflash: we have, and we’d like to spare you all”—he looks at me—“the unnecessary pain. And Miss I’m-Not-Going-To-School-Until—”

  “Cyrus,” Tara hushes him again.

  He waves the fork around. “We get through all this shit being real, or we fall. None of us need skinned knees.” Stabbing the pasta, he pulls it up. “So, you’re a vegetarian?”

  I rub my hand up and down my face and shake my head. “I eat meat two days before fights, always lean, and on Sundays.”

  “Could have put it in the fridge.”

  “You want real and honest? I wasn’t sure you didn’t try to poison it.”

  Awkward silence.

  I smile, and then they all start laughing like it’s a joke. It wasn’t. But whatever.

  Awkward like now, as I walk into school, early for once, taking my time getting to where I need to go, which isn’t my norm, either. But I want to see her, to just look at her. Thinking maybe she decided she wasn’t in it for the slow burn that I am going to need. Knowing if I push past the anxiety that brought on that worry, I’d see the truth.

  When I see her walk in, head high, smiling at Justice while she walks down the hall, I step back so I can just watch her. When she looks up, she narrows her eyes slightly as she looks around, past everyone else until she sees me. Then she just stands there, looking like she doesn’t know what to do, and fuck if I do either, so I just wink at her then head to my locker.

  All day, we pass each other in the hallway, exchanging glances but never talking. Even at lunch in the gym, she and I don’t say shit, but neither of us are on edge like we have been for a month.

  At the end of the day, we end up walking out at the exact same time, and I step a little closer to her the farther we get away from the school. Eventually, we’re walking side by side, not saying a word. When my hand brushes hers, I hook my pinky around hers and glance out of the corner of my eye to see her smile.

  “This okay?” I ask.

  “Is it okay with you?” she asks back.

  “Yeah.”

  “Third grade just got so much better,” she says as we get to her vehicle.

  I drop her pinky, shove my hands into my jeans pockets, and watch her dig for her keys. She unlocks the door, and I open it for her. She smirks a
s she slides into her Rover.

  I lean in and ask, “See you tomorrow?”

  She nods, and then her eyes widen as I lean in closer. She closes her eyes, and I rub my lips over hers, back and forth four times, before pressing a soft kiss to her even silky lips then step back.

  “Oh my God, it’s about fucking time,” comes from behind me.

  I don’t have to look to see who it is. Gabrielle.

  “Shut it down,” I say as I shut Truth’s door, giving her a slight wave as I walk away.

  When I get closer to my truck, I see Harrison, Miles, and Kai standing next to it.

  “What’s up?” I ask as I pull my keys out and unlock my door.

  Harrison slowly claps his hands. “So, you think you’ve won again, do you?”

  I open my door, slide in, and then turn to him. “Thing you don’t seem to get is it was never a competition.”

  “Up until a few weeks ago, you were all about the competitions. You built this all, reaped the benefits, and now you think you can just bow out?”

  “High school is almost over. I’m out. Been trying to be out for a few months now.”

  “Since the Steel crew came in,” Miles sneers.

  “You’re in the same fucking boat, Jameson. You’re a senior here, heading to fucking Brown; what do you care?”

  “He’s got something you never had toward us—loyalty,” Kai replies.

  “I got jumped the first day I walked into this place because I didn’t have the right shoes. I defended myself.” I point at Harrison. “You tried your hand at me, wanting something I never asked for. I shut you down, too. You guys think I didn’t know the game you were playing when you all decided to crawl up my ass? Wrong. That game is older than the money you fucks wipe your ass with. Loyal? Fuck you.”

  “How about all the people who depend on those fights and the card games to make bank?”

  “The playing field is wide open. Start a new game. I won’t fight you for it. I never wanted it to begin with.” I laugh.